I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: Humor, Pictures, Stories and Poems => Topic started by: Adam_W on May 09, 2007, 02:34:51 PM
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I thought this might be fun. You might be a REDNECK dialysis patient if...
(these are primarily related to home dialysis)
You set your machine on an old cable spool and have a chair made out of cinder blocks.
You custom order your machine from Fresenius to include a built in beer cozy.
Your machine has a gun rack on it.
You secure your fistula needles with duct tape.
You have to shoo the rodents and stray dogs out of your supply closet
Any more?
Adam
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Those are good! :rofl;
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if you dialyze in your underwear.
You might be a redneck dialysis patient if instead of saline you use beer.
Very good topic.....I wish I had thought of it. ;)
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. . . when your home dialysis machine breaks down, you put it on cinder blocks in the yard.
Great post idea, adam!
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You might be a REDNECK dialysis patient if...
You have a Confederate flag painted on the dialyser.
Your lap blanket is camouflage.
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Here's a couple more:
You go into deep depression when the dietitian tells you to go easy on the cheez-whiz and SPAM.
You use old garden hose to redo the plumbing in the trailer to accommodate a full-size hemo machine.
Adam
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You watch Jerry Springer back-to-back while on the machine
You yell "USA! USA!" as you take your needles out
You make your wife (who is also your cousin) carry your supplies from trailer to trailer
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if..... you come up with good replies to this thread
LOL couldnt help it ;D
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there are three or four dialysis machines sitting on blocks in your overgrown front and backyard.
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there are three or four dialysis machines sitting on blocks in your overgrown front and backyard.
Improved version....when the lawn is "mowed" for the first time in 10 years there are three or four dialysis machines sitting on blocks in your front and backyard
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When you and your sister have a baby, you name him Phos-lo.
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:rofl; :rofl; y'all are so bad *crackin open a can o'beer* more, more, gimme more :popcorn;
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Your dialyzer is two old beer bottles taped together.
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You might be a Redneck Dialysis Patient if your water supply is hooked up to the garden hose.
You might be a Redneck Dialysis Patient if you go to the truck scales to weigh.
:rofl; :urcrazy;
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You use toilet paper and duct tape to cover your access instead of gauze and tape.
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You might be a Redneck Dialysis Patient if you go to the truck scales to weigh.
:rofl; :urcrazy;
hehehehe made me laff :rofl;
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You use toilet paper and duct tape to cover your access instead of gauze and tape.
Maybe a handkerchief or an old oil rag would be better than toilet paper....Do rednecks even have toilet paper?
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:rofl; :2thumbsup; :rofl;
This thread is the best !
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. .. you built your own dializer out of an old oil pump and fuel filters from Napa.
Oh, I so need to take this list in and post it at my center!
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You still go to the readin' room to read, even though you no longer pee.
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You're salvaging tubing to make straws for your new beer helmet business.
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:rofl; :rofl; :rofl; i am loving it, LOVING IT I SAID :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
and i cant think of one thing to say, lol, i think i need to study up on rednecks huh? ::)
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if the repo man comes to take your dialysis machine for non payment. Funny or no? It is late at night. ;D
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if the repo man comes to take your dialysis machine for non payment. Funny or no? It is late at night. ;D
Well, not only is it funny it is true, and it not only happens to Rednecks, it happens to us Mexicans toooo :-\
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Your dialysis machine is covered with primer gray paint and Bondo.
You have a central venous catheter made from old drinking straws.
You make a moonshine still out of an old dialysis machine.
Adam
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A few more.
...you have an AV graft made from the fuel line off an old Chevy.
...you've considered the possibility of running your blood pump with a Hemi engine.
...you regularly spear small rodents with your fistula/graft needles (and then you use them in your access).
...you reconfigure your machine to play a Hank Williams song whenever it alarms.
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You have the alarm on your machine play the Dixie song when it alarms!
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You burn your supply boxes with your Christmas tree.
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if.....
You've ever shot a deer from your dialysis chair.
You dialysize while barbecuing spam.
You have a Bud Light pool table light hanging over your dialysis chair.
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You use quills from a porcupine as your access needles.
Your last words before crashing on the machine and passing out are "Hey, y'all watch this!"
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You bring a fishing pole, lawn chair and a tackle box with you to dialysis so you can pass the time fly fishing.
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Your last words before crashing on the machine and passing out are "Hey, y'all watch this!"
:rofl; You crack me up Adam.
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These are absolutely hilarious!!! :rofl; I can't even add since it isn't part of my culture. Some day i will tell you guys about Redlegs, though.
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Your machine has a gun rack on it.
(http://i152.photobucket.com/albums/s166/ihatedialysis/dialysis/dialysis032.jpg)
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Now it just needs a cup holder with a Nascar logo on it.
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Your machine has a gun rack on it.
(http://i152.photobucket.com/albums/s166/ihatedialysis/dialysis/dialysis032.jpg)
thats awesome.
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omg i love these so funny!! :rofl;
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Put a hat of the end of the rifle for the hat rack!
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Y'all are so funny!!! roflmao! I needed to read this before dialysis today. Things have been entirely to serious lately...
Earlinda
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You and your dialysis buddies get into NxStage vs. Fresenius brawls instead of Ford vs. Chevy.
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You might be a redneck if when giving friends and/or family directions to your dialysis clinic you say "If you pass the Dairy Queen you done gone too far".
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Or if you plan your dialysis treatments around Nascar race schedule. :ukflag;
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I actually had a home hemo pt state that he was going to put up signs at his old clinic advertising:
"Donnie's bootleg dialysis, come on over if you need an extra treatment one hour $25, 2 hours $50 bring your own needles"
kruep
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:rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
I'm so loving this stuff! DON'T STOP!!!!
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You come to this post looking for ideas to fancy up your setup.
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if.....
... you call your nephrologist, "dude."
... you've ever shot someone over their TV volume.
... your tech carries a wrench and a comb in her back pocket.
... your center's bathroom deodorizer is a box of kitchen matches.
... if you've ever driven a tractor to dialysis.
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if you dialyze in your underwear.
You might be a redneck dialysis patient if instead of saline you use beer.
Very good topic.....I wish I had thought of it. ;)
What a great idea. Put beer in your PD bag. Wow instantly pissed.
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I've had this idea for ages maybe this makes me a redneck but why can't we have remote controls with our Baxter cyclers so you don't have to get out of bed to switch off drain alarms?
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I've had this idea for ages maybe this makes me a redneck but why can't we have remote controls with our Baxter cyclers so you don't have to get out of bed to switch off drain alarms?
Not to rain on your parade, but they want you to have to get up to check the alarms in case there is something wrong. Safety not convenience on this one.
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Just caught up on this thread, some funny ones there :rofl;
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I thought this might be fun.
You might be a REDNECK dialysis patient if...
(these are primarily related to home dialysis)
You set your machine on an old cable spool and have a chair made out of cinder blocks.
You custom order your machine from Fresenius to include a built in beer cozy.
Your machine has a gun rack on it.
You secure your fistula needles with duct tape.
You have to shoo the rodents and stray dogs out of your supply closet
Any more?
Adam
..if you HAVE to have a beer before treatment cause YOU made it part of your perscription.
...if you asked if your hunting dog could be considered your home care partner.
EDITED: Fixed quote box - okarol/moderator
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You might be a Redneck Dialysis Patient if...
--You drive yourself to the dialysis center on a four-wheeler!
--You decorated your dialysis machine with Christmas lights when you first got it in 1990 - and never took them off.
--You absolutely must wear your cowboy boots to dialysis because you've sworn to "Die with your boots on".
okay...I'm out.
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Funniest thread ever!!!
I'm brainstorming for something to add.....
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You might be a Redneck Dialysis Patient if...
Your clinic has an old dialysis machine up on cinder blocks in the front yard.
The entire staff has the same last name.
The patient next to you put their pain killer up their butt because it was called an anal-gesic.
The head nurse has a gun rack over her desk.
The guns are loaded.
Amy-lou, the patient next to you, brought her pet raccoon to clinic.
One gun has been fired
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:rofl; :rofl; :thumbup;
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You might be a Redneck Dialysis Patient if...
Your clinic has an old dialysis machine up on cinder blocks in the front yard.
The entire staff has the same last name.
The patient next to you put their pain killer up their butt because it was called an anal-gesic.
The head nurse has a gun rack over her desk.
The guns are loaded.
Amy-lou, the patient next to you, brought her pet raccoon to clinic.
One gun has been fired
LOL and LMAO ! :clap;
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You get upset because the nurse won't let you bring your rifle and hunt'n dawg into the unit.
When your machine breaks down, you drag it out to the back yard and use it for target practice. "Hey, y'all, this here's my shoot'n machine!"
Adam
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You might be a redneck/country dialysis patient if....
the nurser has to put up no smoking signs inside the clinic bc of you.
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-You name your dialysis machine "Duke" or "Ol' Blue"
-Your centre is located in a trailer
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If you are a redneck who claims to "like dialysis", you're lying through your tooth! :rofl;
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- You ever cut your grass and found your NxStage delivery.
- Your dialysis blanket says "Property of Motel 6."
- Your dialysis supply basket used to be a grocery cart.
- You sterilize your access with gasoline.
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:rofl; :rofl; Where do y'all get them there sayin's *slaps knee* y'all crack me up :rofl; :rofl;
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if.....
Your IV pole is needed in the yard to hold up the laundry line
When the Health Dept stops by the head nurse calls them the Revenuers
Your fluid bags say Piggly Wiggly on them
You use the Vinegar for the Salad at the Church potluck
Your snack consists of moon pies and RC Cola
Your New Dialysis machine is green and made by John Deere
Katonsdad
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:rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; not the piggly wiggly :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; you all is killin' me :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
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Your dialysis tech refers to patients as "Critters."
Your dialysis support group meeting is held at Hooter's.
You prepare your buttonholes using your truck keys.
Your center has Hee Haw on cable - 24/7!
You honestly think nurses are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
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:rofl; :rofl; This is the funniest thread ever!! Thanks, I needed that! I need to think....
Edited: Fixed smiley - okarol/admin
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if someone says, "Bubba" and every male in the clinic answers
you state to the tect--- "Get R Done"
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- You ever used a toilet brush as a back scratcher. (dang that dialysis itch!)
- Your dialysis machine has a two-tone paint job - primer red and primer gray.
- Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
- You no longer have to put on shoes and a jacket and grab a flashlight to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
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Atually being a redneck dialysis patient I love them all.
I usually ask the nurse to talk dirty to me while she's checking my ankles.
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Atually being a redneck dialysis patient I love them all.
I usually ask the nurse to talk dirty to me while she's checking my ankles.
are you called Bubba
ain't no redneck if you ain't been called Bubba
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Actually most rednecks in this area are not called Bubba. We prefer the double first name (Billy Clyde, Joe Bob, etc.)
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and I keep my meds in the fridge on the front porch
I'm also the only patient in my center who brings his dog to dialysis. ( they do make me leave him in the back of my truck, but he don't care)
I'm related to all the nurses
I'm the only patient who is allowed a spit cup (remember, the nurses are family)
I've found dialysis to be a great hangover cure
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your dawg to dialysis :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
a spit cup? my unit won't even give me something to throw up in
guess you got friends in high places :puke;
you are a true redneck FlipBob
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I reckon
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If when you stand for the National Anthem you place your hand over your AV fistula.
Is that funny? ???
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I been wantin to wear them thar bib overalls...
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It's easy access especially if you don't wear a shirt underneath...even if you have a catheter.
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you are a redneck dialysis patient
if your name is FlipBob------ the two name thing
if your family reunion is in tents and you have coon sauce water
poor little coons- burns their eyes
but mainly
you are a positive influence on us all
glad you did not ODA after missing Dialysis and probably drinking a little beer and vodka------ a little
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today when I went to dialysis I had to sign a ton of paperwork due to the Davita takeover...one of them made me agree not to come to dialysis while intoxicated
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well hell,
you said that dialysis was a cure for a hangover
what do they expect
demand your rights
now that I think about it intoxicated may be the best way to go
this somber sh-t is not cuting it
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it ain't that bad....I was off for 5 days and pulled off 4.2 kilos today...it was worth it
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and you all wonder why I'm afraid to take a drink...the machine will tell on me....... :beer1;
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You do home hemo out of the back of your pickup truck!
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You do home hemo out of the back of your pickup truck!
so true, I have seen it done :rofl;
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Hey flip...surely they don't expect you to drive to dialysis sober??!!
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I expect a lot of changes now that Davita has officially taken over.
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Davita would rather you come in drunk than late.
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if...
- You found your Lazy Boy Lounger abandoned on the side of the road.
- You've considered smuggling moonshine in the 24 hour collection jug.
- You're looking for a way to hook a bug-zapper to your cycler.
- You ever thought about jacking your chair up 2 or 3 feet, "Monster Truck' style.
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If you do home dialysis on the front porch.
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My daughter in law was thinking about hanging dialysate bags from the ceiling fans to get them off the floor........... :rofl;
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My daughter in law was thinking about hanging dialysate bags from the ceiling fans to get them off the floor........... :rofl;
You'd have to run in a circle pretty quickly to keep up :rofl;
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I actually do use a 24 hr. collection jug for my chain saw gas.
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flipbob---you in the red cap
sluff -- in the blue cap ???
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If you refuse to set your Fractional Flow to 24, simply because you hate Jeff Gordon.
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You're pissed because spinner rims aren't available for recliners.
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O'karol - you must be a red neck at heart
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dry weight is what you weigh when you're sober.....drunk weight is much higher
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Flip :2thumbsup;
you request a kidney transplant from your favorite huntin' dog
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Your doctor says you will have to decide between two matching potential donors, your wife or your cousin, and you just grin and say: "Problem solved!"
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Wallyz I was going to ask who did he chose his wife or his cousin------- now I get it :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
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You installed a whip antenna so you can fly “The Stars And Bars” on your NxStage!
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Well u'all..I hooked up one o them thar CB's to my Saline antenne and I kin talk all the way to Alaska.... :rofl;
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You refer to your machine as the General Lee...
You play darts by hanging an old pizza box on the wall and throwing your needles at it...
You are so excited when your new machine arrives from WalMart...
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You disconnect to go to the bathroom. The nurse thinks you have diarrhea, but you just want a smoke.
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You disconnect to go to the bathroom. The nurse thinks you have diarrhea, but you just want a smoke.
:cheer: :cheer: :cheer:
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- if you've ever used a toilet brush as a backscratcher at dialysis.
- if you've ever used a leaf blower to dust your NxStage.
- if more than once you've given the excuse "alien abduction" as a reason for missing dialysis.
- if you've ever brought your fishin pole to dialysis.
- if you've ever asked your dialysis neighbor to "pull your finger".
- if you've ever burped and said your name at the same time when announcing your arrival to dialysis.
- if you schedule dialysis in the afternoon so you can watch Jerry Springer in peace.
- if you die and leave everything to your widow, but she can't get to it 'til she turns 14.
- if your kids take your empty saline bags and used tubing to Show N Tell.
- if you've ever been forced to take off your belt buckle before your weigh-in.
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- if you've ever asked your dialysis neighbor to "pull your finger".
That actually happened at my dialysis unit ??? :urcrazy;
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How about if there are fish guts on the scale because one of the patints
wanted to show off his county record Bass.
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- You have to hit the side of your Nxstage machine to get the lights and dials to work.
- You use moonshine as antiseptic.
- Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can bring in your supply boxes."
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If you have to move your boxes of supplies. to bring in yet more boxes of supplies. There ain't nothin like being all stocked up!
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If you have to shovel the snow off the top of your dialysis machine before you set-up.
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...if you lock your tubing in the gun cabinet so the teenagers
don't use it to siphon gas.
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You must be a redneck if you use your hybrid vehicle to power you dialysis machine as you drive around till your done thinking your helping the enviroment.
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if a couple of your students are kin to Jeff Foxworthy
two of his nieces went to the school I taught at in Gangerland
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you burn the boxes in your back yard in a huge bonfire and invite the neighbors over for weenie roast and beer.
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If your dialysis machine and your pickup have the same racing stripes and front grill.
P.S. Can't forget the camo!
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you burn the boxes in your back yard in a huge bonfire and invite the neighbors over for weenie roast and beer.
what is redneck about that-------- It is called a weenie roast------ :cheer:
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You use your Tenckhoff catheter as a Margarita port.
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You use your Tenckhoff catheter as a Margarita port.
oh that is so cute and so true
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Just read this whole thread through again - it just cracks me up.
Missing the King of Rednecks, Flip. He shore was funny.
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I'll have to reread it all again.
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flipbob you know you are a red neck dialysis patient if your name has a bob after it flipbob
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:bump; :popcorn;
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You use your Tenckhoff catheter as a Margarita port.
oh that is so cute and so true
Uh oh. Are all y'all not supposed to do that? I use mine to down vodka and orange juice the "quick way."
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mikey that is the same thing Flipbob would do he loved his vodka :clap;
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The table the Nx-Stage is on used to be a telephone cable spool.
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You might be a redneck...
If your dialysis nurse brings you a shot of moonshine!
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And if my nurse looked like that, I wouldn't want the monshine :rofl; :shy;
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Bring ON that Moonshine!
the benadryl and tylenol they bring you in the middle of the night looks like moonshine to you!
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if you save the last piece of armadillo meatloaf for your snack at dialysis -
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If your clinic goes under the freeway to solicit good help!
:stressed;
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In your case Rerun that may have ben true with fric and frak
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If you take your kids, in diapers, with you to the Walmart to pick up your supplies. everything is cheaper at the walmart
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You move your dialysis machine into Walmart and do treatment there, because they have air conditioning!
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Too funny. Let's all start with the walmart references, what could be more redneck? I love Walmart!
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You might be a redneck if your fluid intake consists of Jello shooters....
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You might be a redneck if your fluid intake consists of Jello shooters....
good one :yahoo;
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if your wheelchair says: STOLEN FROM [insert name] DIALYSIS CENTER on the back rest!
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:2thumbsup; Hahaha!
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you might be a redneck dialysis patient if .....
you sneak grits in your thermos
because you are not allowed to bring food ( it does not work )
if you miss an armadillo on your way to dialysis but right down the road you hit another one
( I did it today )
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you sneak grits in your thermos
because you are not allowed to bring food ( it does not work )
I did that with oatmeal, but to work where they didn't want food in the office.
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you might be a redneck dialysis patient if .....
if you miss an armadillo on your way to dialysis but right down the road you hit another one
( I did it today )
Yup, it's official. twirl you ARE a redneck! :beer1;
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you might be a redneck dialysis patient if .....
you sneak grits in your thermos
because you are not allowed to bring food ( it does not work )
if you miss an armadillo on your way to dialysis but right down the road you hit another one
( I did it today )
AND you go back and pick it up for dinner~!!
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That's why they call it pre cooked food, natural sun cooked food :rofl; :rofl;
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That's why they call it pre cooked food, natural sun cooked food :rofl; :rofl;
I know and that makes it healthy ---
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And the meat had been pre tenderized by the time you get back too. :2thumbsup; :rofl;
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And you carefully count out the protein grams and fat content.
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You put the dialysis machine and chair in the back of your pick up truck on treatment days!
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If that chair is more comfortable than any dialysis unit, would that really be such a bad thing?
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if all your techs were trained at Huntsville State Prison
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if all your techs were trained at Huntsville State Prison
You're on a roll Twirl-Girl!
:clap;
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If, while doing your treatment, you are watching reruns of Walker, Texas Ranger.
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If, while doing your treatment, you are watching reruns of Walker, Texas Ranger.
that is so true
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if you can stay in the pool for five hours straight without going behind the barn to pee ---
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:o
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if all your techs were trained at Huntsville State Prison
No doubt you qualify as a redneck Twirl. Even if you don't take your armadillo sandwich with you to dialysis.
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you might be a redneck dialysis patient if your friend on IHD has an ass for his avatar
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:rofl; :rofl;
You might be a redneck dialysis patient if you give the center staff your special homemade armadillo jerky for Christmas gifts.
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I can imagine Twirl doing that! :rofl; :rofl;
Just for vengefull purposes to staff though. :rofl;
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I give out the low salt recipe to the dialysis patients :waiting;
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You want to "park" your chair closer to the TV
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You call your dogs to clean up any blood spills.
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You call your dogs to clean up any blood spills.
:puke;
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You call your dogs to clean up any blood spills.
You don't have a dog named "Cujo" do you? :rofl; :rofl;
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if the warning lights on your home hemo machine are made of red tape.
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if the warning lights on your home hemo machine are made of red tape.
or duct tape -- silver Flipbob had a dog named Cujo -- and he was a red neck
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...You bring your banjo (or guitar) to dialysis and play "dueling banjos" with the patient across from you.
Adam
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...You play bring your banjo (or guitar) to dialysis and play "dueling banjos" with the patient across from you.
Adam
Why does Ned Beatty come to mind? :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
Anyone, Anyone know the movie I'm thinking :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
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...You play bring your banjo (or guitar) to dialysis and play "dueling banjos" with the patient across from you.
Adam
Why does Ned Beatty come to mind? :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
Anyone, Anyone know the movie I'm thinking :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
Deliverance.
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du du du du du...........
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do do do do do do do do do
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Isn't that how the song "Take A Walk On The Wild Side" goes :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
Crud forgot who sang that now.
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Isn't that how the song "Take A Walk On The Wild Side" goes :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
Crud forgot who sang that now.
Lou Reed http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FKts1JOaJc&feature=related
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if.....
- your center's defibrillator consists of a marine battery, a pair of jumper cables, and a fish finder
- any of your kids were conceived at nocturnal dialysis
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:rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
:twocents;
You might be a redneck dialysis patient if you convert your lazyboy chair to a V8 stock car, hook your dialysis machine to the back and drive it to the rodeo!
you might be...... if your dialysis centre is also your faveourite bottleshop
if you lock your tubing up with your garden hose to stop the kids chopping it for bongs
if you recycle your pd bags and use them for storing your moonshine.
if you use your fistula to get your daily 'shots' of vodka.
when you wife/cousin left you for your unlce/brother they took your dialysis machine and hocked it for motel money.
you hand out 6 packs of beer to the centre staff for xmas presants, then you bum half their smokes after the next session.
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:rofl; :clap; :rofl;
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......you call an ambulance and they show up in a pick-up truck!
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:rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
:twocents;
You might be a redneck dialysis patient if you convert your lazyboy chair to a V8 stock car, hook your dialysis machine to the back and drive it to
Did you see in the news where a guy gt pulled over for a DUI driving his lazy boy with a motor?
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:rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
:twocents;
You might be a redneck dialysis patient if you convert your lazyboy chair to a V8 stock car, hook your dialysis machine to the back and drive it to
Did you see in the news where a guy gt pulled over for a DUI driving his lazy boy with a motor?
Yeah i seen that Chris, redneck for sure. He even had a stereo installed in the armchair.
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...you talk endlessly, to every individual within earshot, about the $20 Wal-Mart Thanksgiving Meal Special. You tell the nurse. You scream across the clinic to the charge nurse. You blabber to the PCT endlessly.
After two treatments, I had to request never to be seated next to this guy again. The world would be much more pleasant without rednecks.
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OH no I don't agree.... I love Rednecks... here in SA we have them too. They make life so interesting! We also have the fur on the dash, orange on the aerial types here.
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You might be a redneck dialysis paient if you tell you friends you have to go to dialysis and they think you are going on a trip to Dallas, Texas.
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:rofl; Hahaha Good one!
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You might be a redneck if this is your bbq.
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alright, Sico, when did you sneak in to get a picture of my backyard grill ---
you might be a redneck if roadkill is your recipe for sushi
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if...
You only go to the dump when you have enough dialysate solution boxes to fill up the pickup.
You share the dialysis room with a cow and a milking machine.
Your fistula surgery is only done when it's shown on The Learning Channel.
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if...
You flirt with the cute tech by saying, "Yer gooder than grits."
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You might be a Redneck Dialysis Patient if you have your NxStage Machine in the cab of your combine so you can continue harvest before it rains.
:rofl;
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If your supplies come by stage coach!
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You reuse the membranes from your old style dialyzer for sausages.
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if...
You only go to the dump when you have enough dialysate solution boxes to fill up the pickup.
um. we used to do this.. but it was't the dump, it was the recycling centre, and it wasn't a pickup, it was a station wagon.. *L*
do you guys mind if I take some of these and put them in a blog post?
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do you guys mind if I take some of these and put them in a blog post?
It's ok, but please provide a link back to this thread.
okarol/admin
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OH no I don't agree.... I love Rednecks... here in SA we have them too. They make life so interesting! We also have the fur on the dash, orange on the aerial types here.
In San Antonio, TX you will occasionally see the fur on the dash, but it's not from the rednecks. :shy;
The rednecks have the gun racks and sometimes antlers mounted on the hood of the truck. :D
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if when you finally get the call after waiting years, you pass on this kidney because you got a turkey in the fryer and beer in the cooler... :beer1;
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if:
Your NxStage is worth more than the pickup truck you carry it in.
You use bread twisters instead of clamps on your lines.
Your old car is now considered the main storage unit for your PD supplies.
You can burp loud enough to call the tech at your center.
Your charge nurse has poofy hair, a tank top, tight jeans and is wearing cowboy boots... at work.
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if:
You go to dialysis in pajama pants... and you're not on nocturnal.
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Yuh bring yer shotgun with ya to dialysis cuz you don't want the techs messing with yer needle sticks.
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if:
The nurse asks "Where are you bleeding from?" and you reply "Texas"
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You might be a redneck on dialysis if......
-you whip out your leatherman and fix the blood pressure line from your machine while you have needles in your arm
-you come to to treatment with a head wound during hunting season and the tech asks if bambi kicked you?
-dressing up to go out after dialysis consists of the new camo shirt you got at walmart
-you clean your guns while on the machine(if i was on home hemo....!!)
-you steal the machine alarm for a backup signal for your pickup truck
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if:
This is your nurse.
(From People of Walmart)
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if:
Your dialysis center has a license plate collection nailed to the walls of the employee break room next to a movie poster of "Deliverance" and a shrine to Elvis.
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if:
You recline in an old tractor tire tube when hooked up to NxStage.
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if:
The only scales in your dialysis center are leftovers from the fish cleaning.
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You might me a redneck dialysis patient
If the guy next you was once a communist, dodged the draft and Vietaam and once wore flared pants.
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If you do home dialysis on the front porch.
I've actually done that a couple times. I love NxStage :)
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if:
Your charge nurse has poofy hair, a tank top, tight jeans and is wearing cowboy boots... at work.
Well, she kinda has poofy hair.. she doesn't wear a tank top, but she does tend to wear jeans and cowboy boots. She also has a pair of sunglasses with blue flashing lights on them.. every once in a while, she'll put them on, grab a couple of needle packages, and ask, "who's next?" *LOL*
You might be a redneck dialysis patient if:
You go to dialysis in pajama pants... and you're not on nocturnal.
I do that alll the time... Montreal Canadian fleece pj pants
You might be a redneck dialysis patient if:
This is your nurse.
(From People of Walmart)
That kinda looks like the doctor who delivered my nephew...
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LOL :rofl;
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My bro and I were in the waiting room at Labor and Delivery, and we saw the doctor come in. He was wearing the green scrubs, and these big rubber boots. Bro looks at him and says, "you goin' fishin'?" I don't think I ever laughed so hard. Turns out that since rubber boots have grips that are made for slippery surfaces, they actually protect the doctor from slipping in the "mess" on the floor from the delivery.
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Your local dialysis center also fixes cars.
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Paddle faster, I hear banjoes
Iwannabean
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You know you're a redneck dialysis patient when...
The nurses fix the tvs in the unit by giving them a whack..... (the Homer Simpson repair technique)
They also fix the controllers with duct tape
I seriously can't wait for the new unit to open...
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You might be a redneck if the guy next to you in the dialysis center ask for a sheet with a pointed hood on it to cover him up to stay warm.
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if you dialyze in your underwear
oh well i nthat case im a redneck lol
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I've had this idea for ages maybe this makes me a redneck but why can't we have remote controls with our Baxter cyclers so you don't have to get out of bed to switch off drain alarms?
i love this idea, but im pretty sure i would lose it :clap;
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If you are a redneck who claims to "like dialysis", you're lying through your tooth! :rofl;
That is FUNNY! I think I just wet myself!!!! :yahoo;
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if you had add on another trailer to yours to have enough room for the supplies. :sir ken;
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You might be a redneck if you use a turkey call as a nurse call button. ( sorry, I have done this)
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You may be a red neck dialysis patient if you dialysis machine is green and yellow and has John Deere on the side, and the alarm is 'git'er dun' you may also be a redneck dialysis patient if your hope for a transplant is from your father, brother, uncle, nephew, grandad and son, and these are all the same person
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if...
The biomedical tech at your centre got hired straight from the local Quick Lube.
You power your machine with the power take-off on your old tractor.
You have a Confederate flag flying from your IV pole.
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If you've ever contemplated silencing cycler alarms with a shotgun...
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Read these the other day, and thought of a few on the way to dialysis...
You might be a redneck dialysis patient if you have to drive 75 miles each way on a 2 lane crooked road through the hollers and hills.
You might be a redneck dialysis patient if you get a taco from Taco Bell after dialysis because where you come from there are no fast food restaurants..
Ah, speaking from experience.
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if you have to drive 75 miles each way on a 2 lane crooked road through the hollers and hills.
This could happen to some friends of mine if the government is successful in closing 2 of the 4 dialysis units in the province. Yes, we're fighting this. Try driving through those hills and hollers when the road is in desperate need of repair and covered with snow and ice, and it's dark at 4:30pm
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You might be a redneck dialysis paient if you tell you friends you have to go to dialysis and they think you are going on a trip to Dallas, Texas.
too funny! :rofl; :clap; :rofl;
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if you save the claps from your used PD tubing to make a "pretty" wreath or garland for Christmas.
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You might be a redneck if you use a turkey call as a nurse call button. ( sorry, I have done this)
Hey.. that's a good idea! Would definitely get their attention..
You might be a redneck dialysis patient if you save the claps from your used PD tubing to make a "pretty" wreath or garland for Christmas.
I used to save the colored tops from the dineal bags and made chains. No real reason for it, was just playing around with them. The clamps would work for wreaths, too, I think.. but the sets I no real reason for it, got only had red, white, and blue clamps.. would be good for Independence day..
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I am dying laughing at each and every one of these! A moonshine still made out of a dialysis machine, thats brilliant!
Sharon
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if you dialyze in your underwear
oh well i nthat case im a redneck lol
:rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if you dialyze in your underwear
oh well i nthat case im a redneck lol
:rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
Gee, me too! :2thumbsup; :clap;
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if:
You go to dialysis in pajama pants... and you're not on nocturnal.
:rofl; :rofl; :rofl; I must be a redneck, I used to go in my PJ's when I didn't feel good. Now that I do home hemo, I'm always in my PJs!! :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
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it's rare that I don't wear pj's to dialysis.. may as well be comfortable if you're gonna be sitting in one spot for 4 hours
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These are so good I had to jump back in and add a few from my experiences, people I use to know who went to dialysis:
You might be a redneck on dialysis when:
You request a later start time or ask to trade someone becuse Friday is the start of deer season.
You ask the dietician of it is ok to eat smoked goose.
You have to remmerb to elave your gun(s) at home when you go to the clinic.
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if.....
....you watch Duck Dynasty marathons during dialysis and look up Miss Kay's recipes for squirrel on the Internet during commercial breaks. ;D
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You might be a redneck on dialysis when:
You request a later start time or ask to trade someone becuse Friday is the start of deer season.
I've never done that, but I have asked to change my time to go to a Jeff Dunham show.. I'm a big Walter fan... *G*
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if.....
....you watch Duck Dynasty marathons during dialysis and look up Miss Kay's recipes for squirrel on the Internet during commercial breaks. ;D
I LOVE Duck Dynasty! I guess that's more proof that I'm a redneck Dialysis patient! :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
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You might be a Red Neck Dialysis Patient, if you're watching Ron "The Tatter" White and you stop hearing the jokes and start calculate how many kilos he's putting on with all that Scotch. :beer1;
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He's one of my favorites.....
....."I had the right to remain silent, I just didn't have the ability." :rofl;
You might be a Red Neck Dialysis Patient, if you're watching Ron "The Tatter" White and you stop hearing the jokes and start calculate how many kilos he's putting on with all that Scotch. :beer1;
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Wow, I started this thread six years ago and it's still going! :bandance;
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Wow, I started this thread six years ago and it's still going! :bandance;
Yep, 237 posts later - still going strong! :clap;
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Wow, I started this thread six years ago and it's still going! :bandance;
Just goes to show how many redneck dialysis patients there are! :rofl;
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if you know these Medical Terms:
Benign - What you be, after you be eight.
Artery - The study of paintings
Bacteria - Back door to cafeteria
Barium - what doctors do when patients die
Cesarean section - a neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan - searching for kitty
Cauterize - made eye contact with her
Colic - a sheep dog
coma- a punctuation mark
D & C - Where Washington is
Dilate - to live long
Enema - Not a friend
Fester - quicker than someone else
Fibula - a small lie
Genital - a non-Jewish person
GI series - world series of military baseball
Hangnail - what you hang your coat on
Impotent - distinguished, well-known
Labor pain - getting hurt at work
medical staff - a doctor's cane
Morbid - a higher offer
Nitrates - cheaper than day rates
Node - I knew it
Outpatient - a person who has fainted
Pap Smear - A fatherhood test
Pelvis - second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative - a letter carrier
Recovery room - place to do upholstery
Rectum - darn near killed him
Secretion - hiding something
Seizure - a Roman emperor
Tablet - a small table
Terminal Illness - getting sick at the airport
Tumor - one plus one more
Urine - opposite of you're out
Varicose - nearby / close by
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^^^^ :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;^^^^
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Okarol!:
:rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :clap; :clap; :clap; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :2thumbsup; :2thumbsup; :2thumbsup; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
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You're either out or urine. hahahaha :rofl;
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I have a plush kidney that I bought off iheartguts.com. I bought the kidney separate, but it can come in a set with a tshirt, buttons, stickers, and a few other things I don't remember, called "When Urine Love"
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I have a plush kidney that I bought off iheartguts.com. I bought the kidney separate, but it can come in a set with a tshirt, buttons, stickers, and a few other things I don't remember, called "When Urine Love"
Yeeeeah, I have one too.
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DIALYSIS : What we old timers did in the days before push button phones (rotary phones for you young-uns) , when we wanted to call our sisters.
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You might be a redneck if you are slightly offended by the "no guns" sign at Fresenius clinics.
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if...
Your husband sits in one of the chairs and people start wondering when we got massage chairs! :sir ken;
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You might be a redneck dialysis patient if:
You ever had to remove a toothpick to have your temperature taken.
You drink a six-pack during dialysis, after adding it to your dry weight.
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I know this is an old thread but I just read it and came up with a few dumb ones myself such as;
if you go to the dialysis center with a deer in the back of your truck.
If you go help track a deer right after you finish filling up on CAPD.
If you go sit in a deer stand while letting your dialysis fluid dwell.
If you hang your bags from the antlers on the wall.
If you have to move a couple guns so you can get to your boxes of dialysis fluid stored in the closet.
If you miss a dialysis appointment because you went fishin'.
If you were late because you had to track a deer.
If, while guttin a deer you're very careful to not do any more damage because you think you might be able to use it's kidney.
If you arrive at the center and get dirty looks because your camo clothes and hands are covered in blood---before getting stuck with the needles.
If you need to borrow a ladder from the center to get your dialysis exchanges out of the back of your truck during test time.
If those boxes are covered in blood from a deer in the bed of your truck.
If you have to explain to the nurses that you haven't gained any weight, its just that you forgot to empty all the extra shotgun shells out of your pockets at weigh in.