You might be a redneck dialysis patient if.....

[myricle child]

I thought this might be fun.

You might be a REDNECK dialysis patient if...

(these are primarily related to home dialysis)

You set your machine on an old cable spool and have a chair made out of cinder blocks.

You custom order your machine from Fresenius to include a built in beer cozy.

Your machine has a gun rack on it.

You secure your fistula needles with duct tape.

You have to shoo the rodents and stray dogs out of your supply closet

Any more?

Adam

..if you HAVE to have a beer before treatment cause YOU made it part of your perscription.

...if you asked if your hunting dog could be considered your home care partner.


EDITED: Fixed quote box - okarol/moderator

[kellyt]

You might be a Redneck Dialysis Patient if...

--You drive yourself to the dialysis center on a four-wheeler!
--You decorated your dialysis machine with Christmas lights when you first got it in 1990 - and never took them off.
--You absolutely must wear your cowboy boots to dialysis because you've sworn to "Die with your boots on".

okay...I'm out.

[SheilaW]

Funniest thread ever!!!

I'm brainstorming for something to add.....

[Aldente]

You might be a Redneck Dialysis Patient if...

    Your clinic has an old dialysis machine up on cinder blocks in the front yard.
    The entire staff has the same last name.
    The patient next to you put their pain killer up their butt because it was called an anal-gesic.
    The head nurse has a gun rack over her desk.
    The guns are loaded.
    Amy-lou, the patient next to you, brought her pet raccoon to clinic.
    One gun has been fired

[okarol]

  

[xtrememoosetrax]

You might be a Redneck Dialysis Patient if...

    Your clinic has an old dialysis machine up on cinder blocks in the front yard.
    The entire staff has the same last name.
    The patient next to you put their pain killer up their butt because it was called an anal-gesic.
    The head nurse has a gun rack over her desk.
    The guns are loaded.
    Amy-lou, the patient next to you, brought her pet raccoon to clinic.
    One gun has been fired

LOL and LMAO !   

[Adam_W]

You get upset because the nurse won't let you bring your rifle and hunt'n dawg into the unit.

When your machine breaks down, you drag it out to the back yard and use it for target practice. "Hey, y'all, this here's my shoot'n machine!"

Adam

[misschell78]

You might be a redneck/country dialysis patient if....
 
the nurser has to put up no smoking signs inside the clinic bc of you.

[Adam_W]

-You name your dialysis machine "Duke" or "Ol' Blue"

-Your centre is located in a trailer

[kellyt]

If you are a redneck who claims to "like dialysis", you're lying through your tooth!     

[okarol]

- You ever cut your grass and found your NxStage delivery.

- Your dialysis blanket says "Property of Motel 6."

- Your dialysis supply basket used to be a grocery cart.

- You sterilize your access with gasoline.

[goofynina]

  Where do y'all get them there sayin's *slaps knee*  y'all crack me up 

[Katonsdad]

You might be a redneck dialysis patient if.....

  Your IV pole is needed in the yard to hold up the laundry line

   When the Health Dept stops by the head nurse calls them the Revenuers

   Your fluid bags say Piggly Wiggly on them

   You use the Vinegar for the Salad at the Church potluck

   Your snack consists of moon pies and RC Cola

    Your New Dialysis machine is green and made by John Deere

Katonsdad

[goofynina]

  not the piggly wiggly  you all is killin' me 

[okarol]

Your dialysis tech refers to patients as "Critters."

Your dialysis support group meeting is held at Hooter's.

You prepare your buttonholes using your truck keys.

Your center has Hee Haw on cable - 24/7!

You honestly think nurses are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.

[kidney4traci]

  This is the funniest thread ever!!  Thanks, I needed that!  I need to think....





Edited: Fixed smiley - okarol/admin

[twirl]

if someone says, "Bubba" and every male in the clinic answers

you state to the tect--- "Get R Done"

[okarol]

 - You ever used a toilet brush as a back scratcher. (dang that dialysis itch!)

 - Your dialysis machine has a two-tone paint job - primer red and primer gray.

 - Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.

 - You no longer have to put on shoes and a jacket and grab a flashlight to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

[flip]

Atually being a redneck dialysis patient I love them all.

I usually ask the nurse to talk dirty to me while she's checking my ankles.

[twirl]

Atually being a redneck dialysis patient I love them all.

I usually ask the nurse to talk dirty to me while she's checking my ankles.

are you called Bubba

ain't no redneck if you ain't been called Bubba

[flip]

Actually most rednecks in this area are not called Bubba. We prefer the double first name (Billy Clyde, Joe Bob, etc.)

[flip]

and I keep my meds in the fridge on the front porch
 
I'm also the only patient in my center who brings his dog to dialysis. ( they do make me leave him in the back of my truck, but he don't care)

I'm related to all the nurses

I'm the only patient who is allowed a spit cup (remember, the nurses are family)

I've found dialysis to be a great hangover cure

[twirl]

your dawg to dialysis 

a spit cup?  my unit won't even give me something to throw up in
guess you got friends in high places                                                           


you are a true redneck      FlipBob

[flip]

I reckon

[kellyt]

If when you stand for the National Anthem you place your hand over your AV fistula.






Is that funny?