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Author Topic: You might be a redneck dialysis patient if.....  (Read 87460 times)
Adam_W
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Me with Baron von Fresenius

« on: May 09, 2007, 02:34:51 PM »

I thought this might be fun. You might be a REDNECK dialysis patient if...

(these are primarily related to home dialysis)

You set your machine on an old cable spool and have a chair made out of cinder blocks.

You custom order your machine from Fresenius to include a built in beer cozy.

Your machine has a gun rack on it.

You secure your fistula needles with duct tape.

You have to shoo the rodents and stray dogs out of your supply closet

Any more?

Adam
Logged

-Diagnosed with ESRD (born with one kidney, hypertension killed it) Jan 21st, 2007
-Started dialysis four days later in hospital (Baxter 1550-I think, then Gambro Phoenix)
-Started in-centre dialysis Feb 6th 2007 (Fres. 2008H)
-Started home hemo June 5th 2007 (NxStage/Pureflow)
-PD catheter placed June 6th 2008 (Bye bye NxStage, at least for now)
-Started CAPD July 4th, 2008
-PD catheter removed Dec 2, 2008-PD just wouldn't work, so I'm back on NxStage
-Kidney function improved enough to go off dialysis, Feb. 2011!!!!!
-Back on dialysis (still NxStage) July 2011 :(
-In-centre self-care dialysis March 2012 (Fresenius 2008K)
-Not on transplant list yet.


"Don't live for dialysis, use dialysis to LIVE"
Sara
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« Reply #1 on: May 09, 2007, 02:39:50 PM »

Those are good!   :rofl;
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Sara, wife to Joe (he's the one on dialysis)

Hemodialysis in-center since Jan '06
Transplant list since Sept '06
Joe died July 18, 2007
Rerun
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Going through life tied to a chair!

« Reply #2 on: May 09, 2007, 02:59:32 PM »

You might be a redneck dialysis patient if you dialyze in your underwear.

You might be a redneck dialysis patient if instead of saline you use beer.



Very good topic.....I wish I had thought of it.   ;)
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jbeany
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Cattitude

« Reply #3 on: May 09, 2007, 06:05:16 PM »

. . . when your home dialysis machine breaks down, you put it on cinder blocks in the yard.

Great post idea, adam!
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"Asbestos Gelos"  (As-bes-tos yay-lohs) Greek. Literally, "fireproof laughter".  A term used by Homer for invincible laughter in the face of death and mortality.

okarol
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« Reply #4 on: May 09, 2007, 06:28:20 PM »

You might be a REDNECK dialysis patient if...

 You have a Confederate flag painted on the dialyser.

 Your lap blanket is camouflage.
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Admin for IHateDialysis 2008 - 2014, retired.
Jenna is our daughter, bad bladder damaged her kidneys.
Was on in-center hemodialysis 2003-2007.
7 yr transplant lost due to rejection.
She did PD Sept. 2013 - July 2017
Found a swap living donor using social media, friends, family.
New kidney in a paired donation swap July 26, 2017.
Her story ---> https://www.facebook.com/WantedKidneyDonor
Please watch her video: http://youtu.be/D9ZuVJ_s80Y
Living Donors Rock! http://www.livingdonorsonline.org -
News video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-7KvgQDWpU
Adam_W
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Me with Baron von Fresenius

« Reply #5 on: May 09, 2007, 06:54:45 PM »

Here's a couple more:

You go into deep depression when the dietitian tells you to go easy on the cheez-whiz and SPAM.

You use old garden hose to redo the plumbing in the trailer to accommodate a full-size hemo machine.

Adam
Logged

-Diagnosed with ESRD (born with one kidney, hypertension killed it) Jan 21st, 2007
-Started dialysis four days later in hospital (Baxter 1550-I think, then Gambro Phoenix)
-Started in-centre dialysis Feb 6th 2007 (Fres. 2008H)
-Started home hemo June 5th 2007 (NxStage/Pureflow)
-PD catheter placed June 6th 2008 (Bye bye NxStage, at least for now)
-Started CAPD July 4th, 2008
-PD catheter removed Dec 2, 2008-PD just wouldn't work, so I'm back on NxStage
-Kidney function improved enough to go off dialysis, Feb. 2011!!!!!
-Back on dialysis (still NxStage) July 2011 :(
-In-centre self-care dialysis March 2012 (Fresenius 2008K)
-Not on transplant list yet.


"Don't live for dialysis, use dialysis to LIVE"
RichardMEL
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« Reply #6 on: May 10, 2007, 07:49:12 AM »

You watch Jerry Springer back-to-back while on the machine

You yell "USA! USA!" as you take your needles out

You make your wife (who is also your cousin) carry your supplies from trailer to trailer

Logged



3/1993: Diagnosed with Kidney Failure (FSGS)
25/7/2006: Started hemo 3x/week 5 hour sessions :(
27/11/2010: Cadaveric kidney transplant from my wonderful donor!!! "Danny" currently settling in and working better every day!!! :)

BE POSITIVE * BE INFORMED * BE PROACTIVE * BE IN CONTROL * LIVE LIFE!
Joe Paul
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« Reply #7 on: May 10, 2007, 07:58:47 AM »

 You might be a redneck dialysis patient if..... you come up with good replies to this thread
LOL couldnt help it  ;D
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"The history of discovery is completed by those who don't follow rules"
Angels are with us, but don't take GOD for granted
Transplant Jan. 8, 2010
kitkatz
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« Reply #8 on: May 10, 2007, 11:00:30 AM »

there are three or four dialysis machines sitting on blocks in your overgrown front and backyard.
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lifenotonthelist.com

Ivanova: "Old Egyptian blessing: May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk." Babylon 5

Remember your present situation is not your final destination.

Take it one day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time.

"If we don't find a way out of this soon, I'm gonna lose it. Lose it... It means go crazy, nuts, insane, bonzo, no longer in possession of ones faculties, three fries short of a Happy Meal, wacko!" Jack O'Neill - SG-1
Hawkeye
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« Reply #9 on: May 10, 2007, 12:08:50 PM »

there are three or four dialysis machines sitting on blocks in your overgrown front and backyard.

Improved version....when the lawn is "mowed" for the first time in 10 years there are three or four dialysis machines sitting on blocks in your front and backyard
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It's not easy being green.
Adam_W
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Me with Baron von Fresenius

« Reply #10 on: May 10, 2007, 02:15:09 PM »

When you and your sister have a baby, you name him Phos-lo.
Logged

-Diagnosed with ESRD (born with one kidney, hypertension killed it) Jan 21st, 2007
-Started dialysis four days later in hospital (Baxter 1550-I think, then Gambro Phoenix)
-Started in-centre dialysis Feb 6th 2007 (Fres. 2008H)
-Started home hemo June 5th 2007 (NxStage/Pureflow)
-PD catheter placed June 6th 2008 (Bye bye NxStage, at least for now)
-Started CAPD July 4th, 2008
-PD catheter removed Dec 2, 2008-PD just wouldn't work, so I'm back on NxStage
-Kidney function improved enough to go off dialysis, Feb. 2011!!!!!
-Back on dialysis (still NxStage) July 2011 :(
-In-centre self-care dialysis March 2012 (Fresenius 2008K)
-Not on transplant list yet.


"Don't live for dialysis, use dialysis to LIVE"
goofynina
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He is the love of my life......

« Reply #11 on: May 10, 2007, 02:40:29 PM »

 :rofl; :rofl; y'all are so bad *crackin open a can o'beer*  more, more, gimme more  :popcorn;
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....and i think to myself, what a wonderful world....

www.kidneyoogle.com
Adam_W
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Me with Baron von Fresenius

« Reply #12 on: May 10, 2007, 02:57:32 PM »

Your dialyzer is two old beer bottles taped together.
Logged

-Diagnosed with ESRD (born with one kidney, hypertension killed it) Jan 21st, 2007
-Started dialysis four days later in hospital (Baxter 1550-I think, then Gambro Phoenix)
-Started in-centre dialysis Feb 6th 2007 (Fres. 2008H)
-Started home hemo June 5th 2007 (NxStage/Pureflow)
-PD catheter placed June 6th 2008 (Bye bye NxStage, at least for now)
-Started CAPD July 4th, 2008
-PD catheter removed Dec 2, 2008-PD just wouldn't work, so I'm back on NxStage
-Kidney function improved enough to go off dialysis, Feb. 2011!!!!!
-Back on dialysis (still NxStage) July 2011 :(
-In-centre self-care dialysis March 2012 (Fresenius 2008K)
-Not on transplant list yet.


"Don't live for dialysis, use dialysis to LIVE"
Rerun
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Going through life tied to a chair!

« Reply #13 on: May 10, 2007, 11:54:28 PM »

You might be a Redneck Dialysis Patient if your water supply is hooked up to the garden hose.

You might be a Redneck Dialysis Patient if you go to the truck scales to weigh.

                                   :rofl;     :urcrazy;
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Hawkeye
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« Reply #14 on: May 11, 2007, 06:40:59 AM »

You use toilet paper and duct tape to cover your access instead of gauze and tape.
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It's not easy being green.
okarol
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Photo is Jenna - after Disneyland - 1988

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« Reply #15 on: May 11, 2007, 07:36:41 AM »



You might be a Redneck Dialysis Patient if you go to the truck scales to weigh.

                                   :rofl;     :urcrazy;

hehehehe made me laff  :rofl;
Logged


Admin for IHateDialysis 2008 - 2014, retired.
Jenna is our daughter, bad bladder damaged her kidneys.
Was on in-center hemodialysis 2003-2007.
7 yr transplant lost due to rejection.
She did PD Sept. 2013 - July 2017
Found a swap living donor using social media, friends, family.
New kidney in a paired donation swap July 26, 2017.
Her story ---> https://www.facebook.com/WantedKidneyDonor
Please watch her video: http://youtu.be/D9ZuVJ_s80Y
Living Donors Rock! http://www.livingdonorsonline.org -
News video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-7KvgQDWpU
Hawkeye
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« Reply #16 on: May 11, 2007, 02:20:20 PM »

You use toilet paper and duct tape to cover your access instead of gauze and tape.

Maybe a handkerchief or an old oil rag would be better than toilet paper....Do rednecks even have toilet paper?
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It's not easy being green.
tamara
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WOO HOO NEW KIDNEY PEEING !!!(Transplant 23/10/07)

« Reply #17 on: May 11, 2007, 07:30:10 PM »

 :rofl; :2thumbsup; :rofl;

This thread is the best !
Logged

ABO Incompatible Transplant from my loving Partner 23/10/07
after over four years on the D Machine 

                                                                                                                  
Dialysis Sucks and Transplants Don't.................So Far Anyway !!!!!
jbeany
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Cattitude

« Reply #18 on: May 11, 2007, 08:09:12 PM »

. .. you built your own dializer out of an old oil pump and fuel filters from Napa.

Oh, I so need to take this list in and post it at my center!
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"Asbestos Gelos"  (As-bes-tos yay-lohs) Greek. Literally, "fireproof laughter".  A term used by Homer for invincible laughter in the face of death and mortality.

Jill D.
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« Reply #19 on: May 11, 2007, 08:42:56 PM »

You still go to the readin' room to read, even though you no longer pee.
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Diagnosed with FSGS in1990.
Started hemodialysis in April 2006.
Received a new kidney from my sister on Dec. 5, 2006.
Transplant rejection in March, 2009
Approved for second transplant in May 2009
Sister-in-law approved as donor in Dec 2009
Chicken Little
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« Reply #20 on: May 11, 2007, 09:15:39 PM »

You're salvaging tubing to make straws for your new beer helmet business.

« Last Edit: May 11, 2007, 09:20:16 PM by Chicken Little » Logged
goofynina
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He is the love of my life......

« Reply #21 on: May 11, 2007, 09:24:06 PM »

 :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; i am loving it,  LOVING IT I SAID  :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;

and i cant think of one thing to say, lol, i think i need to study up on rednecks huh?  ::)
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....and i think to myself, what a wonderful world....

www.kidneyoogle.com
kianhu
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« Reply #22 on: May 11, 2007, 11:06:29 PM »

You might be a redneck dialysis patient if the repo man comes to take your dialysis machine for non payment.  Funny or no?  It is late at night.   ;D
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Kimberly
goofynina
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He is the love of my life......

« Reply #23 on: May 12, 2007, 12:56:34 PM »

You might be a redneck dialysis patient if the repo man comes to take your dialysis machine for non payment.  Funny or no?  It is late at night.   ;D

Well, not only is it funny it is true, and it not only happens to Rednecks, it happens to us Mexicans toooo  :-\
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....and i think to myself, what a wonderful world....

www.kidneyoogle.com
Adam_W
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Me with Baron von Fresenius

« Reply #24 on: May 12, 2007, 03:41:31 PM »

Your dialysis machine is covered with primer gray paint and Bondo.

You have a central venous catheter made from old drinking straws.

You make a moonshine still out of an old dialysis machine.

Adam
Logged

-Diagnosed with ESRD (born with one kidney, hypertension killed it) Jan 21st, 2007
-Started dialysis four days later in hospital (Baxter 1550-I think, then Gambro Phoenix)
-Started in-centre dialysis Feb 6th 2007 (Fres. 2008H)
-Started home hemo June 5th 2007 (NxStage/Pureflow)
-PD catheter placed June 6th 2008 (Bye bye NxStage, at least for now)
-Started CAPD July 4th, 2008
-PD catheter removed Dec 2, 2008-PD just wouldn't work, so I'm back on NxStage
-Kidney function improved enough to go off dialysis, Feb. 2011!!!!!
-Back on dialysis (still NxStage) July 2011 :(
-In-centre self-care dialysis March 2012 (Fresenius 2008K)
-Not on transplant list yet.


"Don't live for dialysis, use dialysis to LIVE"
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