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Author Topic: You might be a redneck dialysis patient if.....  (Read 87550 times)
Adam_W
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Me with Baron von Fresenius

« Reply #25 on: May 26, 2007, 08:46:06 PM »

A few more.

...you have an AV graft made from the fuel line off an old Chevy.

...you've considered the possibility of running your blood pump with a Hemi engine.

...you regularly spear small rodents with your fistula/graft needles (and then you use them in your access).

...you reconfigure your machine to play a Hank Williams song whenever it alarms. 
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-Diagnosed with ESRD (born with one kidney, hypertension killed it) Jan 21st, 2007
-Started dialysis four days later in hospital (Baxter 1550-I think, then Gambro Phoenix)
-Started in-centre dialysis Feb 6th 2007 (Fres. 2008H)
-Started home hemo June 5th 2007 (NxStage/Pureflow)
-PD catheter placed June 6th 2008 (Bye bye NxStage, at least for now)
-Started CAPD July 4th, 2008
-PD catheter removed Dec 2, 2008-PD just wouldn't work, so I'm back on NxStage
-Kidney function improved enough to go off dialysis, Feb. 2011!!!!!
-Back on dialysis (still NxStage) July 2011 :(
-In-centre self-care dialysis March 2012 (Fresenius 2008K)
-Not on transplant list yet.


"Don't live for dialysis, use dialysis to LIVE"
kitkatz
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« Reply #26 on: May 27, 2007, 05:33:03 PM »

You have the alarm on your machine play the Dixie song when it alarms!
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lifenotonthelist.com

Ivanova: "Old Egyptian blessing: May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk." Babylon 5

Remember your present situation is not your final destination.

Take it one day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time.

"If we don't find a way out of this soon, I'm gonna lose it. Lose it... It means go crazy, nuts, insane, bonzo, no longer in possession of ones faculties, three fries short of a Happy Meal, wacko!" Jack O'Neill - SG-1
Rerun
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Going through life tied to a chair!

« Reply #27 on: May 27, 2007, 10:29:38 PM »

You burn your supply boxes with your Christmas tree. 
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okarol
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Photo is Jenna - after Disneyland - 1988

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« Reply #28 on: May 28, 2007, 12:03:14 PM »

You might be a redneck dialysis patient if.....

You've ever shot a deer from your dialysis chair.

You dialysize while barbecuing spam.

You have a Bud Light pool table light hanging over your dialysis chair.



Logged


Admin for IHateDialysis 2008 - 2014, retired.
Jenna is our daughter, bad bladder damaged her kidneys.
Was on in-center hemodialysis 2003-2007.
7 yr transplant lost due to rejection.
She did PD Sept. 2013 - July 2017
Found a swap living donor using social media, friends, family.
New kidney in a paired donation swap July 26, 2017.
Her story ---> https://www.facebook.com/WantedKidneyDonor
Please watch her video: http://youtu.be/D9ZuVJ_s80Y
Living Donors Rock! http://www.livingdonorsonline.org -
News video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-7KvgQDWpU
Adam_W
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Me with Baron von Fresenius

« Reply #29 on: June 19, 2007, 07:42:02 AM »

You use quills from a porcupine as your access needles.

Your last words before crashing on the machine and passing out are "Hey, y'all watch this!"
Logged

-Diagnosed with ESRD (born with one kidney, hypertension killed it) Jan 21st, 2007
-Started dialysis four days later in hospital (Baxter 1550-I think, then Gambro Phoenix)
-Started in-centre dialysis Feb 6th 2007 (Fres. 2008H)
-Started home hemo June 5th 2007 (NxStage/Pureflow)
-PD catheter placed June 6th 2008 (Bye bye NxStage, at least for now)
-Started CAPD July 4th, 2008
-PD catheter removed Dec 2, 2008-PD just wouldn't work, so I'm back on NxStage
-Kidney function improved enough to go off dialysis, Feb. 2011!!!!!
-Back on dialysis (still NxStage) July 2011 :(
-In-centre self-care dialysis March 2012 (Fresenius 2008K)
-Not on transplant list yet.


"Don't live for dialysis, use dialysis to LIVE"
kitkatz
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« Reply #30 on: June 20, 2007, 02:19:21 PM »

You bring a fishing pole, lawn chair and a tackle box with you to dialysis so you can pass the time fly fishing.
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lifenotonthelist.com

Ivanova: "Old Egyptian blessing: May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk." Babylon 5

Remember your present situation is not your final destination.

Take it one day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time.

"If we don't find a way out of this soon, I'm gonna lose it. Lose it... It means go crazy, nuts, insane, bonzo, no longer in possession of ones faculties, three fries short of a Happy Meal, wacko!" Jack O'Neill - SG-1
Sluff
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« Reply #31 on: June 20, 2007, 09:19:01 PM »


Your last words before crashing on the machine and passing out are "Hey, y'all watch this!"

 :rofl; You crack me up Adam.
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Bajanne
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Goofynina and Epoman - Gone But Not Forgotten

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« Reply #32 on: July 23, 2007, 04:17:23 AM »

These are absolutely hilarious!!! :rofl;  I can't even add since it isn't part of my culture.  Some day i will tell you guys about Redlegs, though.
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"To be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own ...but that which is based on faith"



I LOVE  my IHD family! :grouphug;
Adam_W
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Me with Baron von Fresenius

« Reply #33 on: July 31, 2007, 08:46:50 PM »

Your machine has a gun rack on it.
Logged

-Diagnosed with ESRD (born with one kidney, hypertension killed it) Jan 21st, 2007
-Started dialysis four days later in hospital (Baxter 1550-I think, then Gambro Phoenix)
-Started in-centre dialysis Feb 6th 2007 (Fres. 2008H)
-Started home hemo June 5th 2007 (NxStage/Pureflow)
-PD catheter placed June 6th 2008 (Bye bye NxStage, at least for now)
-Started CAPD July 4th, 2008
-PD catheter removed Dec 2, 2008-PD just wouldn't work, so I'm back on NxStage
-Kidney function improved enough to go off dialysis, Feb. 2011!!!!!
-Back on dialysis (still NxStage) July 2011 :(
-In-centre self-care dialysis March 2012 (Fresenius 2008K)
-Not on transplant list yet.


"Don't live for dialysis, use dialysis to LIVE"
jbeany
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Cattitude

« Reply #34 on: August 01, 2007, 10:19:09 AM »

Now it just needs a cup holder with a Nascar logo on it.
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"Asbestos Gelos"  (As-bes-tos yay-lohs) Greek. Literally, "fireproof laughter".  A term used by Homer for invincible laughter in the face of death and mortality.

poohwade
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« Reply #35 on: August 03, 2007, 07:45:34 PM »

Your machine has a gun rack on it.


thats awesome.
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nxstage coming to a wade near you august 6
Amanda From OZ
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« Reply #36 on: August 06, 2007, 09:49:04 AM »

omg i love these so funny!!  :rofl;
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kitkatz
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« Reply #37 on: August 07, 2007, 04:38:14 PM »

Put a hat of the end of the rifle for the hat rack!
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lifenotonthelist.com

Ivanova: "Old Egyptian blessing: May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk." Babylon 5

Remember your present situation is not your final destination.

Take it one day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time.

"If we don't find a way out of this soon, I'm gonna lose it. Lose it... It means go crazy, nuts, insane, bonzo, no longer in possession of ones faculties, three fries short of a Happy Meal, wacko!" Jack O'Neill - SG-1
Earlinda
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« Reply #38 on: September 01, 2007, 03:50:45 AM »

Y'all are so funny!!!  roflmao!  I needed to read this before dialysis today.  Things have been entirely to serious lately...

Earlinda
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Adam_W
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Me with Baron von Fresenius

« Reply #39 on: October 22, 2007, 07:45:14 PM »

You and your dialysis buddies get into NxStage vs. Fresenius brawls instead of Ford vs. Chevy.
Logged

-Diagnosed with ESRD (born with one kidney, hypertension killed it) Jan 21st, 2007
-Started dialysis four days later in hospital (Baxter 1550-I think, then Gambro Phoenix)
-Started in-centre dialysis Feb 6th 2007 (Fres. 2008H)
-Started home hemo June 5th 2007 (NxStage/Pureflow)
-PD catheter placed June 6th 2008 (Bye bye NxStage, at least for now)
-Started CAPD July 4th, 2008
-PD catheter removed Dec 2, 2008-PD just wouldn't work, so I'm back on NxStage
-Kidney function improved enough to go off dialysis, Feb. 2011!!!!!
-Back on dialysis (still NxStage) July 2011 :(
-In-centre self-care dialysis March 2012 (Fresenius 2008K)
-Not on transplant list yet.


"Don't live for dialysis, use dialysis to LIVE"
kellyt
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« Reply #40 on: October 22, 2007, 08:10:45 PM »

You might be a redneck if when giving friends and/or family directions to your dialysis clinic you say "If you pass the Dairy Queen you done gone too far".
Logged

1993 diagnosed with glomerulonephritis.
Oct 41, 2007 - Got fistula placed.
Feb 13, 2008 - Activated on "the list".
Nov 5, 2008 - Received living donor transplant from my sister-in-law, Etta.
Nov 5, 2011 - THREE YEARS POST TRANSPLANT!  :D
kellyt
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« Reply #41 on: October 22, 2007, 08:14:46 PM »

Or if you plan your dialysis treatments around Nascar race schedule.   :ukflag;
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1993 diagnosed with glomerulonephritis.
Oct 41, 2007 - Got fistula placed.
Feb 13, 2008 - Activated on "the list".
Nov 5, 2008 - Received living donor transplant from my sister-in-law, Etta.
Nov 5, 2011 - THREE YEARS POST TRANSPLANT!  :D
kruep
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« Reply #42 on: October 25, 2007, 01:25:05 AM »

I actually had a home hemo pt state that he was going to put up signs at his old clinic advertising:
   
            "Donnie's bootleg dialysis, come on over if you need an extra treatment one hour $25, 2 hours $50 bring your own needles"

kruep
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jellybean
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Out of my mind, please leave a message.

« Reply #43 on: October 25, 2007, 07:43:28 PM »

 :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;

I'm so loving this stuff! DON'T STOP!!!!
Logged

Cadaver kidney "Emma" 1/22/2007
MWF Hemo
av fistula
Transplant list as of 2/18/09

"Well behaved women seldom make history"
--Laurel Ulrich

If you have to be in a soap opera try not to get the worst role.
--Judy Garland

Life is hard. After all, it kills you.
--Katherine Hepburn

Stubbornness does have its helpful features. You always know what you're going to be thinking tomorrow. 
--Glen Beaman

“I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.”
--Winston Churchill

“When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.”
"When I'm good I'm good, but when I'm bad, I'm better"
--Mae West
Hawkeye
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« Reply #44 on: October 26, 2007, 07:03:23 AM »

You come to this post looking for ideas to fancy up your setup.
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It's not easy being green.
okarol
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Photo is Jenna - after Disneyland - 1988

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« Reply #45 on: October 26, 2007, 08:24:35 AM »

You might be a redneck dialysis patient if.....

... you call your nephrologist, "dude."

... you've ever shot someone over their TV volume.

... your tech carries a wrench and a comb in her back pocket.

... your center's bathroom deodorizer is a box of kitchen matches.

... if you've ever driven a tractor to dialysis.
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Admin for IHateDialysis 2008 - 2014, retired.
Jenna is our daughter, bad bladder damaged her kidneys.
Was on in-center hemodialysis 2003-2007.
7 yr transplant lost due to rejection.
She did PD Sept. 2013 - July 2017
Found a swap living donor using social media, friends, family.
New kidney in a paired donation swap July 26, 2017.
Her story ---> https://www.facebook.com/WantedKidneyDonor
Please watch her video: http://youtu.be/D9ZuVJ_s80Y
Living Donors Rock! http://www.livingdonorsonline.org -
News video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-7KvgQDWpU
Ken Shelmerdine
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Life's a bitch and then you go on dialysis!

« Reply #46 on: October 31, 2007, 08:59:29 AM »

You might be a redneck dialysis patient if you dialyze in your underwear.

You might be a redneck dialysis patient if instead of saline you use beer.



Very good topic.....I wish I had thought of it.   ;)

What a great idea. Put beer in your PD bag. Wow instantly pissed.
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Ken
Ken Shelmerdine
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Life's a bitch and then you go on dialysis!

« Reply #47 on: October 31, 2007, 09:01:58 AM »

I've had this idea for ages maybe this makes me a redneck but why can't we have remote controls with our Baxter cyclers so you don't have to get out of bed to switch off  drain alarms?
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Ken
Hawkeye
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« Reply #48 on: October 31, 2007, 11:49:43 AM »

I've had this idea for ages maybe this makes me a redneck but why can't we have remote controls with our Baxter cyclers so you don't have to get out of bed to switch off  drain alarms?

Not to rain on your parade, but they want you to have to get up to check the alarms in case there is something wrong.  Safety not convenience on this one.
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It's not easy being green.
tamara
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WOO HOO NEW KIDNEY PEEING !!!(Transplant 23/10/07)

« Reply #49 on: October 31, 2007, 12:11:55 PM »

Just caught up on this thread, some funny ones there  :rofl;
« Last Edit: October 31, 2007, 12:14:25 PM by tamara » Logged

ABO Incompatible Transplant from my loving Partner 23/10/07
after over four years on the D Machine 

                                                                                                                  
Dialysis Sucks and Transplants Don't.................So Far Anyway !!!!!
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