You might be a redneck dialysis patient if.....

[okarol]

You installed a whip antenna so you can fly “The Stars And Bars” on your NxStage!

[G-Ma]

Well u'all..I hooked up one o them thar CB's to my Saline antenne and I kin talk all the way to Alaska.... 

[Wayne]

You refer to your machine as the General Lee...
You play darts by hanging an old pizza box on the wall and throwing your needles at it...
You are so excited when your new machine arrives from WalMart...

[flip]

You disconnect to go to the bathroom. The nurse thinks you have diarrhea, but you just want a smoke.

[twirl]

You disconnect to go to the bathroom. The nurse thinks you have diarrhea, but you just want a smoke.

 

[kellyt]

- if you've ever used a toilet brush as a backscratcher at dialysis.

 - if you've ever used a leaf blower to dust your NxStage.

 - if more than once you've given the excuse "alien abduction" as a reason for missing dialysis.

 - if you've ever brought your fishin pole to dialysis.

 - if you've ever asked your dialysis neighbor to "pull your finger".

 - if you've ever burped and said your name at the same time when announcing your arrival to dialysis.

 - if you schedule dialysis in the afternoon so you can watch Jerry Springer in peace.

 - if you die and leave everything to your widow, but she can't get to it 'til she turns 14.

 - if your kids take your empty saline bags and used tubing to Show N Tell.

 - if you've ever been forced to take off your belt buckle before your weigh-in.

[Chris]

 - if you've ever asked your dialysis neighbor to "pull your finger".

That actually happened at my dialysis unit 

[Katonsdad]

How about if there are fish guts on the scale because one of the patints
wanted to show off his county record Bass.

[okarol]

 - You have to hit the side of your Nxstage machine to get the lights and dials to work.

 - You use moonshine as antiseptic.

 - Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can bring in your supply boxes."

[kitkatz]

If you have to move your boxes of supplies. to bring in yet more boxes of supplies. There ain't nothin like being all stocked up!

[Rerun]

If you have to shovel the snow off the top of your dialysis machine before you set-up.

[Wenchie58]

...if you lock your tubing in the gun cabinet so the teenagers
don't use it to siphon gas.

[Chris]

You must be a redneck if you use your hybrid vehicle to power you dialysis machine as you drive around till your done thinking your helping the enviroment.

[twirl]

if a couple of your students are kin to Jeff Foxworthy

two of his nieces went to the school I taught at in Gangerland 

[kitkatz]

you burn the boxes in your back yard in a huge bonfire and invite the neighbors over for weenie roast and beer.

[Angelicfury]

If your dialysis machine and your pickup have the same racing stripes and front grill.

P.S. Can't forget the camo!

[twirl]

you burn the boxes in your back yard in a huge bonfire and invite the neighbors over for weenie roast and beer.

what is redneck about that-------- It is called a weenie roast------

[Wattle]

You use your Tenckhoff catheter as a Margarita port.

[twirl]

You use your Tenckhoff catheter as a Margarita port.

oh that is so cute and so true

[okarol]

Just read this whole thread through again - it just cracks me up.

Missing the King of Rednecks, Flip. He shore was funny.

[Chris]

I'll have to reread it all again.

[twirl]

flipbob   you know you are a red neck dialysis patient if your name has a bob after it     flipbob

[okarol]

 

[mikey07840]

You use your Tenckhoff catheter as a Margarita port.

oh that is so cute and so true

Uh oh. Are all y'all not supposed to do that? I use mine to down vodka and orange juice the "quick way."

[twirl]

mikey    that is the same thing Flipbob would do    he loved his vodka