Just sharing

[xtrememoosetrax]

Sending hugs to both of you.   Hang in there. 

[paris]

I am so glad you are back with us during this.  We have missed both of you and can't believe as soon as you are back, LL is in the hospital.  But, maybe it is good timing because we are all here surrounding both of you with love and support.   Please tell LL that we are worried about him and want him back home soon.  Our love to both of you 

[The Wife]

Thank you everyone. 

They've found him a bed in the cardiac unit and have just done a shift change.  The nurse told me to call back after 10.   I'll let you know more once I know.

[The Wife]

Wayne's heart rate dropped to 25 and they're waiting for an O.R. to insert the pacemaker.  The nurse said he's hanging on.

Thanks again.

[okarol]

I am sending good thoughts and hope things are okay TW - please take care. 

[petey]

Wife,
I'm hoping that pacemaker will make LL feel better immediately.  One doctor told us that a too low heart rate was the worst feeling in the world (and, Marvin would agree).  I'm sending you and LL love, prayers, and hugs.  Let us know how it went.

[kitkatz]

I hope things will go alright with him!

[The Wife]

He's still waiting for the surgery.  It doesn't look like it's going to take place today.  Anyway, he's resting, starving, thirsty, and waiting to get home.  We also found out that one of his aorta's (?) is narrowing.  The cardiologist said he will need open heart surgery within the next couple of years and that they'll be keeping a close eye on him.  Now we can add a cardiologist to the list of doctors. 

Petey - I told Wayne what you said about Marvin having a pacemaker and doing well with it.  It was good for him (and me) to hear this.

Of course, they didn't tell me that this is a simple procedure and that they don't have to put him under, just a local.  Of course, why relieve stress.   

Thanks again everyone.  I'm going to see if I can now get a bit of sleep. 

[The Wife]

They ended up doing the surgery last night as they couldn't wait until today.  His heart rate went up to 84.  Wow!  Pacemakers work!  I'll be picking him up at noon to bring him home.  That's another wow.  They sure don't keep them long but a hospital is never the best place to heal. 

I'm not sure what to expect but I know he has to treat his arm like it's broken for two days.  No using it at all, and then limited motion for six weeks.  And since we've found out  he has the other problem with his heart, I'll now have to educate myself on that.  I should have been a doctor.  Needing to have a pacemaker implanted is a blessing in disquise.  It told us about the narrowing of his aorta.

Thanks again for your support. 

[thegrammalady]

home is a good place. the place to find recovery. i'll be thinking about you.   

[monrein]

Glad you're home and now, let the healing begin!! 

[The Wife]

He'll be home in a few hours.  Thank Grammalady and Monrein.

I know I'm backtracking here but I guess I need to.  Why didn't the staff at the hospital tell me the surgery was done with a local anestetic?   When family members asked about this, I didn't know.  In fact, I didn't even think about it.  Of course, they were stressed and I needed to reassure everyone.  Sometimes I think it's better to not say anything until it's all over but what if he didn't make it?  It would then be a shock, plus, his kids would have been upset that I didn't keep them up to date with what was going on.  I understand.  I'd be the same if it was my parent. 

Being a caregiver isn't always easy.  You want to do the right thing for everyone involved.  Sometimes, doing the right thing for the family members means not doing the right thing for yourself.  Like not having to answer the phone a million times in a day, or having to call with updates. 

I often wonder if others stop to think what it's like for the caregiver.  If others stop to think how the caregiver is doing.  Well, in my situation, I was lucky.  I have my daughter.  When I called from the hospital, she showed up.  I didn't expect her to but there she was.  She knew I'd be there for awhile and made sure I had food to eat.  She even bought me chocolate. 

Through all of this, my daughter has been a great support.  She's old enough now to ask what Mom needs.   I feel blessed.   

[paris]

TW, no matter what you go through, your inner peace always shines through.  In the midst of LL's surgery, you can take a moment to say you are blessed with a supportive daughter.  You make others want to be better.   You are doing a wonderful job as caregiver--it isn't an easy job.  And I don't think others do give it much thought.  If they did, it seems like they would find ways to help.  When I was first diagnosed, friends rallied.  It is old news now!  But, I still have to make meals for my husband, clean, laundry, etc.     I am rambling--sorry!   I hope you both get some rest when he gets home.   Wish I could stop by with a pot of soup and homemade bread.       So glad to have you both back home with us! 

[The Wife]

Paris,  The warmth of your heart shines through. 

Yep, this was a blessing in disquise.  Needing a pacemaker led the doctors to look closer at Wayne's heart.  They didn't know until this happened that he was born with a small aortic valve.  Now, they'll be keeping a closer eye on his heart.

I am so grateful for my daughter who didn't ask what I needed, just stepped up to the plate and took the lead, to our community centre who called a cab for us and paid for it when I called to ask if there was anyone that could give us a ride to the hospital, and to our neighbour who took the bus to work today so that I could use his car to get Wayne home.

No matter what emergency we go through, beautiful people appear just when we need to give us a helping hand. 

And to the the beautiful caring hearts here, thank you for your love and support.  Sometimes, we have to walk a journey we'd rather not walk but when others walk beside us, we walk together in love and care.

May all of you be blessed in whatever ways you need.

 

[rose1999]

 

Sometimes, we have to walk a journey we'd rather not walk but when others walk beside us, we walk together in love and care.

This is so true but I've never thought of it like this before. TW despite your own problems I hope you realise what hope and love you give to others. You are a beautiful lady, may you too be blessed in all you do. 

[The Wife]

Thank you Rose. 

[pelagia]

  best wishes to your husband for a speedy recovery.
a for you,
and  for your daughter, too!

[st789]

So important to have people care and share with you when walking down the path.

[MyssAnne]

TW, I just saw this. I am so glad LL is doing better, and that you have support there. I'll be thinking of you, and of LL, and praying that good things will happen from now on.

 

[The Wife]

Pelagia 

st789   

MyssAnne   


Even though I went through this latest emergency with a calm mind, I seem to be having a hard time bouncing back physically.  I feel like I was knocked down by a speeding truck.  Finding myself needing to release several breaths in a quickened way for a couple of days, I wondered if what I was experiencing, was shock.  It wouldn't suprise me.  It was a shock. 

What us caregivers go through can be pretty intense at times.   Because of this, we need to take care of ourselves.   When we're tired, we need to rest.  But how do we rest when we're the only ones caring for our loved ones? 

What do we do to counterbalance the sorrow, the harshness of what we see and hear, and the exhaustion our own bodies sometimes find themselves in on this journey as caregivers? 

I breathe.  Deeply.  I listen to the silence and the tree growing outside my window.  I listen for the song of robins and dissolve into the laughter of my grandsons joy.  I write and aim my camera at flowers growing in nearby gardens.  Or at leaves changing with the season.  I play my guitar,  discuss recipes with my daughter, and laugh at another joke my partner shares. 

I sing.  I cook.   I cry.   Sometimes, I wake in the middle of the night to tears streaming down my face.  Warm tears.  Gently flowing tears. Tears that transforms sorrow into a deeper love. 

Thank you.

I needed to share.

[pelagia]

You are doing the right things.  I posted this not too long ago about the real toll the stress can take on the body:

http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=10322.msg175759#msg175759

and this post to Rose1999 about a little book for caregivers that someone sent me when my husband had his nepnrectomies:

http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=10230.msg177268#msg177268

maybe you'll find something new to try.

 

[The Wife]

Thanks for the links pelagia.  I forgot I had a lavender eye mask.  Forgot how nice it feels too. 

Things are back to normal for me.  Just needed a few days few days to process what just happened and a slow walk in a fresh wind.  I was craving something soft and as I walked, I put my hands in my pockets to find $2.25.  This was enough to search for the right item in the shop up the street.  I've had luck in the thrift store before and if my luck continued, I'd find what I needed.  Sure enough.  For $2, I found a super soft fleece jammie top that gives me the softest hug.  And then my grandson came for a visit.  Soft hugs, laughter, and love.

We are so blessed. 

[The Wife]

My partner has been experiencing intense back pain ever since the pacemaker was implanted.  We're thinking it might be from the hospital bed but he's had four sleeps in his own.  Does anyone know if the back pain is related to his pacemaker or his heart?

Thanks

[thegrammalady]

don't know a thing about pacemakers, but am extremely sorry to hear you are still having problems.

[The Wife]

Thanks Grammalady.  His back pain is easing.  Looks like he pulled a muscle while in the hospital.  The amazing thing is that he no longer has leg pain!   This is so incredible because for three-and-a-half years now, he hasn't been able to get out much due to the problem with his legs.  I guess the pacemaker is giving him better circulation.  I don't know how his energy is for walking yet as we've yet to try but we will.  Oh yes we will.  Once he has his aorta valve replaced, he'll have more energy. Even though I'm not looking forward to this surgery, I am looking forward to seeing him with more energy.

For three-and-a-half years, I've dreamt of walking together in the park.  Of going for a walk to the local coffee shop.  Of getting on a bus together and heading to the beach.

Technology is amazing and I am so grateful we are living in these times.

Have a beautiful day everyone.