Just sharing

[willieandwinnie]

The Wife        I pray things will continue to go well. 

[paris]

The Wife,  as you know, I love your posts.  I too, look forward to the day you can both walk through the park, or LL can play his drums.  Thank you for reminding us to be grateful. 

[paris]

TW, how are you and LL?  I am a little worried about you both and hope to hear from you soon.  Take care 

[The Wife]

We're okay.  Sorry for the worry Paris. 

The latest emergency took a lot out of me, first shock, then exhaustion, and after a week of LL being home, I broke down and cried.  The tears kept coming and no matter what I thought of, I couldn't get them to stop.  The thought of LL needing open heart surgery is hard to take, especially since I know what they do to the body. 

But the great news is that his legs are no longer in pain, except for the cramping that comes with dialysis, that is.  For a couple of years, I've told the doctors, as has LL, but they kept ignoring it, or saying they didnt know why he was suffering so much, that he should be able to walk.  Well, now we find out he has this underlying problem. 

The pacemaker is working well.  It's given him better circulation which means no more pain.  Once he has the other heart surgery, he'll have more energy, which means he'll be able to do more. 

What a ride this all is, eh?

Lots of love and gratitude for your caring heart.
 

[paris]

You deserve a good cry!   Glad to hear about LL's legs not hurting like they were.  Take things easy and recover from the past few months.  It certainly has been a wild ride for you two.   

[The Wife]

Sometimes we just need a crying day, a day to release all we've taken in, and a day to honour what we go through.  As a caregiver/wife, I can't help but hurt for my partner.  I thought of the past three-and-a-half years, of all we've gone through, and remembered times before LL became ill. 

To know he has more to go through grabs at my heart and squeezes it.  To know that there is hope in him walking again, brings tears. 

He used to be so active, so beautiful in his form of tai chi.  It's been a long time and for the longest time I'd given up hope on things improving.  I wondered why it was that other dialysis patients could get out to walk, even if just for a little, and my partner couldn't. 

But brighter days can be ahead of us.  Days where we can walk the two blocks together as we make our way to the park with our grandson.  Days when we can catch a bus to find our way to the beach or our favorite park. 

When I think of the open heart surgery that's ahead, I want to stay in bed.  It's so hard to watch someone you love in pain but fortunately, I've experienced my own pain, severe, from a spinal fusion.  Somehow, this helps me relate, helps me recognize the strength of the human body and spirit, and helps me visualize a full recovery with joyous moments once he's recovered.  I know he won't get all of his energy back.  And I know he still has the neropathy and osteoporosis pain to deal with, along with all of the other things.  After all, he's still a dialysis patient.  But even so, a time has come when we can both start to see in our future, some of what we loved before, return.  I see it now, when he stands at the kitchen to make himself a sandwich, or long enough to wash a few dishes.  I see it on his face when he walks from one room to the other.  I see it now.

The past, present and future all come together in this moment.  And in this moment, I give thanks for the sunlight I see.

Thank you for your caring heart Paris. 

Love to you...

[The Wife]

I don't spend a lot of time at forums and it's quite normal for me to not show up for periods of time.
If I haven't posted for awhile and you're worried, you can go to my profile and pull my email address.  I don't have to check here to see if I get an email....a notice comes to my address. 

[willieandwinnie]

Thank you for your peaceful insight. 

[The Wife]

 

[pelagia]

just stopping in and offering a 

[The Wife]

Hello again. 

Life has been fairly quiet, no more emergencies, except for when I broke my toe.  It wasn't really an emergency but it had me crawling on all fours to get around.  Since I couldn't put any weight on my foot at all (did a wishbone pull with my foot) my partner had to get up and get me ice, etc.   However, he did manage to take out the garbage a couple of days.  And then things got worse again.  So much for the caregiver getting care while trying to rest her foot.  And so much for thinking things were getting better for my partner. 

When I needed help, I really saw just how hard it is on him to do little things.  His pacemaker is working well but he's really low on energy.  I guess that's to be expected since he is waiting to have open heart surgery, and of course, all the stuff that goes with dialysis.

Anyway, my question has to do with cramping.  Yep, he still deals with it quite a bit.  His latest blood test showed that his potassium level was on the high end of normal.  They told him to cut back on potassium foods but if he doesn't eat something like a banana at night, his cramping is hell. 

What do we do?

[breezysummerday]

Maybe stop the bananas and switch to apples?
I have read that vitamin E can help with leg cramps.  Mustard Greens are
Renal friendly.  Juggling electrolytes is hard.  LL's body needs this, but he
can't have that...oh wait, he can eat that, but only 1/2 cup, but he needs
to eat it with......I wish I could help you as much as you've done for me 

Hopefully, other members will contribute with more info.
In the meantime, best wishes

 

[MiSSis]

My neph used to prescribe Quinine pills for leg cramps but about a year ago he mentioned something about the government cracking down on the use of Quinine for purposes other than what it is supposed to be used for (i.e. Malaria)...something about needing to create a stockpile in the event of a mass outbreak.  Not sure what if any of that was true but to compensate, I now drink some tonic water which contains Quinine each evening before bed.  I ususally drink about 4 oz. and while it might just all be in my head, I don't seem to be having as much trouble with cramping as I did before.   

I have also had bypass surgery but it was while I still had a functioning transplant.  No doubt about it, it's a tough surgery but restoring good blood flow to the heart muscle should be really helpful with his energy levels.  Best of luck to you and your partner.

[The Wife]

THanks for sharing.   LL tried quinine but got sick from it so that's out but he's going to ask his doc about vitamen e.  Last night, he cramped all night again and I just don't know what to do anymore.

I don't know how I've helped you breezysummerday but thanks for telling me that.  Good to know that what I have to say has a positive effect.

All the best to all of you too.   

[breezysummerday]

The river of life pulsates as I dance in gentle moving waters and streams.  And I, in the silence of the morning, reach out to touch all I see before me.

I reach and hold, honour and love.

It is such a incredible feeling to taste the flavours of this stream, the flavours that moisten my lips like lemonade on a hot day, or tea sweetened with honey, or the juice of an orange as it trinkles down my chin.

Standing barefoot in the stream, I reach out and pick the ripened fruit.

Tasting life, I digest all of its flavours, and bow my head in gratitude for the meal I have been given.

In our findings, we are not afraid to question, to face and hold the mud mingled with the roots.  We follow until we reach the place where the root touches the water, quenching our thirst.

I came home from work one morning.  Stressed from Ray's new diagnosis and worrying about all the work I had missed.  My head and body
hurting.  My thoughts were all over the place.  What was I going to do?  Then I read the above quotes and just cried.  All my stress lifted off
my shoulders. I am dancing in the river of life.  Everything is going to be okay.  And so it was from that point on, I became more
focused.  And for that I thank you. 

[The Wife]

I'm touched breezysummerday.  Thank you.  Sometimes, I just write.  You know, let the words flow.  To hear how my words have helped you makes me want to cry. 

Our hearts connect. 

[paris]

Dear TW,  We love your words and they bring comfort to many of us.  I have reread many of your posts.  Hope you and LL have a nice holiday.   

[The Wife]

I woke up somewhere after five.  It was around the same time I woke before the phone rang eight years ago.  A call to tell me that Mom passed away.  As far as I was concerned, that day was not a good day to die.  Didn't she know that Christmas was just around the corner?  Didn't she know that it was my birthday the following day?  She was sick for a long time.  Couldn't she have died when there was nothing to celebrate, a different month perhaps?

It took me a long time to come to a place of acceptance and peace in regards to her passing.  And a long time to get over the time of year she died. 

I think of her now and how she came to a place of acceptance,  how we can all find acceptance in the things we'd rather not accept.  As I sit here this morning, I remember my mom.  The sorrow has dissolved,  warmth fills my heart.

I've come to a place of acceptance in regards to the passing of my mom, my partner's condition, the passing that I will also go through one day.  Now to find acceptance with turning 50.

Tomorrow, I'll celebrate my birthday.  It's a number that reminds me that my youth is over, that I can never turn back the clock and make things as they were.  I sit and think about this and realize how fortunate I am.   I think about all who haven't lived to see 50, and those who are under and over 50, and have to find acceptance with dialysis machines, fistula's, limited diets, cramping, and all that goes with end stage renal failure.

Time will march through the calender.  The solstice will be upon us.  The return of the light - my mom returning to light, buried eight years ago on the 21st of that year.  Snow will fall and dissolve.  The ticking clock will keep its rhythm.  Christmas will come and go;  a new year will greet us.  Tulips will honour the earth again.  Memories will appear out of nowhere.  Laughter will be shared. 

Another year.  Another decade.  Another feeling of gratitude for loved ones, for friendship, and for the gift we call life.


I wish all of you the best over the holidays and in the new year. 

[breezysummerday]

                                                   


                                                           

[thegrammalady]

you put into words the feelings that i can't. thank you, happy holidays and god bless you.

[paris]

Thank you.  Many of us have the holiday blues and feel alone with those sad feelings.  You assure us that we are never alone and the sun will always come up.   May you and LL have a peace filled holiday season.  You are both loved here.   

[monrein]

Happy Birthday and all best wishes for a peaceful holiday and new year. 

[pelagia]

Happy Birthday! 

[The Wife]

I have bells on my boots.

I love the bells, makes walking feel easier somehow. It's probably because I focus on the music instead of the pain. In fact, I was making up songs as I went along. One bell is one note, and the other, a third above. Not sure what the notes are but I could figure it out if I tried. Or I could ask my musician husband, Wayne.

Oh, my beautiful red quilted boots that go midcalf! With swede on the lower part, fleece on the inside, and bells on the zippers, I am reminded to sing. They were passed on to me by someone who bought them, then decided they didn't want them. I don't even think they were worn twice. Oh, lucky, lucky me!

At my birthday lunch, I had the most delicious soup at an East Indian Restaurant. Mulligwany with chicken and lentils. I'll be looking for a recipe for this one.  That's for sure.  When I arrived at the restaurant, my daughter took one look at me and said, "Aren't you supposed to be wearing purple?"

I pointed to my turtleneck. "Oh," I replied. "You told me to bring a bag for my presents." I pulled out the large duffle bag on wheels and opened it up. "Here we go, fill her up."

"Mom!" she laughed. "They're not that big!"

"Yeah, but they might be heavy."

She shook her head as she looked at my boots. "And you added bells I see."

"Fifty gives one the freedom to be a bit more crazy," I laughed.

"I don't really think you need permission."

"Probably not, but at fifty, there's more excuses."

As I tried on my new slippers and walked around to check out the fit, I swung my new deep RED scarf around my neck, and held my head high, and as we were heading out of the restaurant, she commented on my outfit again.

"If you think this is bad, wait until I'm sixty-five. I'm going to wear a quilted bathrobe for my coat."



  



Thank you everyone.  Ringing my bells to bring you joy.   

[breezysummerday]

                                                         ........purrfect