Just sharing

[The Wife]

You're welcome.  It does feel surreal for the first while, and sometimes, after the first while.  Another thing I've learned to do for myself is to have compassion, to embrace and honour all of my emotions...and then to let them go.  I've learned that if I deny my feelings, they create anxiety but when I accept them, I can then let them go.  Think of your emotions like a child that has hurt themself.  They come up to you and when you give them a hug, they run away and are happy to play again.

You're not alone Anna.

[The Wife]

Hm. No. I can't think of why he'd have high blood pressure in the morning only, maybe someone else can chime in?

It gets high at night too but it seems to always be high in the morning.  Even though you don't know, thanks MyssAnne.  Hope you're having a good day.

[MyssAnne]

Thank you TW!  It was a draggy day for me, BUT!! I  went to work and stuck it out. For me, that's
an accomplishment, and I am planning on working ALL week!!!

I took blood pressure medications until I started staying in the low 100's.  About all I did was make
sure I was draining enough. They also have me doing 5 exchanges now, 10,000MLS a day.  That
helps as welll.

LL doesn't need that much right now, I don't think, not with all the cramping going on!!  If he isn't on
any medication (which could be why, because of OTHER mediciation?), you might see if there is something
VERY mild he can take.

Good luck!!

OH!! THe sun is out!!!!

 

[The Wife]

Contrats on working all day MyssAnne.  Let's hope for a great week for you.

LL is on blood pressure meds and heart pills.  I guess all we can do is keep learning, adjusting, and doing the best we can. 

The sun is shining here too.  This morning, I noticed daffodils swaying in the breeze and yesterday on my walk, the cherry blossums on the Japanese Maples were lining the street.

Yippee, spring is here!

[Psim]

Spring is here as well. I spent this morning raking up tree-trash that the winter storms blew down. Now I'm exhausted but happy, looking out on apple and plum trees and the big horse chestnut, all bursting with buds. No blossoms up here yet, but I'm borrowing the smell of cherry blooms from your walk.

I so hope someone can figure out what's happening with LL's cramping -- either that or it just mysteriously stops. In the meantime, here's to daffodils!

[The Wife]

Tulips, cherry blossums, flowers popping out all over the place.  Now we just need some sun and the weather to warm up a bit.  I am craving a warm ground to lie on.

LL still cramps on and his legs are a mess...

[MyssAnne]

It was nice this weekend here in Indiana, now it's not so nice. Oh well. It was nice while it lasted!
I'm ready for Spring. and Summer!

TW, does LL keep his legs warm, when doing the cycler?  That might help.  I'm really grasping
here, trying to come up with SOMETHING!!!

[The Wife]

The weather is weird.  I think it was warmer in Februrary.  Oh well, soon it REALLY will be spring.  At least it's not windy today and the sun is trying to burst through the clouds.  Our winters are rainy and windy, and when there's no rain, it's always cloudy.  After awhile, it gets to you but at least we don't have to deal with snow or really cold weather like the rest of Canada gets.

LL keeps his legs warm...and everytime I say he didn't cramp at night, he seems to start cramping again the following night.  It really is an on and off thing but as you know, it's hell and you hurt the following day.  And then there's the body, hip or toe pain.  Gout?  It seems there's always something and I guess all we can do is do the best we can.  Oh, and you know what his doc said about the quinine that he's no longer taking?  He said it's just a placebo anyway.  Can you believe this?  Why in the world would they prescribe something that is toxic when it's just a placebo? 

How are you MyssAnne?

[MyssAnne]

Tired. Turns out I have an infection somewhere in my body. They've taken blood, pee, and a chest x-ray to see where it is, so they can treat it.  It's NOT peritonitis, I KNOW that one.

I did get out Saturday (I saw my sweetie this weekend!!!!), then Sunday we had a viewing to go to, a dear friend's father died Thursday.

I drove back to Muncie this morning so I could do my clinic. That's when my neph said, your white blood count is EXTREMELY high, we're taking some tests!!!

And I am here at work til 6 tonight, to get in some of my hours.  It's been a long day.

As for LL WHY the dickens would they give him a placebo? What a waste!!!!  Stupid neph.
I just feel bad, that I can't help with his cramping. I so wish I could come up with an answer for
him. Darn it.

As you say, Spring is coming!!!!! YAY!!!!!

 

[kidney4traci]

Sorry about LL's legs still cramping, wish there was a remedy.  Obviously not a toxic brew nor placedbo bs.  Still looking for a holistic phos binder, has led me to some interesting chinese medicines though.  The weather here is 80 today, but windy still.  Going to San Antonio tomorrow for a few days... see ya when I return.

[The Wife]

MyssAnne - Oh dear, I hope they find out what's going on with you.  At least you know it's not peritonitis.   Take care of yourself and don't work too hard!  I honestly don't know how you do it.

Yeah, placebo. I'm beginning to understand more and more why he doesn't like to take his concerns to them.  He says they don't know what to do and I think they should figure it out.  I'm beginning to think that maybe LL is right.    In the beginning of all of this, they did say he had a complicated case...

80 degrees in the sun?!  Oh Traci, I could use some of that warmth.  Not meaning to complain, but my sciatica is not being nice to me.  Once it warms up and the sun shines, I'll feel better.  What a whiner, geez, I'd never survive dialysis.  Have a great trip.

[The Wife]

Spring brings mixed emotions.  Flowers, warm weather, sunny skis.  And three years of having an ill spouse who can no longer take part in the things we used to do.  Anger sometimes comes up, as does sadness, and no matter how I try to turn the unpleasant emotions away, they rise from within until I acknowledge how deeply his illness has affected me. 

We used to walk a lot together, miles in fact.  We'd do tai chi in the park, play music on the beach, climb rocks, hike, and stop to grab a coffee on the walk back home.  We'd stop for a slice of pizza, stroll through the second hand book stores, or check out flowering yards.  We'd walk just to walk.

And now he stays inside.  Inside where legs continue to cramp and pain or lack of energy keep him from having a life outside of this apartment. 

Sometimes I want to cry.  Especially when my friends tell me they're going on a trip, hiking up a mountain or for a long walk around the neighbourhood.  Or they're going for dinner, to a movie, or through one of our parks to watch the changing season.

Our season seems to be stuck.  It never goes anywhere except from one storm to another.  Sure, sometimes, the wind subsides and we can catch our breath but it's still the same season. 

Sometimes I wonder why we have this rotten thing called kidney disease in our lives and sometimes I have to remind myself not to let self-pity pull me into a hole.  "Focus," I tell myself.  "Focus on what is good."

I focus on the tree outside my window and remember the sixty-four acres of park we had our ceremony in, the flowers, the bridges, the day I made a strange sound and my partner rolled on the ground in laughter as a duck stretched out its neck to see what kind of animal I was.  I remember the disappointment I felt last year when he couldn't make it to the park, not even once, because he didn't have the energy.

But this spring is going to be different.  I'm going to bow my head in gratitude for the neighbours that want to give me a key to their car so that I can use it whenever they're not.  This year, I am going to take my partner to the park. 

I'm going to make the most awesome picnic, pack up his drum and my guitar.  I'm going to find a perfect blanket to place on the grass and load my camera with film. We're going to watch the turtles as they sun themselves at the edge of the ponds, talk to the herons, and say hello to the elders who walk past us on the path. The sun is going to shine, the variety of flowers are going to be the most incredible sight we've seen together in a long time and maybe, just maybe, the duck that somehow turned into a cartoon character those few years back will stretch out its neck and say, "Welcome to the park.  We've missed you."

[del]

No daffidols or tulips or any type of plants yet for a while. Still at least 4 feet of snow on the ground and another blizzard warning for tonight and tomorrow!!!  At least another 25 -30 cm of snow. That's about a foot.  High winds forecasted with that!!  Would love to see my flowers coming out in bloom right now.  Be at least another 2 months.  Was -28 celcius here this morning. About -12 now BRRRRR  With the wind chill it feels a lot colder.  Id like to turn into a bear and hibernate!!!     to the snow!!!!

[del]

The wife, take advantage of the car keys offer and you and your hubby go to the park and enjoy your selves as many times as you can!!!  It will really lif your spirits and hubby's too. We all have special things we love to do with our spouses!!! 

[MyssAnne]

Oh, TW. Sciatica is PAINFUL.  So whine. You have every right to!!

I agree, though sunshine will really help, I am so anxious for the first full week of good weather,
I know I will feel better!!!  Taking LL  to the park will help HIS spirits too. There's something about
being outside in good weather, no schedules, no pressures, it's so therapeutic!!!

I'm sitting here on my bed, with my baby mama cat, she's pregnant,  and so anxiious, and wants to be
where I am!!  I named her after Agatha Christie, and call her Aggie for short.

[The Wife]

No daffodils or tulips or any type of plants yet for a while. Still at least 4 feet of snow on the ground and another blizzard warning for tonight and tomorrow!!!  At least another 25 -30 cm of snow. That's about a foot.  High winds forecasted with that!!  Would love to see my flowers coming out in bloom right now.  Be at least another 2 months.  Was -28 celcius here this morning. About -12 now BRRRRR  With the wind chill it feels a lot colder.  Id like to turn into a bear and hibernate!!!     to the snow!!!!

Oh man, that hurts.  -28C?  Jeez.   Are you in the prairies?  I remember when I went to visit my sister and we sat in her hot tub.  I thought she was crazy for even asking but as it turned out, so was I.  It was February and -44C.  My eyelashes and eyebrows turned white and had ice hanging off of them, and when I stepped out of the hot tub, my feet stuck like your tongue sticks to a pole.  (Did that once too.) 

I don't think I've even seen snow this year.  Oh wait, one little dusting that lasted for an hour.  Still, it can get pretty cool with the wind whipping off the water.  But it ain't no -28C, that's for sure.  If it got that cold here, I'd be doing this  too, but with long johns that have a back flap.  Hey, you know, you could try to melt some of that snow by lifting the flap and aiming your  at the highest snowbank.        Sorry.  I couldn't help myself but I could certainly help melt some of that snow for you.   Okay, I'd better change things here or I'll never be allowed on IHD again.  Some might be offended by my unladylike behaviour. Don't know why.  Gas is a pretty natural thing.

Speaking of gas.  We don't really have extra money for such a thing but I'll pull from our food money and take the two of us to the park at least once.  I also don't want to take advantage of the extremely kind and generous offer but oh, just to do this once would be such a gift for the two of us. 



And MyssAnne - Let us know when you become a kitty gramma.    Give Aggie a nice pat from me. 

Hugs...



ps. I have now fallen in love with an icon.  He reminds me of daffodils and I can't help but make a chorus line. 

 


                                                             
                                                              Yehaa!

[kidney4traci]

TW you sound punchy - I do love to read your writings!  Wish I had words of wisdom, but pray the sun will come out tomorrow.  Be well!  (When you think of the music to go with that chorus line I wanna hear it!!!)

[del]

I'm not in the praires but I am in Canada.  Newfoundland - the most eastern province!!!  I really like that icon too  and I like your joke about gas. Wish that would work I'd be outside all day  - make sure I ate gassy food first - like beans!!!  Now I'm being unladylike!!  Who cares 
It is awful here today, high winds, snow, drifting.  lots of snow down already and still lots more to come.  I am sooo sick of it!!! 

[MyssAnne]

LOL!!! TW and Del, you ladies are FUNNY!!!!!  I know what you mean about winter and cold though. 

Spring IS coming though!!!  I'm hanging on to that thought!!!!

And I agree, I really enjoy reading your postings TW, you are so  perceptive, and so thoughtful. I always think, after I read your posts,
which is good for your brain cells, after all!!!

 

[The Wife]

Here's to all the ladies
we're gonna rip em down
we're gonna shake em at the moon
then shake em at the ground

Here's to all the ladies
when you're hurtin'
or you're blue
we're gonna shake shake shake em
and bring the sun to you

Here's to all the ladies
from the east coast to the west
to all the ladies in between
across the border too

here's to all the ladies
shakin' just for you

   

                                                         

[okarol]

Most of the time I just speak about Jenna, but your comments The Wife made me think about my hubby. He was injured in a skiing accident 10 years ago and hurt his back. After several surgeries the docs have done all they can, and he is still in terrible pain. Add to this that he has gotten migraines since he was a teenager, and that really knocks him out too. For the first 20 years we were together he played tennis, skiied, played beach volleyball and windsurfed. He had to give all that up. Often he doesn't go anywhere for days. He minimizes his activity so he doesn't have to take narcotics for the pain. I had a hard time accepting that this was the way it had to be. Then Jenna got sick and I put my energy into helping her. I know he suffers and I wish things could be different, but it's been a tough few years. We are lucky he worked hard before he had to quit, so we have been ok financially, but the stress of not being able to do things for our kids really gets him down sometimes. I try to be upbeat, life carries on and I don't want to spend my days feeling sad. However, sometimes it just kicks my ass and I feel lonely and scared with all the responsibility. But today the sun is shining and I feel good, Jenna is healthy, I have great friends, and the future looks good!

[The Wife]

I feel for your hubby Okarol.  And for you.  I had a spinal fusion in 1990 and have experienced pain pretty much every day since then.  As I get older, it gets worse but I carry on and do what I have to do.  Sometimes I wish I had a wife.  I don't like to take anything for the pain unless I'm at the point where I can no longer stand it.   I think I've just gotten used to it or found other ways to cope - like acting silly.

Joy has a way of making things easier.  When we can find laughter, it becomes a pleasure just to be alive.

 

[kitkatz]

I have had a few years here too with Victor and his injury, so I now how you all feel.  It is funny how we learned to lean on each other through the crisis life brings you. 

[annabanana]

kitkatz, you are so right about a crisis bringing people together, leaning on each other.
I've been thinking about the concept of "understanding" --- that it might be close to #1 when in crisis.

Before Karol told me about this website I was a mess. Lost, really. This site is many things, but mostly a beautiful group of people who UNDERSTAND,
which somehow makes all the difference in the world.

[The Wife]

One of the things I have learned through all the different challenges in my life is that we get what we need to help us through.  When I had my back surgery, I was a single mom. I had just become friends with my daughter's friend's mother.  She invited me to live with her during my surgery and recovery period.  I don't know how I would have managed otherwise. 

My life has had many twists, turns, and unexpected storms, and when I look back, I don't remember the pain.  Instead, I remember the kind and caring hearts that came into my life exactly when I needed them.

Sometimes, we think we are alone, but if just turn our head a little, we will see that someone who understands is right there beside us, holding out a hand.