Husband 45 with no dialysis for 6 days-says he's quitting

[jeannea]

I'm so sorry for your loss. This must be so hard. Do not blame yourself for anything. You loved him and took care of him. His body gave out. I'm sure he felt your love.

[malaka]

Being on the other side of this (the patient side, that is) all I can tell you (which won't be much comfort now, but I hope you'll understand my message later) is that you did a very brave and kind thing for him by letting him go and not keeping him alive another hour or day.

You miss him, but he is no longer suffering.  Your life and that of your familiy members can now go on.  His time was over, and he knew it.

Whatever comfort it may bring you, please understand that you made the hard choice and did the right thing.

[MaryJoe]

Lisa, I'm so sorry that you and the girls are in such pain.  I know there is no way to really be prepared to lose someone you love.  Even when the brain knows what is coming the heart still hopes and prays for more time.  John was a strong man and you have both fought a long, hard battle since July.  Maybe he was just ready to rest.  I think the 'what ifs' are a natural part of grieving but you should remember that you did everything John asked of you and more.  John knew he was loved and cherished, and that he would be missed.  please know that we are here for you when you need us. 

[smokinbeaver]

He didn't need another day, he went on just like he wanted to. He finally found the way to leave, and was ready to go to the next place. It had to be when he was ready. He hung on for so long. He was home, in his own house with you and the family there. What a blessing, a gift you all gave him! He will come and go in spirit with you, but you may not be aware that he is there, in and out. You and the family will go on, but you have got to know you did the best thing you could ever do for him letting him go slowly like this in his own time, in his own way. Its been months since you have told us all and we have been following your posts. Some are folks on dialysis, others are like me whose husbands just started dialysis last Spring. I want to be a stong lady like you when the time comes for my husband, because everyone on dialysis eventualy gets to the point when its time to quit and say enough and family members have to accept it. Your story through all this has been an inspiration and I have been praying for you and the family all along. Bless you sweet lady as you go through the pain of funeral, and all that comes after our loved ones die. You will go on and think of him and in time will feel blessed hes been in your life and you were there when he passed. Its the best gift you could have given him.  Sorry he has died and left such a void, but glad he has moved on to the next place we all go. Theres no way to know if he has "gone to Heaven", but its comforting to think he could be there with those he loved who has already gone, and waiting for you to come in your time. Death is not the end, just the beginning in another place.

Sharon

[Desert Dancer]

johnswife, I'm so sorry for your loss. 

Please don't blame yourself. John did exactly what John wanted to do, and allowing his suffering to come to an end was the most loving and unselfish thing you could have done. I so admire your strength and devotion, and I don't know if I could have done what you did for him yesterday.

[Fatkidney]

May John rest in peace. 
You and your family will remain in my prayers. 
To me it sounds like there were some lovely moments in his last days.

[billybags]

I am so sorry for your loss. Words can not say how I feel for you and your family, You have all been so very brave. I have admired your strength and love through the last few months. You and your family will be in my prayers. it is time to take care of your self now.

[big777bill]

 I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Don't second guess your decisions. John did what he wanted to and you loved him enough to let him do it. God Bless You! The grieving process is different for each of us and you will go through yours. Jesus knows your pain and will get you through it. He never leaves us or forsakes us. You are a strong woman who has gone through an awful lot. You and your family are in many peoples prayers right now, including mine.

[Grumpy-1]

I echo smokinbeaver words.  We all have things we have to deal with not only dialysis (patient or care giver)  I commend you on supporting your hubby during his trials and pains.  As smokinbeaver said he will be with you and your family when you need support some love some caring, you will feel him there with you. Just stop and let his love come to you.   We here all send you our love and support. Please keep coming back and let us know how things are going with you.  Love Grumpy

[frankswife]

 

[Brightsky69]

Unable are the loved to die. For love is immortality.     ~Emily Dickinson 

 

[boswife]

Idont have my own words at this time but would like to borrow some from  bill777bill if i may.  God will get you through this and i offer prayers.  I will tell you too that your thoughts and feelings and fears are all carried in my heart.  I wish you the healing you need and strength to get through this all.  You were a pillar through it all, and now you need some help for you.  Bless your heart, and God bless you for what you did for hub.   

[The Lady]

I am so sorry the news was so sad.

You did everything you could to support your husband but take no blame for any of this. You did not want him to choose death...that was his decision and you honored it and him every step of the way. That is the epitome of a good spouse. If you had awoken him from his gentle slumber which eased him into death...what would that have accomplished? More suffering and more pain and he wouldn't even have thanked you for it as he wanted to pass on.

Much of him will live on in your children and grandchildren...cherish them and your memories and he will never be far from you.

[kitkatz]

 
All can give you besides my tears.

[okarol]

  He must have known how hard it would be to leave, because he lasted 4 months longer than anyone expected. That is amazing to me. You honored his wishes and I truly believe you'll have more days in heaven. Sending lots of love and hugs. 

[Jean]

Even tho we all knew his time was growing short, it is still a shock to know he is gone. I am sorry for your loss. I know how you feel, I was a widow too and you think you did things wrong. You did not, and have no regrets for being human either. I had some regrets because at times I felt he was a burden to me, and I am sure you did too. That is only natural and normal, you cant change it, dont worry about it. Down deep you know how much he appreciated you and you know he knew how much you loved him. God bless you and your family, you have a few tough days ahead of you.

[Darthvadar]

Thinking of you...

May John Rest In Peace...

May God bless and protect you and your family as you grieve!...

Darth...

[natnnnat]

I have been thinking of you both a lot lately and its sad to hear this news but he isn't suffering any more now.     You did everything that needed to be done, hope the funeral was okay.  Get some rest now, you need it. 

[cariad]

So sorry.  I wish peace for you and yours and I hope that the two new little souls that have just entered your lives ease the sorrow a bit.

[johnswife]

Thank you all for your kind words and support. It does help and I greatly appreciate it. Its the 7th at 5:53 am and I have to go for his funeral at 10:00. Me and the children and some other family went yesterday and dug his grave by hand. He would have wanted it that way. It was a good day at the cemetery. We all shared great stories of the strongest man I ever knew. Our 2 little girls just jumped right in and wanted to help the whole time. Our oldest daughter is having such a hard time having her new baby and her daddy dying on the same day. She didnt get to say her goodbyes and I am very worried about her for today. Ive been up pretty much since 5:30 when he passed on the 5th. I just cannot sleep or eat. If I close my eyes there are just so many images racing and such pain. I know I have to be strong for these kids and in my heart I know john will help me. But he was our rock and our anchor. How do you live without your best friend you have had for 25 years. I hope he knew how much I really loved him. He was one of the most honest and greatest men I have ever known and ever will know.

It was an honor to be his wife. John I love you soooo much and always will. No matter what I hope you knw that and I would give anything I had just to hear you say LIIIIISA--He would say it in such a way to aggrevate me and laugh. Well gotta get these girls up and head out. Its a 2 hour drive and no sleep for over 30 hours so gotta geta few things done.

thanks and god bless johnswife

[willowtreewren]

 

I can only echo the words of wisdom from others here. You will always miss him, but it is important for you realize that John made this important choice about how he wanted to live his last months. You supported and honored that choice. He left this life the way he wanted to and you were there with him right to the end. I can think of no better way for you to have shown your love for him.

 

He will live on in your sweet memories.

Aleta

[lola]

I am so sorry, please remember to take care of YOU!!!! We are here for you

[Rain]

So sorry for your loss.  I lost my mother in october.  Her body gave out after years of dialysis and complications with diabetes. 
It does get easier but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her.  Last night I attended the christmas lights ceremony in town and they kept bringing up spending the holiday with your loved ones.  Every time they mentioned it, it pulled on my heart strings and i had to hold back tears. Don't be afraid to show emotion at the funeral, you have family there to care for you.

[cdwbrooklyn]

Johnwife,

My condolences!  May God see you and your family through this difficult time. 

Please do not be hard on yourself.  You were just honoring his wishes.  I personally was praying that he would change his mind.  I’m so sorry it did not go that way as I feel so sad and have got emotionally involved.    As there were some days I’ve got so mad at John (although I didn’t exist to him) and wanted to get your address and go talk to him and kind of make him go back on D.  However, I do understand because D can be hard on a person, physically, mentally and emotionally. 

Nevertheless, at least he is not in anymore pain and he is no longer suffering.  I’m glad he prayed with the priest and hope that he repented so he will be saved.  Only God knows.  Anyhoo, Johnwife, take it one day at a time as you move forward in life.  John will be truly missed talking about.     

[brenda seal]

I wish I had the words to ease your pain. All I can say is take comfort in knowing you respected his wishes and I know what courage that took and what sacrifices you made . I pray the funeral was a beautiful service so you can remember that  and not focus on the horrors of the last few months . Remember his spirit and sense of humour and all the other qualities that you loved in him and encourage your children to do the same . Of course you will miss him but now he is not suffering . I am so sorry for your great loss .
Brenda