depression and drinking

[annabanana]

Thank you all for the info about fluid restrictions. I figured that he drank way too much on the weekends for dialysis. And now he's drinking rum, too. I saw it in his kitchen this morning. It scared the hell out of me. But I haven't called him about it. Don't know what to say. Richard is right in that this recent problem has driven him further into his escape.

Last Thursday I went to see him after work. He was having a hard time talking, his face was red, his eyes were puffy. I took his blood pressure and it was really high. I convinced him to let me call his neph, who told R to double up on his bp meds. It took many hours for his bp to come down, then it got a bit too low...so I played doctor...dangerous, I know...and told R to take just 1 in the morning and 2 at night. It leveled off after that. And the neph told me I had made a good decision, thank God!!!

Now R can't remember what to take so he calls me every afternoon to ask...and he's frustrated because he never can remember and he gets confused. This really worries me. I know sometimes the toxins go to the brain.

Yes, Richard, HIS choice. I will not forget that. I have healthy things going on in my life. It's almost like leading a double-life. Feels weird sometimes when people ask me how it's going. I say very bad and very good. A rollercoaster. But, again, I would not have it any other way. I can't imagine NOT taking care of him.

Love to you all.

[pelagia]

Maybe the double-life is just fine Anna. 

If it gives you a chance for a more normal existence that is a good thing in my mind.  You need to stay sane. 
It already sounds like it might make it easier for you to help Randy without having it completely drain you.

XO, Linda

[monrein]

I admire you so much Anna.  I really mean this because I know that my anger about the alcohol (a legacy from my alcoholic Dad) would dominate my deep desire to keep on caring.  You sound so clear about the double life aspect of it and the need to not neglect yourself in the equation.

[RichardMEL]

Anna,

Re Randy forgetting when to take his meds... does he have one of those pill organiser things that have like little compartments for all the days and morning, and night etc so you fill it up once a week or whatever and then you know what you have to take when? Maybe something like that might be an idea.. or even something as simple as a list stuck to the fridge door or something with MORNING, AFTERNOON, NIGHT etc... might be an idea.. of course he has to go look there.. but if he's calling you to remind him it's clearly on his mind anyway (or it is an excuse to talk to you? or both)?

Hang in there.....

[annabanana]

Hi everyone. I am on my friend's computer for the day for the first time in a while. I've had a good job in Nashville....been very busy and I'm glad of it.

Randy's still drinking about the same. The other day he asked me how long I thought he had to live. I told him I don't know. It was very sad. His creatinine jumped from 2.6 to 4. They put him on more medication for phosphorus, of course, because of the content in beer. He says all the meds make him sick...but I know it's all the beer. He knows, too, I think. But won't give it up. He's cancelled all his doctors appts. except for his neph who prescribes his meds. He's going to go to part time work soon..which I know is the beginning of the end for him because he just drinks when he doesn't work. So things will go from bad to worse when that happens.

He and I talk every day and see each other now and then. He says he made a mistake when he told me to leave...but I won't go back now. I think about my son a lot and the stress involved with Randy's drinking and health issues. And I know for certain that if I went back, things would go bad again pretty quickly.  We are in the process of redefining our love for one another. It's very difficult but it has to be done. Sometimes I still feel the deep "in love" feelings for him and I want to go back so badly...but know I can't because I know it will never work out. It's still heartbreaking.

So glad you all are still here.
Anna

[willieandwinnie]

Anna  We have been thinking of you. You are one strong woman is my opinion. Please keep updating us, we really do care and wish nothing but the best for you. 

[monrein]

Anna, I'm glad you know we're here and think about you all the time.  If ever you feel alone I hope you draw on that.  You're wise to keep your protective boundaries in place and keep things secure feeling for your son.
 

[lola]

 

[xtrememoosetrax]

Thanks for checking in, Anna.  Wow, you have been (and continue to be) so strong and intelligent and insightful through all of this.  I know it's hard, but I know that you can keep on doing what you need to do for you and your son.  Take care, and please keep us posted.

[RichardMEL]

I agree. Anna you are so strong getting through all of this which must be so incredibly difficult....

 

[paris]

Anna,  The easiest thing is to go back.  But, you are making the best choice, even if it is the hardest.  You are taking care of yourself and your son.  I am glad your job is going well. You are an incredible woman and we are all proud to know you.  You are doing great!!  We are here whenever you need us.  Love and good wishes 

[Deanne]

I haven't been posting on this thread because I don't have any experience to draw from, but I had to check in to say, Anna, you are an inspiration for me. I admire your strength, patience, loyalty, and ability to accept Randy's decisions, while still maintaing your sanity and your own sense of self. 

[rose1999]

  sending bigs hugs and love at this really tough time. Stay strong, we love you 

[annabanana]

Thank you all very much for the support and love. 

[kimcanada]

Anna I am thinking of you 

[annabanana]

I thought I would post here again because my question has to do with a new medical condition for Randy.
He's been in the hospital again with problems with congestive heart failure.

He has his fistula surgery scheduled for Monday...but his creatinine went so high last week that he has to have a cath on Monday, too, and start dialysis in the hospital right after the surgery. They want to keep him for a few days to make sure his heart is stable.

I'm scared about the surgery and his heart. He's been trying to cut back on the beer but drinks a bit more than he should. He's restricted to 8 cups of fluid/day now. 

Is this a dangerous surgery for him? 

[Sunny]

Anna,
I'm just glad he has made the decision to have the surgery and start dialysis. That alone is good news and worth the risk. I hope he does well during surgery and will be thinking of you.
So much to worry about and this time of year, it's another added stress.

[annabanana]

Thanks, Sunny. I'm glad he made the decision, too. It was a hard one for him. This morning he wanted to leave before surgery and go to Florida.

I'm going to start a new thread about Randy in the dialysis section.