depression and drinking

[flip]

Sounds like you're really doing good, Anna. I'll PM you later with an update on the deal we talked about.

[annabanana]

I logged on at a friend's house to check on Twirl and the others in Ike's path. Been worried.

Thanks Flip!

Things are still the same with Randy. I often think I need more closure, though. It's an odd situation. /still feel like a caregiver in some respects.

Must go but thanks for being here with me always. I'll check in as soon as I can.

Praying for our Gulf friends. I know about this type of thing. My grandmother's home, my roots, got blown away in 1969 by Hurricane Cammille in Gulfport, Miss.  Devastating.

 

[lola]

Anna just wanted to send you a  I'm so glad your still able to have a good outlook on things hang in there girlfriend

[RichardMEL]

Sending you hugs Anna... you know you're in our thoughts....

 

[okarol]

  Banana dancing for you Anna. 

[annabanana]

Today is Randy's and my anniversary. It's sad. But things have changed a little. A few days ago he called me and talked for a while about how he's feeling. He said he hurts all the time, mostly muscular. He kept his appt. with his urologist. The dr. asked where I was and Randy said I was working...didn't tell the dr. about us. He also said he was getting blood work done on Tues. This is the first time in almost 2 months. I offered to go with him but he said he didn't need me to go.

I would like to be able to have a decent relationship with him. Maybe continue to be sort of a supporter/caregiver in ways. Like I could check in every other day, or whatever would work for Randy. Maybe he'll go for that idea. I'm thinking that's what's been happening anyway in a weird way. With all the negativity of separating involved, it's hard to tell.

I don't want to get my hopes up...but I know it's the right thing for both me and Randy. It just feels right. So maybe if I handle it well, he will be okay with it. It sure feels better to me to be able to do something for him, even if it's just listening and caring.

Thanks everyone, for hugs and good thoughts. 

[paris]

Anna, we are here supporting you in any decision you make.    My daughter has  hard time every year on the wedding anniversary.  Not that she would change things, but it is sad to remember when things were good and you were happy together.  You're always in my prayers, especially today.   Sending lots of hugs        

[RichardMEL]

I can imagine it would be so difficult on an anniversary (or around a birthday) - much more so than regular days to handle things. At least Randy has reached out to you in a way, so perhaps time and distance is working for you both to find a common ground that you are both comfortable with in terms of giving and accepting - I imagine that's the hardest thing in ANY seperation - and made so much harder in a situation like this. The fact that he's sharing with you is good.. perhaps not so good that he lied to the doctor about his seperation - but some people like to keep things like that private. In a way it would probably be good for the doctors to know you're not with him anymore in terms of his support structures at home.. but if that's his decision not to share that with his doctors I guess one has to respect that.

[G-Ma]

RM is right and it sounds to me like you two have started a dialog of sorts and communication is so very important in any relationship, whether together, seperated or long distance and others.  Just do what feels good "for" you and the rest will come.
Ann

[annabanana]

A lot has happened. Randy called me at 5:30 a.m. yesterday telling me he was in the hospital. He had driven himself to the ER at 10 pm the night before. He said he had pneumonia. Also an abnormal EKG. I went staight there and stayed with him all day. After all the meds they gave him and all the testing, the doctor said it wasn't pneumonia, that it was fluid build-up in his lungs and heart, that he had congestive heart failure. That's the reason he had pressure in his chest and could not breath.

The doctor told him he needed to stay another day and get an echo, and other heart testing, but he refused. No one could make him stay. He promised the doctor he would schedule one through his neph. He has an appt with his neph today and I'm going with him.

The hospital doctor told him he really needed to keep his promise, and she said, "You don't want to go on dialysis right now, do you?"

He was prescribed more BP meds and a diuretic...but I don't think the diuretic can handle all the beer he drinks. All his numbers were bad, but not super bad. I'm just scared that he'll keep drinking a lot and that it won't be long before the next episode like this.

On the other hand, I am so grateful that he wanted me there. He was scared. I was scared, too, but I wouldn't have it any other way. At least I don't feel helpless. 

[annabanana]

Just talked to Randy's neph's nurse. She reacted very strongly to the news about R. being in the hospital. Now I'm really scared. I'm afraid that dialysis won't work for him because of all the alcohol. I go from thinking I'm over-reacting and that he'll be fine...when I know he won't be. It's very hard to think he'll die. But I also know it's his choice. I knew this all along.

Thanks for letting me rant. I don't know what I'd do without all of you. 

[okarol]

I know this must very hard for you. 

[Sunny]

Anna,
This is a very frightening turn of events. I hope your husband will follow up with the doctor regarding his health as the emergency room doctor asked. I also hope maybe this will be your husband's "wake-up" call regarding his drinking and his health.  Stay strong. But remember he makes his own choices and you can't control what he chooses. This must be very hard for you.

[lola]

Anna I'm sending you so many  Hang in there

[monrein]

Anna, it's what you've been worrying about all along coming into focus.  I send you big hugs and all my extra strength.

[flip]

Anna,

I think Randy probably needs to start dialysis if he can't give up the beer. It's not necessarily the alcohol but the volume of fluids that he is taking in. Give him your support because you still love him and he needs to realize the seriousness of what is happening.

[paris]

Anna,   I don't have the right words right now.    I just wish I was closer and could help.  We are all surrounding you with love, support and prayers.  Stay strong 

[pelagia]

Anna,  It's sad to hear this news.  Being there for Randy as he goes through this is an incredible gift.  You are a strong and loving woman.   

[twirl]

anna ,   thinking of you

[annabanana]

Thank you all. 

Just now got to a computer. The appt. with R's neph was intense. He told R he had to quit drinking. He said R would need to start dialysis in 2 to 6 months...and wouldn't make it if he continued drinking. He offered to help R find a place that would help him quit and R refused. He scheduled an echo on Oct 1st to find out the damage to R's heart.

After the appt. R said he didn't think the hepC meds would work. I told him that it's not too late to find out. He could quit and go on the meds. If it didn't work, he could go back to drinking if he wanted.

That night he called me and said he was thinking about quitting. I told him I'd help in any way I can. Then last night he called and asked me how the blood pressure cuff works. Then he asked if Adam and I would like to come over and visit today. I know he's extremely scared now.

Sunny, I think this might be his wake-up call. Maybe. I'm not getting my hopes up. But I will be there for him no matter what.  It's very very difficult for me but the alternative is worse. Sometimes I fall apart. Sometimes I'm so angry. But mostly it's sad fear. He feels this, too.

Flip, can he drink a lot of beer after he goes on dialysis? It's my impression that there are fluid restrictions for people on dialysis. When I say a lot I'm talking about more than 6 every evening and more than 20 (each day) on the weekends.

[devon]

Oh anna!  What a struggle you've been through!

The fluid restrictions that I have are so that the constant dehydration can be controlled.  For example,  I weigh in and the go through dialysis.  At the end I weight out.  The difference between the two weights equals the amount of fluid they removed so that I can maintain a "dry weight".  Since the kidneys aren't functioning properly, they can't produce the amount of urine the should.  Instead your body packs all the water into cells and dialysis removes the fluid build up.

So, long story short,  drinking large amounts of beer is incompatible with the purpose of dialysis.  It only makes more work for the overworked kidneys, if there's any function at all, and it makes the removal of excess fluid that much more time consuming. It's NOT GOOD! LOL.

I pray for your continued strength during this time!  As the spouse of an alcoholic for 22 years, I know its a struggle.  Alcoholism is a slow, suicidal death.

[aharris2]

AB,

  
I don't often post on threads like this because (like someone else said somewhere else) I don't have the words... but, I am certainly wishing the best for you. An alcoholic loved one is tremendously painful to deal with.

In response to your question regarding fluid:

Weekdays - Yes, 12 - 12 oz beers can be removed in a 3 hr dialysis session (a difficult session). This is much easier if the person is still peeing - less fluid needs to be removed by dialysis.
[The math: 6 - 12 oz (355 ml) beers per evening x 2 evenings = 4.26 liters.  4.26 liters /3 hrs = 1.42 liters/hr (doable, not comfortable)]

The weekend consumption is way beyond the limits of dialysis.

Toxins are also an issue in alcoholic beverages. Rolando has been advised by his neph that wine is the best choice for dialysis patients who drink because it has the least toxins. Someone else may have more specific info in this regard.

[RichardMEL]

Anna,

This is a very scary time for you I know.. and for Randy.. but this is exactly the path Randy has taken with his drinking... this would have been the sort of things he would have been warned about time and time again and AGAIN he is making a CHOICE to keep drinking (even though he says he is "thinking" of quitting.. it's easier said than done for an alcoholic - as we know).

Re the drinking of beer - as others have said it's definitely more the fluid than the alcohol - though I believe beer can be high in one of the P's... phosphate perhaps? Which wouldn't be so good.. Specially with the numbers you are talking. Dialysis would never remove that much fluid.

I do know some people (oddly enough, all female) who have NO fluid restrictions. One friend of mine drinks reasonable amounts when she goes  out on a Saturday night and seems to have no real problem.

I'm not surprised Randy was overloaded with fluid and it affected his lungs and heart.. this is the sort of thing we are warned about with dialysis and not following fluid restrictions - and he's not even on dialysis yet - his urine output must be down to not clear all the excess fluid.

My concern is that this will drive him DEEPER to the drink as a form of escape.. and just increase a cycle that can only lead to one place. I hope it is not so. I pray this is the sort of wake up call he needs...

and I hope you will be able to cope OK through this testing and very scary times...

 

[pelagia]

just checking in with a 

[lola]