I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: General Discussion => Topic started by: Claudia30 on April 16, 2008, 07:08:35 PM
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I haven't been in a relationship in four years! I really want to be with a guy but have no clue as to how to do it. I mean, when do you tell about your dialysis. How do you make yourself feel sexy with the catheter coming out of your belly and the scars from old operations. Etc? How do you go about starting a relationship? I have to be honest and say that i do not want to have sex or at least have it very few times. Please tell me that there are others who feel this way! My doctors and nurses say that that is normal and that it has to do with meds and stuff - but how do i get a guy interested in me when i don't want (as guys put it) put out? Half the time i feel fat, unattractive and definately not sexy (though i have my moments lol).. Help! Does anyoen else feel this way or did at one point. i have trouble with relationships in general as i am an only child and had a single parent so i grew up around adults and not many kids so i know i have my issues goign into a relationship in general, but how do i deal with the dialyisis issues and telling someone i'm on the list and not feeling sexy? i know that if someone really loves me or likes me they will understand but you knwo human nature. I had a bf onece who told me that my needing a transplant was too much for him - dumped his ass! But what do i do? Any help?
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Hey Claudia, I feel the same way as you do sometimes! I am doing Hemo-Dialysis and have a fistula. I started out with the catheter in my chest. I havent had a bf so to speak since starting dialysis, but I am now getting to the point where I'm like if someone is going to judge me because of something I do to stay ALIVE, then obviously he's not the right guy for me!
I am just 22 years old. I have met some really nice guys who just take me as I am, but I sometimes automatically assume that they wont like me and I do the pushing away thing! I am in this sort of love hate relationship with myself I guess. I go out on casual dates but most of the time it just stops at being good friends which is good too, but I really would love to have someone in my life who I can love and share things with, good and bad. I am sure things will get better for you and all of us with our self-consciousness! I believe that love comes when you least expect it so just focus on you and making yourself happy and b4 u know it, some guy will come along and it will be great! :grouphug;
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Well said Karen. Often, the best relationships grow out of good friendships, so if you can have good friendships, both male and female, you'll have a social life at least and maybe a relationship will develop. Either way, you win once or you win twice. Not bad odds.
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This question and more has been discussed at Renalromance.com- a sister site to this one. Come one over and check it out. www.renalromance.com
kitkatz-moderator
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I know I'm not female but thought I'd put my 2 cents in on this topic. I've had 1 gf during dialysis (though we split up.. but nothing to do with dialysis and it's effects.. though I don't think so anyway!). Sometimes even *I* don't feel like sex and would just like a cuddle (yes, it is possible! LOL).
I think apart from friendships that can develop into something else I'd suggest just be yourself. Hopefully any males will like you for YOU and not care about the scares, catheter, fistulas or whatever. I guess it's been a TAD easier for me because I have a fistula rather than an icky catheter, but the fistula "thrill" still freaks girls out sometimes.. specially if I cuddle them and they're noe expecting it against their skin!! :)
I recently started emailing with someone who I may be interested in ;) and I've been totally upfront with her about my situation. If she doesn't want to deal.. fine... but she seems happy enough to keep writing to me so that's good. That may go nowhere but hopefully at the very least a good friend(we get on well!)
I guess the other thing is we have so much to deal with in our lives with the whole kidney failure/dialysis thing sometimes relationships take a back seat. Sometimes I feel like I just can't deal with all that stuff... I know that sounds mean and intolerant.. but know what I mean? You have enough pressure on you dealing with the medical stuff sometimes having energy left for someone ELSE and their problems and issues and needs.. it isn't always there. Sometimes I've thought it would be better NOT to look for romance because sometimes I feel quite selfish and insular (which wouldn't be fair to a prospective partner).. but right now I'm feeling kind of positive... so we'll see.
In summary.. be honest.. be yourself... maybe not expect anything but who knows... you may have that guy friend that you see who may just have his eye on you and not worry so much about the dialysis stuff.
*hugs*
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In addition to all the complex social problems associated with being a renal patient, there is also the technical problem that 60% of males on dialysis become impotent due to vascular and neurological damage. For both males and females, there is also a dramatic reduction in sex hormone production due to the damage accumulated renal toxins cause to the pituitary gland, which then fails to send signals to the testes and ovaries to keep them producing testosterone and estrogen, respectively.
Normal male hormone levels measured according to the 'system internationale' scale range from 10 to 34, with 34 typical of 17 year old males, and 10 more likely to be found in 80 year old males. But sexual desire in males is not linearly related to male hormone levels, so anyone with a hormone level less than around 24 tends to have little or no sex drive at all. When my levels were measured just before my transplant, my circulating male hormone value was only 2 -- one fifth that of an 80 year old! The only thing that I thought about sex in those days was that 'sex' is the Latin word for the number six, as I remembered from high school Latin class. Fortunately renal transplantation restores hormone levels in two thirds of patients.
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Claudia,
Recently I have had some of the same feelings/thoughts as you. My DH has left after almost 25 years, and I sit here and wonder if anyone else will ever 'want' me. Now I have kidneys and age against me. But my faith is strong, so I remind myself that God is in control of even this turn in my life. I may not (translate that to 'ain't') be happy with it, but it is where I am today. I may not have answers for you, but I can empathize all day long ;D!
NolaGail
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Interesting topic and, Stauffenberg, GREAT information! At least now I understand my almost disinterest in anything sexual aside from the human contact and desire to simply, BE with another person! The sexual part may not be there but the emotional part is certainly present!
I am fortunate because I have a very good friend, in fact, a few very good female friends, in whom I find comfort. The relationships are very platonic but satisfying nonetheless. We talk several times a week and sometimes do lunch together.
Sure, I'd like the sexual thing but like I said, I just don't have it in me anymore. Now, at least I understand better why!
-Devon
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My husband is 72 and last year he had acute renal failure, he had one kidney, his prostrate and Bladder all removed in July 2007. Although we are well old we did still enjoy sex. But now there is nothing, this is a subject that no one ever wants to talk about so just cannot imagine how you youngtesters get on with it, I suppose if your boy friend had kidney problems you would get on great together!!!!!
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Thank you to everyone to replied - I now feel better knowing that i am not the only one in my shoes out there regarding this issue. It is hard to have a relationship and everything that comes with it as well as deal with the medical issues. It is hard to start and have a relationship. I am thinking of going on Match.com or another dating webiste and post something there. I want a relationship - but not desparate enough to jump into any relationship. I like having my freedom. I pray every nite that someone will come along but I'm also confident in myself and been going through this all alone to be ok as well. I have my dogs and cats whom i LOVE dearly. I figure that the right guy who comes along will love me for me and everything i have to offer and not care about the scars, fistula (though i like making poeple jump when they feel the thrill - lol), and 2 feet of cathater that hangs out of my belly and the dialysis i have to do 4 times a day. I am a special human being who deserves the best! As we all do! THanks again. :grouphug;
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Thank you to everyone to replied - I now feel better knowing that i am not the only one in my shoes out there regarding this issue. It is hard to have a relationship and everything that comes with it as well as deal with the medical issues. It is hard to start and have a relationship. I am thinking of going on Match.com or another dating webiste and post something there. I want a relationship - but not desparate enough to jump into any relationship. I like having my freedom. I pray every nite that someone will come along but I'm also confident in myself and been going through this all alone to be ok as well. I have my dogs and cats whom i LOVE dearly. I figure that the right guy who comes along will love me for me and everything i have to offer and not care about the scars, fistula (though i like making poeple jump when they feel the thrill - lol), and 2 feet of cathater that hangs out of my belly and the dialysis i have to do 4 times a day. I am a special human being who deserves the best! As we all do! THanks again. :grouphug;
Try www.renalromance.com ;)
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Personally I have to be totally honest with everyone here and say I've completely given up on dating and relationships. I can't take the disgusted looks of women when they see my arm or the scars on my belly. Who needs that? I've taken all the frustration and disappointment and pushed my energies toward working on my career. Along with my family, it's the only thing that I've been able to depend on my entire life.
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I'm like you, Claudia. I have my dog and cats but they aren't good caregivers. I can think of a few options:
1) Find a nurse or medical professional. That way home hemo is a given.
2) Find another dialysis patient and be each other's caregivers.
3) Find someone who would make a good donor.
I would love to do home hemo but they won't let you do it by yourself.
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Personally I have to be totally honest with everyone here and say I've completely given up on dating and relationships. I can't take the disgusted looks of women when they see my arm or the scars on my belly. Who needs that? I've taken all the frustration and disappointment and pushed my energies toward working on my career. Along with my family, it's the only thing that I've been able to depend on my entire life.
What the hell is wrong with those women? You are cute and seem to have a humorous personality. How do they look naked, any cellulite, big veins, or bumpy bottoms, or sagging boobs?
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See i don't have any family - well none that want to talk to me and vise versa. I KNOW that i will one day find someone, but that my life has to be in some order to do so. To be honest, i can't have a real relationship now because i do need to concentrate on myself and getting myself to a good place - even if that means getting to a good place without a new kidney. It is just frustrating to meet new people and have to divide your attention and energies on both the relationship and your medical situation. I need to one day have a relationship because i don't have family (hoping to get into a big one) and i don't have a career to speak of at this moment though i am back at school trying a new careerer. Just hard trying to have to explain the scars on my arm and eventually on my belly. I am very open with my kidney disease and everyone i talk to knows about it. I am not afraid that i won't meet someone someday it is just hard trying to get your life back on track, career and medical and such AND deal with relationships. I want to settle down and get married soon, i don't have time to fool around with guys and sit around for several years waiting for it to happen. Besides it won't happen on its own...i need to be active in my searching. I truely believe that there is someone out there for everyone. :cuddle;
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Hey, celibacy isn't so bad.
Oh, wait! It sucks ASS. :sir ken;
Ah, well, this kidney disease thing came along at the wrong time. It was a major contributing factor to ending my fragile marriage. And now with all the scars and a fistula that is humongous, *I* don't want to have sex with me, let alone sharing all this disgustedness with someone else. And hey, I'm usually in the body acceptance camp-- but sheesh, putting catheters in and out of my chest twice, moving around an abdominal catheter a couple of times, poking holes for numerous biopsys and putting a kideny in, and then taking it out have not made me a contender for America's Next Top Model! And now I'm OLD to boot! *grumble grumble*
Luckily, I used to sell unmentionables and have quite a collection to keep me occupied, hehehe.
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Stacy Without An "E" I'd like you to meet Claudia30. :shy;
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Can you please explain to me how celibacy sucks ass? :rofl; I thought it was another thing that sucked ass. :rofl;
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If I had to choose between dialysis and celibacy, I would choose dialysis in a heartbeat.
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If I had to choose between dialysis and celibacy, I would choose dialysis in a heartbeat.
:rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
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My advice is to just be yourself! I usually am very upfront about my dialysis. This will help weed out those that are not strong enough to handle it. When you find someone that is really interested in you, you'll find that they don't care about tubes sticking out of your belly. I started dating my current boyfriend right when I started dialysis (a second time, after a rejected transplant). He says he thought my scars were "cute." There is someone out there that will think of all you've been through as a positive thing, that it makes you a better person.
As far as sex goes, I understand not wanting it very often. It is sometimes hard for me to feel sexy with my catheter, even though my boyfriend swears that it is cute too. So long as I'm feeling good, sex can be a good thing. When in a relationship just take things one step at a time and be honest with the person about how you are feeling.
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Stacy Without An "E" I'd like you to meet Claudia30. :shy;
Who is Stacy Without An "E"?
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my sex drive packed its bags and left after i started pd. i cant really explain it its just totally absent. I'm really sad that its hard for my fiancee cause i love her and shes really good to me. there isnt much i can do tho. im hoping the endocrinologist can play with my hormones and get me back on track. i hate feeling like a freak
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Half the time i feel fat, unattractive and definately not sexy (though i have my moments lol)..
Hmmm that comment could be any female that doesnt feel up to standards at any given time.
I read thru these posts about the scars and such. Honestly...I see them on Keith but I don't see them. I mean I know they are there, but its part of him the whole package. Doesnt bother me one bit.
As far as the thrill, he showed it to me, let me feel it and hear it. I guess it's the way he lead me slowly into knowing him (and sometimes not slow at all forgetting little things). But.. it's him I fell in love with, his personality, his mind, his sense of humor, his opening up to me.
And the sexual side, any male near my age is more than likely on heart medication anyway and would have similar problems. But there is sooo much more to sexual intimacy. It's the before and after the act that brings that level of awareness and closeness. And our imagination works really really well for alternate options. So many ways to enjoy each other you know.
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My opinion as a healthy male is that being on dialysis shouldn't matter. The person that will be right for you will be understanding and still love you for who you are and how you make them feel. If you have to worry about how a member of the opposite sex will react or possibly not want to be with you because of being on dialysis and all of the other baggage that comes along with it is probably not the right person in my opinion. They should be able to see that this is one of the things about you that makes you unique and you who you are. They should be able to see it as a good quality since it should make you a stronger person than most.
Even though Sarah wasn't on dialysis when I met her she made me aware of her health problems and how severe they were and what the future would hold and it didn't deter or turn me off one bit. I saw a smart, strong-willed, intelligent, beautiful, determined, and amazing woman. And since she has been on dialysis the only thing that has change is that I love her more than before by seeing her inner strength and determination to not let something like this control her life and give up the fight.
My best advice from my experience is to not go out there searching for that one person. Go out there to make friends and romance will happen on its own and when it does it will probably be the right one
Don't give up and don't sell yourself short you will find romance and happiness.
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Love your reply Uniballer... perfect.
I'm glad Sarah has someone as positive as you.
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www.renalromance.com will be shut down for inactivity.
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Good move, Sluff although I don't understand the lack of inactivity. I guess most people don't have time for romance.
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Can you please explain to me how celibacy sucks ass? :rofl; I thought it was another thing that sucked ass. :rofl;
:shy;
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www.renalromance.com will be shut down for inactivity.
Sigh, this makes me sad, not because of the romance factor but because that site was a reminder of my times on the phone with Susie. Susie was in love with being in love, and she wanted everyone to be as happy as she was in the romance department. She strong armed me into posting there, and well, I really miss her. Closing the site is a wise thing to do, after all with no traffic, it is expensive to host. But it will be missed.
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Sluff and Kitkatz on renal romance
I thought you had to be single to go on renal romance ???
we do have single members
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Sluff and Kitkatz on renal romance
I thought you had to be single to go on renal romance ???
we do have single members
You mean there's no romance in marriage?
Goofynina was a romantic and loved her man Sam.
I am sorry to see RR go too, but I guess it's time.
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Stacy Without An "E" I'd like you to meet Claudia30. :shy;
Who is Stacy Without An "E"?
A gentleman who posts on IHD. He posted on Page 1 on this topic. :) I thought maybe he could help you with your fears and concerns with dating.
How are you doing, anyway? I hope you don't let dialysis and/or this disease hold you back from love! I have a good friend who was injured in a a freak accident during her first year of college. Due to this accident she is now a paraplegic with other physical problems as well. For years she was concerned with finding a true forever love. She dated, but I think it was just guys that were interested in being with someone in her situation. But about two years ago she found a wonderful man via internet dating, they married and he is the best thing for her! They are total opposites, but it's amazing to see them together and in love!
You'll meet someone who will not be concerned with your illness or dialysis and will love you just for you! :grouphug;
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Just my :twocents;
I was not here during Renal Romance's prime, however I would not have wanted to post on a site where ""everyone"" I knew and loved would know who I was talking to. I think it would feel ""safer"" to talk to someone on a busy site like IHD and if we wanted to then communicate privately. That may be why no traffic on that site. ??
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well, of course there can be romance in a marriage
but I thought renal romance was to meet someone with renal problems or to meet someone who did not care
someone to date or get close too
I signed up with this meet a pen pal thing
and it was a mistake
I wanted a pen pal not a romance
I had to be taken off the list
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But twirl....did you read the fine print??? it probably said meet a pen pal for *****......... :rofl;
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I am sad it is closing down. Can Rossman put some of those more interesting threads on here, maybe?
Romance is alive and well in my marriage. HE is taking me to the bookstore tonight!
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Ohhh I drool..........to be taken to the bookstore.......wow........I am properly jeolous........... :bow; :bow;
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Kitkatz
what kind of a book store :shy;
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Oh Lord....I on the other hand just assumed Barnes and Noble...my bro in law used to tell people I was at Bartles and James......hmm would like some.
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It's sad about RR... The thing about it for me was the focus on Renal stuff. I mean if I have a romance with someone I don't really want renal issues to be the dominant thing. While I absolutely understand and support the idea of the site and what was behind it, I can also see why it wouldn't have worked out.
Besides, I do all my flirting here... why would I need a seperate site??/ that's just way too much work for a busy man such as myself!!!
ps: Claudia where are you???? I'm wondering.... :cuddle; :-*
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Ooooh! Bartles and James would have been great! Instead I got Barnes and Noble and Borders looking for Rikki Tikki Tavi books and a book on Venus. I found the Rikki books but no Venus book.
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I love Rikki Tikki
are you teaching it
love it
love it
love it
damn it; I am living thru U again
STOP TALKING
NO YOU MAY NOT GO TO THE BATHROOM
SIT DOWN
PUT YOUR GUM AWAY
THIS IS THE LAST WARNING
BLAMMO
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We were talking about this on another thread awhile ago...I think one of the common themes was we all want someone to be around, but only when we feel like being around someone. Which for me is only about 10-12 hours a week tops. :) I'd love somebody to hang out with, go to movies with, somebody to help around the house, somebody to bitch about life to...but at the same time, there is a good chunk of time during the week I just want to be left alone.
I've dated 3 young women since I was on dialysis and the reason for breakup was universal...I just didn't spend enough time with them. After working 40 hours a week, and spending 12 hours a week on dialysis, and then typically coming home and crashing most nights after dialysis, I just didn't have enough time for them...and yes, they knew about the situation going in...but it's not fair to them to expect them to completely alter their expectations/lives for me while my life continues as "normal".
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Robby, you need to meet my daughter!! :rofl; Single mom of two, works 40+hours a week, volunteers, etc, etc. She isn't sure if she will ever marry again because she needs her own space. Everyone she meets wants total control of her time. She doesn't understand why a guy just can't hang out, or go to a movie,or go out to dinner and not demand every minute. She doesn't want someone to spend every moment with, just some companionship. She doesn't think she can ever blend a life with someone because of her independent attitude. Many have told her that she just doesn't have enough time for them. Oh yea, by the way, she was born in St. Louis :2thumbsup; OK, I am done matchmaking :rofl;
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and robby, her mother likes you which is a huge plus. :2thumbsup;
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Sounds like a good match Paris. As long as she can be converted back into being a Cardinal fan I think it would work. :2thumbsup;
Also sounds like as long as we met up for dinner or a movie once or twice a year we'd both content with just being able to say we were dating someone :clap;
*Which is by the way one of my favorite (please note sarcasm) parts of being single. "So are you dating anyone yet? When are you going to find yourself a good girl? You HAVE to get a girlfriend. Shouldn't you be married by now? Hey, you should meet me older half-sister, she has a GREAT personality!!!" (eeeek!!!)
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maybe you all should reopen Renal Romance
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Oh my goodness! Melissa is SICK of people asking "who are you dating now?" No one! Cardinal fan? :2thumbsup; We are Cardinal fans and Blues fans. Even though we now support our Hurricanes, we will always be loyal to the Blues. Back to the topic (matchmaking?) -- relationships seem to be hard no matter what the circumstance. I think this is a great thread. It is sad to see Renal Romance close.
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Had a comment and forgot it! :banghead;
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I think the flirting baton has been passed......
;D
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I've never really had a relationship. My closest thing was a close friendship with a gay guy. We dated for a short while before he admitted he was gay. In my teens, I felt like damaged goods because of my kidney disease. I should have been in counseling, but I don't have a communicative family and I couldn't tell them I was having problems coping with life. Then later, I didn't even know how to be in a relationship. I know there must be rules, but I haven't the foggiest idea what they are / how it all works. In the middle of all that, I've never had much of a sex drive, so I didn't have a lot of motivation to figure it out. I became a independent, committment-phobic person. If someone shows any interest in me, either I don't notice it, or if I do notice, I'm likely to run screaming in panic in the opposite direction.
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maybe you all should reopen Renal Romance
Last time I looked, it is still opened.
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Deanne, thank you for that honest post. I think we all need an outside person to talk to at different points in our life. And family isn't always the best place.
Re: relationships and back to Melissa; we give help to animals in abused homes. Gently guide them to trust again. But, a woman in an abusive marriage, gets little or no help to trust men again. The wall of distrust and fear is really hard to take down. How do you go into another relationship without fearing that a raised arm isn't going to hit you? How do you erase the continuous words or "supid" "lazy" "fat" that run constantly through your mind?
Back to dealing with relationships and kidney failure; I continue to be amazed at how many have partners who leave or friends who can't deal with it. Sad.
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. "So are you dating anyone yet? When are you going to find yourself a good girl? You HAVE to get a girlfriend.
I hate getting those questions also. >:(
If it is so important to you, why don't you go find someone! Here's my criteria. :rant;
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Don't bother, that's my advice. All relationships are good for is a lot of fighting, giving in, and a lot of headaches. If this current relationship goes bust, that's all there is, there ain't no more. 31 is too old to start over and anyway, no one really wants a long-term relationship with a dialysis patient after they truly realize what it entails. Worry about your health, not dating. That's what I wish I had done, now I'm stuck.
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What do you mean that now you're stuck?
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You will find someone someday that loves you for you and your health issues. My son had been with teh same girl for a year before he passed away. His sickness never was an issue with them. She knew he was sick in the beginning and stayed with him till the end and still lives with us.
Keep that chin up! There are still good men out their ;)
Lori/Indiana
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I agree, Lori. And how is Jasmine doing?
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Aww Deanne I'm sorry I didn't want you to run off screaming.....:(
You mentioned "the rules" - this is such a pet peeve with me I just had to vent.....
When I talk about the rules I mean all that crap like "If you have a date then if the guy doesn't call back within X days then he's not interested" or when you meet someone and exchange numbers there's this unwritten "rule" that somehow defines when is too soon to call (so you seem desperate) and too late (not interested)... and the funny thing is everyone seems to have different ideas about what these rules are... I bet you half of the miscommunications and angst, at least in the defining stages of relationships, are due to these "rules" and it drives me nuts.
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:twocents; re: lack of sex drive...I was with Randy for almost ten years. There was very little sex and none for the last 2 years. For some people it's a big deal but for a lot of people, sex is just a bonus, but not necessary.
yeah, and the "rules" do suck...probably made to be broken.
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RichardMel, for you I'll make an exception! I'll run you off screaming instead! :rofl;
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RichardMel is exactly right...F the rules...what rules...things put in place by people who don't even know you or what is inside you and they don't matter anyway. I met my 2nd husband 4 months after first husband was murdered and I called him a week later and asked if he wanted to meet for coffee at a book shop we both enjoyed and his response was "oh thank God, I wanted to see you but thought it was too soon"...again an unwritten rule..and we were together for 10 years and married for 9 of those years.
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. "So are you dating anyone yet? When are you going to find yourself a good girl? You HAVE to get a girlfriend.
I hate getting those questions also. >:(
If it is so important to you, why don't you go find someone! Here's my criteria. :rant;
Here's my criteria. She has to be an A Positive Person and very, VERY giving. Yes I said "an A positive" as in blood type. Yes I'm looking for an organ and not a girlfriend. Is that a problem? :2thumbsup;
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Ok Robby, Melissa is O+ and she works with Positive people---------as in HIV/Aids positive clients :rofl; :rofl; I am done now! Hope you don't mind the joking around about a really serious topic. Oh, and I was talking to her earlier and she thinks 2 dates a year would work good for her :rofl;
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. "So are you dating anyone yet? When are you going to find yourself a good girl? You HAVE to get a girlfriend.
I hate getting those questions also. >:(
If it is so important to you, why don't you go find someone! Here's my criteria. :rant;
Here's my criteria. She has to be an A Positive Person and very, VERY giving. Yes I said "an A positive" as in blood type. Yes I'm looking for an organ and not a girlfriend. Is that a problem? :2thumbsup;
Robby,
Whatabout what kind of insurance she has?
Good insurance, blood match...Bingo, we have a match!
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Just give me someone one who has gone thru close to what I have gone thru just as long she has better site than I do could be my criteria ???
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She has great insurance :rofl; :rofl;
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. "So are you dating anyone yet? When are you going to find yourself a good girl? You HAVE to get a girlfriend.
I hate getting those questions also. >:(
If it is so important to you, why don't you go find someone! Here's my criteria. :rant;
Here's my criteria. She has to be an A Positive Person and very, VERY giving. Yes I said "an A positive" as in blood type. Yes I'm looking for an organ and not a girlfriend. Is that a problem? :2thumbsup;
Robby,
Whatabout what kind of insurance she has?
Good insurance, blood match...Bingo, we have a match!
Chris, I've found our million dollar idea. Organmatchmaker.com
"Want a date and a lung? How about someone to cuddle with and a liver? Kidney and Movie? Come to organmatchmaker.com...The worlds first organ donation AND matchmaking website!"
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Ok Robby, Melissa is O+ and she works with Positive people---------as in HIV/Aids positive clients :rofl; :rofl; I am done now! Hope you don't mind the joking around about a really serious topic. Oh, and I was talking to her earlier and she thinks 2 dates a year would work good for her :rofl;
Lol, you're quite the matchmaker...
Of course I don't mind kidding about "serious" stuff. I don't know about you...but in my world almost nothing is off limits. :2thumbsup;
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. "So are you dating anyone yet? When are you going to find yourself a good girl? You HAVE to get a girlfriend.
I hate getting those questions also. >:(
If it is so important to you, why don't you go find someone! Here's my criteria. :rant;
Here's my criteria. She has to be an A Positive Person and very, VERY giving. Yes I said "an A positive" as in blood type. Yes I'm looking for an organ and not a girlfriend. Is that a problem? :2thumbsup;
Robby,
Whatabout what kind of insurance she has?
Good insurance, blood match...Bingo, we have a match!
Chris, I've found our million dollar idea. Organmatchmaker.com
"Want a date and a lung? How about someone to cuddle with and a liver? Kidney and Movie? Come to organmatchmaker.com...The worlds first organ donation AND matchmaking website!"
I can imagine the first argument now after marriage or dating awhile. :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
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. "So are you dating anyone yet? When are you going to find yourself a good girl? You HAVE to get a girlfriend.
I hate getting those questions also. >:(
If it is so important to you, why don't you go find someone! Here's my criteria. :rant;
Here's my criteria. She has to be an A Positive Person and very, VERY giving. Yes I said "an A positive" as in blood type. Yes I'm looking for an organ and not a girlfriend. Is that a problem? :2thumbsup;
Robby,
Whatabout what kind of insurance she has?
Good insurance, blood match...Bingo, we have a match!
Chris, I've found our million dollar idea. Organmatchmaker.com
"Want a date and a lung? How about someone to cuddle with and a liver? Kidney and Movie? Come to organmatchmaker.com...The worlds first organ donation AND matchmaking website!"
I can imagine the first argument now after marriage or dating awhile. :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
lol, Oh god...
"What's that? You want to see The Dark Knight instead of The Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants 2? Really? I mean, it's almost a 3 hour movie...won't it be awfully hard to sit through the entire movie without having to go to the bathroom now that you have a working kidney that I gave you??? Oh, Traveling Pants sounds okay now does it?"
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New qualification....
MUST LIKE THE SAME THINGS!! :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
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Hey guys, I am trying to help! You may be even more picky than Melissa :rofl; Chris, you are in the right age group, too! I have a second daughter; AlohaBeth. But Sluff won't let ANY one date her!!
Organmatchmaker.com :2thumbsup;
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Hey guys, I am trying to help! You may be even more picky than Melissa :rofl; Chris, you are in the right age group, too! I have a second daughter; AlohaBeth. But Sluff won't let ANY one date her!!
Organmatchmaker.com :2thumbsup;
Picky not really, as long as the person is a genuine female, has great health insurance, must want to have a dog or even a cat, have a good job, let me finish school, won't have me drive a four door car, mini van or suv/wagon, allow me to spank a kid if he misbehaves, has intelligence, strong will (not a.... one who doesn't rely on someone else making decisions or doing things if they put it off), doesn't mind an insomniac, I wouldn't call that picky. I call it criteria :rofl; :rofl;
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:twocents; re: lack of sex drive...I was with Randy for almost ten years. There was very little sex and none for the last 2 years. For some people it's a big deal but for a lot of people, sex is just a bonus, but not necessary.
yeah, and the "rules" do suck...probably made to be broken.
I'm male. I like sex... BUT sometimes all I really want is lots of cuddles...and you know that feeling when you can snuggle up to someone you love and who hopefully loves you and wake up with them there. That's what I miss the most/want... and the occasional sex would be nice too but.. there are other ways to please a partner.....
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Oh Lord...my 2nd husb George cuddled..that's all he could do and he was great at it and communication, could have written a book on "Cuddling for Dummies"....and that is what I miss most of our life. I didn't care that we didn't have anything else...we had each other ...and at the end of the day if you can say that, then you have had happiness.
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. "So are you dating anyone yet? When are you going to find yourself a good girl? You HAVE to get a girlfriend.
I hate getting those questions also. >:(
If it is so important to you, why don't you go find someone! Here's my criteria. :rant;
Here's my criteria. She has to be an A Positive Person and very, VERY giving. Yes I said "an A positive" as in blood type. Yes I'm looking for an organ and not a girlfriend. Is that a problem? :2thumbsup;
Hey I'm A+ and willing to give you my kidney! In fact I'll trade you!
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Yeah G-Ma... I think if there's two things I've learned recently it's:
* Cuddling with someone special is way better than sex- requires far less energy, can be done for hours, and can express so much
* Being upfront and saying what you feel is important...
because
* Life's too short.
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that's 3 most important things RM....You Rock....as my team used to tell me. :bow;
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* Cuddling with someone special is way better than sex- requires far less energy, can be done for hours, and can express so much
I hope my wife never reads this. For thirty-five years I have been telling her the opposite !!!!!! :rofl; :rofl;
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Well don't get me wrong - there's definitely a place (and need) for sex in a relationship.. I just feel it's not the be all and end all :)
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Yes, we found sex in the dictionary.......... :rofl;
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Cuddling is GREAT....but get this....when I started dating in college, I was with a young gentleman who wanted to do nothing more than "cuddle." About two weeks after he broke up with me, he came out of closet. That has made me look at "cuddling" very differently.
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Well last night I was given the "You're a really special and lovely guy with so much to offer... but not me" talk by someone I really liked. bleah. Well I actually knew that is how she felt, but it still hurt to have her come out and say it. The one positive thing I can say is that at least she treated me the way I wanted to be treated - she was up front and honest and didn't play any games or anything. So I'd much rather be told straight out than be given the run around, or lead on or whatever.
Relationships are hard!!
(of course, truth be told, given dealing with dialysis and it's effects - eg: tiredness, restrictions etc - I'm not sure how suitable I would be in a romantic sense to someone else... but it doesn't stop me wanting someone close like everyone else hey?)
:Kit n Stik;
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I agree with a lot of whats being written. I'm a 23 year old male and on the surface people think I'm confident but it's hard to explain to people how you feel when you have scars from procedures and with the fistula one arm can look weird to people who don't know it's a fistula you have. But all in all I think you can see it either way the positive look or the negative one. Because on the positive if you meet people who judge you on a couple of scars/catheter do you really want someone like that around you? I think not, those people seem shallow to me and in that respect I don't want to know those sort of people. And for every person you meet that isn't the right one for you, you're one closer to the right one......I hope! That's just my view, it might seem stupid to others.
HSM
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Cuddling is GREAT....but get this....when I started dating in college, I was with a young gentleman who wanted to do nothing more than "cuddle." About two weeks after he broke up with me, he came out of closet. That has made me look at "cuddling" very differently.
Highlite, I will put locks on all my closets, and I promise I won't go near them ;D ...Boxman
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RichardMEL, sorry to hear you got the boot, totally understand your feelings. I haven't been in a relationship for years, I put all my energy into spoiling the grandkids ,I know that's not really "living life" but it's as close as I can get, which will have to do. Hang in there!
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RM, I hope you'll never give up although I do know that sometimes the fear of rejection and not wanting to "go through it all again" can lead one to think that's the best thing to do. I just think that there's always a chance of finding a person who will be equally happy to have found you. I'm stunned by how my friends rally round me and I feel a bit ashamed to type these next words but I'm not sure I would have been able to stick with my husband as he has stuck with me. Of course I would have tried but I'm not sure I could have sacrificed all my own dreams and plans so young because of my partner's health troubles. Fortunately, the world contains many who are better than me in this regard and I hope one of these types finds you RichardMel.
Same goes for you HSM. Just keep looking for good caring friends and then there's always the chance that something more will develop. :grouphug;
Way to go with the closets Boxman. :thumbup;
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RichardMel
you are a wonderful person and someday your princess will come and I really mean that-
you are a warm and loving person
I'm proud to know you
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You know, RM, you are such an awesome person!!! A good mind, a good heart, AND you LOVE to cuddle (Which is something that not all guys are willing to do!)!!! You are BOUND to find the RIGHT woman.... WITHOUT DOUBT!!! Have you ever considered coffee shops? Has that been asked already? I find coffee shops are AWESOME at having hot single women!!!! ;)
HSM, you've definitely got a great point: you never want to settle with one who doesn't accept you. I gotta tell you, the SEXIEST thing to any man is confidence....regardless of the scars and "issues" that he may have... If a man can look at me in the eye and tell me that he thinks I'm hot, I don't care how messed up he is, he's DEFINITELY got my attention.... :-) Good luck on your search. I know you're going to meet the perfect one!!!!
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I agree with Highlite...confidence IS the sexiest thing about a man.
And, of course, the ability to flirt. (and we all know who I am talking about...) 8)
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Coffee shops are a dangerous place for someone on fluid restrictions! :(
:Kit n Stik;
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RM, I am so sorry, but yes, you can "do" a coffee shop...get 1/2 cup of java, sip it, glance at the hot women from lowered eyelids, wink once or twice...ohhh sorry, this was a book I just read....oh well, it worked for him. Go for it, try again, leave all those doors open......except the closet doors as Boxman is on Guard..... :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
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Honey, you don't need to DRINK anything!!! Most coffee shops have AWESOME snacks!! Rice krispie treats, cookies! And you can chew half a cup of ice! They always have ice!!! And imagine how CHEAP it would be if you didn't have to pay for special coffee!!!
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Well the thing is I happen to enjoy the special coffees... so it's just soooo tempting!!! Before you know it I'll be on my third soy decaf latte machiato chocolate mocca! :)
The sitting around coffee shops making eyes at people thing isn't for me...
Maybe I'll just give up and make a beeline for one of Paris' daughters.... lol
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your 3rd soy who de what???? :rofl; :rofl;...plain old carmel frappachino for me..ha ha...once a year I do indulge. :2thumbsup;
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They are getting their resumes and head shots together :rofl;
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My daughter wants to meet RichardMEL, too. :)
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Well, Anna, sounds like if we can get RichardMelt-my-heart to come over, we can promise him a really good time!! We will have the ladies lined up and waiting! :rofl;
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"RichardMelt-my-heart" GOOD ONE, Paris! :rofl;
He certainly won't be lacking for romance when he visits!!!
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Well, Anna, sounds like if we can get RichardMelt-my-heart to come over, we can promise him a really good time!! We will have the ladies lined up and waiting!
This RichardMel guy is just the hottest thing - he likes to cuddle :cuddle; , he always says just the right thing, and he loves and is loved by Celeste :guitar: . This guy is one special guy.
RichardMelt-my-heart (like your posts so frequently do), count me in as one of your (not so) secret admirers ! :waving; :-*
Alene
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That girl (the booter) eeds to have her head examined! :sir ken; to her!
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RM...how do you feel about acquiring a "harem" of cuddlers???? :rofl; :rofl;
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I have to give credit; I think Lucinda called Richard that first. It just seems so appropriate. Such a sweetie!!
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Richard Mel is the Don Juan of I Hate Dialysis. This man has you all wrapped around his little finger...good work man. :clap;
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Wait a minute! >:( Do I have to ban Richard
Melt Mel to get more attention around here? ::) geeeeez and I thought I was popular :'( :'( :'( What did I do so wrong ??? oh boy oh boy wait til I get my hands on RM.... :boxing; And I suppose he thinks I'm going to share doesn't he. Well maybe for the right price in AMERICAN dollars I must remind you. ;) >:D :rofl;
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Sluff, maybe is was your mighty weapon you mentioned in another post that scared them all off. I TOLD you to cover it! :rofl;
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:rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
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Hoss has always been my HERO........do you cuddle??? :waving;
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Sluff baby, all you need to do is tell everyone that you've been in the hospital and you need all of the wonderful beautiful ladies of IHD to "help" you feel a little better!!!
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hmmmm a cuddle (or three) in every state... I could handle that. Is that the flirts version of "a girl in every port"??? uh oh I could get a very BAD reputation out of all this... Maybe I should just stay single and far away......
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Gosh darnit and the Aussie dollar just lost about 20% against the US Dollar in the last little while :( This is going to cost me big time... and to think I just saw United now fly non stop from Melbourne to LA (well will do over the new year,anyway). hmmm...
Anna has a daughter???? uh oh that could get real dangerous. Paris I am waiting for the full resumes and photo folios!! If they're going to fight over me perhaps Sluff can provide the bikinis and jelly???
OK that's just gone a bit wrong !!! >:D >:D >:D
*blush at everyone's kind words and I love the melt thing.. clever whoever came up with it*
Really, I am not worthy... I mean there's flip and sluff and joe paul and zacb and heck even Staufenberg!!!
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Sluff baby, all you need to do is tell everyone that you've been in the hospital and you need all of the wonderful beautiful ladies of IHD to "help" you feel a little better!!!
You have a point there..hmmm..I did manage to get 2 threads over that hospital stay didn't I. :) >:D
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Sluff, we are just giving you a little rest time. We want you stong and able, so just let us know when you are up to speed :rofl; We don't want your BP skyrocketing again :2thumbsup;
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Yes my BP has been a little high thinking about Paris' daughters and now Anna's daughter!
>:D >:D >:D >:D
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Yes sluff...work that hospital stay..... :clap;
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Richard---- what kind of jelly?
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When I think about Australia, Steve Irwin (Crocodile Hunter) comes to mind. Richard may be hunting something other than crocs.
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"Be vewy vewy quiet... we're hunting daughters...." :urcrazy;
Oh no wait it's duck season isn't it? no, rabbit season... DUCK SEASON!!
Oh you know how that goes....
:Kit n Stik;
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RichM.....I am devastated. How long have I been calling you RichardMelt my Heart? I can't believe you forgot where it came from. I said that to you the first night I met you....That's how much our date meant to you....I am just going to have to cry into my pillow every night now. That's it.....I am loving Sluff from now on. And to think I was considering coming down to see you next week to cheer you up!!! I have been traded in for all these gorgeous young women on the other side of the world. I feel SOOOOOO Old right now.
Seriously though, anyone who gets RM is getting a really special gorgeous guy. I am proud to call him my friend - even if our date meant nothing to him!!!!
I met my husband three years ago and to say we did it tough in the early stages is an understatement. I haven't started dialysis yet but he has watched three of my family members including my father pass away from renal disease since I met him. Although he was aware of the future, he has now witnessed the reality and if anything it has made him less selfish and more considerate as time has gone on. I start dialysis in November and we are heading to Europe for the whole of October which is really exciting. But I say this to everyone. How a partner or perspective partner handles your problem is not your problem. If they can't handle it, it is usually because they have their own issues and it is easier to blame it on your issues. Someone with little or no baggage will have no problems with handling your problems if they really care about you. I went out with a man once who had shocking scarring....but the most important part of him had no scars at all....his heart. I adored him but he stopped going out with me because he had issues not me. Trust me.....the nice ones won't let dialysis get in the way or a loving relationship. God, if I was 20 years younger, single, perfectly healthy and met RichardM.....I would grab him with both arms and not let him go. If this disease does nothing else, it makes us appreciate and accept people for who they are. I have been lucky enough to meet Richard and I just loved him. I assure you he is just as lovely in real space as he is in cyber space and a really nice girl is going to find that and fall in love with him the way he deserves. I have absolutely no doubt about that.
Keep you chin up Rich and if you promise to be nice to me, I might just consider coming down to see you soon. xxxx
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:p
lol
how can you say our date meant nothing to me??? I cherish it so much... such a special evening... lovely food... lovely company.... if you weren't married and 20... hold on I'm only like 10 years younger than you WHAT THE..>??? :p
So glad your hubby is now being more supportive and considerate that is really great to hear. Europe in October... I am horribly envious!!! :)
well done! :)
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RichardMel is now RomeoMel :rofl; :rofl;
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Trust me.....the nice ones won't let dialysis get in the way or a loving relationship. God, if I was 20 years younger, single, perfectly healthy and met RichardM.....I would grab him with both arms and not let him go. If this disease does nothing else, it makes us appreciate and accept people for who they are.
Well said Cindy! :thumbup;
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I think with all relationships there has to be alot of understanding. I met my soulmate 7 years ago. I was honest with him and told him about my dialysis as we got to know each other he educated himself on the dialysis process and even surprised me by showing up at my dialysis center to find out more about my treatments and all that I had to go through.
There are days when life is not easy but we make the best of it. I love to garden, he loves photography I plant and he documents my garden :).
I stopped feeling unattractive the day I showed him my scars and he kissed them. I have been blessed to find someone that is understanding of my situation and is supportive in the good and bad times.
I know both sides of the coin for I was in an unhealthy relationship for 21 years and was reminded everyday of what a burden my illness was.
There is hope and the right person for everyone :)
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I think with all relationships there has to be alot of understanding. I met my soulmate 7 years ago. I was honest with him and told him about my dialysis as we got to know each other he educated himself on the dialysis process and even surprised me by showing up at my dialysis center to find out more about my treatments and all that I had to go through.
There are days when life is not easy but we make the best of it. I love to garden, he loves photography I plant and he documents my garden :).
I stopped feeling unattractive the day I showed him my scars and he kissed them. I have been blessed to find someone that is understanding of my situation and is supportive in the good and bad times.
I know both sides of the coin for I was in an unhealthy relationship for 21 years and was reminded everyday of what a burden my illness was.
There is hope and the right person for everyone :)
PERFECT :cuddle;
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You're lucky Mariposa and so is he. I got nice chills reading your post and am so glad you found a nice guy (or he found you) especially after a stressful relationship.
Can you post some pictures of your garden in the "Hobbies and Other Stuff" thread? I'd love to see your garden and your partner's photos. :flower;
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Ill post some of my most prized flowers :)
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Hey Mariposa - kiss your soul mate for me! :-*