Dating Dialysis Tech?

[Beth35]

Has anyone ever dated one of their dialysis techs?  I have such a huge crush on one of the techs at my unit.  He makes me soooo happy.  But I know that such relationships are not allowed.  I'm not even sure that he feels the same way but we have great conversation and we have a lot in common.  I've been pondering telling him how I feel with hopes that he will secretly break the rules.  I wouldn't want him to get fired or anything though.  No one has made me this happy inside in a really long time.  So am I crazy to even think about this going from fantasy to reality?

[Charlie B53]

I'm not so sure that it is a WRITTEN Rule however many occupations frown upon client/employee relationships.

He may already BE in a Relationship.  I doubt if you would want to be THAT Girl to cause a problem.

Carefully asking a few questions may not be a bad idea.  Depending on the answers you can always back off on intent and just stay Happy that you have a Great Tech.

[Beth35]

He definitely doesn't have a girlfriend.  We have pretty much talked about everything.  He's been working at my clinic for over a year.  He was pretty shy at first.  I'm guessing he doesn't have a girlfriend because he's not that kind of guy going to bars and picking up women.  He's about 9 years younger than me but we just seem to click and we have so much in common.  I'm pretty shy too but he's just so amazing that I really want to tell him how I feel.  Not at dialysis of course.  I see he has a Facebook profile and I could always send him a message through there.  But if he doesn't feel the same way that could be bad I guess.  Maybe I should give it some more time to feel things out a little bit. 

[Thesunwillshinetomorrow]

Hi Beth,

I'm torn. I think if you read my introduction you will understand why.
I don't know, "The Boundaries" on a Dialysis Technician so....I can't say if it's a relationship that would right from the start be supported or frowned upon.

What would unfold in either scenerio? I guess those are things to think about.
If it was a green light....You both persue this relationship.....what would that look like?
Red light...You both persue this relationship....what would that look like?

I have had a few male friends that due to boundaries our relationship remained within the confines of those boundaries. We cultivated very solid friendships that endured both of our individual struggles in life and I believe we became a support for each other and often just, "Checked in".  I've often believed our friendship outlasted what any romantic relationship would have endured with those individuals.

You really only know him within the confines of those four walls, where he is working and I'm guessing maintaining a level of professionalism. What would he be like when those conditions change....

I guess all food for thought. It may be like a Seinfeld show where outside of those walls he passes gas freely and forcefully and food flies out of his mouth while he eats and talks simultaneousely. 

You will make the choice that is right for you!!! All the best.

[Simon Dog]

Go Cougar girl!!!!

[UkrainianTracksuit]

Personally, I wouldn’t do it because of boundaries and professionalism. Dialysis clinics can become like a home away from home and we all discuss our lives, families and daily events. However, that could very well be his work demeanour and outside of the clinic, he’s different. You know him one way and in a controlled environment. What happens if you try it, it doesn’t work out, resentment and you are under his care for a shift. It would be pretty awkward.

I am sorry to say but I shake my head at the thought. Dialysis is already life encompassing that the last thing I’d ever want is a partner that worked in it or viewed as a caregiver. I don’t care if it seems convenient or more understanding. I met and married my healthy (tip top athletic health) husband while dealing with ESRD and dialysis. The point was I made myself available to other people, didn’t portray myself as the “dialysis patient” but rather an interesting person that just had an issue. If you want to date, open your horizons first rather than the fishbowl of dialysis.

[Beth35]

Thanks for the replies.  This definitely wasn't something I was looking for.  I mean, when I saw him I was thinking he would be really nice to look at while on the machine.  And I could tell he was shy and definitely younger than me so I never even imagined actually dating him.  I mean why would this guy want to date someone he actually sees getting dialysis treatments?  He's healthy and I'm sick.  But as time has gone by, I've gotten to know him and we enjoy talking.  And even though he's younger we have so much in common.  We both love sports.  We love to talk football.  We are both very liberal and talk about politics a lot.  He's funny and sweet and I've never, ever seen him angry at work.  Everyone teases him about being too nice.  And I have to say his butt looks so nice in those scrubs.  ❤️ He also literally lives two streets away from my house.  A five minute drive.  Some nights I'm just wishing he could drive over.  And no, I'm not stalking him.  Once we figured out we lived in the same town we told each other which street. 

I think part of me feels comfortable that he's seen my ugly dialysis arm so if we dated he wouldn't care.  And there is definitely comfort in being with someone who understands dialysis and doesn't need to learn.  But I most definitely don't need anyone taking care of me.  The first several years of round 1 of dialysis I was a college student living away from home on campus.  This 2nd round of dialysis, I've been taking care of myself and my two kids all on my own.  I'm a pretty strong woman and I think he knows that.

If we did date it would have to be a secret at least at first.  I'm fine with that.  Then if it turned into something either he would have to move to another clinic or I would.  If it ends bad that would be awkward for sure.  But I think I'm falling in love with him.  Is it worth the risk?  I'm pretty sure they are trying to keep him away from me at the clinic anyway though.  He rarely puts me on the machine.  Yet everyone else does.  Then there's the possibility that he doesn't feel the same way.  Which would break my heart. 

He's just very much a rule follower and I don't want to get him in any trouble.  It's not an easy decision. 

And yes, I do feel kind of like a cougar!  😂😂😂

[Charlie B53]

Send him a 'Friend' request on Facebook.  Then send him this link to this thread
http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=34379.0;topicseen
and ask him what he thinks of this situation.

Done.

[Beth35]

Well that would be putting it all out there huh.  The courage that would take...

[Simon Dog]

Just be aware that you would be putting his job at risk.   Just make sure you are worth it to him.














Sp mod Cas

[Thesunwillshinetomorrow]

Well...first he'd have to accept the friendship request. If he didn't that would be an indicator on where this may or may not go. Then you send him the link as Charlie suggested.
I dont think YOU would be putting his job at risk. It will be the decisions HE makes that will or will not put his job at risk.
He may have to divuldge this to those in charge and I am guessing would be documented somewhere.

[Beth35]

I definitely don't want to put his job at risk.  I think I'm going to feel him out a bit more before I act.  I don't want to mess anything up. 

[Charlie B53]

Giving him the link is giving him the OPTION IF or HOW to proceed.

If he is smart he may ask his employer if or what policy they may have addressing employee/client relationships. 

If I were King the policy would simply be that he could no longer be her Tech.  No contact in the workplace, etc. No public display, yada, yada....

This should not jeopardize his employment.

Secrecy from the employer is what gets many in trouble.  Being straight up and truthful should never be a problem.

[Beth35]

Good advice.  I'm going to think on it for a few days and then decide whether to move forward. 

[kristina]

Personally, I wouldn’t do it because of boundaries and professionalism. Dialysis clinics can become like a home away from home and we all discuss our lives, families and daily events. However, that could very well be his work demeanour and outside of the clinic, he’s different. You know him one way and in a controlled environment. What happens if you try it, it doesn’t work out, resentment and you are under his care for a shift. It would be pretty awkward.

I am sorry to say but I shake my head at the thought. Dialysis is already life encompassing that the last thing I’d ever want is a partner that worked in it or viewed as a caregiver. I don’t care if it seems convenient or more understanding. I met and married my healthy (tip top athletic health) husband while dealing with ESRD and dialysis. The point was I made myself available to other people, didn’t portray myself as the “dialysis patient” but rather an interesting person that just had an issue. If you want to date, open your horizons first rather than the fishbowl of dialysis.

Hello Beth, I quite agree with the thoughts of UkrainianTracksuit. She had it already completely thought through!
Of course, it is understandable that you feel inspired by your tech, but we must not forget, that he is employed in your dialysis-center to put you on and off dialysis-treatments. The fact that you get on with each other so well is really great and wonderful, but the fact still remains, that he is employed there and you receive the services of dialysis-treatment there three times every week. As you can see I did put it as plain and unromantic as possible, to point out the real truth. If anything develops between the two of you, let it develop, but please don't push anything, because it just could be that he likes working in this dialysis-unit and it could also be, that he just enjoys your pleasant company whilst he works and that just could be it.
I send you my good-luck-wishes and all the best from Kristina.

[Beth35]

Very true.  Hence my hesitation.  I wouldn't want to make him feel uncomfortable.  It just seems like he tries to find reasons to be on my side of the room so he can talk to me.  But maybe he just enjoys my friendship. 

[GA_DAWG]

My question would be, if he says no, what is your next move? Would you still want him being your dialysis tech? Or would you be too embarrassed?

[Beth35]

That's the biggest question I'm struggling with in my head right now. 

[Michael Murphy]

It’s natural to be attracted to the persons caring for you,  that attraction is so strong that it’s considered malpractice to become involved with patients.  I personally find most of the female techs, and nurses very attractive and enjoy flirting with them.  But I also realize there is a line that if crossed could cost them their job, and have me forced to change clinics.  So I enjoy flirting and stay within my boundaries.

[Beth35]

For me personally, this is a first.  During my first round of dialysis, over the course of five years, I had been to 3 clinics.  Because of college.  I formed great relationships at all three but never thought about dating anyone.  This is my second round of dialysis and my second clinic because I moved.  And again, he's the only one I've ever had feelings for.  My doctor and my PA are my age and they are both very attractive but I don't have any feelings for them.  So this is unusual for me.  I haven't really liked anyone like this in a very long time.  And honestly I didn't know if I was ever going to feel this way again about anyone.  I went from being depressed and not having much to look forward to in my future except watching my kids grow up, to feeling happy and hopeful. 

I have decided that for right now, I'm going to wait to do anything.  Not because of the rules, because I would change clinics in a second if he wanted to pursue any kind of relationship.  But because it sounds like the majority of you guys think that he probably doesn't feel the same way.  And right now, I don't know if I can handle feeling sad.  And yes, it would be awkward too. 

If I can get my parathyroid taken care of in the next month, I could be on the transplant list a couple months after that.  All my other testing is complete and approved.  They told me my wait would be very short since you get credit for all of your dialysis time.  So  3-6 months from now I could be dialysis free.  Of course he could also have a girlfriend so it's a risk. 

In the meantime if I get any strong clues that he feels the same way I think I will proceed.  Life is too short.  Thank you all for your advice.  I appreciate it.  I will update if there are any developments.  ❤️

[Thesunwillshinetomorrow]

Hi Beth,
I've been following this thread and I find it interesting and it has really lead me to think a lot about things in general. Mostly regarding Nurses.
Nursing is a profession that really should be held in the highest regard. Like a Police Officer and Firefighter they really do put the needs of the public and the people they serve ahead of their own safety and well being.
For Nurses and Doctors I don't think the roads are EVER too slippery for them to venture out to their job.
I am going to make a real assumption that no Nurse ever said, "I'm going to become a Nurse, meet a wonderful patient, fall in love and live happily ever after."
Not saying it doesn't happen....just saying I think it is a road less travelled, and one that people didn't venture out to achieve.
I've read some comments about individuals enjoying flirting with Nurses. They thought it was a great way to pass the time and that lead me to my thoughts of.....These aren't waitress'. These are true professionals that in those situations, and I am guessing from what I have been reading there are many have to remain professional. I'm thinking there is a bit more leeway for a waitress to brush a customer off then there is for a Nurse to a Patient that she is going to have to take care of again and again and again....
I see a lot of Doctors for my little guy and have developed some friendly relationships with them; To the point if they see me in the coffee shop they will come over and say hello and inquire what we are doing there on that day.
Beth...I think it's been a great thread that has raised a lot of interesting conversation. I remember someone I hold in the highest regards telling me, "You can't help who you fall in love with but you can choose what you do with it."
 

[Simon Dog]

Like a Police Officer and Firefighter they really do put the needs of the public and the people they serve ahead of their own safety

Yup.  They stay inside the building when the fire alarm goes off.

[Beth35]

Kinda like I never woke up one morning and said,  "Hey I'm gonna fall in love with my dialysis tech today."  😊

When I was in Princeton NJ getting my dialysis treatment I met a young female tech who told me she married one of her patients.  I remember being surprised.  Not because I thought it was inappropriate but because I never imagined a tech could find somebody sick on dialysis attractive.  We became friends on FB after I moved so we could keep in touch.  They have two beautiful children.  So it does happen.  For now though I'm going to try and get him out of my head. 😞

[Thesunwillshinetomorrow]

Beth....I met my partner online... Modern technology I call it...
I believe everyone deserves to find love and be happy. He didn't tell me right away that he was on D. We talked a lot before we met and I fell in love with him before we met face to face.
I just want to tell you that I have never viewed him as, "sick". We are fortunate to have advanced medically where we can do and have things that 100 years ago would never have been possible. I had two ceaseareans. I think one or both of us would have died if that was not possible! Yay for advanced medical technology!!! 
I just want you to know I for one don't view people on D. as sick. I see them as having access to advanced medical technology to sustain a life that otherwise would not be capable of existing. We are so lucky to have the things we do to help us in times of need. As I said before I am neither for nor against whatever you choose to do. You both are adults....
I only wish you the best.

[Beth35]

Thank you for your thoughts.  Hopefully I can find love again at some point.  I've had my heart broken in the past and that's led me to feel scared to ever trust someone with my heart again.  I kind of feel like damaged goods.  Your partner is lucky to have you.  This dialysis thing is tough.  Not everyone is strong enough to love someone through that.