What affects your self esteem the most?

[Hanify]

In some ways this is one of the true benefits of us meeting each other online.  We don't see the physical things that are wrong with each other - we get to see the person inside.  Tubes, like the others I see a gorgeous young man who really thinks of others and is there helping people whenever he can.  I don't see the other stuff at all.  Yay for online friendships eh?

[tubes]

kellyt, i'd love to meet u too and any other IHD member.  Thou, I'd have to hide in the bushes so you dont see me. 

Aleta, cariad & Hanify - thank you thank you so much. Your kind words & support mean so much to me. 

Back in August/Sept. I was seeing a therapist. Mainly it was to clear me for transplant but I continued to see her. She was trying to help me with my self esteem and image issues. She started pushing me really hard to come out of my comfort zone. After about 4 sessions I couldnt do it anymore. I was going to have a nervous breakdown. So I quit seeing her. One of these days I'll start seeing someone again.
Until then, Hanify - online friendships are the best! 

[paris]

Tubes, you know what Susie thought of you!  And AlohaBeth!  And me!      It is interesting to read what we think of ourselves.  My self-esteem issue?  I had an older sister who my Mother set on a pedistal. I could never do anything as well as she did. It continued into adulthood. My sister held the most degrees, was smarter, more traveled,etc than anyone else.  She walked on water and I never did anything good enough to please Mom.  If I got 5 A's and 1 B ---why didn't I get all A's?  But for the 5 years Mom was in a nursing home with Alzhiemers, my sister never came home to see her. I flew to Ohio every weekend to see her.  And Mom never forget who I was when she couldn't remember anyone.  I won in the end because I had that special time with Mom that I would never trade.  I still feel inferior at times, but not quite as much as I did. I like myself, know I live a good life and can't change the rest. 

And I adore Tubes!  He is as cute as his nephew!

[okarol]

I have met Robert (Tubes) - he is a sweetheart - funny and charming and humble and you'd love him if you met him!
 

[paris]

I have met Robert (Tubes) - he is a sweetheart - funny and charming and humble and you'd love him if you met him!
 

And good looking!  I hope he gets a transplant fast, so we can all go to Vegas again!  I know that Okarol, Jenna, Beth and Robert had a good time on the strip   

[kitkatz]

My hair is dried out and yucky right now.  It kills me to look in a mirror and see it all frizzed out.  Good God, I even had a teacher look at me and say; "I hope yu have a brush for your hair before you see the kids." I do keep a brush in my desk and use it regularly but it does not help. 

[Jean]

Kit, my hair has been looking like straw lately. I have been using Nioxin, both the shampoo and the conditioner, but yesterday I used a cleansing shampoo, the kind you use to take the chlorine out of your hair and then today I used my regular shampoo. It already looks a whole lot better, except of course, that I need a haircut badly. So, anyways, try the cleansing shampoo. Sallys has it, and it is a Paul Mitchell generic.

[paris]

I look the same way!  Straw hair!  I hate it. My hair was always thick and healthy.  Now, yucky and brittle.  I know I shouldn't let it affect me, but it does. 

[marie]

It effects mine the most because of all the scars and my fistula. Everybody looks at it and says ewww thats gross or nasty and it really hurts my feelings. I also think its because im 22 years old and I feel like I dont have control over my life. I have a 16 month old daughter that cries when I leave for dialysis sometimes and that breaks my heart the most.

[dwcrawford]

Oh my, Marie, what  a beautiful baby!!!  I bet that helps to rebuild your self esteem....

[galvo]

Marie, she is indeed a cutie!

[kristina]

My hair is dried out and yucky right now.  It kills me to look in a mirror and see it all frizzed out.  Good God, I even had a teacher look at me and say; "I hope yu have a brush for your hair before you see the kids." I do keep a brush in my desk and use it regularly but it does not help.

From: Molly Dye’s Survival Manual:

1)   Add a few drops of ammonia to the final rinse when washing hair for added shine.
2)   For an alternative shampoo, beat 1 egg with the strained juice of a lemon. Gives hair a healthy gloss. For fine hair, a beer rinse
                (or a little beer on the comb whilst combing through) gives extra body.
3)   Non-greasy Hair Oil: 100g Bay Rum, 50g pure glycerine, 15g oil of almonds and a few drops of essence of roses, jasmine or violets.
                Shake well in a jar. Store in clean plastic spray bottle. Apply lightly to hair and comb through.

I do hope this may help, good luck from Kristina.

[dwcrawford]

When I pour my heart out in a post trying to be supportive yet realistic and no one a notices that I even post.

The Serenity Prayer
  God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Him is your special higher power....
 

[paris]

Lots have replied to your  great thread.   The serenity prayer was way too much a part of my childhood.  Great words, but at times I found no comfort in them. 

[monrein]

There are several things that affect my self-esteem but in a positive way, and I should add that I feel extremely lucky to be someone who was given the gift of a healthy view of myself from my mother.  To be clear, I don't think I'm wonderful, amazing, perfect, none of that, not at all.  I do however feel perfectly adequate, aware of some important strengths, and even more aware of the failings and faults that mark me as a member of the human species. 

Things that boost my self-esteem are friends who call and want to spend time with me, the children in my life who value my presence in their lives, people who laugh at my jokes, the doctors and medical people who think I do a better than average job at caring for this defective body I inhabit, the men (now don't get the wrong idea here, there aren't masses of them but there are at least two) who think I'm lovely and lovable (yes, of course they need glasses), the folks that like my cooking, the mother-in-law who tells everyone how lucky she is to have me married to her son, and finally the little chats I have with myself in order to remember all of the above when I get to feeling useless.

[willowtreewren]

When I pour my heart out in a post trying to be supportive yet realistic and no one a notices that I even post.

OH, Dan,
perhaps it was noticed, but the reader could not find the emotional fortitude to reply. 

Or perhaps the reader just isn't ready to hear what you had to say. We all take different paths to understanding and acceptance. It is great when those paths intersect, but oftentimes they just run parallel for a long time.

Rest assured that there are many of us who deeply appreciate what you contribute.

 

Aleta

[petey]

When I pour my heart out in a post trying to be supportive yet realistic and no one a notices that I even post.

OH, Dan,


Rest assured that there are many of us who deeply appreciate what you contribute.

 

Aleta

Dan, I appreciate what you post.  You are wise beyond your years, funny, and caring.  But, more than your posts, I appreciate the person you are and the friend you have been to me.  You will never, never, never, never know how you helped pull me through the toughest time in my life.  You said earlier in this thread that you hadn't accomplished much in your life -- but you've made a difference in another's life.  That is a great accomplishment!  I'm sure I'm not the only other life you have touched.

What was the original question here?  What affects my self-esteem the most?  I usually don't have a problem with self-esteem.  I do think I'm smart, wonderful, and amazingly strong.  Dwcrawford also accused me one time of thinking that I was perfect -- no, Dan, not perfect, but pretty damn near close        I do wish, however, that I could be a nicer person and a little less abrasive.  When I feel my "kick ass and take names later" attitude popping up, I don't feel really good about the person I am.

[dwcrawford]

Don't wory Alete and Marsha... It was just a temporary down time.  Still fighting for a positive outcome for the holidays.  Oh, the baggage that we all come with!  lol   

[willowtreewren]

Baggage! 

Dan, my friend, the past may bring baggage, but it is water under the bridge. Can't change it one little bit. Take that baggage and toss it (if you can). Hng onto the good stuff and dump the rest.

But the FUTURE... now there is a field ripe for change. 

Keep smiling, Dan. You mean alot to many folks, including me.

[fc2821]

Baggage! 

Dan, my friend, the past may bring baggage, but it is water under the bridge. Can't change it one little bit. Take that baggage and toss it (if you can). Hng onto the good stuff and dump the rest.

But the FUTURE... now there is a field ripe for change. 

Keep smiling, Dan. You mean alot to many folks, including me.

     
 I found this to a good point for me to consider as well. Thanks.   I can't change what has happened, just need to learn from it and try to a better person.

[dwcrawford]

The Serenity Prayer
  God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Isn't that a little like what I said by coping the poem?  See! 

[willowtreewren]

Yep! It is.

 

[kellyt]

There are several things that affect my self-esteem but in a positive way, and I should add that I feel extremely lucky to be someone who was given the gift of a healthy view of myself from my mother.  To be clear, I don't think I'm wonderful, amazing, perfect, none of that, not at all.  I do however feel perfectly adequate, aware of some important strengths, and even more aware of the failings and faults that mark me as a member of the human species. 

Things that boost my self-esteem are friends who call and want to spend time with me, the children in my life who value my presence in their lives, people who laugh at my jokes, the doctors and medical people who think I do a better than average job at caring for this defective body I inhabit, the men (now don't get the wrong idea here, there aren't masses of them but there are at least two) who think I'm lovely and lovable (yes, of course they need glasses), the folks that like my cooking, the mother-in-law who tells everyone how lucky she is to have me married to her son, and finally the little chats I have with myself in order to remember all of the above when I get to feeling useless.

Thank you so much Monrein!   And you are absolutely right!!!   But you left one thing off (well, one that I know of anyway) and that is people, like myself, who are in awe of your garden(s)!!!!!    LOVE THEM!!!  ALL OF THEM!!!   

[Plip]

I'm new to dialysis, but not new to health issues. I've felt the need to prove I was better my whole life with diabetes. Always held myself to a higher standard, worked more hours, took on the hardest jobs, worked all the holidays and stayed out of management so I could prove myself on the floor. I haven't given up, because I can't imagine sitting around collecting disability, but the past few weeks have made me rethink a few things.

Work...I simply can't do what I did. Constant aches and pains, energy is shot. My eyes seem to be bloodshot and dry constantly, so now my coworkers think I'm on drugs. My focus is toast, my normally quick, witty responses don't exist. People are starting to notice. They can see when I'm pale or exerted. Glucose fluctuates rapidly now. They talk about it...I hate it cause I was the go-to guy. Now they treat me like I'm on the verge of death when I clock in. My employers know "kind-of" what's going on, but I haven't pressed the issue and am probably covering the extent of my weakness.

Family...I haven't seen my oldest son since before the diagnosis and only saw my youngest once since. I kicked my mom out of the hospital out of pent up frustration. Haven't hung out with my cousins. Didn't attend Thanksgiving. Christmas is a wishlist from memories past.If I had a wife or girlfriend I'd be hell to deal with lol.

The hardest hit is not knowing if I'm even going to be here to reverse some of these things before it's too late. I hate not having the answers or the strength and the arrogance to know "I can do that tomorrow".

[Plip]

Sidenote: don't worry about attachments and scars. Most people it's a simple fleeting curiosity. Ignore em or explain it, whatever your personality type is. The ones that can't accept the gear or the wounds aren't the kind you really need to worry about anyways. Had scars all my life, had pumps for insulin, gear to manage the diabetes and doc visits out the wazoo, none of it slowed me down or made any difference in relationships up to this point.

Some kids found the stuff neat, some adults reacted odd at first but then treated me like I portrayed myself...I can do what they can. This changed that a bit, but I refuse to take it laying down. Had a girlfriend when this started, she bailed this past week. I attribute that mostly to a bad choice in women. She was way younger and not an intellectual equal as well as being slightly sheltered. But I figure if I could attract the hottest 24 yr old at work with my broken body once...I could do better anyday. Cause I wasn't even trying.

Self esteem is what you make yourself. I made myself "normal"...once I figure this thing out....it'll be a new normal, and I'll be right there and the other people will be "odd".