What affects your self esteem the most?

[twirl]

I was just thinking my Frankenarm
good nickname
and it does itch and I do draw blood
but it feels so good to stratch it

[Chris]

The more I think, the more I can add when I think how people percieve me with the medical issues going on.

[Robby712]

Too tired to go out with friends by the end of the week.

Don't like to hang out with them while they all drink and I stay sober.

Fistula.

Relying on a machine to keep me on the planet.

Feeling 90 at the age of 30.

etc...etc...etc...

[G-Ma]

Davita nurses thinking that because I'm on dialysis my brain is dysfunctional.   

[flip]

I have a cure for your itching arm, Twirl. Mine never itches anymore.

I never had any self esteem so no problems.

[dkerr]

So much to look forward too. Yipes!   Went to church today and had several ask about my surgery ... when I showed my best friend, she says "gross".  Thats how it feels for now.  Black and blue and swollen. My nephro said I would have more energy after starting on dialysis.  Sounds like he's wrong. I haven't started yet and am tired all the time.

[flip]

Believe it or not....your arm will soon look almost normal and you will have more energy on dialysis

[Robby712]

So much to look forward too. Yipes!   Went to church today and had several ask about my surgery ... when I showed my best friend, she says "gross".  Thats how it feels for now.  Black and blue and swollen. My nephro said I would have more energy after starting on dialysis.  Sounds like he's wrong. I haven't started yet and am tired all the time.

Yep, that when I realized I needed to switch to long sleeves to cover the bulging fistual.  When my best friend said "How long is that gonna look like that???"

Uhhhhh...forever?

[okarol]

I think being so tired made Jenna feel like a freak in high school. She would nap during her lunch breaks and her school never told us - Good God what if she was a kid on drugs or severely depressed??!! They said "Oh sorry, we should have given you a call." Yikes! Anyway, I think Jenna isolated herself more from other kids so they wouldn't know she had kidney failure. She started dialysis during Decemebr of her senior year, and she says school is "just a blur" during that time.

[Sunny]

I'm bothered that I can't do all the things I used to be able to do. You name it! Everything is affected. My esteem is getting steamed.

[paddbear0000]

Not having the energy or stamina to no longer do the job I loved. Like someone else said, my job defined me. I worked as a vet assistant before moving to Ohio and finding out about my kidney failure. The job required standing on my feet for 8 to 16 hour shifts. I can't even stand for 20 minutes now!

My appearance.  I know this sounds selfish and horrible, but I am terrified to get my fistula because of the way I am going to look. I'm still young and in a new marriage. My husband gets grossed out pretty easily (especially anything blood related), and I'm afraid he won't want to come near me! I'd rather have a catheter. He's used to tubes coming out of me because of my insulin pump.  I'm already dealing with a 10 pound weight loss in the span of 2 months, to the point where my ribs are starting to show. I hate how I look, and am very self conscious around him without a shirt on. Oh, yeah, plus the bruises on my arms and legs aren't helping either.

[boxman55]

All of it everything to do with my health effects my self-esteem and I hate it...Boxman

[Chris]

All of it everything to do with my health effects my self-esteem and I hate it...Boxman

That about sums it up for me too about health. Maybe that's why I don't like kids.

[Mimi]

What self esteem?  Kids just wait until you get 75.  There is no self esteem then.
You'll find there are more important things than self esteem.  As Kat says 'Get a grip'.

Love, Mimi

[KarenInWA]

What self esteem?  Kids just wait until you get 75.  There is no self esteem then.
You'll find there are more important things than self esteem.  As Kat says 'Get a grip'.

Love, Mimi

The thing is, Mimi, some of us who are afflicted with this condition at an early age may not live to see 75.  I know that's not a positive outlook or anything, but it is in the back of our minds.  As it stands, if I can't have the quality of life I want, I may not want to live to see 75.  I don't have children (let's face it, I can't.  I have this disease), so far, I've made it to 35 with no real relationship experience, and I live in a country that punishes me for being sick.  Granted, I'm lucky right now with a good job that gives me a generous paycheck and benefits.  But who knows how long I'll have that?  After all, when and if I get to the point that I can't hold a job anymore, I'll have to spend my way into poverty in order to get any help.  Why bother saving for "retirement", when "retirement" for me means being sick and living in poverty because I am unfortunate enough to have bum kidneys?  Yes, these thoughts affect my self esteem.  Lots of things about this disease affects my self esteem.  I'll "get a grip" once someone finally comes up with a real cure or treatment for this.  None of us here asked for this lot in life, and everything that we have gone through or have to go through is difficult.  Self esteem is going to be affected.  There's no way it can't be.

[Chris]

I can understand your view 100% Karen, but also noticed Mimi's sign Mouth Operates Faster than Brain. Morbid humor maybe, which we develop here.

[Aubrey]

I'm quite new to Dialysis, so my fistula is still fairly discreet (2" scar and two needle clusters, plus some tape marks; hardly any bulging yet).
I could not imagine working; I don't feel bad now - a lot better than when I started - but there are bad days, and times when I have to stay late at the dialysis place because my bp is too low. In any case, it is hard to imagine anyone employing someone on Dialysis; if I'd already been employed when I started, maybe; but now...?
I am always thirsty (except just after dialysis) - as everyone is; I remember the times when I could drink all day and now think, why didn't I?
I've just started making plans to visit my mother in S Yorkshire (I'm in London), though I'm  not sure how much fun it will be, having to go to Barnsley or Donny every couple of days. There's no chance of visiting my brother in New Zealand, which is a sod.
Self esteem? I don't think it bothers me that much; or, I don't think I have that much anyway.

[monrein]

For me, self-esteem is one of the most important things to have and to hold onto at any age.  In working with kids and teenagers it was what often made the big difference between those reaching their potential and those struggling to keep their heads above water.  Those with a good sense of their value as human beings, lovable despite their weaknesses or flaws, were also better able to cope with life's difficulties, whether it be divorce, illness or bullies.   Self-esteem is not a person's body image or vanity and it isn't arrogance or an inflated, false sense of oneself either.  I see it more as a quiet confidence about one's core being, the knowledge that I am an OK person (not perfect, not the greatest ever but perfectly acceptable), no matter my wealth or my looks or my age.  Health issues can certainly damage our self-esteem and it can be not so easy to bolster but try we must, I think.  How we allow others to treat us is an indication of our view of our own self-worth and often how we treat others is a reflection of it too.  If we feel dignified we tend to treat others with dignity and so on.  Bullies and meanies often have very shaky selves and can use their nastiness to pull themselves up in their own eyes but the satisfaction is generally brief and the universe usually doesn't reward this behaviour with lasting relationships, meaningful friendships and strong connections with others.   I also think that solid, real esteem for him/her self is the best, most lasting gift a parent can ever give a child and it's also one of the hardest gifts to deliver.  It doesn't happen if praise is too shallow or criticism is too strong.  The building of it is slow and never-ending but it can be very rapidly diminished or depleted.  I agree that self-esteem is perhaps not the most important thing there is but without it I don't think that the really important things can get done.  

[Chris]

How elequently put down on the computer monrein. It made me think, all the answers I have put down would have to be put into a paragraph form for explanation of reasoning to a more root cause of reasoning.

[Budluv]

Being a 41 year old man that weighs as much as a high school cheerleader.  (bout 120)  
knowing I look tired most of the time.
Big snake like fistula on my right arm.
warts from the prednisone or cyclo (which ever one causes it.)
and for dessert, a nice helping of social retardation.

Oh well.... At least I'm not an asshole (depending on who you talk too)  

Karen in Wa...     It's like you read my mind.   Thanks for sharing.

[twirl]

I was a very well liked and popular teacher with the students and the staff and Lord I miss that - I taught at a school 7th -12th grades and got to know my students as 7th graders -- been to their baby showers, weddings and funerals - I have laughed and cried with them and I miss all those memories --  I had not a clue on how many hours and hours I spent thinking about and being involved with my students and their sad situations - hours on lesson plans to keep them intested in my subjects when most were homeless or living in hell - I miss it and it will never be the same-
I was able to hang on for two years on dialysis but it became impossible and I hung on until the last second I could - I never went back to get all my things - I let the school have everything- I might have already posted about this and the pain is still with me - and I still use no punctuation- some things never change

[monrein]

And Twirl, I know you miss teaching and you miss the students and being involved in their lives.  I hope however that you won't forget, and therefore "miss" in that meaning of the word, the truth that being a caring, involved, effective and probably life-altering adult for these students is a key part of who you are, not just of who you were.   Just because you're not actually doing the job (kind of like being retired) does not change the fact that you had a calling that others valued and that you enjoyed doing and doing well.  I don't do my job now either but I carry with me at all times the knowledge that I was very competent at what I did and that there are still some people in the world who credit me with saving their lives or their sanity or their marriages or their families.  I compare it to parenthood in a way.  Just because kids have left home and manage their own lives independently does not take away from the job that their parents did while actively raising and caring for them.  You are no less valuable a person now than you were while you were teaching.  Please remember that fact even if at times it doesn't FEEL true. 

[paddbear0000]

Teachers are invaluable! And you may not realize it, but you still continue teaching others even if you are no longer at the school. You can't undo everything you've learned, the compassion you've attained, etc. You continue to use it everyday.      BTW, what subject did you teach?

[twirl]

paddbear    I love your little "Marley"    by the way, Me and Marley the movie is not as good as the book

I taught earth science and literature and just about anything else----- I had students who were not working at their IQ levels
for various reasons  ----- at one semester I had 90 students during the day in 7 different periods -- and I taught a class of baton twirling------ I had at least 40 case manger's students to keep current with  --- loved every moment of it
I also taught US History and Texas History  ---- where I was needed as our state testing scores were needed to be improved
and I did the talent show every year and that was the most fun

[Tinah1968]

I have to agree with the energy. I have no energy some days and I have lots the next but the next day I have none again. I can't lift or do things like i used too. I work in a business that we have to move around alot and now it just seems to take me twice as long as before. I hate days like that. .