I am Done

[needlephobic]

ESRD Network 13 wanted me to write a paper about life being on dialysis being a needle phobic. I was being  PR for them at my center but this week they took it away from me just because I have not had my fistula stuck do to my fear. They didn't want me to scare any new person to the center away or tell them I am afraid of needles. and since I never been stuck that disqualifies me from talking to the new people about  fistulas. If that is so my Neph nurses techs social worker So that means they are disqualified because they never sat in that chair and had the life sucked out of them. So why should I belive anything that comes out of there mouths? Thursday I went in and chest cath wasn't working they had to un hook me and send me home. So as of now I am done with dialysis can't trust anybody that works there. Can't do needles and No tube in my belly refuse to be butchered up for it to fail. No nore caths cause I am Done

[kellyt]

Oh no!  What a horrible fear to have when you need dialysis!  I am sooo sorry!  Maybe you could try to find one more place before making such a big decision?       We're here for you.   

[Cricket]

I was very saddened to hear about your dilemma............ I'm new to dialysis (2 months) and wound up that way due to life long diabetes (diagnosed at 14) and insuln dependent ever since.  4 shots a day!!!  OMG!!!  So I  CAN'T be needlephobic......... I have no choice, or die at the age of 14.
I'm having a rough time a the dialysis center.I hate it.  No other way of putting it.
Some nurses are nice; others, too rough for my liking.
No permanent access yet. they have to do a graft..........  I hate it all.
Hang in there - try to find some options.  OK?    Love to you......>> Cricket (Chris)

[tbarrett2533]

ESRD Network 13 wanted me to write a paper about life being on dialysis being a needle phobic. I was being  PR for them at my center but this week they took it away from me just because I have not had my fistula stuck do to my fear. They didn't want me to scare any new person to the center away or tell them I am afraid of needles. and since I never been stuck that disqualifies me from talking to the new people about  fistulas. If that is so my Neph nurses techs social worker So that means they are disqualified because they never sat in that chair and had the life sucked out of them. So why should I belive anything that comes out of there mouths? Thursday I went in and chest cath wasn't working they had to un hook me and send me home. So as of now I am done with dialysis can't trust anybody that works there. Can't do needles and No tube in my belly refuse to be butchered up for it to fail. No nore caths cause I am Done

Please explore your options.... PD may be just perfect for you (if you can do it) b/c there is NO NEEDLES!!
Good luck

[galvo]

Bloody hard to respond to your post, needlephobic.

[jbeany]

 

[monrein]

   I hope you won't give up.

[MooseMom]

Well, wait a minute...are you saying that it is no longer possible to receive dialysis via your cath?  Has it stopped working altogether?

[Jean]

Dont give up!!! Never give up!!! You are not alone. You really need to check out PD. Please do so.   

[kristina]

I am so sorry to read about your dilemma, needlephobic,
and I do hope you find help soon.

Best wishes from Kristina.

[daveosaurus]

I understand where you're coming from. I have a catheter in my chest and a new, not ready to use, fistula in my right arm. I haven't been stuck yet but I've seen the needles and they do look pretty darn big, even the smaller 17 gauge ones. The big 14 gauge ones look like bicycle spokes and they scare me to death. But think about all the people who go through dialysis every day. They get through it and I figure we can too. So at least try. Are you really ready to die? There's no sugar coating it. That's what will happen if you quit. SO DON'T QUIT! Because you never know when the next breakthrough could happen and wouldn't you hate to be put in the ground the day before that happens? Fight this monster for as long as you can.

[boswife]

i really dont think it's 'your time' to be giving up.  Dont loose your life for the sake of needles.Thats even scarrier and they'll probably stick you with something else anyway.  I know ive mentioned that i too am a phob, and realise im not the one on the recieving end, ..........but i AM the one who has to do the sticking.  Believe me it took lots of work and months before i was able to do without feling like i was going to die myself, but i survived and you can too.  I know yours is worse even than mine, your in the CANT do it, i know that place.......but i am stubborn enough that when i knew what was right for hubby, my cant became HAD TO.. so through i truly felt i would die from doing it, i am now his canulater.   Please, see what they can do as far as 'putting you out' (probably in the hospital?) and getting you started that way.  Get stubborn, and be well... I hope i havent offended, and i hope to hear from you soon...   

[dyann]

I am really sorry about what you are going through I do understand I am on my 5th fistula in a year and a half first two never took third one is working but having issues so they put a 4th in my other arm it recently stopped working so set to have another one on the 15th.  cant do caths anymore I always get really sick, and I do home hemo  and yes I stick myself.  I cant imagen having a fear of needles but I do know that I need to stay alive for my children but more important for  me. I have gotten very depressed and wanted to give up even stopped doing treatments on a regular basis or came off them early,  sometimes we have to say enough is enough because we feel the need to take control  back  and thats ok,  but at some point you have to make a decision between life and death  because lets face it thats the bottom line, It is ok to get down and yell and want to give up and say I give up, YES, but then pick yourself back up and start fighting again  we are all here for you no matter what decision you make .  Keep fighting your worth it. 

I am not good with words hope this helped,  and didnt hurt in anyway.

[billybags]

needlephobic, So what are you telling us, that they could not dialysis you and sent you home because your cath was not working. You are saying that you are so pissed off that you are not going to go back to the unit. So you are going to give up and die, is that right. You have more about you than that, you have got work to do  informing people about how you feel, how it affects you, how scared you are of needles. There must be thousands of people out there in the same position. You must help these people. Don't just give up and die,. Dialysis is not easy but it keeps you alive. Have another think about it.

[looneytunes]

NP, I hope you find a way to resolve all this other than stopping dialysis.  It's your body and your decision as to what type of access you have.  Maybe you can talk to your neph or find a different one who will understand. 

[jeannea]

Can you give us an update what happened, what you decided to do? I respect your decision either way. I'm sure we all consider it at some point. I know I do. But I hope you think it through carefully and maybe have someone to talk to about it. Please let us know how you're doing.

[lmunchkin]

I PM him, but no reply yet!  I hope everything is okay!!!!  Praying       

lmunchkin   

[boswife]

i did too a couple days ago... no reply   also 

[calypso]

Would you still be afraid of needles if they were not sharp? I use blunt needles in my fistula 6 days a week using the buttonhole technique.

[needlephobic]

Well I am still alive and kicking. Thanks for the replies. As far as i can remember I have been afraid of needles. There is no way I can set in that dialysis chair for 3 to 4 hours with  them needles in my arm. I would be pulling them out. Just getting them in would be a chore. I tried meds just made me freeze in terror or colapes in fear. densensation didn't work made me worse. It is hopeless I am to afraid of them nasty needles and just can't do it. PD is out it requires surgery which means IV needles. Chest cath is not working they want me to get another one again requires surgery and a IV. I am such a wimp when it comes to needles. Last time they stuck a IV in me it took over 8 guys to hold me down. I am tired of hearing we will press charges if you hit us. Sorry it is not my fault fight or flight. Got to fight before flight to get out of there. It is so hard for me a D cause there are days they are hooking people up or unhooking them and nowhere to look so I hide under my blanket and shiver in fear.The staff likes to parade them thing s around the center. They have a habit about stopping in front of my chair to talk with a hand full of needles and wave them around when they talk with there hands ((((((shivers)))))). I am at the end of my rope Just don't know what to do. I really don't have nobody to talk to. My Family don't care. Just got moved in my apartment to get away from the verbal and physical abuse from my bro and his girlfriend 

[okarol]

They gave Jenna an oral sedative before they took her to radiology for an IV and chest catheter.

[Rerun]

I hear you brother!  I hate them too.  I do the nasty lidocane tiny needles and they sting like hell but it is better than the big ones with no lidocane.  I just turn my head and bite my finger (on the other hand).  I could never stick myself.  I do know how you feel.  Maybe Kevino could chime in HE hates needles too.  I pray everytime  JUSUS PLACE THE NEEDLES JESUS PLACE THE NEEDLES JESUS PLACE THE NEEDLES and he has never let me down.

I hate the IV ones too.  It just seems natural to keep breathing so I do it.

[Marina]

I'm  so  sorry  you're  thinking of  giving up.       
You  just  can't  give up  without  giving the other options  a chance.

I was  diagnosed  with  diabetes  at  13.        I  was  so  scared of  needles.   Luckily  for me  my  older  sister  was  also  a  diabetic  on  insulin,  so  she  gave me  my  shots  for  about  6 months,  until  we  got into  a fight  about  who  knows  what   (that  was  32yrs  ago)  and  she  stopped  giving me  my  shots.
What  do you  think  happened  after  that?          YUP  I  had  to  give up  my  fear of  those  darn  needles  and  do my own shots  at  13.        It  was  one  of the  scariest  things  I had to  endure  at that  age,  but   I didn't  like the  alternative,  so  I  learn  to  give myself  shots.

No tube in my belly refuse to be butchered up for it to fail. No nore caths cause I am Done

At  38  I  went  into  complete  renal  failure  (ESRD)  and  needed  dialysis.    I  opted  for  PD.    I  did   PD  for  6½    yrs  with  great  success.   Only  one  minor  infections  caused by  water  (  I didn't  dry  my  exit site  throughly  before  I  put  a  dressing  on it.

Unfortunately  there's  no  way to  know  nor  predict  who   will have  success  with  either  type  of  dialysis.
But,  it's  worth  a  shot  to  try  either or  both  options. What  have you  got  to  lose.........YOUR  LIFE,  yes  without  dialysis,  sayonara.
So  if you're  a needlephobic,  why  not  talk  to  a PD  nurse  and  see if  PD  is  right  for you.

WE'RE   HERE  FOR YOU!!   

Take  care!!

Marina

[Sluff]

needlephobic I am really sorry you have such a fear of needles and I have no idea what can be done about it. Tell them to press charges if they need to, it won't change anything. People don't understand that its not a criminal thing a true fear is just that a FEAR. WTF?  I will be honest with you that when and if I go on dialysis someday I'm ok but I don't think I could do a transplant, it just creeps me out about switching body parts. maybe I will change my mind when it's my time, I don't know. I do understand your fear however.

[Meinuk]

Needlephobic, I am so sorry that you are going through this, but you need to be careful.  There is a zero tolerence with regard to violence in any dialysis unit, and if they "Press Charges", they could also immediately discharge you.

This is called an involuntary discharge, and it is a nightmare.  Physical Violence is grounds for an IVD*, and usually there is not a lot you can do if you have committed an act of violence in a dialysis facility.

http://www.network13.org/QI/Facility_Info_Packet/2A13_Involuntary_Discharge_of_Pts.pdf

I know that you have gone the therapy route before, but now that you have your own home, and it is a safe place, can you try to see if you can try a new therapist, even if it is to talk about how you are feeling?  You've been through a lot.  The needles are part of that, but you also need to address all of the stress that has been building up.

You'll always have someone here who will "listen" to you. But maybe it is time to try a new counselor, and a new point of view.

 

Anna

*

Abbreviated involuntary discharge procedure: Discharges that occur due to serious threat
or actions where it is deemed necessary to discharge patient without the provision of a 30 day notice. Each
facility should have a procedure for abbreviated involuntary discharge that indicates:
• What behaviors and/or actions will result in an abbreviated discharge (less than 30 days).
• Notification of patient in writing regarding decision to discharge.
• What placement assistance will be provided to the patient by the facility.
• Provision of a listing of hospitals providing acute dialysis care for interim dialysis care until placement
can be arranged.
• Efforts to be made to provide the necessary security at the facility (including those made to provide
ongoing dialysis care while placement efforts are undertaken)
• Notification of the Network prior to discharge (Discharge is not official until written notification of
discharge is provided to patient).