I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: General Discussion => Topic started by: kitkatz on January 30, 2007, 10:33:29 PM
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Is anyone else tired of getting handed shit and being told it is yummy steak and that it is good for you? I am so tired of just taking my licks with this damned disease. It just absolutely sucks, sucks, sucks! I have pretty much decided that dialysis sucks rocks and if anything else happens to me I give up. Now I am being told that they want to look at other things! What the hell am I supposed to do? I am scared. I am worried. It is like waiting for a bus. Wait for the appointment bus to arrive, then wait for the appointment to get here, then go to the damned appointment, then wait for them to make some kind of damned decision. All in my best interests of course. Well what if I do not want to play anymore? When do I quit? I swear to God, if this whole thing turns out to actually be something, I am hocking my house and taking a trip to Australia! I will sell everything I own for a trip there. The waiting game is going to freaking kill me. I now worry about every little pain and every little difference I feel in my body. God, I hate all of this stuff! Lord help me, before I completely lose my mind, and end up in the middle of the school field, curled up in a little ball, crying my eyes out! I really don't know if I can do this one more time. I feel like God is playing a cruel joke on me and is just waiting to see how I am going to react to all of this. And I cannot even post this rant to my blog because mother reads the blog and we are not telling her about this until I know more about it. She would absolutely drive me nuts waiting with me! I have not told my kids yet either until I know more about it all. No reason to worry them. I did tell both my sisters. They are strong enough to take the news and be with me. I am letting IHD.com do the worrying for them and for me, okay? I am afraid to even lie down for very long because then I start thinking again and then the heebie jeebies hit me all over again. I have to be very tired and go right to sleep. I am currently drinking a cup of chamomile tea to try to help me sleep tonight.
I really do not know if I can do dialysis and any other things, too. It is asking a lot of me. I just figured out I am not Superwoman and cannot do it all. I know I say I am a superhero but that is the bravado bullshit I put on for other people. In truth I am just plain me and I am constantly scared. So there it is. I am going completely stark raving nuts. Wish me luck!
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:grouphug; :grouphug; :grouphug;
I've been thinking about you today. Hold on tight, kit.
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This is a hard one, Kitkatz! And I wish I had the words to say that would make it all disappear and everything just work out for you, cause that I what I wamt for you. My caring thoughts and prayers are with you. Don't give up on being a superhero yet. Let's just wait and see It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings, and I ain't singing yet.
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It is hard when things are so out of your control and you feel like you have no options but the docs got all the options and decisions. It's hard to always wait and not know where that bus will lead ("Hey this is the wrong bus!! LET ME OFF!!")
We are here for you Kitkatz! You are not alone! :grouphug; You are in my prayers :cuddle;
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Hang in there Kit :grouphug;
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Kitkatz,
It's very frustrating to take the steps you need to and not getting the results you want.
But you need to keep going, just like you told me, that things are going to work out.
I don't know if it's faith or whatever, but God didn't bring you this far to drop you on your ass.
Push to get the answers, then you will know what to do next. The waiting is the worst.
I am thinking of you and if I can help you please let me know.
xoxoxox
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Kitkatz this is one of the hardest posts to read, because I think sometimes we just take eachother for granted, maybe we become so excepting to the problems with this disease that we take them too lightly.
I just want you to know that you are in my thought as you navigate through the latest trials that you are faced with. :grouphug;
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I just wanted to say good luck, and I hope things turn out better than you think. I'm sure not knowing can really make you feel like :banghead;. Just remember that no matter how bad things get we are all here for you :cuddle; :grouphug; and hopefully we can keep you from going completely :urcrazy;.
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Dear Kit,
Sorry to hear about your troubles. Hope everything gets cleared up soon.
Hope you are feeling alittle better today.
Best of luck.
SCYankee
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I really do hope things go well for you kitkatz.
:grouphug;
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I don't know what to say except that I am so sorry you are having to deal with all of this. :grouphug; My thought and prayers are with you.
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Kitkatz, you are always there for us when we need you, now we are here for you. Rant on, spill your thoughts, it is scary to just let them all rattle around in there alone... When all things seem the darkest, the lights get brighter with friends, hang in there, hang tough, and know we are all there with you in thought and love.
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oops! Guess that goes DOUBLE for me..... :cuddle;
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:-* :grouphug; :grouphug; :grouphug; :grouphug; I hear you! and we are all here!!!
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I am letting IHD.com do the worrying for them and for me, okay? I am afraid to even lie down for very long because then I start thinking again and then the heebie jeebies hit me all over again. I have to be very tired and go right to sleep. I am currently drinking a cup of chamomile tea to try to help me sleep tonight.
I really do not know if I can do dialysis and any other things, too. It is asking a lot of me. I just figured out I am not Superwoman and cannot do it all. I know I say I am a superhero but that is the bravado bullshit I put on for other people. In truth I am just plain me and I am constantly scared. So there it is. I am going completely stark raving nuts. Wish me luck!
I'm so sorry you're going thrugh this. We're all here for you, 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I wish I could help you carry what you're carrying, I truly do. :grouphug; :grouphug; :grouphug;
Donna
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Aww kitkatz i'm sorry to hear all your going through! I will be praying for you and thinking positive thoughts. You can make it through this, we are all here for you dear!! :grouphug;
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Kit, just wanted you to know that i am here for you as well and my thoughts and prayers are with you always. Keep the Faith girlfriend and never underestimate the power of prayer ;) Love ya girl :cuddle;
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hey kit, i know what you're going through because I'm going through It myself....sometimes i just feel like giving up alltogether and even think about stopping dialysis....but on days like that i check IHD posts and see that I'm not alone in this f****ing earth so i calm down a bit and then a lot and after that i eat my heart out full of chicharrones til i puke...so hang in there girlfriend :cuddle; >:D like a little kat trying to claim a wall.
:beer1;
Rolando
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Good luck.. Hope you get good news and all the worrying is for nothing. :grouphug;
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Thanks. I am putting one foot in front of the other. Holding on tight.
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Thanks. I am putting one foot in front of the other. Holding on tight.
Good for you. You can do it Kitkatz, wish I could be there to help you out a little and remove some stress.
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Thanks. I am putting one foot in front of the other. Holding on tight.
That's the Kitkatz I know. :thumbup; I know the current situation sucks and I am sorry you have to deal with this ON TOP of all the other bullshit. As you know I have had my fair share of battles along the way. We're here for you Kit, rant on and let it all out. You will come out of this battle like all the others you have faced, I know it.
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This is like waiting for a bus. I am stealing Jenna's idea here. (Sorry Jenna, kill me later.) I am waiting for the apoointment bus, Just waiting, I hate waiting. This waiting is going to get to me. There is nothing you can do to make a bus show up faster, just have to wait and wait. Looking down the street does not help, neither does cursing the bus. And when it gets here I will probably have to change my entire routine to make the appointment anyway. *Sigh*. Kaiser does not care I am on dialysis. They just set up appointments and expect me to be there. I guess you all will just have to put up with me ranting and raving until things calm down again.
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If it helps you to calm then rant all you can Kitkatz, this is the place to do so. You being through a lot and so many of us, sometimes our family members do not understand our daily struggles or even our closest friends. Let it out kitkatz....things will get better soon for you.
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This is like waiting for a bus. I am stealing Jenna's idea here. (Sorry Jenna, kill me later.) I amw aiting for hte apoointment bus, Just waiting, I hate waiting. This waiting is going to get to me. There is nothing you can do to make a bus show up faster, just have to wait and wait. Looking down the street does not help, neither does cursing the bus. And when it get shere I will probably have to change me entire routine to make the appointment anyway. *Sigh*. Kaiser does not care I am on dialysis. They just set up appointments and expect me to be there. I guess you all will just have to put up with me ranting and raving until things calm down again.
The best way to make the bus come faster is to leave the bus stop, but don't miss the bus. ;) Or if you smoke Light, a cigarette and it will show up right after you light it. :)
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Hoping things will get better soon, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
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It is Friday and I am still inthe ranting mood. Work pissed me off yesterday. It is not the kids. It is some of the adults I work with that really get me going.
I told the big boss what was going on healthwise with me. I do not think he even realizes how renal disease really affects me every day. I wish he had a little more understanding about it, so when I say I will not take a case overload there is a reason behind it. So how could he know how much the new stuff is bothering me. *sigh*
Besides we are doing district testing right now. I HATE district testing. Why do they make my special ed kids do it? A test over everything they supposedly learned. What a joke! :banghead; WE a rea ll banging our head son walls. Yes, that is the pounding sound you hear in the background.
Just get me through February and then I have three weeks off again in March. Wish us luck in the testing. Wish me luck in keeping my sanity. I am tieing a knot on the bottom of the rope and hanging on tight.
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It is Friday and I am still inthe ranting mood. Work pissed me off yesterday. It is not the kids. It is some of the adults I work with that really get me going.
I told the big boss what was going on healthwise with me. I do not think he even realizes how renal disease really affects me every day. I wish he had a little more understanding about it, so when I say I will not take a case overload there is a reason behind it. So how could he know how much the new stuff is bothering me. *sigh*
Besides we are doing district testing right now. I HATE district testing. Why do they make my special ed kids do it? A test over everything they supposedly learned. What a joke! :banghead; WE a rea ll banging our head son walls. Yes, that is the pounding sound you hear in the background.
Just get me through February and then I have three weeks off again in March. Wish us luck in the testing. Wish me luck in keeping my sanity. I am tieing a knot on the bottom of the rope and hanging on tight.
Hang in there baby!!
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Rant away, Kitkatz, we can take it! Sorry you have to deal with SO FRIGGIN' MUCH lately! Remember, you don't have to take a day at a time - sometimes 30 seconds at a time is plenty!
You're in my prayers, and I'm rooting for you!
:cuddle;
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I also did not enjoy the 'medicalization' of my life while I was on dialysis. For every doctor's appointment, I would spend an hour travelling to the office and back and parking, then another hour sitting in the waiting room, and all that for a 15-minute appointment. When I reflect back on my life, I have been going in and out of hospitals ever since I was 14 and have had hundreds of doctor's appointments, diagnostic tests, and clinic visits; I have spent four months in the hospital; and I was dialyzed about 1200 times taking up about 5400 hours. For all that investment on my part, I don't think I ever had the experience of going to the doctor or the hospital with a medical problem, having it fixed, and then going home fine. That paradigm, which for most healthy people is what medicine is all about, never ever happened for me. Instead, I would develop a medical problem, go to dozens of doctors and have dozens of tests, and at the end of it, I would not be able to be cured and would either face a treatment which was worse than the disease or which would last forever, or would be some combination of both! I must have cost the medical system of all the countries where I lived well over a million dollars in treatment costs, but I never got healthy from all of it.
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I also did not enjoy the 'medicalization' of my life while I was on dialysis. For every doctor's appointment, I would spend an hour travelling to the office and back and parking, then another hour sitting in the waiting room, and all that for a 15-minute appointment. When I reflect back on my life, I have been going in and out of hospitals ever since I was 14 and have had hundreds of doctor's appointments, diagnostic tests, and clinic visits; I have spent four months in the hospital; and I was dialyzed about 1200 times taking up about 5400 hours. For all that investment on my part, I don't think I ever had the experience of going to the doctor or the hospital with a medical problem, having it fixed, and then going home fine. That paradigm, which for most healthy people is what medicine is all about, never ever happened for me. Instead, I would develop a medical problem, go to dozens of doctors and have dozens of tests, and at the end of it, I would not be able to be cured and would either face a treatment which was worse than the disease or which would last forever, or would be some combination of both! I must have cost the medical system of all the countries where I lived well over a million dollars in treatment costs, but I never got healthy from all of it.
i also went through the same shyte since i was 16 yrs old, my family calls me the "six million dollar man" because of the cost of my health(or lack thereof) to the insurance companies and such. life can be a bitch and then you die.... just a fact of life people... my favorite saying: "Life sucks and then you... got to suck back :rofl;
Rolando
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Here I am again ranting onward. I try to read the news article section a little every day and I just get madder than hell over the way kidney patients and transplant issues are discussed in the news! They make it sound like all you have to do is go to the hospital and sign up for a kidney. Hah! The wait list is only gettin longer abnd I am only gettin older! Geez! I have stopped reading the news articles except when I am in a pretty good mood. I am not saying they are not good to look at, but they just piss me off so much that I take them in small doses.
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Hi Kitkatz....Andy here....do you happen to know what the success rate (%) is with transplants...do many take for a while and then fail? Thanks!
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I have no idea. I bet Zach knows or Epoman has statistics. I am just off on a rant over here.
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Cool. Rant away!
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Hi Kitkatz....Andy here....do you happen to know what the success rate (%) is with transplants...do many take for a while and then fail? Thanks!
Don't know the success rate as a percentage but I can tell you that not all transplants work right away and some work right away and you are peeing on the table (don't be embarrassed as that means you won't need dialysis! Woohoo!!). I hope my next one works right away! My last one worked for 11 years.
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Hi Kitkatz....Andy here....do you happen to know what the success rate (%) is with transplants...do many take for a while and then fail? Thanks!
It really depends on what stats you want to believe. Seems different areas have different stats.
In general though the half of all cadaveric kidneys will fail within 10 years. The longer one has a transplant the less likely it will fail from rejection, don't get me wrong they can still reject, but the longer one has it the more it seems many fail for other reasons other than rejection alone.
In general the average living kidney transplant half of them will still be functioning in 25 years.
At least this is what I read in an article from the Mayo Clinic a few years ago.
If I knew how to post the following here in its form I would. But here is a link to some data about transplants, survival rates of the grafts, survival rates to surviving patients etc.
http://www.optn.org/AR2005/survival_rates.htm
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Hi Kitkatz....Andy here....do you happen to know what the success rate (%) is with transplants...do many take for a while and then fail? Thanks!
Just remember that whenever you hear the term "half-life" it is only an estimate, not the actual time.
The problem with estimates are that when they're wrong, you rarely hear about it. In fact, sometimes the only way you'll know is to compare a half-life figure from 2001 with that in 2006.
The following are actual numbers as listed in the link posted by BigSky:
3 Months
Deceased Donor Graft Survival 94.8%
Living Donor Graft Survival 97.1%
1 Year
Deceased Donor Graft Survival 90.6%
Living Donor Graft Survival 95.1%
3 Years
Deceased Donor Graft Survival 79.8%
Living Donor Graft Survival 87.9%
5 Years
Deceased Donor Graft Survival 68.9%
Living Donor Graft Survival 80.2%
3 Years = 2000-2003
5 Years = 1998-2003
The good thing about all this, whatever the current numbers, is that improvements are always occurring!
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Thank you all for the transplant info :thumbup;
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Here I am again Ranting ever onward!
I hate dialysis.
I can't even type it properly.
I hate the time it takes out from my life.
I hate the pain it inflicts on my family.
I hate the time it took from my kids.
I hate the pain it gives me each time.
I hate it has taken a piece of my soul with it.
I hate every thing about it tonight.
Tomorrow I will go again.
Put up with it.
Do it to live.
Crap!