Rant on anything and Everything

[kitkatz]

Is anyone else tired of getting handed shit and being told it is yummy steak and that it is good for you?  I am so tired of just taking my licks with this damned disease.  It just absolutely sucks, sucks, sucks!  I have pretty much decided that dialysis sucks rocks and if anything else happens to me I give up.  Now I am being told that they want to look at other things!  What the hell am I supposed to do?  I am scared.  I am worried.  It is like waiting for a bus.  Wait for the appointment bus to arrive, then wait for the appointment to get here, then go to the damned appointment, then wait for them to make some kind of damned decision.  All in my best interests of course.  Well what if I do not want to play anymore?  When do I quit? I swear to God, if this whole thing turns out to actually be something, I am hocking my house and taking a trip to Australia!  I will sell  everything I own for a trip there. The waiting game is going to freaking kill me.  I now worry about every little pain and every little difference I feel in my body.  God, I hate all of this stuff!  Lord help me, before I completely lose my mind, and end up in the middle of the school field, curled up in a little ball, crying my eyes out!  I really don't know if I can do this one more time.  I feel like God is playing a cruel joke on me and is just waiting to see how I am going to react to all of this.  And I cannot even post this rant to my blog because mother reads the blog and we are not telling her about this until I know more about it.  She would absolutely drive me nuts waiting with me! I have not told my kids yet either until I know more about it all.  No reason to worry them. I did tell both my sisters.  They are strong enough to take the news and be with me.  I am letting IHD.com do the worrying for them and for me, okay? I am afraid to even lie down for very long because then I start thinking again and then the heebie jeebies hit me all over again.   I have to be very tired and go right to sleep.  I am currently drinking a cup of chamomile tea to try to help me sleep tonight.
I really do not know if I can do dialysis and any other things, too.  It is asking a lot of me.  I just figured out I am not Superwoman and cannot do it all.  I know I say I am a superhero but that is the bravado bullshit I put on for other people.  In truth I am just plain me and I am constantly scared.  So there it is.  I am going completely stark raving nuts.  Wish me luck!

[jbeany]

    

I've been thinking about you today.  Hold on tight, kit. 

[Bajanne]

This is a hard one, Kitkatz!  And I wish I had the words to say that would make it all disappear and everything just work out for you, cause that I what I wamt for you.  My caring thoughts and prayers are with you.  Don't give up on being a superhero yet.  Let's just wait and see  It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings, and I ain't singing yet.

[angieskidney]

It is hard when things are so out of your control and you feel like you have no options but the docs got all the options and decisions. It's hard to always wait and not know where that bus will lead ("Hey this is the wrong bus!! LET ME OFF!!")

We are here for you Kitkatz! You are not alone!  You are in my prayers

[charee]

Hang in there Kit 

[okarol]

Kitkatz,
It's very frustrating to take the steps you need to and not getting the results you want.
But you need to keep going, just like you told me, that things are going to work out.
I don't know if it's faith or whatever, but God didn't bring you this far to drop you on your ass.
Push to get the answers, then you will know what to do next. The waiting is the worst.
I am thinking of you and if I can help you please let me know.
xoxoxox

[Sluff]

Kitkatz this is one of the hardest posts to read, because I think sometimes we just take eachother for granted, maybe we become so excepting to the problems with this disease that we take them too lightly.

I just want you to know that you are in my thought as you navigate through the latest trials that you are faced with. 

[Hawkeye]

I just wanted to say good luck, and I hope things turn out better than you think.  I'm sure not knowing can really make you feel like  .  Just remember that no matter how bad things get we are all here for you    and hopefully we can keep you from going completely  .

[scyankee]

Dear Kit,
  Sorry to hear about your troubles.  Hope everything gets cleared up soon.
  Hope you are feeling alittle better today.
  Best of luck.
  SCYankee

[BigSky]

I really do hope things go well for you kitkatz.

 

[Black]

I don't know what to say except that I am so sorry you are having to deal with all of this.     My thought and prayers are with you.

[anja]

Kitkatz, you are always there for us when we need you, now we are here for you.  Rant on, spill your thoughts, it is scary to just let them all rattle around in there alone...  When all things seem the darkest, the lights get brighter with friends, hang in there, hang tough, and know we are all there with you in thought and love.

[anja]

oops!  Guess that goes DOUBLE for me..... 

[glitter]

    I hear you! and we are all here!!!

[meadowlandsnj]

I am letting IHD.com do the worrying for them and for me, okay? I am afraid to even lie down for very long because then I start thinking again and then the heebie jeebies hit me all over again.   I have to be very tired and go right to sleep.  I am currently drinking a cup of chamomile tea to try to help me sleep tonight.
I really do not know if I can do dialysis and any other things, too.  It is asking a lot of me.  I just figured out I am not Superwoman and cannot do it all.  I know I say I am a superhero but that is the bravado bullshit I put on for other people.  In truth I am just plain me and I am constantly scared.  So there it is.  I am going completely stark raving nuts.  Wish me luck!

I'm so sorry you're going thrugh this.  We're all here for you, 24 hours a day 7 days a week.  I wish I could help you carry what you're carrying, I truly do.   

Donna

[angela515]

Aww kitkatz i'm sorry to hear all your going through! I will be praying for you and thinking positive thoughts. You can make it through this, we are all here for you dear!! 

[goofynina]

Kit,  just wanted you to know that i am here for you as well and my thoughts and prayers are with you always.  Keep the Faith girlfriend and never underestimate the power of prayer   Love ya girl 

[aharris2]

hey kit, i know what you're going through because I'm going through It myself....sometimes   i just feel like giving up alltogether and even think about stopping dialysis....but on days like that i check IHD  posts and see that I'm not alone in this f****ing earth so i calm down a bit and then a lot and after that i eat my heart out full of chicharrones til i puke...so hang in there girlfriend    like a little kat trying to claim a wall.

 

Rolando

[del]

Good luck.. Hope you get good news and all the worrying is for nothing.

[kitkatz]

Thanks. I am putting one foot in front of the other.  Holding on tight.

[Sluff]

Thanks. I am putting one foot in front of the other.  Holding on tight.

Good for you. You can do it Kitkatz, wish I could be there to help you out a little and remove some stress.

[Epoman]

Thanks. I am putting one foot in front of the other.  Holding on tight.

That's the Kitkatz I know. I know the current situation sucks and I am sorry you have to deal with this ON TOP of all the other bullshit. As you know I have had my fair share of battles along the way. We're here for you Kit, rant on and let it all out. You will come out of this battle like all the others you have faced, I know it.

[kitkatz]

This is like waiting for a bus.  I am stealing Jenna's idea here.  (Sorry Jenna, kill me later.)  I am waiting for the apoointment bus,  Just waiting, I hate waiting.  This waiting is going to get to me.  There is nothing you can do to make a bus show up faster, just have to wait and wait.  Looking down the street does not help, neither does cursing the bus.  And when it gets here I will probably have to change my entire routine to make the appointment anyway.  *Sigh*.  Kaiser does not care I am on dialysis.  They just set up appointments and expect me to be there. I guess you all will just have to put up with me ranting and raving until things calm down again. 

[st789]

If it helps you to calm then rant all you can Kitkatz, this is the place to do so.  You being through a lot and so many of us, sometimes our family members do not understand our daily struggles or even our closest friends.  Let it out kitkatz....things will get better soon for you.

[Sluff]

This is like waiting for a bus.  I am stealing Jenna's idea here.  (Sorry Jenna, kill me later.)  I amw aiting for hte apoointment bus,  Just waiting, I hate waiting.  This waiting is going to get to me.  There is nothing you can do to make a bus show up faster, just have to wait and wait.  Looking down the street does not help, neither does cursing the bus.  And when it get shere I will probably have to change me entire routine to make the appointment anyway.  *Sigh*.  Kaiser does not care I am on dialysis.  They just set up appointments and expect me to be there. I guess you all will just have to put up with me ranting and raving until things calm down again. 

The best way to make the bus come faster is to leave the bus stop, but don't miss the bus.   Or if you smoke Light, a cigarette and it will show up right after you light it.