I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: F.A.Q. (Frequently Asked Questions) => Topic started by: maritza0486 on May 22, 2009, 10:20:44 AM
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IS THERE ANYTHING THAT CAN BE DONE WHEN ON DIALYSIS AND THE SEXUAL DRIVE IS DECREASING AS TIME GOES BY? I AM ONLY 23 YEARS OLD AND IM STILL SEXUALLY ACTIVE AND ALL BUT I CANT SEEM TO REACH MY PEAK EVER...IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. I WAS THINKING OF TALKING TO MY SOCIAL WORKER OR DOCTOR ABOUT THIS, BUT I WOULD HONESTLY FEEL TOO WEIRD. I WOULD RATHER ASK YOU GUYS OUT THERE WHO UNDERSTAND THE SITUATION MORE PHYSICALLY...
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I really can't answer you, but I think that its an excellent question to ask.
23 is to young to have problems without sharing them with someone. Good Luck maritza ... I hope they can help you
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I think you should ask your doctor and good luck.
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Ok. Thanks for the advice and support. I guess I just wanted to hear some opinions and some experiences with anyone else. I will builld up courage to ask my doctor tomorrow and see what she says. I will keep you guys informed. Thanks again for your help. :2thumbsup;
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Ooooooo see you can write without using capitols all the time ! :rofl; Difficult one that because your body kind of shuts down and only keeps going what it really needs to ! and im afraid 'sex' isnt top of its list !
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Maritza, have you tried using a vibrator and lubrication to stimulate yourself while you fantasize about sexual activity? Be sure to go slow and take your time and don't think about orgasm at all. Just relax and enjoy the sensation and think about all the things that you find arousing. It's probably best to do this while alone at first although you can incorporate this for sure into couple activity later on if your partner won't be too threatened. If he/she is then a good chat is the necessary next step. Dialysis is of course an issue but quite often, especially at your age, part of the trouble is also that your partner (especially male partners if you are heterosexual) reach orgasm on a way different timetable than we females so the trick is to slow them down without frustrating the living life out of them so that we can take our time to get where we want to go.
Sex toys are a great way to get to know what you like and how you like it so then you can train your partner in a very specific to you way. Men often like to believe that they really know what they're doing in the area of sex but the truth is they don't have our equipment so they have little or no clue. They tend to let us know very directly what they like and want but in general women seem to prefer to let guys take charge of the timing and the order of things and that usually only works best for the male equipment.
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I too had a decrease in sex drive during dialysis and it was a definitely a problem so I understand how you feel. I wish I had spoken to my doctor about it.
I believe part of my problem was a high blood pressure pill I was taking during dialysis so there could be many reasons for this.
I definitely recommend talking to your doctor and exploring with other options (like Monrein so tactfully wrote).
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Sex??? What's that? HA HA HA Just kidding, but talk to your doc Iam sur ethey can help. I can say that my drive has gone down from what it used to me and things don't seem to be working as good as they used to. When I was on dialysis 13 years ago I still had the same problem and I was 23 then!!
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I have the same problem. Nice to know I am not alone. :rofl; But you are better then I. I never would have asked. If you get a good anwser let me know. I really don't think there is much that we can do though.
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and now I can not drink to help get in the mood :waiting; :stressed;
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Occasionally I venture to places I should not. This thread was one. I'm embarassed. Carry on Ladies!!!!
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LOL!! Dan, you crack me up...stick around, you might learn something. It's in your brain folks....getting tired, low blood counts, bp meds..they all effect your body, therefore your brain. It's difficult to get "in the mood" when you don't even have ambition to clean your house....or brush your teeth for that matter.
I had a ....ummm..."friend" we will call him, when I first got sick....he couldn't or wouldn't understand.....so I removed him from the situation...and relieved myself of much frustration! (No, it doesn't involve a gun, a shovel or the woods behind the house.)
We all do what we need to do to get ourselves through. To some sexuality is a sidebar in life, in others it IS life. Just gotta find your spot on the grid.
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Occasionally I venture to places I should not. This thread was one. I'm embarassed. Carry on Ladies!!!!
Oh big freakin' deal - we are all adults here -
no harm done -
and was it deleted ?
and you make me laugh and I like that in a person :cuddle;
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Come on Dan you don't want to feel us in on weither guys have the same problem?
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guys may have it worse - they can't fake it - I mean I don't think they could - :o
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Dont know weather its thru, but I can feel the moody of sexual has decrease... I'm 51 just on dailysis 3 yrs old. My sexual is still perform but has no interest, why? can someone share this problem... aiya......
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Diabetes, high blood pressure, and pirones, and now dialysis. No sex for 3 years or so. Definitely see your Dr.
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Diabetes, high blood pressure, and pirones, and now dialysis. No sex for 3 years or so. Definitely see your Dr.
My kidney failure is not due to BP or diabetes... but overdose of pain killer or drug...
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It is normal to have a decrease in desire for all the above reasons. There have been lots of studies dones, and not only is the decrease common, but it's also common that we find it a hard conversation to have with our doctors. I ended up discussing it with what we call a district nurse - I don't know if you have the equivalent over there. She had to discuss anything she wanted me to try with my oncologist anyway, so it was a bit of a waste of time. But I felt way more comfortable talking to her than to my onc or neph.
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You people are forgetting one major contributiong factor. Old Age! And a cardiologist who won't let you take viagra. (What's the commercial: See a doctor if "it" last more than four hours... Hell, I'd see the Ripley reporters.
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I love Monrein's advice! No seriously - I think it is considered(and probably comes of experience) and it makes sense. I have to admit at the times I have been with someone and have not always been able to er.. function.. fully.... I've suggested and/or participated in exactly what she's suggested.
(dan turn away now!)
Sometimes I've found that pleasuring my partner in terms of masturbating them and other related activities has been a good way to help them experience pleasure(and hopefully orgasm) when I'm unable to fully satisfy them(for whatever reason).
I think having a partner that is very comfortable with their body and their sexuality helps - they won't feel weird about using a vibrator with you or helping out in the ways I've outlined.
Oh and for those that asked do men suffer in the same way? I would say in my experience it is a different sort of problem. I have no problem being aroused and wanting to, but it's the energy to keep going that can strike.. and usually at the worst possible moment(very embarassing!) - and unlike a woman who can fake a few things or it's hard to tell sometimes(for me, anyway!) it's very obvious when a man has this kind of issue and obviously in the heat of passion it really can kill things. That's when you need the understanding partner and a sense of humour. As I say when that sort of thing happens and I'm with the right person I make every effort I can to pleasure them in other ways so hopefully they can enjoy themselves....
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I think some creativity and a good sense of humor helps in any situation!
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True... and Richard is funny...
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Dan!!! I told you to turn away!!!!! :rofl;
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I am glad that you are all being very open minded on this matter. I still have not had the chance to speak with my neph but now I am thinking I will not feel uncomfortable in doing so. Why? Because she is a woman! That makes it all the more comfortable for me because I guess in a way she would understand. My boyfriend knows and sees that I can never reach my peak and I told him that it is because of the kidney failure and the dialysis, not necessarily because of him. Not to go informational on you guys, but he really does try his VERY BEST to get me where I need to be and unfortunately it just does not work. It is frustrating at times but hey, what can I do. At least it is overall enjoyable. Thanks to all the men who posted here. It should not be an embarassing topic for we are all humans and sex is a natural thing. I just wanted to see if anyone else went through the same thing as I. Thanks again for posting! :cheer:
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Hehe, maritz... you can always count on richard to post if you put SEX in the heading.
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Hehe, maritz... you can always count on richard to post if you put SEX in the heading.
LOL. That's really funny. Hey, it's all good. No problem with that here. Sex is a wonderful topic. :guitar:
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You might find this other thread helpful http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=8481.0
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You might find this other thread helpful http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=8481.0
Thanks for the link Karol. It was very interesting. It is such a tremendous feeling just knowing that there are people who understand exactly what you are going through. There is actually a dialysis patient who is 23 and in the same shift as me. We have connected ever since we found out our ages were the same. I informed him about this website and I do hope that he creates an account and joins us.
Getting back to this thread on sex, I wanted to know if any of you know if there are pills that women can also take in order to increase the desire and libido. If there is, are we recommended to take it as dialysis patients? It would be nice. I do feel that it is rather unfair that sex is usually directed mainly at men (pornography the majority of the time and erectile dysfunction medications). I must admit I am somewhat of a feminist but overall, I do feel that the situation is unfair. We already have to experience so many difficulties and frustrations in life such as the menstrual cycle and pregnancy and all that jazz. It is rough. I guess we should thank Eve for causing this (lol). But anyway, thanks again to all of you who posted on this thread. I really appreciate the comments and opinions.
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If I were the type to pick arguments and cause controversy, I would say "quit your whiming. You women have the best of everything (well almost)". But since I'd never say anything like that for fear to starting something, I'll just go on to the next thread.
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Dan! You're just stiring the pot now!!!
I do think that sometimes women's sexual needs, in general, can be overlooked - or perhaps misunderstood. I wonder if there is much research into that sort of thing. It's funny(well not funny, but you know what I mean) how sometimes there's stuff out there that says things like "some women can never achieve orgasm" and it's sort of left there as in "wel that's life" kind of thing rather than "well that sucks! we need to try and figure out how to help with that!"
I suppose in a way a male's "problems" are more obvious and outward (ie: it's pretty easy to tell when a guy can't get an erection, or has premature ejactulation, or whatever) but for women it's all kind of hidden away and that may be part of it.
Also note I have some female friends who suffer depression and that also goes a long way to killing sexual drive and also satisfaction - specially those on antidepressants and the like. As we all know kidney disease and depression (of varying degrees) can often go hand in hand which definitely doesn't help.
And yes, we're all mature adults here (well except the younger ones reading, and we hope they're not reading THIS thread!!!) and should be able to discuss this stuff in a rational and mature way. It's not crude or pornographic or anything like that (I save those ones for my private conversations!!! >:D) and brings up issues a lot of us have to deal with in one way or another - so I'm happy to contribute.
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Hey Richardmel - were you not born in Australia? You sound so thoughtful for an Aussie bloke!!
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dinky-di aussie here!!!! :rofl;
I'm thoughtful like most aussie blokes.. I think about women, sex and beer!!! :cuddle; :beer1; :clap; :rofl; :yahoo;
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Just joking Richard. As I usually do. Sorry. Don't think people would appreciate my real ideas on this subject (as usually they don't appreciate anything serious I try to say) so I make a silly joke obvious enough that most everyone would know I was stirring the pot so to speak. Can't be funny... can't state my real feeling about stuff ... actuallly should not particiipate in online exchanges. Should have seen that months ago.
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Dan.. seriously.. what the????
Why on earth would you feel you can't contribute your opinions (serious or otherwise) in this forum? Of course you can - and should!!! Your ideas and opinions (like mine) are just as valuable as anyone else's. I was joking right back when I said you were stiring the pot. Please don't take what I wrote to heart!
We want, and need, your contributions!! Don't you dare run off on us!!!
So say what you think!!!! There are no right or wrong answers I reckon - specially in the topic of this thread - it's all opinions!!!
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thanks to all for the feedback given, it seem I'm not alone here, but lately, I'm feeling slightly positive, because the morning called flag did raised. Pray hard to God for the better. :bow;
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If I were the type to pick arguments and cause controversy, I would say "quit your whiming. You women have the best of everything (well almost)". But since I'd never say anything like that for fear to starting something, I'll just go on to the next thread.
Trust me, everyone has their comments and opinions. It is not picking an argument. You can share whatever you like. You already started something by stating the "quit your whining. You women have the best of everything (well almost)" comment. It is ok if you feel that way. I do not have any problem with that. I feel the way I do and nobody can change that and that goes the same for you. Trust me, I am very fortunate to have a wonderful boyfriend who tries his ultimate best to get me to achieve orgasm. I appreciate him so very much and am so very happy to be with him. I am just not happy to be age 23 and not be able to achieve orgasm ever! It has not happened since....i cannot even remember. LOL. I am a very positive individual and I generally do not have any complaints or whining about anything. This is a minor problem and I can deal with it since I have been dealing with it as it is.
Life is beautiful and the Lord has blessed me so very much. I could not ask for anything more. Yeah, I mentioned I am a bit of a feminist but I am completely openminded to so many things. I am happy. Yes, happy. A lot of people cannot say they are happy. Genuinely happy at least. My family and I struggle really hard to pay bills and of course none of us are perfect, but I am still happy to at least have food and shelter provided to me. Thanks again for attempting to share your opinion but do not be withheld with whatever is on your mind. I am all eyes and ears. :bandance;
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opinion no
joke yes
like dialogue in lieu of sermons
just me
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Richard, response to your PM.. I don't consider my self to be less intelligent than anybody, at least most of the people, in here. Older yes.
I cannot make jokes with out people coming down on me and say "your opinion" "my god", etc. Anyone who knows me know the comment about women was a joke and that I was hoping some of my friends like Twirl and KitKat and Gma, etc. would pick up on it and give me a hard time. Since I got a rather serious response, I said "so I can't try funny anymore". I've tried some serious the past few days due to my mood and attitude about getting ready to quit dialysis. I don't know answer. I want dialogue. Not expert opinions or internet links. So I'm out of the things serious. I guess I could go post some smilies but the all look alike to me.
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dw, I think I "get" you most the time and it's important to me that I do, but if ever I post something and you think I missed the mark, either thought you were joking when you weren't or you were serious when you were just tugging on a leg please please please let me know. PM me or right in the thread say whatever it is. Without facial expressions, tone of voice and all the other subtleties it's easy to misread things.
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I just told you I think... my comment about women was for fun to give Twirl and Kits and some of the funny people something to get on to me about.
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DW...Down boy...We oldies get it when you are joking. Young lady putting her feelings about something important on the line here...choose your target more wisely buddy!
Hey sweetie. Try some meditation. Start at your toes, work up your body and then when it comes to your sexual organs, just really concentrate on that area. Visualise the sensations in that area and totally relax. There are meditation tapes available for exactly the problem you are experiencing.
Can I tell you something that I doubt will fail for you....tantric sex. After two hours of following of experiencing tantra I would defy anyone not to reach the ultimate release. It is the science of ecstasy and if you buy a couple of books and learn how to really fully experience tantra you will probably totally turn your back on anything else. I started practicing tantra at about your age and it really is mindblowing - even now - even with kidney disease there is no better sex. Give it a go. xx
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Richard, response to your PM.. I don't consider my self to be less intelligent than anybody, at least most of the people, in here. Older yes.
I cannot make jokes with out people coming down on me and say "your opinion" "my god", etc. Anyone who knows me know the comment about women was a joke and that I was hoping some of my friends like Twirl and KitKat and Gma, etc. would pick up on it and give me a hard time. Since I got a rather serious response, I said "so I can't try funny anymore". I've tried some serious the past few days due to my mood and attitude about getting ready to quit dialysis. I don't know answer. I want dialogue. Not expert opinions or internet links. So I'm out of the things serious. I guess I could go post some smilies but the all look alike to me.
Sorry I know its off topic. But I had to respond.
" I've tried some serious the past few days due to my mood and attitude about getting ready to quit dialysis. "
NO NO NO you just go on doing the D .... DO YOU HEAR ME ! (rant off)
I am "new" here and cannot wait to read your replies to some of the posts... I can actually picture the sparkle in your eye ... when I can clearly see you yanking someones chain.... I LOVE IT!
I really really really do not want you to stop D. I know it is not for me to say but I just need to say it. OK?
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whoa I think things have gone downhill when they just didn't need to.
A reminder of some real lessons in internet land - first of all - without making it obvious that something is intended to be humourous it is easy for a misunderstanding to occur, as seems to have happened here. As already said when you don't have voice nuances or anything else to go on it's sometimes not so obvious with the written word and sometimes you have to hit us over the head with it so it's clear.
This is not a dig at you Dan - it's just trying to remind all of us that while we may be very clear in our minds what WE mean sometimes for others, specially those that don't "know" us that well (in an online sense in this community) then then things can not go as intended.
Anyway I hadn't seen any of your(Dan) posts about thinking about quitting Dialysis. I must find that thread and respond in the right place - other than to say "don't!" you certainly have too much to live for in my view, and that comment about the sparkle in your eye is so dead on!!!
Now back on topic... tantric sex? Well miss Lucinda you continue to surprise!!!! :) Not quite trantric sex but I remember many moons ago actually before kidney failure was a worry for me one of the best orgasms I ever ever had did not involve intercourse, and no it was not by myself lol.. it was with someone special and well wasn't tantric per se, but it did prove to me once and for all you don't HAVE to have all the grunting and thrusting to get to the end goal... and it was awesome.
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oh my!?
(Blushing)
One is never to old to learn.
too scared to ask.....
Tantric sex?
(if is to graphic to say it here .... then rather don't answer)
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http://health.discovery.com/centers/sex/tantric/tantricsex.html
Great suggestion Cindy. A person can also begin to "practice" some of the principles of tantric sex by themselves (altho of course the end goal is greater intimacy and better sex with a partner) by masturbating slowly but stopping as as one approaches orgasm. Then hold on to the energy of the moment by stroking oneself but letting the climax impulse subside. Then build back up to that point again and so on. The delaying of the orgasm can result in a much more satisfying outcome.
Orgasm per se is not however the goal of tantric sex. Connection, intimacy, relaxation and yes health are the goals. Mind blowing orgasms are just the amazing side effect.
Caution: requires a male partner who is also prepared to learn the art of the slow build and of the back-off from overt stimulation in order to build a higher level of stimulation. Impatient types will have trouble. Tantric is the extreme opposite of "a quickie". Each has its place.
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I'll hit 70 in one more year and I've never heard of Tantric sex. Is it too late for me to put in on my bucket list?
Richard, there was an old song and singer (I'm thinking Peggy Lee was her name) who sang the lyrics "Is that all there is? If that's all there is then lets keep dancing."
Looked for emotions but non fit. All meant literally.
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http://health.discovery.com/centers/sex/tantric/tantricsex.html
Great suggestion Cindy. A person can also begin to "practice" some of the principles of tantric sex by themselves (altho of course the end goal is greater intimacy and better sex with a partner) by masturbating slowly but stopping as as one approaches orgasm. Then hold on to the energy of the moment by stroking oneself but letting the climax impulse subside. Then build back up to that point again and so on. The delaying of the orgasm can result in a much more satisfying outcome.
Orgasm per se is not however the goal of tantric sex. Connection, intimacy, relaxation and yes health are the goals. Mind blowing orgasms are just the amazing side effect.
Caution: requires a male partner who is also prepared to learn the art of the slow build and of the back-off from overt stimulation in order to build a higher level of stimulation. Impatient types will have trouble. Tantric is the extreme opposite of "a quickie". Each has its place.
Thanks Monrein
I will look into it......... with this low sex drive "quickies" are as scares as cupcakes in an orphinage.
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DW...Down boy...We oldies get it when you are joking. Young lady putting her feelings about something important on the line here...choose your target more wisely buddy!
Yes, I will take that advise. I've always thought the more serious topics, like politics, relationship, religion, and possiblly sex were the ones that needed humor. I stand corrected. I'm not much in the mood for posting lighter comments these days anyway so I'm really losing nothing. And the serious issues I need to discuss are not the kind that should be posted among strangers -- as we all are in reality. (except a few of you who socialize in person).
I know on occasion I've felt a special bond with some of the people we talk to in here, but then I read things so contradictory to my own beliefs. Not an issue of disagrements but rather an issue of core beliefs. We make each other (without the personal meetings) into the perfect friends or even, at times the perfect enemy.
Oh, we do that at the street level. We just have a different name for it... (trantric I mean)
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You are gonna tell us the street level name for tantric, right dw? And I'll wait until you feel more like posting lighter, humourous comments again (I hope you get back to your former cheeky self) because I enjoy them. Come to think of it, I did laugh out loud when I read the last sentence of your post.
Oh, we do that at the street level. We just have a different name for it... (trantric I mean)
EDITED: Fixed quote tag - okarol/admin
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DW...humour has its place and we all like to keep things bright and I promise you, as monrein said, you make us all laugh out loud with some of your comments and that is the best medicine for all of us. I am just really protective of the kids on this site (that is anyone under 40 by the way). I think it is close to obscene that they have to be subjected to this disease at such a young age. Maritz was very brave to post about this topic and while I know she is more than capable of looking after herself, I don't think she should be the butt of "humour" when she is obviously distressed with her situation. Sure...have fun with the "sex" topic if you like but don't tell the poor kid she is whining - just to get a rise out of Kit, GMa etc. Just consider the person who has posted. If you want a biff up with us oldies, do it in one of our posts.
By the way everyone....I don't think we need to worry about DW going anywhere anytime soon - or giving up on dialysis. He loves a fight too much. While his humour might be "misplaced" sometimes, it is "wicked" and I think he knows that we all appreciate getting a good laugh out of it. People like you DW keep the world interesting. Just choose your battlefield with a little more thought.
Thanks monrein for being a little more specific about tantra. Des...there is a lot about it on the internet to give you an idea what it is all about but if you PM me your address, I can send you over a book about it. Same goes for you Maritz. Happy to send over all the information you need. If O'Karol and other moderaters are happy for me to post more here...I am happy to do it but it might be a bit risque - and explicit - for some.
There you go DW....something to live for. You said you had never heard of it before. Shame not to know about something so fantastic before you move on!
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I've already accepted your criticism Lucinda.... what more do you want. I don't think the young lady was nearly so upset with my comment as you were. I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE TO YOU ANY FURTHER.
You really should read Morein last message to me.
So my last comment to you would be DOWN WOMAN!
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I've already accepted your criticism Lucinda.... what more do you want. I don't think the young lady was nearly so upset with my comment as you were. I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE TO YOU ANY FURTHER.
C'mon, DW -- give us all a good chuckle and apologize to Lucinda again. >:D :rofl; >:D :rofl; >:D :rofl;
(Am I the one stirring the pot now, RichardMel?)
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Yes, Petey. You are. But it's your turn.
And Richard knows I love him in spite of his being an ole Horn Dog. It's just that at the moment I'm a little ticked off at him.
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One would think Dan that if you're turning 70 next year that any sex might be on your bucket lis - let alone tantric!
Thanks Monrein for your ideas - for me the issue always seems to come down to tiredness. Just the thought of that much work turns me off! I just can't be bothered - even if the end result was an orgasm. I want someone to give me a pill that will make me want to have sex.
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Bern, That is NOT funny.
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Yes, Petey. You are. But it's your turn.
And Richard knows I love him in spite of his being an ole Horn Dog. It's just that at the moment I'm a little ticked off at him.
Geez mate....how's your blood pressure? You are always ticked off with somebody!
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I really don't remember addressing you other than to get your nosey butt out of my business. With whom in here am I angry other than you?
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Oh yea, Bernadette. Tell me that 25 years from now. But you'll be still trying to figure it out. (By the way, Lucinda, Bern is my friend and this is our personal joke)
One would think Dan that if you're turning 70 next year that any sex might be on your bucket lis - let alone tantric!
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Hanify dear perhaps you need a session or two in the Orgasmatron?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orgasmatron
>:D >:D >:D >:D (or just hop in those hot pools with me) >:D >:D >:D >:D >:D
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Richard, response to your PM.. I don't consider my self to be less intelligent than anybody, at least most of the people, in here. Older yes.
I cannot make jokes with out people coming down on me and say "your opinion" "my god", etc. Anyone who knows me know the comment about women was a joke and that I was hoping some of my friends like Twirl and KitKat and Gma, etc. would pick up on it and give me a hard time. Since I got a rather serious response, I said "so I can't try funny anymore". I've tried some serious the past few days due to my mood and attitude about getting ready to quit dialysis. I don't know answer. I want dialogue. Not expert opinions or internet links. So I'm out of the things serious. I guess I could go post some smilies but the all look alike to me.
Hey, I did not know you were joking and honestly, it makes sense to not be aware because we are merely writing words rather than talking face to face to be able to read one another's expressions. But I guess not adding expressions like smiling faces, etc, makes it the more difficult to know whether your comments or opinions are jokes or now. Hey, I am glad you are expressing what you feel. Please keep trying "funny". Funny is good! :cuddle;
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Let us go back to talking about sex. That is the true topic here. Orgasm is tough but I love it anyway. ;D
DWCRAWFORD --> I was never angry or annoyed or bothered by your comment, by the way. I was attentive to it. No problems here. You are a cool person as well as all of you are.
We are a family.
LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX PEOPLE! ;) :pics; :bandance; :secret; :cuddle; :waving;
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The comment was an absolute farse. Thank you for this comment. Not some of the things in the earlier part of the thread said between twirl, Manda and myself. All in jest. I promise everyone now that I do no longer feeling like being the clown and I know so little about this subject or dialysis subject that there's not nee to comment there either. It must be a really comforting feeling to always be in command of your situation as many of the experts are. Hell, I know less than nothing about sex and I'd be willing to bet that in a few years lots of these people might admit that they didn't know so much as they thought they did. Actually I found over the years that the experimenting and learning was most of the fun.
My issues now are with my dialysis center, cutbacks, etc. I can't find an appropriate place to post them however.
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Dan why don't you start a new topic in the "Dialysis Centers" section, or just in the general Dialysis section?
As for "the experts" - I don't think ANYONE here ever suggested they are or were an expert.. we're just expressing opinions based on experience mostly.... and that's what it is all about.
I like the idea of talking about sex.. but I like the idea of doing it much more!!! :rofl;
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I don't go to the political thread because I know it will upset me. I thought this one on SEX would be a little light hearted but with good advice. I see some of that, but I don't get the anger, upset part. As a wise member once told me: remember that there are a bunch of sick people here and there are days we don't feel good. It shows in our posts. If we don't joke around and be silly sometimes, we will all go nuts.
[quote
I like the idea of talking about sex.. but I like the idea of doing it much more!!! :rofl;
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Well said, Richard! Now, on with the conversations. I got nothing to add---not one word!!
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hm, about sex.... the last time i attempted it was after a treatment and a bunch of muscles in my back and side cramped up. havent tried since then. dialysis has pretty much killed my desire. maybe the tantric stuff is worth a shot tho...
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I think some creativity and a good sense of humor helps in any situation!
You do have those books kitkatz, time to break them out and share the wisdom. :rofl; :rofl;
What were the titles again? ??? :rofl;
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:rofl; Wouldn't you like to know! :rofl;
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I tried to search for the thread last night, couldn't find it.
Something along the lines of 100 or 1000 ways to _________ a man and the other was ???
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One of the big issues on dialysis is depression, which inhibits your libido.
Also, I have to time sex where my energy levels are just right, not over dialyzed in the mornings, or under-dialyzed at night.
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'301 ways to please your man in bed' or something wasn't it?
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Ohh it's up to 301 Ways! :rofl; :rofl;
But yes that sounds very close to the title kitkats has.
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Took awhile searching through old post, but found it: http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=11102.0
302 Advanced Techniques for Driving a Man Wild in Bed :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
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Cause 302 is better than 301! :popcorn;
Now that is NOT something I want to see :pics; of! :rofl;
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Or just check out the Kama Sutra...it is a very interesting book. There are many of them out there in book stores and libraries. LOL.
It's not like I have one or anything ;)
Even with a decreased libido, it does not stop me from enjoying myself altogether and trying new things and being creative.
If anyone knows of anything that can increase the libido for women, I would love to know anyway. It would be nice to have an increase.
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:rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
Are there really folks out there that refuse amateur or mediocre techniques?
:rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
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Last time I tried to have sex, I had to use a pump to get ready. I sucked in a testicle into the pump, that was the last time I tried to have sex.
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Ummmm......ouch? :oops;
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Well that would suck then and apparently it did all to well!
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Last time I tried to have sex, I had to use a pump to get ready. I sucked in a testicle into the pump, that was the last time I tried to have sex.
Wow...that's...wow...
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Oh my!
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Is it rude to laugh at the picture that post created in my mind? :yahoo;
Anyway have you tried that new stuff for women and men that is out to give you more pleasure by the creators of gel stuff?
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I have not tired it. Was gonna buy it but it was expensive! I want to hear reviews first. I did try the package -- his and hers stuff.. and it was a no go for me...so skeptical of the intense thingie...
Anybody else tried it yet? Reviews, please!
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Is it rude to laugh at the picture that post created in my mind? :yahoo;
Now I am having visions of all the pictures that KK must have in her mind! And yes....I'll admit to SEVERAL chuckles! :rofl;
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I had to use a pump to get ready. I sucked in a testicle into the pump,
I can just see it now. There are probably some wives looking on the internet to find where they can buy it! :rofl; :rofl;
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Go ahead and laugh, see if I share any more embarassing stuff with you all. :( :( It's okay, I figured it would cause some stir, sorry if I offended anyone.
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go ahead ik... you've been in late night chat. Don't you know how horny some of these women can get?
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I admit, I didn't laugh --- I cringed! That is what this site is for. We can share things we don't tell the whole world. We just keep learning from each other :2thumbsup;
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Go ahead and laugh, see if I share any more embarassing stuff with you all. :( :( It's okay, I figured it would cause some stir, sorry if I offended anyone.
I for one wasn't offended at all....I would like to say I am sorry and felt your pain, but for some reason I don't think I have ever done anything that would compare.
BUT.....if I ever do anything I can compare to it...I will share. :)
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But you said Wenchie, What Happens In Vegas, Stays In Vegas! :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
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Ya think I would do anything embarrassing in front of people?? Oh wait....it's me....sure I would! lol
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Don't be falling off any slot machine chairs now! :rofl;
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Iketchum's lucky. playing with vacuum cleaners can be dangerous. Have a look at this page from the British Medical Journal for July 5 1980:
BMJpdf (http://www.pubmedcentral.nih.gov/picrender.fcgi?artid=1713722&blobtype=pdf)
::)
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Moral to the stories:
Vacuuming is a WOMANs job!
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Oops. Wrong thread to post that in. When will I learn?
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If anyone knows of anything that can increase the libido for women, I would love to know anyway. It would be nice to have an increase.
Well or the first time I had seen this while watching cable. The smilling Bob people of Enzyte now have something for women. What was weird is that they had a guy doing the commercial :urcrazy; Why not just say "Slip her a rufee!" Don't know about you though, but I don't put much faith into this company. Gotta wonder what they put in those pills that the FDA doesn't have to look at, YET!
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the mind and body are in sync, just at different times :rofl;
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the mind and body are in sync, just at different times :rofl;
:urcrazy;
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the mind and body are in sync, just at different times :rofl;
The question I have is who's mind and who's body is not in sync ??? :rofl;
Since it does take two to Tango you know, there is some syncing that needs to be involved there.
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Hmmm....interesting.... :Kit n Stik;
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Well I'm better suited on this subject to being a smart
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well i have been on dialysis 3 yrs and have had both kidneys removed...I have a very low libido and my husband doesn't understand the no desire for sex...i love him dearly but he doesn't want other forms of intimacy...I have pain with sex which i think was caused by the last kidney removal..i keep trying thinking its emotional and that is why it hurts.Been to a few GYn's and the last one said that its psychological..I relax and i feel the pain...I give up but i am afraid i am gonna lose him...Dialysis truely SUCKS! :sarcasm; :rant;
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icecream *tight hugs* - I don't know about your pain but it seems to me from your post you are enduring sexual intercourse for your husband's sake when you have low drive AND it's painful. You say he doesn't want "other forms of intimacy" - I am not quite sure what you mean by that?? Do you mean like oral sex, or more simply things like cuddling and touching?
The thing I would suggest is you talk to hubby about your pain. Don't mention the psychological thing or he might latch onto that. I know that the last thing I would want to do is cause pain to my partner for my own pleasure and I'd want to know. Further I'd hope that if intercourse caused pain and wasn't very good then we could try other things too.
Have you talked to him about how it hurts you and maybe you could try some of these "other forms of intimacy" you mentioned? Isn't it all about compromise? I am not saying never have intercourse because clearly he likes it and needs it, but you can temper that with doing other things that maybe help you more freely express your physical affection for and with him rather than seeing any physical stuff with him as a chore to be endured because it involves pain and something you don't even really want to do anyway.
I really hope you can work something out!!! :cuddle; :cuddle; :cuddle; :cuddle;
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i dont know? because still on sex drive 31 years old here 1year and 10month my only problem is when iam on my peak its hurt a lot even after thats why i dont do anymore maybe depend on situations
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well i have been on dialysis 3 yrs and have had both kidneys removed...I have a very low libido and my husband doesn't understand the no desire for sex...i love him dearly but he doesn't want other forms of intimacy...I have pain with sex which i think was caused by the last kidney removal..i keep trying thinking its emotional and that is why it hurts.Been to a few GYn's and the last one said that its psychological..I relax and i feel the pain...I give up but i am afraid i am gonna lose him...Dialysis truely SUCKS! :sarcasm; :rant;
It is almost impossible to want to have sex if it causes you pain. You brain just won't let it happen. Have you gone through early menopause as well? There is a hormonal cream they can give you to help if that's the case. Also, sorry to be so personal, but have you thought of trying a small vibrator? The other thing would be to read some books about self image after major surgeries etc. I know I struggle with that aspect - how to feel remotely sexy with a tube hanging out of my stomach!! Let alone all the tiredness etc. But there are books out there that can help. Love yourself. I really feel for you.
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NO WAY is that true?i have been on dialysis since 2008 and my sex drive has not decreased,4 hours tells me it has increased
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The only drive I get is the one to dialysis three nights a week. :rofl;
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Wife of ESRD victim. Sex drive is definitely affected. How can he have energy for sex when some days he barely has energy to get out of bed. He is also epileptic, stroke victim with left side extreme weakness. So multiple factors, but we have found that there are ways to "make love" without the complete sexual act. Open talking is the biggest thing. Bob has been on dialysis for 3 years this month we will be together 3 years in June. We got married in September 08, I do not regret this as he is the love of my life. We are not youngsters, he is 50 and I am 64, but cuddling and caressing can be very fulfilling if you have an open relationship. Good Luck to those experiencing this, it is difficult, but we must put it in it's proper prospective, we have enough big problems to face without letting something like this defeat us,
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IS THERE ANYTHING THAT CAN BE DONE WHEN ON DIALYSIS AND THE SEXUAL DRIVE IS DECREASING AS TIME GOES BY? I AM ONLY 23 YEARS OLD AND IM STILL SEXUALLY ACTIVE AND ALL BUT I CANT SEEM TO REACH MY PEAK EVER...IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. I WAS THINKING OF TALKING TO MY SOCIAL WORKER OR DOCTOR ABOUT THIS, BUT I WOULD HONESTLY FEEL TOO WEIRD. I WOULD RATHER ASK YOU GUYS OUT THERE WHO UNDERSTAND THE SITUATION MORE PHYSICALLY...
i'm 48 year old cow boy i say ride a cowboy
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Recently got a prescription of Viagra from my neph.,cost me $200.00. Anyway. took one, waited an hour, went to bed with my wife, fell asleep, expensive sleeping pill. A few weeks later a young pretty social worker was taking a survey on how we were doing on dialysis. She asked me how my sex life was, I lied, told her it was fine. The male ego is a funny thing.
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well i have been on dialysis 3 yrs and have had both kidneys removed...I have a very low libido and my husband doesn't understand the no desire for sex...i love him dearly but he doesn't want other forms of intimacy...I have pain with sex which i think was caused by the last kidney removal..i keep trying thinking its emotional and that is why it hurts.Been to a few GYn's and the last one said that its psychological..I relax and i feel the pain...I give up but i am afraid i am gonna lose him...Dialysis truely SUCKS! :sarcasm; :rant;
Icecream I am so sorry to hear this. It is sad the emphasis men and women put on sex. I know it is very important in a relationship but when you are sick that is just an unadded stress you don't need. Since I started in July I too have experienced pain when having intercourse. I just don't ever feel in the mood for it. My poor boyfriend tries to understand, but I know he misses the girlfriend who liked sexy time all the time..(I miss her too!) Unfortunately I only do "it" for him, I don't think he would leave but he is young and I don't expect a person to be able to go without sex for that long. I have always felt sex is the barometer of a relationship, once you slow down the sex it seems like an indication of the end of the relationship...so frustrating...
thanks for the post glad to know I am not alone. I wonder if other women have experienced pain? Seems like my bladder feels uncomfortable and painful during the deed...
xo,
R
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Same here, long time between 'drinks' at our house! No pain probs, just no interest on my side.
Thankfully, my hubby is so accepting and so understanding and so undemanding and......so surprised when it happens :)
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Hey ,everyone,this is one of the most sensitive topics if its happened to you...up until 10years ago my day wasn'ot over 'til l'd done it oh...multiple times.l'm still with my partner tender ,loving ,giving-patient.As renal failure spiralled out of control,l not only went into early menopause(at 32) ,but my incredible libido flew right out the window-especially these past five years l've been on dialysis.lwent from freak to frigid.lt's preposterous-l feel like l've lost it lost myself and pray that this will not drive my soul mate over the edge.l've had lupus since 1988 and nothing ever stopped me. This current situation has driven me to depression,official couch potato, not to mention the stress and anxiety of him thinking that l simply dont care anymore.l plead for some advice :sos;
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You may have hit the nail on the head when you mentioned early menopause. One possibility is your hormone levels are way down. That can kill your libido. Have your doctor check your hormone levels including testosterone. Women still need testosterone , just in lower levels then men. You may find that some estrogen and possibly progesterone and testosterone supplimentation may bring your libido back to a decent level. There are aslo some atidepressants that can help , such as bupropion (but not the SSRI'S like prozac). If your regular doc cant help, see an ob/gyn who specializes in sexuality issues for women. There is no reason to give up sex.
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Hey ,everyone,this is one of the most sensitive topics if its happened to you...up until 10years ago my day wasn'ot over 'til l'd done it oh...multiple times.l'm still with my partner tender ,loving ,giving-patient.As renal failure spiralled out of control,l not only went into early menopause(at 32) ,but my incredible libido flew right out the window-especially these past five years l've been on dialysis.lwent from freak to frigid.lt's preposterous-l feel like l've lost it lost myself and pray that this will not drive my soul mate over the edge.l've had lupus since 1988 and nothing ever stopped me. This current situation has driven me to depression,official couch potato, not to mention the stress and anxiety of him thinking that l simply dont care anymore.l plead for some advice :sos;
I can relate! I had the pleasure of enduring instant menopause from a radical hysterectomy and kidney failure at the same time. My sex drive has decreased to almost nothing. My husband has been very supportive and understanding, but I know he isn't happy about that part of our marriage. I can't take any hormones and generally just give in once a week to keep him happy. The toys do help, but it isn't exactly the same. I am hoping this will improve after my transplant, but am not banking on it. If you talk to your doc, please post what she has to say about this problem. From the responses here, it sounds like a common issue. Good luck!