My MOTHER recently posted on the introduction as a new member..im NOT happy!

[Amanda From OZ]

NEO, i kinda understand how you feel, but try nto to hold it against your mother, even though i think she should of run it by you first, she does have your best interest in mind. My sister is also on this site, and even though i have a Good relationship with her there are some things i wouldn't post about now because i wouldn't want her reading (HI ROSE)....       ................ So i do understand, maybe you can discuss it with your mother about how your feeling, i hope you sort things out and you both feel comfortable posting here. 

[MattyBoy100]

Hi Neo,

maybe you are being a bit harsh.  My mother passed away when I was 19.  I am 35 now and I still miss her.  I know for a fact she would be checking up on me every 5 minutes if she was still with us.  And it isn't because she was a busy body but because she cared and would worry about me.  My father on the other hand, doesn't want to know.  He never calls me, I always have to call him and so does my sister who is 8 months pregnant which really upsets her coz she thinks he doesn't care.  He hasn't visited either of us though I live only 30 mins from him and my sis about 90 mins by car.  We both make the effort for him but it's like he doesn't give a shit!

Be grateful that your mother cares about you.  She won't always be there for you.

[George Jung]

Be grateful that your mother cares about you. She won't always be there for you.

He is not being ungrateful.  I am sure he love his mom just as the majority of us do.  A mothers love is undoubtedly a very special, precious love, something different than we feel from anything else.  That is not the discussion.

It sounds to me that IHD was/is to Neo as a therapist/counselor would be to you.  If you made a commitment to see someone and hash out your feelings, your personal feelings, with a therapist you would be expecting confidentiality, in fact there are laws that protect that very thing.  If that trust (so to speak) were to be broken how would you feel.  Would you go back to that therapist.

I say this not to speak for Neo, but because I would feel this way under similar circumstances and I know that there are others who need to know what they are feeling can be related to.  It is important not to feel alone in a world that is already very scary.

I understand all of these posts are expressions of feelings but some of them come across as preachy and derived from personal circumstances rather than what we know about Neo and HIS mom.  I think it is wrong to insinuate that he doesn't love or respect his mom because of his feelings and that just because she is his mom he is supposed to put his feelings aside and understand her.  Isn't the parent supposed to be understanding of the child (sorry Neo couldn't think of the word) not to mention that HE is the one living this nightmare.

Neo is an intelligent being, he knew he had options on how to approach this situation and I am sure he had to expect some of the replies the topic has received, let's give the guy some credit.

[glitter]

I think it is wrong to insinuate that he doesn't love or respect his mom because of his feelings and that just because she is his mom he is supposed to put his feelings aside and understand her.  Isn't the parent supposed to be understanding of the child (sorry Neo couldn't think of the word) not to mention that HE is the one living this nightmare.

Maybe he could have asked her privately not to invade his space. My first gut reaction, when I saw his posts in CAPS, was what the hell is he yelling at his MOM in public for? This is public, as much as you would like to think its private. I understand where he is coming from, but being the adult he says he is, I personally feel he could have handled his rejection of her being here, less harshly, and a lot less publically.  And she did try to protect his anonymity, and her post was respectful..his was neither.

[Redbomb]

Maybe he could have asked her privately not to invade his space. My first gut reaction, when I saw his posts in CAPS, was what the hell is he yelling at his MOM in public for?

I have to admit that I thought the same thing.

This is public, as much as you would like to think its private. I understand where he is coming from, but being the adult he says he is, I personally feel he could have handled his rejection of her being here, less harshly, and a lot less publically.  And she did try to protect his anonymity, and her post was respectful..his was neither.

I always treat every post and e-mail as if it was going to be read from in front of the town haill and the next "town meeting".

It seems that NOTHING is private, especially on the Interenet, anymore.

[thegrammalady]

I really wish my mom would come here, but you'all would scare her to death, so it's a good thing she doesn't. she uses the computer but is afraid she'll push the wrong button and it will blow up. neo, i do know exactly how you feel though. my mother is a big help, i wouldn't have survived this if it wasn't for her, however i certainly don't tell her everything. in fact very little at all, she doesn't really understand.

[paddbear0000]

she uses the computer but is afraid she'll push the wrong button and it will blow up.

My grandmother thinks the exact same thing! She won't even set foot near one! 

[thegrammalady]

neo, i read your mom's post. all she did was give us background information, just like many other introductory posts. if you hadn't said anything we would have no way of knowing it was about you. you are very loved.

[Neo]

george jung you seem to understand what i was trying to get across. But i am open to all your opinions and will use them to try and figure this out. You all important to my well bieng and sanity for a lot of things. I had already told my mother how dismayed i was and if she could pick another forum to use.   She basically spitefully ignored what i had to say. There are things that she doesn't do take care of herself such as she smokes and is overweight , I try to tell her to tryto stop smoking and take better care of her self but she always talks about my disease and thatshe has to take care  of me as an excuse and that is totally untrue I take care of myself and she uses it as a crutch to not face her own problems. So that is why it botherse she did that because that was about when I first got sick and it has no bearing on the here and now.. I also thank all of you for taking trout of your busy life to help deal with things in my life, you all mean a lot....

[George Jung]

Neo, without giving into every push from your mom (it is important to hold some of your ground for your own reasons) I would just say to try and be compassionate toward her.  We all have our own shortcomings and it is very easy to focus on them while sometimes very difficult to recognize what is good.  I think my mom overcompensates for her faults by focusing on me and trying to feed me "chicken soup" and it is not always easy to deal with.  Here is how I am learning to handle it,.... I take the soup (figuratively speaking) and put it under the table for the dog to eat just as soon as she is not looking.  True, I want my mom to focus on her own health but if we don't want to help ourselves there is nothing anyone can do for us. 

I will continue to think about this topic but I had these thoughts and wanted to pass them along.  I think I do know just where you are coming from and I hope it gets easier for all involved.  -George

[goofynina]

Well Neo, (Matt)  you do know i have control of the "ban button" and for a slight feeeeeeeeeee         

[fluffy]

i understand how neo feels. its because now whenever he posts something he has to deal with the fact that his mother could be reading it. when you have to worry about how what you say might upset somone you love expressing yourself stops being theraputic, its just another stress... having to put on that happy face so the ppl who care about you dont worry too much

[angela515]

i understand how neo feels. its because now whenever he posts something he has to deal with the fact that his mother could be reading it. when you have to worry about how what you say might upset somone you love expressing yourself stops being theraputic, its just another stress... having to put on that happy face so the ppl who care about you dont worry too much

If you have t put on a happy face for people who care about you, they don't care about you as much as you think in my opinion.

[Sluff]

Neo,

I know how you feel, I really do. You have to live your life under your terms. To me trying to spare others your true feelings or your true situation only compounds things in two ways.
           
           1. If they do not understand your feelings or what is going on in your life, then you can't expect them to understand if they don't know.
           2. If your not being truthful about what is going on then you will feel like no one cares because they are not understanding you.

If they don't understand the real you then maybe you need to distance yourself from them. I just hate to see this happen, life is to short.
Whatever advice you follow you have to live by your own terms. That is what makes you who you are.  We are always going to be here for you no matter your decisions. 

[Claudia30]

Your mom is your mom and remember, when she is gone, she is gone forever, you are only going to wish she was here getting in your business and trying to feed you chicken soup, geeze, that is what a mother is for.  How sad that anyone would hold any grudges towards their mother for wanting to learn more of their childs illness,  i could only wish my mom knew how to work a computer i would have her in here faster than lightning.  I hope anyone who has bad feelings towards their mom or anyone else would learn that life is too short and we need to enjoy those while we have them. 

i have to say i agree with you goofynina. I lost my mom 3 years ago and have no other family to really speak of and i was an only child and it was just my mom and me. My mom was totally involved in my care and while i hated it at times, i wish she was here to bug me about my meds and ask me how dialysis is going and keep up with the internet and my kidney failure. I understans tthat you frustrated with her but she might need to be comforted and supported in her own way...remember that this isn't jsut happenign to you, yes it is happening directly but it is also happening to your family members who are worried about you adn care deeply about you. Maybe you should sit down with yoour mother adn explan that this is your area and that you need to feel like you are able to communicate wihtougt any bounderies. If you explain what you want of her and why, she might lisen, but then again she might be a twit and not listen even if you get red in the face. i would try to communicate with her and as goofynina said you will one day lose her and you will regret pushing her out of your life. Your mother is only trying to help...you both need to put yourelves in eachothers shoes. good luck.