My MOTHER recently posted on the introduction as a new member..im NOT happy!

[Neo]

SHe posted under FormySon, I caught her typing it and I told her I did not appreciate her coming in here and talking about everything that happened to me which was 10 years ago by the way. I felt like I had a community of friends here that I can talk to about things I don't want others to know about..Now I feel my privacy is being stomped on.. I mean I am not 19 anymore which is when I get sick I am 29 she does nto need to be dwelling on the past to everyone spilling details I may not want anyone to know, and if so I wish she wouldnt come to ihatedialysis.com because I look at this as a safe haven of sorts to express all of my feelings taht I cant express to others..

[glitter]

well...it sounds like she really loves you a whole bunch.

[Deanne]

I'm sorry! I understand how upsetting that would be. I don't tell any of my family members about message boards I belong to because I want to feel free to say anything that I want to. I'd feel very stifled if they were out here, too.

[brenda]

That's too bad Neo it really should be your personal thing. My kids know about IHD but they respect that it is my space and they do not violate that. My mother on the other hand I would not tell her anything or she would be all over it.

[lola]

Neo I too feel like this is my place, I have not given the info to my family only because I can come here and really express how I feel and not be the cheerleader my family expects from me.

[Roxy]

Hey Neo, I see this a little differently I guess. My mother is constantly doing research about kidney failure, dialysis, transplants. Even though I had my transplant she is still researching. She loves me more than anything in the world and I know this. However, she constantly worries and is obsessed about every detail of my health. My own comforting her, or our family isn't quite enough. Most of the time, she drives me nuts about my health. However, she seems to get more comfort out of having read some of other people's experiences and learning from them and truly seeing how other people in the world are doing with renal failure. She hasn't come to this site yet, but she seems to have found some other sites that are helpful to her so far. Even though I like coming here and not having my family read or know some of how I feel, I would understand if she decides to come here and express herself or use it in finding information. And trust me, I am an extremely private person especially in regards to my family. I even "lurked" around IHD for a good 7 or 8 mths before I finally joined. It would take away a sense of privacy for me, but what it would take away compared to the comfort that my mother might feel, is worth it for me.  I do hope that you and your mother can find some way to possibly co-exist on IHD and both enjoy the benefits it has to offer.  

[okarol]

Hi Neo,
I never would have realized she was your mom as she completely respected your anonymity and did not mention who you were. On the other hand I see how it would feel awkward for you to openly share if you know that your mom might be reading your posts. I have Jenna who is 21 and James, 19 and 2 other kids, and they are very private about where they go on the internet. I make the 2 younger ones give me access to their myspace and facebook because they are minors. But I don't go where the older 2 post. However, I have to say as a caretaker, IHD has helped me a great deal. There's really no other site that has as much help and experience available. I wish Jenna would come on here, I think it would be great for her, but she has her own things she does. And she may think of it as my place, because I was here first. So after all of that, I don't really have an answer. Your mom will most likely choose to do whatever makes you most comfortable.

[MyssAnne]

Well, Neo. I just answered the other thread, but you do have a point. I don't have any answers either, but Karol has some good thoughts to think of.

[George Jung]

Neo, I would feel the exact same way man.  I have been exposing just about everything in my life lately but I have reserved IHD for me.  I would be pissed as hell at my mom as I am not 12 years old or 19 years old but a grown man at 32 years old.  To me IHD is almost like goint to a theripest, it is my time and place to express myself, any violation of that would be a tragedity (for lack of a better word).  I am curious as to how you plan on handling this situation. 

And MOM if you read this.....please respect my privacy and stay away.  If you really want to help just back off and I will ask for the help I need, it is not about you and being a mother and trying to feed me "chicken soup" to feel better...."chicken soup" may help you feel better and serving it may make you feel good but I HATE IT.

Hold your ground Neo.  What's done is done so try and figure something out.

[goofynina]

Your mom is your mom and remember, when she is gone, she is gone forever, you are only going to wish she was here getting in your business and trying to feed you chicken soup, geeze, that is what a mother is for.  How sad that anyone would hold any grudges towards their mother for wanting to learn more of their childs illness,  i could only wish my mom knew how to work a computer i would have her in here faster than lightning.  I hope anyone who has bad feelings towards their mom or anyone else would learn that life is too short and we need to enjoy those while we have them. 

[donnia]

I totally understand Neo.  I feel like IHD is MY place.  I feel like I would be more reserved in what I say if I knew some of my family were coming and reading my posts.

[boxman55]

Your mom is your mom and remember, when she is gone, she is gone forever, you are only going to wish she was here getting in your business and trying to feed you chicken soup, geeze, that is what a mother is for.  How sad that anyone would hold any grudges towards their mother for wanting to learn more of their childs illness,  i could only wish my mom knew how to work a computer i would have her in here faster than lightning.  I hope anyone who has bad feelings towards their mom or anyone else would learn that life is too short and we need to enjoy those while we have them. 

WELL SAID NINA....Boxman

[Romona]

She cares about you. But I understand that you need your place to vent.

[angela515]

Very well said Susie. I wouldn't care if my mom came here, it would just show me how much she truly loves me and wants to be there for me and learn about my problems. I can also understand you want your privacy and so forth, but to me.. if you can't share something as important as your medical probs to your own mom.. who can you share them with? I guess that's just me though, I am close with my mom and hope me and my daughter grow up to be just as close.

Good luck. 

[Redbomb]

All I can say is that I wish that my Mom (Reba) was alive to stick her nose in my business.  I lost her back in 1980 to Cancer.  The Lady I call Mom now is a wonderful person (my dad re-married about 11 years ago), and I love her dearly, but She's just not my Mom, ya know?

[oswald]

my family don't know about IHD.  if they did they wouldn't pry, much. she just loves you and wants the best for you. don't be to hard on her.

[paddbear0000]

Have you tried talking to her and telling her how you feel instead of just letting her read it here? She might understand and respect your wishes.

[Joe Paul]

I wouldn't be to hard on Mom she is probably trying to cope with this disease just as you are. I agree with whats been said already, you can have anyone as a father but you only have 1 mother. Love her while you can!

[Neo]

you all on this bored mean a lot to me and I treasure your advice. However she knew I didn't want her on here, this site is like a therapy and its as if she walked in on my private session with my counselor. Thanks for all your support by the way and I'd love to get to know you all better so please send contact info.. But anyway I'm on the machine right now and I'm getting some benareyl in like 5 minutes.. Yay!!! Night everyone my real name is matt by the youall can call me either one..

[Adam_W]

I have considered asking my dad if he wants to join IHD, since he is my home dialysis partner, but I kind of like being able to converse (and rant) in privacy. That being said, my grandmother is a member here (phurball), and I'm glad. She respects my privacy, and she is nearing dialysis herself, so I say she's more than welcome here (although I couldn't exactly stop her even if I wanted too, because she has every right to be a part of this awesome site). I wouldn't actually STOP my dad from joining if he really wanted too, but I would have to make sure he would respect my privacy, and it would be kind of a "what's said on IHD, stays on IHD" kind of deal.

Adam

[Lori1851]

Hi Matt,
I am a Mom and I post on here often. My son knows I write and talk to others on this site. Its my "Therapy" as a Caregiver and a Mom. I respect my sons privacy. On the otherhand I can talk to other people on here about what my son is going through and get their advice whether I need to back off or be persistant on certain issues.  I may not be a  Counselor but I know my son better than anyone. As a mom Matt your mom still sees you as her lil boy . My son is 22. Age means nothing a  moms love doesn't know age .
Don't know if I helped or made a fool of myself .
Lori/ mom to Dustin 22 with FSGS/ dialysis

[rose1999]

Hi Matt, I'm sorry to hear you are upset and I can fully understand why.  But I'm sure your Mum didn't do this to pry into your postings, no doubt you have told her that the site is wonderful for support and advice and she's just trying it for herself.  I'm a Mum and I know that there is truly nothing worse than seeing your child ill, however old they are.  I lost my husband to cancer 3 years ago but even that can't compare with the thought of losing a child.  Your Mum is scared and wants to be informed about your illness, how she can help and what she can expect, she is looking for ways to make you better.   My Dad is on dialysis, that's why I'm here, trying to find out what I can do to help and support him, how others cope with it etc. it helps me to care for him knowing that I have the love and support of people on here. Please be assured that your Mum is on here because she LOVES you, there is no other love like that, believe me.  I also understand that you feel you can't post your innermost thoughts now that she might read them (and we all have things we don't want to tell our loved ones, however much we say we should be able to talk to them) and the only suggestion I can offer is, can you change your identity on here?  After all no-one really  knows if we have posted our correct names, and if the photos are of us, someone else - or in my case just a picture of a flower. It's just a suggestion as I hate the thought of you not being able to use this wonderful forum when you need it.
 
Rose

[angela515]

Just an FYI from the sound of everyone's posts on this thread and another, nobody knew it was you until you said so. So you could have talked to your mom off the boards to let her know your feelings instead of pubically doing so.

[George Jung]

Just an FYI from the sound of everyone's posts on this thread and another, nobody knew it was you until you said so. So you could have talked to your mom off the boards to let her know your feelings instead of pubically doing so.

HE KNEW.  It's not about us.

[angela515]