Needing Advice from the Ladies!

[smartcookie]

This post is about womanly things, so guys, I do not blame you if you don't read!!  I won't take it personally! 
In 2008 when I was 22 and in my first year of grad school, I went to the doctor with periods that would last about 25 days and were fairly heavy.  My dad is an OBGYN, and had put me on birth control when I started high school due to heavy periods.  He told me that I was bleeding because I was skipping pills or not taking them at the same time everyday, but I was.  So I saw one of his partners and got a ultrasound done.  I had a uterus full of polyps.  It took two surgeries to get all the polyps out and I have had normal periods ever since then.
I got married in 2010 and have had two back surgeries, as many of you know.  My husband and I really want children, but we waited to start trying until a little over a year after my surgery due to pain meds and strengthening my back to carry a child (I am a little overweight, too).  We have tried for over a year now with no success.  My last two periods were hellish and I had to take some time off work.  My OBGYN ordered another ultrasound on Tuesday, and I have another polyp and a fibroid in my uterus (I guess I grow everything but babies).  This polyp is probably because I have been off birth control for about a year.  So she thinks she can get rid of it with medicine since it is smallish, but it is causing problems and I still might have to have surgery again.  The fibroid is small and she is unwilling to take it out due to damage to my uterus.  Polyps can cause miscarriages and infertility.  She also found that my A1C was a little elevated, so she started me on Metformin because it is known to help with fertility and help prevent miscarriage. 
I am a little heartbroken right now.  I am going to be 31 in July and I know my back isn't getting any better.  My husband and I do plan to adopt a second child, but wanted to see what our child would look like.  We also wanted a child while our grandparents are still alive to see their great grandchildren.  His grandmother is 93 with two big tubs of baby stuff to give us.  I have been pretty tearful with all this, and it breaks my heart to see women I know getting pregnant and having children.  My arms feel so empty.  I didn't have a place to really vent this frustration and thought I could come here. 
I feel guilty venting this here because I know there are worse things in life then not being able to get pregnant and one of those things is definitely dialysis.  If you have any encouragement or support, I would really appreciate it. 

[MooseMom]

Oh, smartcookie, you've done so much for our IHD members and for your dialysis patients, and it makes me heartsick to read of your sadness.  You don't deserve this, but the world doesn't work that way, does it.

I hope you feel a tiny bit better just by writing out your thoughts and sharing them with us.  I have no doubt that many IHDers will want to give you many cyberhugs and words of comfort.


I am not really sure, though, if you are certainly infertile.  I understand the problems you've had with issues like polyps and a dodgy back, but do they necessarily add up to certain infertility?  Apologies if I'm sounding totally ignorant.  Maybe there was something in your post that I've misunderstood?

Having a child "of your own" is probably one of the most primal drives we have as humans, so you do not have to apologize for the strong feelings that you are having.  There are different forms of devastation.  While dialysis is devastating in its own way, not being able to get pregnant is devastating in its own way, too.  This is not a competition.  There are too many people in this world who have "their own" children and are not on dialysis, but devastation in their lives can come from war or mental illness or so many other things.

[cassandra]

Dear smartcookie I second MM in all she said, and hope your second adoption plan will make you feel a bit better.

Lots of love, luck and strength, Cas

[Charlie B53]

While most 'guys' haven't a clue, I am NOT 'Normal'.
Back when I was a pre-teen, Mom after having 6 kids kept having 'Problems'. Being a young kid I didn't understand anything.  Mom had her hysterectomy.

Fast forward many many years, one of the ladies that worked for me have excessively long heavy periods. A number of times so badly she had to call an ambulance, go to the hospital, have transfusions as she had bled out so much.  Until she had her hysterectomy.

Daughter was in that same boat. Her OB/GYN tried many different meds, D&C's. Nothing worked.  Finaly gave in and had her hysterectomy.

Same for the young lady next door.

This is far more common than many people think.  Most simply don't talk about it.

It is also very common for those afflicted to suffer resulting depression, think themselves 'less than' any so called 'normal'.  Become promiscuous attempting to reaffirm their 'womanhood', that they are still desirable.This is far more 'normal' than you think.

Many opt out of taking the hormone replacements and brave to menopausal symptoms. It can be tough, hot flashes one minute, chills the next.

Watch for the depression, tell your Dr. If he suggests anti-depression meds then try then, you can always cut them in half if you feel they alter you too much.

There is much to be said for those that have so much Love to share that they are willing and able to adopt and raise another child.  That child becomes their child.  The kinship grows in the new Parent as well as that of the Child.

You should still consider yourself Blessed in so many ways.  Look at all that you still have and can do and be Thankful that you still have so much Love to give.

Parenting is far more than just the ability to concieve.

[kristina]

Dear smartookie
I don't really have much advise, as, due to suffering from "my" chronic glomerulonephritis since being a little over 17 years old, my husband and I could unfortunately not entertain the idea of having any children.
But I remember a friend of mine who tried for a considerable time very hard to have children without any success, until she and her husband finally gave up on the idea.
And then suddenly, over night she became pregnant. Why? Her doctor explained, that they tried too hard beforehand and as a result she and her husband became psychologically very "worked up" about having children and,  after they finally gave up on the idea, they both became very relaxed  and that relaxation made it finally possible...
Good luck and best wishes from Kristina.

[SooMK]

I think Charlie is right, infertility is way more common than many of us know. It isn't clear to me if you've seen an infertility specialist. Perhaps that's an option? I know there are support groups for infertility so that might be useful too. You still have plenty of time so don't put more pressure on yourself. Wishing you the best.

[cassandra]

Hi again smartcookie, I nearly forgot that after I had my dad's kidney I really wanted to get pregnant too. but I was very irregular. As the than medical industry had made such a mess of me and my body! I tried Ovaria Siccata D3. I became regular, it worked. I gave up on wanting to become pregnant as I had serious anger issues (caused by Prednison and losing both kidneys at 18) but I couldn't find that in the US.

My friend who used to have fibroids etc whom I had advised Agnus cactus or monnikspeper couldn't believe the difference. All clear.

Just wanted to say really that you could look the herbal way. Polips and fibroids are caused by hormone imbalances.
The imbalances can be caused by longterm use of anti conception pills. There's also a lot of oestrogen in our environment which doesn't help (plastics, fertilisers etc)

Lots of love, luck and strength, Cas

[smartcookie]

Thanks, everyone.  Moosemom, I may not be able to conceive from scar tissue from the previous surgeries.  That does not show up on ultrasound, unfortunately.  Plus my OBGYN told me that 85% of couples are generally pregnant by now, so there probably is some sort of problem.  My hubby is getting tested too.  He is not very thrilled, but the thought of him giving a sample makes me giggle! 

Charlie, I am on Lexapro at the highest dose.  I have anxiety mostly, but some depression from an accident my dad had when I was 12.  We almost lost him and it scared me to death.  I don't feel overly depressed, but tearful and a little overwhelmed when thinking about the whole pregnancy thing.  I am not sure I would handle fertility treatments very well due to some of my emotional issues.  I am feeling better today.  It hits me at different times and I try to let it out so all those feelings don't eat away at me. 

Cassandra, thanks for the herbal remedy advice!  I do think our society has introduced so many processed items in our lives that it overload us with hormones and causes problems.  And you are absolutely right that hormones cause polyps and fibroids.  My dad told me that he had never seen polyps in anyone under the age of fifty, so at least I'm special, right?   

I am a Christian and really feel lead to adopt for a long time.  I am wondering if God put this on my heart due to the issues I am having.  I am going to give it some more time before we contact an agency or lawyer, though.  I know there any many children looking for families that need good homes. 

Right now I am just trying to enjoy being married and babying my animals!  My doggy loves the attention, even if I do brush her too much and make her wear bows!  I really do appreciate all of your support.  It feels good to talk to people who know what loss and medical issues feels like.  And thank you all for not saying what everyone else keeps telling me... "When you quit trying you will get pregnant!"  That statement is getting old fast! 

[MooseMom]

Yes, I think you are correct in thinking that the odds are against you when you look at the evidence that points to a problem, but the obvious answer to that is "there's always a chance".  Sometimes hope can be a dangerous thing, and it is not always easy to be optimistic, but there IS a statistical reason to have some hope.

You know, I see in you emotions that I see in myself.  I don't feel overly depressed, either, but I sometimes feel tearful and a little overwhelmed when thinking about the whole kidney thing.  There is this underlying current of sadness that you are often aware of without realizing exactly what it is.  And then you remember.  You have some lab results that aren't optimal, and then you remember.  You see a pregnant lady in the store, and then you remember.  Those feelings can become like a boil, and sometimes you have to lance it and let those feelings out.

You are smart to think twice about undergoing fertility treatment.  If you are unsure, then now is not the time.

You are also smart to be grateful for what you have instead of grieving over what you do not.  And this is not always easy to do!  Sometimes you have to remind yourself, MAKE yourself focus on the blessings that you have.

You ARE a smart cookie!

[smartcookie]

Thanks, MooseMom!! 

[Charlie B53]

I truly Believe 'There is a Season for ALL Things'.  That whatever 'He' has in store for each of us will come to pass.  No matter what or how much we may think of the timing, it will only be when 'He' selects the time.

Conception medications may not always be a good thing.  We all know of Octo Mom.  Recently a Woman in another Country just delivered ELEVEN Children.  That is going to be quite a job taking care of all of those Babies.

Relax, enjoy the Blessings you do have.  Have Faith that whatever is planned will come to pass in the right time.

Why hurry?

So it can be viewed from different points.  It ain't worth your fussing over it now.  You have so much more that takes up your time right now.

I hope this doesn't seem like I am too harsh, blunt, or even condescending.  Hold on to your Beliefs in His Plan.

[smartcookie]

My dad gets so upset when someone like the Octomom comes on TV.  They are only supposed to place two fertilized eggs, maybe three at the most.  He says it is medical malpractice to place more. 

You are right, Charlie!  One of my biggest faults is impatience.  My husband and I waited until we had a house with an extra bedroom, were financially stable and that I was physically able to carry.  I guess I just get concerned that I will have more issues with my back.  When you have a fusion done, you put more pressure on the discs below and above.  A lot of patients end up herniating another disc from that pressure in 10 years.  I want to hold my babies and enjoy them while they will let me hold them!  So I am impatient.  I need to trust God more, because I do believe He has a plan and gives us the deepest desires of our hearts.  Thanks for the advice!!

[Simon Dog]

My dad gets so upset when someone like the Octomom comes on TV.  They are only supposed to place two fertilized eggs, maybe three at the most.  He says it is medical malpractice to place more. 

This varies by state.

Multiples also happen when there is no placement, but use of ovulation stimulating drugs.

I need to trust God more, because I do believe He has a plan

What makes you think God is a he and not a she?

[Charlie B53]

God must be a Grandparent with a truly warped sense of humor, like mine.

Somewhere it is written than man shall find a good woman for a Wife in all corners of the Earth.

Then he made the world round.

[smartcookie]

What makes you think God is a he and not a she?
[/quote]

I grew up a conservative southern Baptist girl.  In my world, God is definitely a He!!  Plus, I have never read "she" in reference to God in the Bible, where I put my faith. 

[Simon Dog]

I grew up a conservative southern Baptist girl.  In my world, God is definitely a He!!  Plus, I have never read "she" in reference to God in the Bible, where I put my faith.

I'll bet God is also white in your world 

[smartcookie]

No, I think of Him as middle eastern.  I don't really care what color he is or isn't.  I am just so glad He loves me. 

[smartcookie]

So I went back to my OB/GYN yesterday.  She looked at my surgery history and said that she wants to check me in August and if the polyp is still there (she read a study where sometimes they will resolve in 3-4 months), I get to have another surgery.  Round three with my uterus!  She also would put dye in my uterus to see if my fallopian tubes are open and take an x-ray, so I would have a small incision for that.  After that, she will put me on a medicine to help me ovulate.  I am a little heartbroken at the thought of another surgery.  I did have to be taken off Metformin because I have lost 20 pounds this month, some from dieting but most from stomach upset.  She put me on Glyburide.  Any advice with this medication?  I am considered pre diabetic and am working hard to not become diabetic. 
Yesterday was just a bad day.  After my appointment, I went to the hospital to visit a patient of mine who has been in the hospital for a couple months.  I know his family can't visit, so I thought he could use some cheering up.  He is on a ventilator and trying to be weaned from it, so he couldn't talk, but I read lips pretty well.  I feel so sorry for him.  He is a gem and always goes out of his way to help everyone at dialysis.  Only one patient has asked about him.  One!  He brings the other patients treats and presents, gives rides to those who need it, prays with them, encourages them, etc.  He deserves so much better.
Then when I finally got home last night after running errands, my mom calls and my four year old nephew broke his arm.  She need help with my nine month old niece in the ER waiting room, so I spent the evening washing bottles, changing diapers and blowing raspberries. Jack, my nephew, was pretending to be Superman and jumped off the desk chair at home.  His arm was visibly broken and he had pretty impressive x-rays.  So from 6:30 pm to 10:45, I was at the hospital.  Poor Jack had to be sedated and his arm popped back into place.  He took it like a champ and is pretty proud of his cast.  Can't let go of the band aid from his IV yet.  Such a precious child.  He looked so tiny in that big old hospital bed. 

[smartcookie]

I am sorry!  Glipizide not glyburide. 

[lainiepop]

The way you are feeling is completely understandable i have been there my self and many of my healthy friends and family have had fertility issues too. My parents took 14 years to conceive me lol. How long have u been trying? I would definitely have some tests to see what is going on as u may be surprised. We conceived our son in fairly normal time around 7 montjs but we were young at the time only 25 so naively i thpught conceiving a second would be easier. Almost 2 yrs til i got pregnant. Partly as my periods were not that regular (agnus castus oil helped with strong ovulation). I became one of these obsessed people with ovulation kits and when we hit 18 mths we went to the gp who said first he would testhubbys sperm. Didnt think that would be an issue as wehad one right? Wrong. Basically his sperm count was fine as was the motility but 98% of them were abnormal. Told i would never conceive with that! Well a month later that 2 percent made it and i got pregnant with my daughter only to be told at 8 wks preg my kidney was failing and may need dialysis to sustain pregnancy and baby might not be viable. It was a shock as my kidney managed with my son. Anyway all turned out fine but what i am saying is i would def see a fertility doc and i compleyely understand the feelung u get seeing new babie and pregnant people. In the time iit took to get my 2, my hubbys brother s wife had had 4 (had one previously and 2 of those 4 were conceived when she had an affair). I struggled with that i remember acting psycho a few times to my husband saying well wont dont i just sleep with someone else she did and got twins!! Ok now i sound a complete lunatic but trying for a baby is emotional when it doesnt come easy, especially for those of us withhealth issues too. I hope the mefs to help u ovulate do their thing, isit clomid? How long do i have to wait for it?xx

[smartcookie]

I have been trying for a year, lainiepop.  My husband is getting tested next week (he is less than thrilled), and my OB/GYN is hoping to do some testing while I am out if I have to have my polyp removed (and it probably will need to come out, because I manufacture those things).  I grow everything but babies!  She is also going to look as best she can for endometriosis since I have heavy painful periods, but that could just be from the polyps and fibroid.  I know just how you feel with your sister in law.  My husband and I have only been together, married for 7 years, both in our early thirties with steady jobs, a house and an okay income.  We waited to build all of that before trying, plus my two back surgeries.  I have watched my friends get pregnant, teenagers get pregnant, family get pregnant, and many with less than stellar circumstances.  I am always happy for them and try very hard not to judge, but that little nagging thought keeps coming up that my husband and I did everything right and we have not been blessed with a baby yet.  I hate feeling that way, because as a social worker I go out of my way not to judge people and love them for who they are.  But alas, I am human and have these thoughts like everyone else.  The room we are going to use for a nursery is just storage.  I have bought a little baby Bible as something to hold on to for my future little one, but I am itching to clean and decorate that room, regardless of a baby.  I already love my children, even though they do not exist yet.  It is such a strange feeling. 

[lainiepop]

I know myself it doesn't feel like it but a year is not considered that long. Until i had my kids and started talking to others i had no idra how common striggling to conceive could be. My hubbys sister has just got pregnant after trying for around 3 years and my lil girl is so happy as she is having a girl. Do u know when the investigations will happen? My friend with one girl my sons age watched her 2sisters have 5 kids netween them while she took 7 yrs to conceive, she was almost 40 i think. She conceived after a couple months of clomid so who knows! Have u used ovulation kits? I found them helpful with irregular periods. Ironically after transplant mine are so regular and much shorter cycles that i am anaemic from more blood loss lol! Xx

[Charlie B53]

So many cliche's come to mind.

Good things take time.

Patience.

Have Faith in His plan.

None of which is easy. Spending your time thinking about it only adds to the 'stress'.  Often it is some of this very 'stress' that causes the body to respond in that 'fight or flight' reaction, making the hormonal changes in preparation for  that intense exertion of a fight or speedily running away from the source of the stress.  You cannot run away from your own thoughts.

You need a diversion.  A means of occupying your time and attention. Have Faith that Mother Nature knows what She is doing.  Until the timing is right it is not going to happen. Re-arrange the furniture. Landscape the yard. Find activities that will keep you busy.

Stop trying so hard as it is wearing yor down and tiring you out.

[smartcookie]

All my testing will be done in August, probably.  I have tried ovulation kits, but even though my exams and ultrasounds say I am ovulating, the kits never do.  I know a lot of women have healthy babies into their 40s and even beyond that, but after 30 your chances for birth defects increase a bit, and after 35 they increase more.  Also, with a spinal fusion, I want to have babies now while my other discs are strong.  I am at risk of blowing my discs above and below my fusion from extra pressure on them now that I no longer have a disc at L3-4. 
I have decided that this summer, I will diet and exercise to get down to a healthier weight and a more normal A1c as mine is 6 right now.  My grandparents, both parents and my older brother all of diabetes, so it may be one of those things that will catch up to me no matter what I do, but I want to prevent being diabetic for as long as possible.  I am down about 20 pounds from a little over a month ago, so I have a good start.  My jeans no longer fit!!  Good thing my work clothes do...
Thank you all for listening.  I do distract myself and stay busy, but it is nice to blow some steam off here when it builds up.  I have a 9 month old niece who is to die for!  She is incredibly smart and sweet, so I am practicing my mothering skills on her and my sweet 4 year old nephew.  We have a trip to the zoo planned in July and to a water park in August once Jack's cast comes off.  I splurged and bought him a Superman sling for his little broken arm.  He will be so excited!

[Charlie B53]

Diet, when I started PD I couldn't eat much so I decided to change what I ate a bit more responsibly.  I try to limit white.  I reduced the flour I eat in all forms. I rarely eat breads and noodles.  That reduction in carbs I lost 100 lbs in two years.  No other change.  Physical limitation don't make it easy to get much 'exercise', my activity is limited.

I hate to get all Biblical, But........................ Moses Wife was barren until old age, then conceived and bore a Son.

We never know what is planned for us, we only have to Believe what will be will become in the correct time.

Patience is so very difficult when we want something so much that we feel an emptyness in our lives.  Finding something that will help fill that void is difficult, but not impossible.

I wish you well in your search.