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Author Topic: Needing Advice from the Ladies!  (Read 250 times)
smartcookie
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« on: May 04, 2017, 11:05:03 AM »

This post is about womanly things, so guys, I do not blame you if you don't read!!  I won't take it personally!  :rofl;
In 2008 when I was 22 and in my first year of grad school, I went to the doctor with periods that would last about 25 days and were fairly heavy.  My dad is an OBGYN, and had put me on birth control when I started high school due to heavy periods.  He told me that I was bleeding because I was skipping pills or not taking them at the same time everyday, but I was.  So I saw one of his partners and got a ultrasound done.  I had a uterus full of polyps.  It took two surgeries to get all the polyps out and I have had normal periods ever since then.
I got married in 2010 and have had two back surgeries, as many of you know.  My husband and I really want children, but we waited to start trying until a little over a year after my surgery due to pain meds and strengthening my back to carry a child (I am a little overweight, too).  We have tried for over a year now with no success.  My last two periods were hellish and I had to take some time off work.  My OBGYN ordered another ultrasound on Tuesday, and I have another polyp and a fibroid in my uterus (I guess I grow everything but babies).  This polyp is probably because I have been off birth control for about a year.  So she thinks she can get rid of it with medicine since it is smallish, but it is causing problems and I still might have to have surgery again.  The fibroid is small and she is unwilling to take it out due to damage to my uterus.  Polyps can cause miscarriages and infertility.  She also found that my A1C was a little elevated, so she started me on Metformin because it is known to help with fertility and help prevent miscarriage. 
I am a little heartbroken right now.  I am going to be 31 in July and I know my back isn't getting any better.  My husband and I do plan to adopt a second child, but wanted to see what our child would look like.  We also wanted a child while our grandparents are still alive to see their great grandchildren.  His grandmother is 93 with two big tubs of baby stuff to give us.  I have been pretty tearful with all this, and it breaks my heart to see women I know getting pregnant and having children.  My arms feel so empty.  I didn't have a place to really vent this frustration and thought I could come here. 
I feel guilty venting this here because I know there are worse things in life then not being able to get pregnant and one of those things is definitely dialysis.  If you have any encouragement or support, I would really appreciate it. 
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MooseMom
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« Reply #1 on: May 04, 2017, 12:32:08 PM »

Oh, smartcookie, you've done so much for our IHD members and for your dialysis patients, and it makes me heartsick to read of your sadness.  You don't deserve this, but the world doesn't work that way, does it.

I hope you feel a tiny bit better just by writing out your thoughts and sharing them with us.  I have no doubt that many IHDers will want to give you many cyberhugs and words of comfort.


I am not really sure, though, if you are certainly infertile.  I understand the problems you've had with issues like polyps and a dodgy back, but do they necessarily add up to certain infertility?  Apologies if I'm sounding totally ignorant.  Maybe there was something in your post that I've misunderstood?

Having a child "of your own" is probably one of the most primal drives we have as humans, so you do not have to apologize for the strong feelings that you are having.  There are different forms of devastation.  While dialysis is devastating in its own way, not being able to get pregnant is devastating in its own way, too.  This is not a competition.  There are too many people in this world who have "their own" children and are not on dialysis, but devastation in their lives can come from war or mental illness or so many other things.
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cassandra
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« Reply #2 on: May 04, 2017, 03:01:49 PM »

Dear smartcookie I second MM in all she said, and hope your second adoption plan will make you feel a bit better.

Lots of love, luck and strength, Cas
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I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left

1983 high proteinloss in urine, chemo, stroke,coma, dialysis
1984 double nephrectomy
1985 transplant from dad
1998 lost dads kidney, start PD
2003 peritineum burst, back to hemo
2012 start Nxstage home hemo
       still on waitinglist, still ok I think
Charlie B53
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« Reply #3 on: May 04, 2017, 06:37:32 PM »


While most 'guys' haven't a clue, I am NOT 'Normal'.
Back when I was a pre-teen, Mom after having 6 kids kept having 'Problems'. Being a young kid I didn't understand anything.  Mom had her hysterectomy.

Fast forward many many years, one of the ladies that worked for me have excessively long heavy periods. A number of times so badly she had to call an ambulance, go to the hospital, have transfusions as she had bled out so much.  Until she had her hysterectomy.

Daughter was in that same boat. Her OB/GYN tried many different meds, D&C's. Nothing worked.  Finaly gave in and had her hysterectomy.

Same for the young lady next door.

This is far more common than many people think.  Most simply don't talk about it.

It is also very common for those afflicted to suffer resulting depression, think themselves 'less than' any so called 'normal'.  Become promiscuous attempting to reaffirm their 'womanhood', that they are still desirable.This is far more 'normal' than you think.

Many opt out of taking the hormone replacements and brave to menopausal symptoms. It can be tough, hot flashes one minute, chills the next.

Watch for the depression, tell your Dr. If he suggests anti-depression meds then try then, you can always cut them in half if you feel they alter you too much.

There is much to be said for those that have so much Love to share that they are willing and able to adopt and raise another child.  That child becomes their child.  The kinship grows in the new Parent as well as that of the Child.

You should still consider yourself Blessed in so many ways.  Look at all that you still have and can do and be Thankful that you still have so much Love to give.

Parenting is far more than just the ability to concieve.
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kristina
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« Reply #4 on: May 05, 2017, 02:31:29 AM »

Dear smartookie
I don't really have much advise, as, due to suffering from "my" chronic glomerulonephritis since being a little over 17 years old, my husband and I could unfortunately not entertain the idea of having any children.
But I remember a friend of mine who tried for a considerable time very hard to have children without any success, until she and her husband finally gave up on the idea.
And then suddenly, over night she became pregnant. Why? Her doctor explained, that they tried too hard beforehand and as a result she and her husband became psychologically very "worked up" about having children and,  after they finally gave up on the idea, they both became very relaxed  and that relaxation made it finally possible...
Good luck and best wishes from Kristina. :grouphug;
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SooMK
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« Reply #5 on: May 05, 2017, 06:24:06 AM »

I think Charlie is right, infertility is way more common than many of us know. It isn't clear to me if you've seen an infertility specialist. Perhaps that's an option? I know there are support groups for infertility so that might be useful too. You still have plenty of time so don't put more pressure on yourself. Wishing you the best.
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SooMK
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Transplant April 2014
cassandra
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« Reply #6 on: May 05, 2017, 08:40:36 AM »

Hi again smartcookie, I nearly forgot that after I had my dad's kidney I really wanted to get pregnant too. but I was very irregular. As the than medical industry had made such a mess of me and my body! I tried Ovaria Siccata D3. I became regular, it worked. I gave up on wanting to become pregnant as I had serious anger issues (caused by Prednison and losing both kidneys at 18) but I couldn't find that in the US.

My friend who used to have fibroids etc whom I had advised Agnus cactus or monnikspeper couldn't believe the difference. All clear.

Just wanted to say really that you could look the herbal way. Polips and fibroids are caused by hormone imbalances.
The imbalances can be caused by longterm use of anti conception pills. There's also a lot of oestrogen in our environment which doesn't help (plastics, fertilisers etc)

Lots of love, luck and strength, Cas
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I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left

1983 high proteinloss in urine, chemo, stroke,coma, dialysis
1984 double nephrectomy
1985 transplant from dad
1998 lost dads kidney, start PD
2003 peritineum burst, back to hemo
2012 start Nxstage home hemo
       still on waitinglist, still ok I think
smartcookie
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« Reply #7 on: May 05, 2017, 01:19:22 PM »

Thanks, everyone.  Moosemom, I may not be able to conceive from scar tissue from the previous surgeries.  That does not show up on ultrasound, unfortunately.  Plus my OBGYN told me that 85% of couples are generally pregnant by now, so there probably is some sort of problem.  My hubby is getting tested too.  He is not very thrilled, but the thought of him giving a sample makes me giggle! 

Charlie, I am on Lexapro at the highest dose.  I have anxiety mostly, but some depression from an accident my dad had when I was 12.  We almost lost him and it scared me to death.  I don't feel overly depressed, but tearful and a little overwhelmed when thinking about the whole pregnancy thing.  I am not sure I would handle fertility treatments very well due to some of my emotional issues.  I am feeling better today.  It hits me at different times and I try to let it out so all those feelings don't eat away at me. 

Cassandra, thanks for the herbal remedy advice!  I do think our society has introduced so many processed items in our lives that it overload us with hormones and causes problems.  And you are absolutely right that hormones cause polyps and fibroids.  My dad told me that he had never seen polyps in anyone under the age of fifty, so at least I'm special, right?   :urcrazy;

I am a Christian and really feel lead to adopt for a long time.  I am wondering if God put this on my heart due to the issues I am having.  I am going to give it some more time before we contact an agency or lawyer, though.  I know there any many children looking for families that need good homes. 

Right now I am just trying to enjoy being married and babying my animals!  My doggy loves the attention, even if I do brush her too much and make her wear bows!  I really do appreciate all of your support.  It feels good to talk to people who know what loss and medical issues feels like.  And thank you all for not saying what everyone else keeps telling me... "When you quit trying you will get pregnant!"  That statement is getting old fast! 
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MooseMom
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« Reply #8 on: May 05, 2017, 01:42:55 PM »

Yes, I think you are correct in thinking that the odds are against you when you look at the evidence that points to a problem, but the obvious answer to that is "there's always a chance".  Sometimes hope can be a dangerous thing, and it is not always easy to be optimistic, but there IS a statistical reason to have some hope.

You know, I see in you emotions that I see in myself.  I don't feel overly depressed, either, but I sometimes feel tearful and a little overwhelmed when thinking about the whole kidney thing.  There is this underlying current of sadness that you are often aware of without realizing exactly what it is.  And then you remember.  You have some lab results that aren't optimal, and then you remember.  You see a pregnant lady in the store, and then you remember.  Those feelings can become like a boil, and sometimes you have to lance it and let those feelings out.

You are smart to think twice about undergoing fertility treatment.  If you are unsure, then now is not the time.

You are also smart to be grateful for what you have instead of grieving over what you do not.  And this is not always easy to do!  Sometimes you have to remind yourself, MAKE yourself focus on the blessings that you have.

You ARE a smart cookie!
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smartcookie
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« Reply #9 on: May 09, 2017, 06:34:16 AM »

Thanks, MooseMom!!  :flower;
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Charlie B53
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« Reply #10 on: May 09, 2017, 07:50:27 PM »


I truly Believe 'There is a Season for ALL Things'.  That whatever 'He' has in store for each of us will come to pass.  No matter what or how much we may think of the timing, it will only be when 'He' selects the time.

Conception medications may not always be a good thing.  We all know of Octo Mom.  Recently a Woman in another Country just delivered ELEVEN Children.  That is going to be quite a job taking care of all of those Babies.

Relax, enjoy the Blessings you do have.  Have Faith that whatever is planned will come to pass in the right time.

Why hurry?

So it can be viewed from different points.  It ain't worth your fussing over it now.  You have so much more that takes up your time right now.

I hope this doesn't seem like I am too harsh, blunt, or even condescending.  Hold on to your Beliefs in His Plan.
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smartcookie
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« Reply #11 on: May 10, 2017, 02:12:18 PM »

My dad gets so upset when someone like the Octomom comes on TV.  They are only supposed to place two fertilized eggs, maybe three at the most.  He says it is medical malpractice to place more. 

You are right, Charlie!  One of my biggest faults is impatience.  My husband and I waited until we had a house with an extra bedroom, were financially stable and that I was physically able to carry.  I guess I just get concerned that I will have more issues with my back.  When you have a fusion done, you put more pressure on the discs below and above.  A lot of patients end up herniating another disc from that pressure in 10 years.  I want to hold my babies and enjoy them while they will let me hold them!  So I am impatient.  I need to trust God more, because I do believe He has a plan and gives us the deepest desires of our hearts.  Thanks for the advice!!
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Simon Dog
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« Reply #12 on: May 10, 2017, 02:48:53 PM »

My dad gets so upset when someone like the Octomom comes on TV.  They are only supposed to place two fertilized eggs, maybe three at the most.  He says it is medical malpractice to place more. 
This varies by state.

Multiples also happen when there is no placement, but use of ovulation stimulating drugs.
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I need to trust God more, because I do believe He has a plan
What makes you think God is a he and not a she?
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Charlie B53
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« Reply #13 on: May 10, 2017, 04:52:48 PM »


God must be a Grandparent with a truly warped sense of humor, like mine.

Somewhere it is written than man shall find a good woman for a Wife in all corners of the Earth.

Then he made the world round.
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smartcookie
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« Reply #14 on: May 11, 2017, 06:30:20 AM »


What makes you think God is a he and not a she?
[/quote]

I grew up a conservative southern Baptist girl.  In my world, God is definitely a He!!  Plus, I have never read "she" in reference to God in the Bible, where I put my faith. 
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Simon Dog
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« Reply #15 on: May 11, 2017, 07:32:34 AM »

I grew up a conservative southern Baptist girl.  In my world, God is definitely a He!!  Plus, I have never read "she" in reference to God in the Bible, where I put my faith.
I'll bet God is also white in your world  >:D
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smartcookie
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« Reply #16 on: May 11, 2017, 10:18:53 AM »

No, I think of Him as middle eastern.  I don't really care what color he is or isn't.  I am just so glad He loves me. 
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