I Hate Being Single (and other frustrations of life...)

[KarenInWA]

I'm annoyed and want to know what you all think. I met a fellow tx patient from Canada on Facebook who lives not too far from me in Vancouver, BC and right now, he is getting on my nerves. For one, he's obsessed with boobies - to the point where I was trying to tell him about my mom's situation on fb chat (that's a whole other topic altogether. it ain't pretty), and he brought up boobies. I have always been annoyed by the obsession with boobies, especially when you're trying to talk about something totally unrelated. Secondly, when we first started talking (for the 2nd time - we actually originally met earlier this year), I was getting ready to have my ablation done. (Uterine/endometrial ablation to get rid of my periods). He wouldn't let up the fact that I was making it impossible for me to get pregnant - which to me was no big deal considering I have such low kidney function that getting pregnant would not only put me back on dialysis - there isn't even a guarantee that I'd have a live, breathing baby at the end of it!!! I don't like feeling like I have to defend the fact that guess what - having babies is not an option for me and hellooooo, I'm 40! I expect that with healthy people who don't have a clue, but another ESRD/tx patient??? And thirdly, I recently told him why I lost interest in meeting him the first time we started talking (earlier this year) - which was due to a female friend he has that he hangs out with and they flirt rather openly on his Faceboonk. She also was called his stalker in the Facebook group I met him in, and the story was that she really liked him, but was okay with being just friends. That whole story creeped me out because it seemed like he was leading her on, and what kind of drama would there be if he started seeing someone. I don't do drama, period. Anyway, I told him this (via Facebook chat) and you can tell he didn't take it all too well, and is now referring to it as "drama bs" and thinks we should meet real soon because I'm going to lose interest in him over this female friend thing. Well gee, now that you mention it... Am I over reacting? Besides, he lives in Canada, and being expensively ill, Canada wouldn't want me anyway. He refuses to move here (if it were to come to that). So really, what's the point?

KarenInWA

[UkrainianTracksuit]

You’re not overreacting.  If there is drama (on his end) with general chatting and a meet up, the fuss would continue if this turned into something more.  I think the writing is on the wall.  There’s an old proverb, “Only the grave cures the hunchback.”  If in any case that you did enter a relationship, you’d have a new plate of worries based on his current behavior.  You don’t need extra anxiety in your life while dealing with your health.  He’s obviously quite immature to be focused on “boobies” and reproductive issues during a serious conversation.  Any man with half of a caring brain can put those distractions to the side to listen to something important.  This should be a given with a man that is a tx patient.  Furthermore, guys that play the comedian role/class clown type get old real fast.

If there is anything I can’t stand is when someone places their behavior on you to cover their own behind.  (The typical “you’re cheating on me” when it is the one pointing the finger doing it sort of thing.)  He’s the one that created the “drama bs” of which he is accusing you.  Let’s not even get into the emotional bargaining of meeting up “real soon” so you don’t loose interest.  If two people really click, there shouldn’t be bargaining over fear of losing interest.

In the end, you were in the right to call him out.  I know being single, dating and finding a decent man is tough so big hugs.    

[Jean]

He is absolutely sending you some seriously bad vibes. Not my position, but, if I were you, I would delete him and get on with your life. I know it sucks being alone, especially with health problems, but this guy is not for you. He is very immature, if he even has to say "boobies"

[Shaks24]

Advise from a male for the two cents thats its worth. I agree with Jean. Move on. You have enough on your hands without being annoyed by a guy that wants to play games.

[galvo]

Another male's view - He's an idiot. Delete him.

[geoffcamp]

Facebook is the DEVIL for relationships!!  Cannot tell you how many bad stories I've seen and heard. Facebook SHOULD be a place to communicate with friends near and far and share a little of your life with these friends. Trying to use Facebook to meet men or women NEVER works out!  People lie when something is practically anonymous. I sat unfriend him and use Facebook for what it should be. Just my opinion but WOW I've witnessed some crazy stuff via Facebook and relationships. It just seems to be bad news. Take it for what you want!  I only use Facebook to communicate with old friends from another city and it's great for that!! 
G.

[KarenInWA]

Thank you all for your replies. Another thing that is just too annoying is he is a 40 yr old man who also likes to refer to women's breasts as "pokies". He does that ALL the time. It makes me cringe. I haven't said anything yet, because I thought at first I could tolerate it. I gotta be honest to myself - I can't... He even likes to compare the mountainous region we live in to "pokies" and how perfect it is that he lives here and not in some flat area...

Mind you, I am small-breasted and have always been a little sensitive when it comes to this topic.

KarenInWA

[UkrainianTracksuit]

Wow, "pokies"?  Living around mountains and not a flat area?  He's 40?  Forget the other prescriptions, he needs chemical castration.   

[Joe]

I'll chime in with the other guys Karen, he sounds like a loser

[MooseMom]

He's a perv.  Life's too short.  Sure, being single can suck, but it sure beats having a guy who pervs on "boobies".  What is he, 12?

[MooseMom]

PS:  This is the kind of guy who makes you happy to be single.

[Jean]

Loser with an enormous L!!!!

[MooseMom]

Facebook seems to bring out the worst in people.  This is why I no longer belong to any fb groups.  More harsh words were hurled at me by supposedly "mature" people on fb "support" groups than by my schoolmates in the playground 40 years ago.  It's very odd.

Do you still have any contact with this creep?

[KarenInWA]

Yes, I do still have contact with him. We're friends on Facebook. I met him in a secret group for single transplantees. I met him back in March. I ended up going up there in May to see friends I hadn't seen in a while, and I was going to meet him, too. However, sometime before that, I kept noticing the flirting from his female friend. He ended up being in the hospital for the week I was going to visit, and went home to his mom's for the weekend (when I was in town). His friend wrote on his wall about hanging out, did some 's - as did he, and it looked to me like he forgot about me! So, I made the decision to not make an effort and promptly lost interest.

Fast fwd to August, and I posted on FB about my cousin being in the hospital and almost losing her life (after a routine hysterectomy) and he was the first one to comment on that. We started chatting again and he was really nice. It then just grew from there to a mutual interest, lots of flirting, and even phone calls (he can  call me for no extra charge). Everytime we agreed to meet, something would happen on either his end or my end. So, we've never met yet. It's only recently that he started to get on my nerves. The pokies and boobies thing is just annoying, and yes, the grilling me over having a baby was before getting my ablation done in September. Those are red flags that I noticed and stored away in my memory, as was the female friend. Now, I just don't know. Something doesn't feel right, and yes, I do need to trust my gut...

KarenInWA

[MooseMom]

Your gut is very smart, just like the rest of you! 

[cariad]

Karen, can't you 'unfriend' this person or something? Nothing you've written says anything but 'bad news' loud and clear. You've never even met and he's complaining about your inability to have children as if it's any of his business? It would be hard to imagine anything more sleazy, arrogant and presumptuous. Run! 

[Bambino_Bear]

"It's better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone"
Marilyn Monroe

Sounds like you can do a lot better. 

 

[Deanne]

You haven't even met him yet and he's already shown you some very annoying behaviors. This is what while he's still probably demonstrating his "best" behavior while trying to woo you. I can only imagine how much worse it could get if you were involved with him and he no longer feels the need to restrain himself. Unfriend him and run!

[RichardMEL]

He's a perv.  Life's too short.  Sure, being single can suck, but it sure beats having a guy who pervs on "boobies".  What is he, 12?

Excuse me!! As an official Perv I resemble this statement!!!!!!  (but I have never thought of or used that 'p' word?!!)

[okarol]

Keep your pokies to yourself hehehe 
I know many people have met their mate on the internet, but usually through some place like OKCupid.com, or Match.com. I am sure there are creepy guys there too, but more to choose from!

[KarenInWA]

Keep your pokies to yourself hehehe 
I know many people have met their mate on the internet, but usually through some place like OKCupid.com, or Match.com. I am sure there are creepy guys there too, but more to choose from!

Okarol - I refuse to join "dating" websites because of past experiences. I'm too old for the crap games that go on iin those things and my health can't take it anymore. Someone added me to that facebook group, which I thought would be interesting to share thoughts and concerns. I ended up leaving it because a bunch of the guys gained up on me when I posted about a concern I have as a single female transplantee - hpv infection and cervical cancer. Not a whole lot of support when you bring THAT topic up.

KarenInWA

[paris]

If he won't agree to meet and suddenly is in the hospital when you are in his area,  well maybe he isn't real.  Maybe he is a "catfish".  He sounds like trouble.

[Poppylicious]

If he won't agree to meet and suddenly is in the hospital when you are in his area,  well maybe he isn't real.  Maybe he is a "catfish".  He sounds like trouble.

I was thinking that too. Or he's married and this is a second/fake Fb account.  Or he's a teenager.  Whichever it is, I'd ignore him if it were me.  Pokies?!

I met Blokey through the Internet (Match.com).  I only joined up (with a free account) for a laugh.  I had no intention of actually meeting anyone, but nearly fourteen years later I sit here with my husband and only one kidney ...

 

[RichardMEL]

Always happens when you LEAST expect it......

[Chris]

Delete, block, don't acknowledge him on other forums on Facebook. Not worth the headache even if we were in our 20's!