Apology

[paris]

I apologize from the bottom of my heart for my absense. My computer has crashed 3 times in the past 3 months and I don't do well on a tiny keyboard.  I'll explain my life now briefly (besides the stupid computer).  I have spent every free moment helping my daughter recover from the devastation of her husband leaving after charging up all the credit cards and clearing out the bank account. I now pick up her kids after school, sit down with homework, and leave again for cheer or basketball practice. Yep, I'm raising kids again.  She needs my help - so what do I do? She lost her job and found another at 1/2 the salary - but it was a job.  She has to give up her 5 bedroom home that she and the kids love. They will be moving in with us at the end of May.  My husband has been sick. He has had tons of test and good news is his heart is good, blood work is good. He has a huge hematoma that keeps growing. He tore an artery (don't know how) and he bleeds in the abdomen area. There is a hard, softball size ball and then so much fluid surrounding it.  The area is now the size of a large dinner plate. He can hardly move some days.  This has gone on a long time.  But, 3 different doctors assure his it isn't cancer and they know what it is.  It may take surgery to make the artery heal and stop bleeding.  It is gross.  So in that mess, I got overloaded, but kept my stiff upper lip and didn't complain that everyone needed me to do everything.  Forget my energy level or getting any rest! Ha! I ended up having a mini(maybe bigger) melt down and couldn't do one more thing. I didn't have it in me to help one more person. I finally told my husband that I felt like I could have a break down.  Me? The strong one?   Now I am trying to find a better spot to be in.  People wonder how anyone could be depressed after getting a transplant.  I think all the meds can take over some days.  I lost another friend and again my insecurity made me wonder, why wasn't it me?   I do feel guilty (and grateful) for the transplant.   In short---life took over and I got lost.   My deepest apologies to all of you.   

[YLGuy]

    

[Traveller1947]

Trouble always seems to come in bunches, doesn't it?  I'm so sorry to hear that all this happening and all at once.  I'll pray for you and keep you in my thoughts.

[boswife]

  ((((((((((((((((((((paris))))))))))))))))))))     I feel very close to where you are.     Im sorry and  for help and change  Bless you Paris..

[galvo]

 Not a dull moment, eh, Paris? Hang in there (that's what we do best). Good to hear from you.

[okarol]

Wow that's a lot to handle - especially happening to people you love!
I miss seeing you post and I have also been absent, working on this volunteer project, so I feel bad if i haven't been supportive.
Please tell your hubby I am thinking of him, hoping somehow he gets better, or gets some answers!
Oh and your daughter, and those lovely grandkids, it just is so sad. They are lucky to have you in their lives.
Take care my friend, send you lots of love and big hugs! 

[Jean]

Welcome back Paris, you are always missed if you are not here. Sometimes life really hands us a pile of garbage, doesn't it? I am glad you are able to help your daughter out so much. She really needs you right now. things will get better for you, they always do for good people.   
and glad you are back.

[cassandra]

lots and lots and lots of hugs and love


         

             



xxx Cas

[Sluff]

No excuses.  Just kidding Paris. 

[willowtreewren]

Oh, Paris, Paris.

There is no need to apologize. You are the one who needs US! You do NOT need to be worried about not giving more of yourself.

Please, please take your time, catch your breath, help your husband and your daughter (who absolutely SHOULD be your priority after your own needs) and come back when you are ready, or when we can give YOU support.

 

Aleta

[del]

 

[Grumpy-1]

Darn !!   willowtreewren  sure gives good advice.   Paris - take willowtreewren post to heart. Take care of yourself, your hubby and your daughter in that order.  All other things can wait.  Your friends here and else where understand.  Stop in when you need to - either update or get a bit of a pick me up.  LoL Grumpy

[billybags]

Paris, sending you lots of hugs. Your plate is full at the moment. Take one day at a time and you will get through this, but don't over stretch your self. You really sound like you have taken on so much. 

[KarenInWA]

Oh Paris, that is just awful!!! I hope your daughter is able to take the ex for all he's got, because there is no excuse for that behavior. And I certainly hope your husband is able to pull through his medical problem! Why are they keeping it in there? As you know, I recently had a hematoma pressed against Lynette the kidney, which stopped her from producing urine. Now I am back at square one with recovery from surgery and high creatinine. But, at least I'm on the road to recovery. What is his hematoma pressing against?  How is his hgb/hct? Will he need a blood transfusion? Has he had one?

I wish you comfort, love, family and friendship going forward, Paris. You are in my prayers

    

KarenInWA

[Poppylicious]

Awww, Paris.  Sending you oodles of squiggly *huggles* ... feel free to share them with any other members of your family who might need them too.

[kitkatz]

Goodness! You have had a plateful handed to you lately!   

[Lillupie]

Aw no need to apologize its totally ok. We understand

 

[lmunchkin]

Wow that's a lot to handle - especially happening to people you love!
I miss seeing you post and I have also been absent, working on this volunteer project, so I feel bad if i haven't been supportive.
Please tell your hubby I am thinking of him, hoping somehow he gets better, or gets some answers!
Oh and your daughter, and those lovely grandkids, it just is so sad. They are lucky to have you in their lives.
Take care my friend, send you lots of love and big hugs! 

Ditto!  Just wish I could help in some way!  Missed you Paris, but understand your reasons.  No apology needed here! I don't get to post as much either dear, so don't you worry your pretty little head about it!!!!

God Bless,
lmunchkin
 

[Chris]

My thought is no apology needed, life gets in the way.

[thegrammalady]

no apologies needed. we all run away now and again, just look at me and i don't have anywhere near the reasons you do. loves and hugs.

[paris]

Thank you all.  Running away is exactly what I want to do.  Barry's medical issue is getting now causing him to carry extra fluid.  His waist has expanded and he keeps gaining weight.  I bet he has 15 pounds of fluid on him.  I cannot literally carry him back to the doctor.  If he doesn't go back, I don't know what to do.  I'm getting tired of taking care of the world when I just want to be left alone, rest and take care of me.  I sound selfish.  I am frustrated because I worked so hard for so long, to be where I am and I don't understand him  not getting help to get better.  I can't endanger my health because he doesn't want to take care of his.     This is why I have isolated myself lately -- I am too upset and I don't like dumping my problems on others.   Everyone has a story, and kidney patients plates are full without adding anyone else in the picture.  But I so appreciate the kind words.   My labs are doing well.  Steady @ 2.4/ 2.6 creatinine.  And other numbers are good too.  For that, I am very grateful.   

[Grumpy-1]

Paris   Understand your desire to run away.  I think most of us have felt that way at some point.  Just to quit and have it over with.   Not sure how to say it, but if Barry doesn't want to help himself, you can't change that.  You can only encourage him to make the attempt, encourage him to get help.  You can enlist friends and family to give support and encouragement to him as well, but he has to decide to make the effort.  I'm not an expert on any of this stuff, but I think you are right in taking a step back to get yourself together.  You can't help the world and can't help anyone else if you can't help yourself.   Keep coming back here and venting as needed.  There will always be a listening ear and a kind heart to help.  Grumpy

[Bajanne]

No need to apologize, especially to me.  I have been very overwhelmed recently.  I understand where you are coming from and really feel your pain.  Please be assured of our love and best wishes.   My caring thoughts and prayers are with you.
LOADS and LOADS of LOVE

[paris]

Today his legs are carrying fluid -- He keeps showing me all his aches and pains.  Every day I say "call the doctor today" . Sometimes he says he will, somedays he says "in a week I will".  Today he got mad at me for asking him to see the doctor, again.  He was suppose to see the cardialogist today. The doc  lowered a med and wanted him to come back and do a 24 hour monitor again.  He didn't go.  He has seen me go through medical issues for a decade.  No one ever reminded me to see the doctor, remind me of an appointment, filled my meds, etc.  I wanted to be better -- so I went to the doctor!   Very frustrating.  He has always thought the worst things and was sure he had cancer when he did go to the doctor.  Now he wonders if he has kidney failure because of retaining fluid.  Mind you, he had labs about 3 weeks ago, a culture that was negative.  I looked at his lab numbers and they were all in the good range.  Except the doctor told him that at 12.6 he is a little anemic.   Oh my Lord, have mercy!!   I haven't seen that number in so many years, I can't imagine what that must feel like.  As you can tell, I am really having a time finding my sympathy card right now.  Of course, I am worried.  But, GO TO THE DOCTOR!!!   Let's find out what the cause of this is and start on the road to recovery. 

Thanks for the reassuring words.     @Grumpy-1, you are right. I have to get myself back in a better spot. Stress doesn't help my kidney enjoy his new home.  And my job is to keep the kidney for a very long time.    @ Bajanne,  I know you understand. You are another strong woman who wants to help the whole world. Your words are always calming and full of hope.  I will keep you in my prayers as you go through your time of stress. 

 

[Chris]

No idea what to suggest other than leaving some life insurance papers by his side and some plans on what to do with all the money. However it doesn't seem scare tatics will work with him.
 
Train cat to sit and watch him like she is ready to eat him? Guess that's another scare tatic too.