Everything has changed

[CebuShan]

You are going to think I'm crazy. We're moving and I'm all stressed. But we are just moving a little way down the same road we live on now! It will be the first time in 19years that we've moved. I absolutely HATE moving! Hey, would we be considered part of the Chicago crowd? Who else lives near Chicago? We are about an hour and a half east of Chicago. My husband's sister used to live in Milwaukee but now lives in Sheboygan Falls. Lol!

[cariad]

Hey, would we be considered part of the Chicago crowd?

The "Chicago Crowd" is a self-identifying group of people in the area. So, CebuShan - if you believe you are a member, then you most certainly are!

There are quite a few IHDers in the area, and I don't dare list because I'll forget someone and they will feel slighted. We will all have to discuss if our move becomes imminent.

Good luck moving house. It is a huge undertaking, even if it is just down the block.

[Desert Dancer]

I have to admit being biased toward California, 'cause then you'll be "next door"! 

[cariad]

I have to admit being biased toward California, 'cause then you'll be "next door"! 

We'd be only 400 miles apart!  

I'm putting a tick in the pro-California column....

[RichardMEL]

All due respect DD, but I actually believe the real news item here is that Cariad would be moving that little bit closer to me!!! 

[CebuShan]

Oh no Richard, hasn't CA had enough scandals?!

[Desert Dancer]

All due respect DD, but I actually believe the real news item here is that Cariad would be moving that little bit closer to me!!! 

Uh-oh, does that cancel out her pro-California tick?

Wait... what!!??! Did I say that out loud?

[jbeany]

Multiple job offers sounds like good news to me!

[cariad]

You all are so cute! Thanks for the smiles.

Gwyn is sitting in his interview right now. I feel myself falling into a depression. I do not know what to do anymore, once again I don't even know where we are going to be next month let alone next year. The weather is turning gloomy, and of course COLD. Our power bill is next to nothing this month (~$160) but I just know we are hurtling toward those $500 bills.

I have been thinking how much employers in this country have turned into greedy, anti-family, anti-everything bullies. At Gwyn's last job, his boss never seemed to go home at night. He was like some sort of freak of nature - would get there at 5AM, leave last at night. Gwyn thinks he is married, but how could a marriage possibly survive that unless this woman has resigned herself to the fact that what she wants out of life just doesn't matter to anyone. The idea that we should not have any lives or anything that matters to us outside of making money (usually for someone else) seems to get deeper entrenched in this culture every year. I just don't know how we are going to survive this again, not just the money but the disruption to our lives. The recruiter with the Indianapolis job keeps aggressively trying to get Gwyn to pursue that. YOU MUST BE FLIPPING JOKING. FIND SOMEONE IN YOUR OWN DAMN STATE AND LEAVE US ALONE!!! Gwyn has started to propose different ways he could take the job to me. It all comes down to the same scenario - I live alone with the kids most of the winter, he misses out on their lives, we grow further apart. Oh, but then Gwyn says he will make them promise to send him to Wales end of next summer. Well, of course I completely trust this random corporation and annoying recruiter. The job I believe would come at a pay cut.

I have to go to some meeting with a guy who heads up some environmental campaign. Well, don't have to, not sure why I even agreed to it, but maybe it will take my mind off things. I warned him that I am happy to listen to what projects they are undertaking, but my husband just lost his job and there is no way we can afford to give any funds. He still wants to tell me about their work, reach out to the citizens sort of thing, so what the hell.

[MooseMom]

   I know what you mean about bosses who are "anti-family", or so it seems they are. 

It's difficult to get through the day when you know that tomorrow is going to bring a life change, or maybe not.   It's very unsettling, and I am so sorry that life has dealt you this great uncertainty.  I am still hoping that the end result will be better than you could possibly have imagined.

[rsudock]

I have been thinking how much employers in this country have turned into greedy, anti-family, anti-everything bullies. 

I totally agree!!! Aaron tends to have workaholic tendency too. I keep telling him to keep life in focus. That no one wishes they would have been at the office more on there death beds! Of course his family's measure of someone's worth is their paycheck! 

I feel myself falling into a depression. I do not know what to do anymore, once again I don't even know where we are going to be next month let alone next year. The weather is turning gloomy, and of course COLD. Our power bill is next to nothing this month (~$160) but I just know we are hurtling toward those $500 bills.

 

Hang in there the best you can friend!    Thinking of you!!

xo,
Rachel

[cariad]

Thanks MM and Rachel. I do appreciate it.

Gwyn said the interview seemed to go OK. I don't know what to hope for at this point. I have felt this depression coming on since yesterday and today it's been hitting me hard. It usually takes me a couple days to get past it, and I think having Gwyn out of town probably initiated it.

Liot's best friend is now on his bus and the driver shouted at them for messing around. I tried to talk to Liot about it and he just would not speak, so I had him sit on the naughty step for about 10 minutes, checking in with him every few minutes to see if he was ready to talk. FINALLY he told me what solutions he and his friend and his teacher had discussed. Since he would not talk to me on the drive home, I refused to take them to Whole Foods for pizza (sorry, Aidan! You did nothing wrong!) and just made them pasta at home. Saved $12 there at least. We are out of milk, though, and since we did not go to Whole Foods I did not have a chance to buy more.

Liot's best friend lives with his brother and mother since their father could not find work in this state. He is down in Texas, and their mother has to do all of this herself, while working a full-time job. I told her about Gwyn's job and the interview and that we may need to pack up and flee. She said "God, we should sit down and talk when it's not.... this." (Looking up at the clock, two minutes to closing.) We have become good friends these past few months, and I really wanted to have a chance to become closer. She almost started crying when the teacher told her about the bus because she thought her son had scratched Elliot's face again. I can tell that the stress of trying to handle everything on her own is really wearing on her.

Liot was just not himself. He was and he wasn't. He does not like to talk about anything uncomfortable, so the 'I don't know' blow off was typical of him. However, when I asked him if he wanted to move to California, he said "Do you want that, Mommy?" I should have just said yes, I am kicking myself over it now. I said something about how it was so expensive, and it is often too hot and smoggy. He went over to the pantry and pretended to look in it and stood there and cried. This is my second child - that is NOT normal 5-year-old behaviour. All I could do was give him a hug and tell him that it is not definite now, and we should try not to worry about it until it happens. I declared a no screen night (when I was angry with Liot) so instead we played board games - Guess Who and Trouble (Star Wars Edition). Liot and I were a team for Guess Who, and we lost both times, but no matter. Liot won the game of Trouble. Aidan said it was so fun, and I could not resist saying 'See!? No screens tonight, and we didn't DIE!' They are in bed and I see that Gwyn's plane has landed safely, so that's something.

[cariad]

OK, I am filled with dread right now. Just feeling utterly sick at heart, and I guess it isn't really explainable.

Gwyn received a job offer in California while I was sitting in class having a fantastic psychological anthropology discussion. There was almost no one in this session earlier, maybe because the weather is grim as can be, and while I usually worry I dominate conversations in class, there was an excuse to talk a lot today as there were just so few people there. I want to write about my class in another thread that's already been posted, but I fell back in love with anthropology this morning, probably at the very moment that Gwyn was discussing the offer.

The offer is good, just not good enough. It would be a dream job for Gwyn, with the added benefit of this spectacular education that he would be receiving. The salary would not be a pay cut, in fact, it would be a decent rise. No bonus, no 401k match. They want him to start YESTERDAY. We have been over this every which way, trying to find a way to make it work. The ReLo is a joke, but they did say there was a little room for negotiation. Our home is in no condition to sell. Gwyn says they do a lot of work in Detroit, and that perhaps he could work the first six months or so there. We don't live in Detroit, though, so it's not exactly a perfect solution, better than not being able to see each other at all. Gwyn has a phone interview with Britain next week, though I have a strong feeling they would offer no ReLo and then it would be a non-starter.

He also contacted a director from the local company with jobs entirely in his field, the one where the president of that company is supposedly best friends with the owner of the company that we just sued. This director, Gwyn considers him something of a friend, emailed back saying he was in Europe but that the the president had said "we would be willing to help you if we can". The director, apparently not seeing or refusing to see how insulting this was told Gwyn that he would get him in touch with the guy he'd be working for as soon as he's back from Europe. The director is not the problem. I thought we were going to cut the nonsense out this time. Willing to help??!! FOR F*%$S SAKE!!!!! This is not a request for charity, this is a highly skilled professional offering you his services at a fair price!!!! Who the HELL does this president think he is??!! I love the 'willing' as if this is something they are doing as some great big bloody favor, and then the 'if we can'. IF YOU CAN?! IF YOU CAN?! You posted the job on your bloody site, are you serious that you want to make it sound like somehow you might not be ABLE to hire Gwyn. Usually, having prior experience with Gwyn is an incentive for companies to hire him. This is the only place on earth where it seems that knowing him already is some sort of liability, and for the LIFE of us, we don't know why. Gwyn defended this company to his previous employer in CA, because that employer was trying to cheat this company by not following the terms of the contract. When the president's "best friend" (Gwyn's former employer) ASKED this person to hire Gwyn (so that Gwyn would stop demanding that this jerk actually pay him because we had little things like bills to pay) the president STILL found an excuse (a really, truly, transparently LAME one) to not hire Gwyn.

Anyhow, that's where we are. I keep saying to Gwyn A job offer is GOOD. It's better than the alternative. and he answers, quite rightly, The alternative is easier.

[MooseMom]

Oh my...so much to think about here!  I can certainly see how you and Gwyn would feel insulted by the whole "We'll help you if we can" email.  Not cool.

What do you think y'all will do?

[ToddB0130]

Very sorry for all you're going through.  Between the job situation,  the relocation situation, dealing with the needs of your boys ..... it's a real crazymaker !!!  And I really respect how you're handling it and appreciate that you're continuing to come here for support and to 'vent'.  I really hope it works out for the very best and that you all continue to get multiple options to choose from to make the very best choices for your family.  You are in my thoughts.

[jbeany]

It is a crazy job market out there.  I just had a mandatory internship workshop, which included an interesting discussion of how the interview process has changed.  It used to be a much more equal exchange, at least for those interviewing for skilled jobs.  The company offers X,Y, and Z, and you offer them your skills at A, B, and C.  Not anymore.  The company won't offer a damn thing except the possibility that you might get a paycheck, for less money than before, and with twice the responsibilities.  You, on the other hand, had better be offering a skill set above and beyond what anyone else can, and be ready to go the minute you punch in, no training needed.  It's terrifying if you desperately need a job.  Heck, my internship interview was terrifying, and they aren't paying me in anything but the course requirement I need to graduate and real work experience I can put on my resume.  For 16 hours a week of skilled labor.

Hey, the latest scary trend for maternity leave for paralegals in the local law offices is to find a volunteer.  Rather than pay for a temp, they advertise the position when their paralegal is about 7 months pregnant.  They collect apps from local paralegal and law students, and even some unemployed graduates.  The pregnant paralegal trains them, and then the position is held for the first in line, who is called in as soon as the mom-to-be goes into labor. The "volunteer" is expected to work at least 32 hours a week, unpaid, for the full 3 months of the maternity leave.  If you are really lucky, you might get offered a full time position from them, but mostly, it's just work experience to put on your resume, as you get booted as soon as mom is ready to work.
And the applications come in by the dozens and they have people wait-listed for them in case the first choice can't do it.

Hope something falls in line for you soon, cariad.

[lmunchkin]

So sorry Cariad.  Something is bound to surface soon!  This economy is Pitiful.......

Thinking of you,
lmunch

 

[cariad]

Gwyn is writing down a list of questions to ask their HR Director.

I want to sit down and talk to my older son about it. We told him tonight and I asked him if he wanted to have his father live in CA so that he could stay here, and he did not cry, but the fact that he just stood there shaking his head and wouldn't speak, I think he was worried that he was close to crying.

jbeany, that's pretty shocking about bringing in volunteers to take over these paralegal positions. Gwyn had a supervisor try to take over for him in Europe once when he was about to leave a company under less-than-ideal circumstances. Since the supervisor was a different type of engineer entirely, Gwyn was slammed with messages all week, all some variation of Where are you and who is this idiot they sent in your stead? Employees who don't know what they are doing can cost a fortune in lost credibility. I would not run a business that way.

I am debating whether to tell my parents. They live in SoCal, so that's another aspect to the nightmare of moving back. I'll endure the Wisconsin winter to have 2,000 miles between me and The House of Crazy. Thanks for the thoughts and support, everyone. We shall be talking about little else until a decision is reached.

[CebuShan]

I really sympathise with your moving dilemma. Now that we have made the decision to move, everything seems to be going wrong! Most of the power has gone out in the mobile home we are currently in. The landlord won't fix anything so it is up to us. (But he hasn't raised the rent in 19 years either. Jim is just tired of constantly shelling out money, long story!) Then last night, my van got a flat! Picked up a nail. I keep thinking that with D and meds, maybe we can't really afford to move and we are only moving a couple miles down the road!

[cariad]

OK! Rapid changes. Did we miss some sort of announcement that the world is in dire need of engineers, everywhere but Milwaukee??

Gwyn had an interview scheduled for next with the UK. He rang them up yesterday to try to have that moved to earlier, and was told that it was lucky he phoned as this was a job on an account that they had not actually managed to get signed yet, and were not confidant that they would. So, that was them out last night. This morning Gwyn received a call from the same UK company saying that another position had cropped up and could he interview today for it. They set the interview for 3:30 UK time. At 9:45 AM here we were assuming that he was being given the brush off. Gwyn was about to call and ask if they had changed their minds when he looked at the World Clock and saw that they have switched to Greenwich Mean already (we don't change our clocks until Sunday). Ten-thirty he gets the call and talks to this person for nearly an hour. They are going to set up a second interview with him next week. Gwyn feels fairly certain that they will make him an offer. Again, they want him there immediately. He was told a lot about what to expect from a job there.

Here are our Pro and Con lists, but I don't think we are much closer to a decision:

Cal Pro: Weather, friends, exciting opportunity (for Gwyn), salary, healthcare
Cal Con: no job security, traffic, smog, cost of living (esp. housing), parking, family, work climate
UK Pro: Gwyn's family (I like my in-laws), Gwyn's friends, job security, out of America, holiday (we assume it will be standard UK holiday), sense of humor (listed as a job requirement for position!), career development, opportunities to move to other countries esp. in Europe, healthcare (inc. private insurance), bonuses, more distance between my family and us, work climate, travel expenses, more relaxed attitude in general
UK Con: Weather, salary (though there are some amazing benefits), cost of living (housing, certain basics), friends (as in I don't have established friends there), uncertain opportunities for me, uncertain school opportunities for kids, culture shock for kids, uncertain ReLo

[MooseMom]

I dunno about Cal.  I just finished reading "Boomerang", and CA is financially in an ungodly mess.  It's the USA's version of Greece.  Explore that very carefully.  And we have all heard about the austerity measures being undertaken in the UK.  I know my son has been affected by that.

Call me crazy, but I'd take UK weather over CA weather in a heartbeat.  I learned to love the soft, grey, cool days.  I'm soooo over heat!  And the UK doesn't have a "fire season" like CA does.

Very hard decisions, especially when there are kids to think about.  But there has to be money coming in, otherwise the kids will suffer from not having a place to sleep or food to eat.  Moving is pretty inconsequential compared to THAT.

You and Gwyn are both smart people, and I know that you will make good choices.  You love your kids, and no matter what you end up doing, they will be fine because they have loving and caring parents.

[willowtreewren]

You and Gwyn are both smart people, and I know that you will make good choices.  You love your kids, and no matter what you end up doing, they will be fine because they have loving and caring parents.

I heartily second that! We often forget how resilient kids are AS LONG AS THEY ARE LOVED!

So, whatever you choose, I guess it means that we are going to have to travel further to visit you! 

 

Aleta

[ToddB0130]

I'm happy to see you have some options opening up at this point (and am crossing my fingers that Milwaukee comes through too !!  Can't hurt to be hopeful that the Milwaukee need for engineers might change !)

[YLGuy]

CAL PRO: Marc lives there and he has camped from Mt Shasta to San Diego and from Big Sur to the Colorado river.  He can tell you about hundred's of camp areas.

[okarol]

I took this yesterday.
CalPro: