My sister drove 200 miles round trip to leave Christmas presents on my front porch.

[Sluff]

My sister drove 200 miles round trip to leave Christmas presents on my front porch. My sons gift cost $100 besides my gift. Now we were all home when she did this, she never knocked or rang the doorbell. My dog never barked. Why would she do this?

We have not spoken since shortly after my Moms death 3 years ago. I'm not going to get into details but she made a scene at my aunts funeral last summer and none of my family even sent a christmas card to us. I don't know why.

Do you all think this was her way of feeling guilty and wanting to reconcile? Thinking of calling her, but I don't want the gifts to be the determining factor. Why is life sp complicated. She doesn't know about my health either.

[mallory]

My sister drove 200 miles round trip to leave Christmas presents on my front porch. My sons gift cost $100 besides my gift. Now we were all home when she did this, she never knocked or rang the doorbell. My dog never barked. Why would she do this?

We have not spoken since shortly after my Moms death 3 years ago. I'm not going to get into details but she made a scene at my aunts funeral last summer and none of my family even sent a christmas card to us. I don't know why.

Do you all think this was her way of feeling guilty and wanting to reconcile? Thinking of calling her, but I don't want the gifts to be the determining factor. Why is life sp complicated. She doesn't know about my health either.

Sluff, I would call her if I was you, but you know her and I don't.  It's just that we had the saddest thing happen in my family this year.  I had two uncles, and, due to a big issue about 10 years ago, they completely stopped talking to each other.  Their wives both worked in schools in the town where they live, and they were always very mean to each other, when they spoke at all.  My cousins grew up not knowing their other cousins and completely distrusting their uncles.  It was awful for my family, because we got along with all of them and we wished that someday they could reconcile.  Both of my uncles told us that someday they would reconcile, but it just wasn't the right time.

Well, last summer one of the uncles passed away very, very suddenly and unexpectedly.  Both of my uncles families live in a small town in southern Utah, and they flew my uncle here to Salt Lake City when he had a brain aneurysm.  He passed away without ever waking up. 

The other uncle and his wife came rushing up here as soon as they heard what was happening, but it was too late.  My uncle kept saying to me and my sister, "I never meant for it to end like this, I should have called him, now it's too late and I'll have to live with this for the rest of my life."

Call your sister if you think she wants to reconcile.  I don't blame Epoman for not calling his brother, because his brother apparently doesn't want to reconcile with him, but maybe this is your sister's way of letting you know she loves you.

Epoman's story, Paris and mrhecht, nextnoel and you, Sluff, all of your stories just break my heart.  I have such a wonderful family; my sister, my aunt and two of my cousins have already volunteered to give me their kidneys, I just wish so much all of you had the same kind of families.  It's their support that gets me through some days.

But for all of you that don't have that kind of families, you do have us, and we'll always be here for you! 

[Sluff]

Thanks Mallory. I will be contacting her eventually, in the near future. It will be a limited relationship due to the hurtful things she has said about our parents and myself. I have these things in writing so I know I'm not misinterpreting things. I know I've told my immediate family that I don't even want an obituary in the paper because I didn't even want her to know when I die. So things were pretty bad but I guess time does heal and I'm going to persue the contact... But I appreciate the advice.

[mallory]

Sluff, I sure hope it works out.  My uncle, the one that didn't die, was, to put it bluntly, an ass.  He said a lot of terrible things about my other uncle and our family, too.  Now he has to live with knowing that he not only said and did all that he did, but he can never make it up to his brother.  I hope that your sister has started to think about the terrible things she did and she's sorry.

I really hope it works out.

[paris]

I have tried to make peace ( I was always the peacemaker growing up) but some people seem to enjoy being miserable. I think it takes too much energy to be miserable, so I choose to love life and create a much different environment.  You can only do so much and then you have to make yourself happy. My life is so good--full of loving children, friends, co-workers -- I can't imagine being more loved and cared for.  It is better that I live away from my siblings. If someone had told me years ago that this is how we would end up, I would have never believed them.  We did so much together and had lots of fun ( or so I thought). I do have a lot of "Pollyanna" in me  "Little Miss Susie Sunshine"!!!!!!!   Only IHD gets to see the down side of me! Sorry about that.   Keep us posted, Sluff. Do whatever works for you and is in your best interest.  Not every situation has a resolution.  Take care of yourself first.

[Sara]

I hope this is the beginning of repairing some sort of a relationship with your sister.

If you don't want to call her, you could always drive to her house to leave a note taped to the door.   

[Sluff]

If you don't want to call her, you could always drive to her house to leave a note taped to the door.   

Great Idea.

[glitter]

sounds like ,in spite of your troubles,she must love you,maybe it is just that simple

[Ohio Buckeye]

Coming from someone who has lost 2 brothers, I say call her.
I probably look at the situation differently.  I miss my brothers.   
You know as I read these stories here and in Epo's rant about his brother post
from so many of us I realize that what makes this site so special is that we
have taken off our masks and become transparent with each other.
Not afraid to reveal our hurts and scars we've had.  That's what
makes this site really special.  That and hopefully we're able in some way to
support and encourage and be of help to each other. 

[paris]

Ohio Buckeye, that is exactly why I come here.  Understanding, compassion and acceptance.   

[jedimaster]

I would call her also. Life is way to short not do forgive...family is one of our biggets assets in life.

[kitkatz]

Call her.  The gifts are probably a way for her to begin the healing process.

[Ohio Buckeye]

She must have been thinking about you.
Probably afraid of a face to face meet.
Hope it's the beginning of healing.

[Sluff]

Thanks for all the advice. 

[nextnoel]

Sluff, looks to me as if she got as close as she could!  I think you should contact her, at your own time and in your own way (although I would suggest sooner rather than later), because while leaving the gifts was incidental, the reaching out was intentional, and certainly must have been difficult for her.  I think she must be aware of how awful she's been in the past, and on some level is sorry and doesn't want to keep the door between you closed. 

I've finally learned that with my family, if I can keep from expecting them to act like I want them to and accept them gently for the best they can do (however miserable that still can be at times), we all benefit from it.  The more I want them to act "normal", the more I'm disappointed, so for my own sake I try to be realistic.  They will never fit my definition of "mother", "sister", whatever, but they are still somehow special people, because we've all been touched by similar pain.   

BTW, I think you're a great guy, and if you ever want another sister, I would like to apply for the job!

[Bajanne]

I agree with all the others on this point.  She did make a step (a strange one, I must confess) but it was a 200 mile step!

[okarol]

I think I would send a nice thank you note.

[Ohio Buckeye]

I'll apply for the job also.

[Sluff]

I'll get the applications out asap.    I already consider you my sisters, but that was a nice thing for you both to say.

I will be contacting her, I'm going to lay it on the line so she knows why I've been distant and then I'll put the ball in her court.

[nextnoel]

Excellent, on all accounts!

[goofynina]

BTW, I think you're a great guy, and if you ever want another sister, I would like to apply for the job!

OK Ladies,  the line starts behind me

[nextnoel]

Naw, I get to be first - I always wanted to be "The First Noel"!

[goofynina]

Naw, I get to be first - I always wanted to be "The First Noel"!

*rolls up sleeves*  Sorry, I WAS HERE FIRST!!!    You can be the "First Noel" but as long as you stand behind ME!!     lol, j/k

[nextnoel]

So I have to go back to "nextnoel", eh?  Well, I can handle that.  Especially since that makes you my OLDER sister!  HAH!

[Joe Paul]

I'll get the applications out asap.    I already consider you my sisters, but that was a nice thing for you both to say.

I will be contacting her, I'm going to lay it on the line so she knows why I've been distant and then I'll put the ball in her court.

Im not a sister, but I feel like what your heart says, you have to listen? Undoubtably, you have a question, and no matter what you hear, you have to listen to your heart