My sister drove 200 miles round trip to leave Christmas presents on my front porch.

[Sluff]

Im not a sister, but I feel like what your heart says, you have to listen? Undoubtably, you have a question, and no matter what you hear, you have to listen to your heart  

I'm glad your not a sister. but you are a brother 

[Epoman]

I'll get the applications out asap.    I already consider you my sisters, but that was a nice thing for you both to say.

I will be contacting her, I'm going to lay it on the line so she knows why I've been distant and then I'll put the ball in her court.

Good for you Sluff, me personally I am not at that stage with my brother, the wounds are still to new for me to think about reconciliation. I honestly don't think I'll ever be. 

For those who have no idea what I am talking about see my thread in the Transplant section about my asking my brother for a kidney.

- Epoman

[nextnoel]

Epoman, I can't imagine how to overcome the hurtful way your brother treated you.  I know he must have his 'reasons', but then again, maybe he's just a shallow ass.   

[meadowlandsnj]

Do you all think this was her way of feeling guilty and wanting to reconcile? Thinking of calling her, but I don't want the gifts to be the determining factor. Why is life sp complicated. She doesn't know about my health either.




EDITED: This thread was "split" from this thread: http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=1588.0 - Epoman, Owner/Admin

Maybe she had every intention of actually seeing you but she got cold feet and got scared at the last minute?  I truly hope you can get reconciled with this and find peace with it.  Sometimes those two little words "I'm sorry" are the hardest you can ever say.   

Donna

[mcjane]

Sluff, Reconciliation is surely on your sister's mind & she made an unusual first move, but a very nice one.
 
It's so obvious she wants to make amends & maybe she was afraid you would slam the door on her if she knocked.

Your turn now.

I love Sara's idea, but I would knock, holding a bouquet of flowers.

Looks like a happy reunion coming up & do avoid rehashing the past.
It sounds like a situation where no one will admit the're wrong & that can be dangerous ground. The important thing is to get your family back together & let the past go.

[Rerun]

Sluff, you are so good with words.  I would write her a letter.  I do like the idea of driving 200 miles and taping it to her door!   

[Sluff]

I finally wrote the letter and sent it to my sister. I'm posting it here in case some of you have a comment or a suggestion. It is three printed pages long. The letter is written to be a little sarcastic so I hope some of you understand the angle I'm coming from.

Sorry it's long but reading it is optional anyway so here it goes.

February 1, 2007

Hello Kathy,

Thanks for the nice Christmas gifts. I wanted to respond sooner but have been so busy.
Christmas time is one of the hardest times of the year for me, because I never seem to have the money to buy gifts.
I’m not sure as to your motive in dropping off Christmas gifts and just leaving them on the porch. We were all home and you didn’t try to knock on the door or ring the doorbell, usually the dog hears everything, so it seems you intentionally did not want to be detected. I guess it just adds to the mysteriousness of our dysfunctional relationship.

I’m glad you have the Lord and he continues to bless you as you stated in your letter.

As I mentioned our dysfunctional relationship, I will elaborate.

You see I’m tired of living my life having to prove myself and my intentions to everyone, especially since I really don’t care what anyone else thinks anyhow.
This all started when Mom died, and whether or not your feelings might have gotten hurt in the process, but I was given the burden of taking care of the details of the funeral, moving moms personal possessions, selling of the mobile home etc etc.

It was so thoughtful of you to take what you wanted and just leave the rest for me to take care of. It was quite the mess.

It was thoughtful of you to shovel the 3 steps when it snowed ,so we could have the house shown. That’s ok because Marlo took care of that for us so I didn’t have to drive 200 miles round trip to take care of it. I did pay her out of my pocket however.

It was thoughtful of you to take the good food, but leaving all the outdated and moldy stuff for me to take care of.

Thank you for taking what you wanted so promptly so I had more room to move all the furniture and load the uhaul trailer that I rented 3 times to haul everything to a storage locker that I paid for.

The truck only overheated three times on each trip, which dragged the 2-hour trip into 5 hours each way.

Christy appreciated all the missed time off work when she needed to take mom to Chemotherapy when I couldn’t do it. She especially enjoyed the 4 hours of driving time and the other 4 hours of consoling our mother who was in obvious pain.

Christy also appreciated all the time off work to help me move all the stuff out of the house, and the time to clean and pack everything.


Thanks you for the rude note that the real estate person removed and handed to me personally, so the potential purchaser didn’t have to read it about you not trusting me. I had to make sure the money was not left in the house for a stranger to take until Christy and I were able to schedule time off work to clean the house out. Now I believe you got your $2 bill and your half of the change from the bowl, kept by the microwave right?  As trivial as it may sound, it was a main issue for you.

You didn’t care about the items left at the house, and you told me I could have the rest. What do you suppose I should do with the items I didn’t want? Did you offer to help discard what ever needed to be discarded or help to pack anything up? No you didn’t.

How much work did you lose to helping us with everything?
Christy and I both lost a minimum of two weeks-unpaid times from our work.

Thanks for allowing me to fulfill Dad’s request to make sure you received your $5000.00 first before anything else was done. You claimed that you felt bad taking it but it didn’t stop you from accepting it. Thank you some more for allowing me to send you an additional $5000.00 a month later. It made the record keeping so much easier and I won’t mention the other money because I know the only reason you needed that money then is because you didn’t trust me with it.

I purposely had you and Christy on the bank accounts,  to alleviate your mistrust in me and that still was not good enough for you because you would call me asking for money, and when I told you to talk with Christy because she was keeping track of everything when it came to the financial end of things.


 Your response was that this isn’t between me and Christy, I don’t want to talk to her I want to talk to you. When it was agreed right after Mom died that you and Christy were the only two on the bank account and that I had no say in it at all.


I just want to make mention to that Christy never received 1 penny in reimbursement from the estate, everything she did she did it out of her love for me.

After the many trips to Milwaukee we finally sold the house and got the money, and estate settled.

You received your half of everything plus an additional $5000.00 which was agreed upon and a promise I made to dad, and kept. (Not bad for someone you can’t trust)

Didn’t hear from you for two years. At Toots funeral you made a spectacle about our dysfunctional relationship, that must have been embarrassing for you, but I had 4 family relatives corner me and demanded that I grow up and talk with you. Two of them we have only seen three times in the last ten years.

I never told anyone about the note or about YOUR actions as I figured it was a personal issue and maybe I would get over it someday, but now you put a spin on it, and I’ll never understand.

Since Toots funeral I have been forgotten by the rest of the family, I have not received one Christmas card or any correspondence from anyone except Aunt Jean.

I’m glad you have God and your new $10,000 a year raise because you paid a hefty price for it.

I give what I receive.

Darrell

[Epoman]

  DAMN

"The letter is written to be a little sarcastic"

LOL, a little? 

Hey sluff can you write a letter for me to give to MY brother. 

- Epoman

[Rerun]

Whoe, I don't think anything will be misunderstood. 

BTW what did she leave you?  I mean...Christmas presents.  I don't think you told us.  Just being nosy!! 

None of my bee's wax really!  Sorry!

Don't want to ever be on your shit list!                 

[kitkatz]

Oh my.  I agree with Rerun. Wow!  What a way to put things.

[Sluff]

Whoe, I don't think anything will be misunderstood. 

BTW what did she leave you?  I mean...Christmas presents.  I don't think you told us.  Just being nosy!! 

None of my bee's wax really!  Sorry!

Don't want to ever be on your shit list!                 

Yeah believe it or not she left me a Harley Davidson knickknack and gave my son a remote controlled Harley Davidson V-Rod toy.

 I failed to mention that she told her church congregation that both my parents died of alcoholism. My Dad used to drink years ago but Mom never touched the stuff.

[aharris2]

good for you sluff, i would write my sister a similar letter but I'm too chicken to do it...maybe in about 30 more years....lol

 

Rolando

[Sluff]

Don't take me wrong everybody. I love my sister and I would be there in a heartbeat if she really needed me, but the hurtful things she has done makes me want to keep my distance.

[goofynina]

Sluff, that is totally understandable (BUT) what if something happens to one of you and you haven't seen her?   Whenever i am mad at someone i always think that, if i were to die today, what were the last words i told my hubby, my mom, my sister, my brother,  i have always tried to keep the peace with everyone.  So many times i had to swallow my pride and make that first move.  It wasnt easy but i know i have the feeling of relief and happiness inside of ME.  My motto is  Forgive and Forget, even though i have the hardest time forgetting    Dont do it for them, do it for YOURSELF.  I hope you find the strength to make that first move but in the mean time, remember, You have alot of Sister's here for you too 

[Joe Paul]

Sluff, that is totally understandable (BUT) what if something happens to one of you and you haven't seen her?   Whenever i am mad at someone i always think that, if i were to die today, what were the last words i told my hubby, my mom, my sister, my brother,  i have always tried to keep the peace with everyone.  So many times i had to swallow my pride and make that first move.  It wasnt easy but i know i have the feeling of relief and happiness inside of ME.  My motto is  Forgive and Forget, even though i have the hardest time forgetting    Dont do it for them, do it for YOURSELF.  I hope you find the strength to make that first move but in the mean time, remember, You have alot of Sister's here for you too 

Sometime I find the hurt is too deep, or the days when I would have forgave have passed. I know now, from the time that has passed, my trying to be family has gone. Ill be OK if I should pass away. Ive tried to make amends with all who did not take the time to try and see my point of view.
sluff, just be OK with what ever decision you make & if its like mine, too much has gone by to make amends. Peace out

[Sluff]

Sluff, that is totally understandable (BUT) what if something happens to one of you and you haven't seen her?   Whenever i am mad at someone i always think that, if i were to die today, what were the last words i told my hubby, my mom, my sister, my brother,  i have always tried to keep the peace with everyone.  So many times i had to swallow my pride and make that first move.  It wasnt easy but i know i have the feeling of relief and happiness inside of ME.  My motto is  Forgive and Forget, even though i have the hardest time forgetting    Dont do it for them, do it for YOURSELF.  I hope you find the strength to make that first move but in the mean time, remember, You have alot of Sister's here for you too 

I'm ok with my decision. I only wrote the letter as a courtesy, just in case she doesn't realize what she's done. We will see where she wants to go with this from here. 

The things in this letter are not even half of the issues. The real sad thing is she just graduated school to become a Pastor. So needless to say she thinks she can do no wrong.

[Sluff]

Update: No response from my sister but I am sending her a birthday card for her birthday.

[Joe Paul]

Good luck sluff, I admire your persistence.

[aharris2]

good for you sluff, i would write my sister a similar letter but I'm too chicken to do it...maybe in about 30 more years....lol

 

Rolando

(alene writing)
  Dude, what did I do??? 
  ... just kidding  ... I am GUESSING  that you are referring to one of your other sisters  ... at least ... I hope so ... 

 

[Sluff]

My blood sister. 

[goofynina]

Update: No response from my sister but I am sending her a birthday card for her birthday.

Did you send the card Sluff?? Any response? I hope so, she is missing out some valuable time with one awesome bro 

[Sluff]

Thanks Goodynina. I am sending it out this week her Birthday is the 26th.

[goofynina]

Thanks Goodynina. I am sending it out this week her Birthday is the 26th.

Did you send it?   

[Sluff]

I sent the card about a week ago and have not heard anything. I don't think she liked the letter. I tried to be the better man, it now falls on her.

[goofynina]

Well you did what you could do, all i can hope is that she comes to her senses and makes that move to patch things up cuz she is missing out on one terrific bro, ya know