TOTALLY unacceptable behaviour

[Lucinda]

In a personal message I just received I was told I was, among other things, a control freak who should just shut up.  So, that is exactly what I am going to do.

That is it for me.  This is above all other things, supposed to be a support site.  Sending aggressive personal messages to other members is cowardice.  But then again, all bullies are cowards.  If you have something to say, do it in a public arena.

I for one have absolutely no intention of putting up with that.  I wish all of you the very best in the future but this is definitely my last post. 

O'Karol, please remove me as a member.  I don't have any wish to receive emails of that nature again.

[RichardMEL]

oh bloody hell!

I have a fair idea who is responsible.. it is sad that tempers flare and things get out of control like this

I'll miss you Lucinda, and I hope you change your mind - you shouldn't let one person, or a minority, drive you away. You have as much right to your thoughts and opinions as anyone else (including the PMer).

I am now sad.

[Wattle]

WTH? Cindy that is ridiculous! It's the offender who should be     

They are the ones who should zip it! I have no idea what they are referring too and really don't care. We are each entitled to an opinion. Please hang around. Can you PM me your email? I want to keep in touch.   

[rose1999]

I don't believe this, who on earth would do something like that? And why?  I've missed reading some posts with all that is going on in my life but I've not see you post anything to make someone do that - anyway unless you made a nasty personal attack on them they had no rght to do that.

Lucinda, don't go - please don't let the buly win, you need to stand up to them, they should go, not you - and anyway Richmel will go into a decline without you 

[Hanify]

Give it a few days and come back Lucinda.  Honestly.  I've had times I want to bugger off too - but after a while you realise that most people don't mean things the way they come out - and I've been the person saying the things that get misinterpreted.  Sometimes you just need to avoid people, just like in real life.  It doesn't mean you need to lose out on the support you will find with all the other people.

[Meinuk]

Lucinda,

You have so much history here at IHD - don't let someone who lashes out ignorantly drive you away.  Stop and remember the good that you have felt and done here. 

If it weren't for you, Sluff & his wife would be living in sin...  (ok, so it was a second wedding...)

It is so easy to get emotionally involved in cyberspace, especially when you are feeling alone and vulnerable.  That is why we are all here.  At some point in the game, dialysis touched our lives, and we sought support. 

You have so much support that you have already given to us from the other side of the world, and we've watched your journey for a very long time.  Don't go away. The simple declaration that someone has pushed you away is allowing a bully to feel satisfaction, and the rest of us will feel the loss.

This should be a lesson for all of us.  Because at the other end of your monitor is a living, breathing human being.  Someone you may never meet.  But you should always consider what you write, and how your words would impact a person.  Would you speak to someone you care about that way?  Words have power and words can hurt. You can disagree with someone and not attack them.  Attacking shows weakness.  The true power is in restraining yourself and trying to rise above the conflict.

Lucinda, I hope that the words from everyone in this thread can help to heal. Take a break if you need to, but please don't cut the cord.  We are all facing that final goodbye together, no need to be premature.

[paris]

Sorry, Lucinda that you are upset.  I think most of us here have had a run in or maybe two.  I have been put in my place, had my hands slapped once or twice, been called a name here and there.  But, the bottom line for me is, I need IHD and have many people I consider friends.  So, I find a way to get over my hurt feelings, because I need to be here. The goodness on this site outweighs the bad 95/5.   And no one person is right. We all have our specific opinions that are true for us.  Step back for a couple of days, take a deep breathe and see if you miss us as much as we will be missing you.   

[Rerun]

What? Who?  Wait!

                           

Don't go anywhere.  You have your right to your opinion.

[Chris]

Didn't this happen last year in a similar situation with you Lucinda?

Isn't it against the rules also to do that type of message?

Lucinda, take some time off and comeback, but don't leave. To me your one of the original members when I joined, so you made it this far. Don't let this one lone idiot ruin it for you and letting them win by you leaving, that's just plain b.s thinking there.

Comeback with a Vengance! Fight for what you believe!

[RichardMEL]

I've spoken with Lucinda on the phone (strangely enough I was standing in front of a fridge full of beer...it was SOOO tempting !!!  - er not that talking to Cindy makes me want to drink hehehe). I respect where she's coming from. She, like others lately, has had a very difficult week and she herself said she may have overreacted to the message.. but the point is, whatever was said in the PM wasn't appreciated and when she wanted to come on here to try and help others and, dare I say it, unwind a bit from her daily troubles she didn't expect or need to be abused in a PM. I don't know what was written(she didn't tell me and I didn't ask) but I don't think she needed to come online and be upset by an abusive message. We don't need that. I realise that the person that sent the PM likely feels unhappy and whatever they feel has slighted them but they should know that there IS a real person on the other end of that keyboard, dealing with all this stuff just like they are, and they have feelings too.

We wound up having a bit of a laugh, interupted by a few phone dropouts ( I think that hummer of hers is a natural killer of phone signals!!!  ) - at least she is OK and she has her doggies with her

Mods/Admins: is there any way to block PM's coming in from specific users? as in "I don't want to read a private message from X - block it" facility on here?

[Chris]

RM, could you pass me one of those beers? 

As far as blocking, I forgot where that was discuseed. I'll look right now if I can do it.

[Chris]

There is the ability to put a person on the ignore list. I went to my PM's, then on the left is a box of various settings. I then clicked on Change Settings at the bottom of the box, which then displays an area to put members name(s) you want ignored.

From this page you can change a variety of personal messaging options - including how messages are displayed. You can also create a list of people to reject incoming messages from.


There are other options displayed too, but be sure to click on Save Profile on the bottom right.

[RichardMEL]

Thanks Chris. I'll pass that info on to Cindy. 

[okarol]

Lucinda, I have PM'd you.

okarol/admin

[petey]

Lucinda,
I have PM'ed you, too.

[monrein]

Now I'm having a bad day too.  Waaaahhh.
Cindy, you definitely don't need nasty PMs but we definitely need you.  Of course I'll respect whatever you decide, but you belong here, we love you here and I really hope that with a bit of time you can ignore the person who has been offensive to you. 

Oh man, what a world.

[kitkatz]

I really wish we would all reconsider when we write something that can be construed as mean to someone else on the boards or in a PM.

 Lucinda you are a valued member here, please do not go just because someone decided to be mean in a PM. 

[willowtreewren]

Oh, Lucinda,
Please don't leave. Use the option that Chris posted and block PMs from the offending person. You have every right to enjoy the support of IHD. But you don't need unpleasant PMs.

And for all of us, when we post we hear our own voices in the way we intend for them to be heard, but the receiver can't hear that. Electronic communication is fraught with unintended messages because we tend to be hasty with this easy form. That haste is our downfall. I am as guilty as everyone else.

Especially when peeved, please slow down. Consider whether you really need to send that message. We need one another too much to have our family rent asunder by anger.

 

[RichardMEL]

If it helps I am prepared to take all responsibility for the angst!!!! It was all my fault - you can all take it out on me!! 

[Des]

If it helps I am prepared to take all responsibility for the angst!!!! It was all my fault - you can all take it out on me!! 

No way.....! I don't believe you..! You are too sweet.... and you like chocolate.

[RichardMEL]

I've been accused of unacceptable behaviour before!!!! 

                      

[Des]

that must have been before my time here......

 

[Des]

Just a question?

I have seen somewhere that name calling is a big no no on the site? (during the Billybill discussion)
What else? Is there like a "code of conduct" or something?

   

[cariad]

Ick! I am sorry this happened to you, Lucinda. Please consider everyone's request that you stay with us.

You're right, that behavior was totally unaceptable, and I think the offender should apologize to you, even if he believes he has already done that before. Please don't let a big boy temper tantrum drive you away from here. I have not even gotten a chance to get to know you.

Take care, and if you decide you'd rather not come back, we'll miss you, but will still be wishing you only the best! 

[paris]

Just a question?

I have seen somewhere that name calling is a big no no on the site? (during the Billybill discussion)
What else? Is there like a "code of conduct" or something?

   

http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=540.0

The rules of the site are here.  It is good for all of us to review them from time to time.  Thanks for bringing this up Des.