DECREASE IN SEXUAL DRIVE...

[Chris]

Well I'm better suited on this subject to being a smart

[icecream]

well i have been on dialysis 3 yrs and have had both kidneys removed...I have a very low libido and my husband doesn't understand the no desire for sex...i love him dearly but he doesn't want other forms of intimacy...I have pain with sex which i think was caused by the last kidney removal..i keep trying thinking its emotional and that is why it hurts.Been to a few GYn's and the last one said that its psychological..I relax and i feel the pain...I give up but i am afraid i am gonna lose him...Dialysis truely SUCKS!

[RichardMEL]

icecream *tight hugs* - I don't know about your pain but it seems to me from your post you are enduring sexual intercourse for your husband's sake when you have low drive AND it's painful. You say he doesn't want "other forms of intimacy" - I am not quite sure what you mean by that?? Do you mean like oral sex, or more simply things like cuddling and touching?

The thing I would suggest is you talk to hubby about your pain. Don't mention the psychological thing or he might latch onto that. I know that the last thing I would want to do is cause pain to my partner for my own pleasure and I'd want to know. Further I'd hope that if intercourse caused pain and wasn't very good then we could try other things too.

Have you talked to him about how it hurts you and maybe you could try some of these "other forms of intimacy" you mentioned? Isn't it all about compromise? I am not saying never have intercourse because clearly he likes it and needs it, but you can temper that with doing other things that maybe help you more freely express your physical affection for and with him rather than seeing any physical stuff with him as a chore to be endured because it involves pain and something you don't even really want to do anyway.

I really hope you can work something out!!! 

[nick]

i dont know? because still on sex drive  31 years old  here 1year and 10month my only problem is when iam on my peak its hurt a lot  even after  thats why i dont do anymore maybe depend on situations

[Hanify]

well i have been on dialysis 3 yrs and have had both kidneys removed...I have a very low libido and my husband doesn't understand the no desire for sex...i love him dearly but he doesn't want other forms of intimacy...I have pain with sex which i think was caused by the last kidney removal..i keep trying thinking its emotional and that is why it hurts.Been to a few GYn's and the last one said that its psychological..I relax and i feel the pain...I give up but i am afraid i am gonna lose him...Dialysis truely SUCKS!

It is almost impossible to want to have sex if it causes you pain.  You brain just won't let it happen.  Have you gone through early menopause as well?  There is a hormonal cream they can give you to help if that's the case.  Also, sorry to be so personal, but have you thought of trying a small vibrator?  The other thing would be to read some books about self image after major surgeries etc.  I know I struggle with that aspect - how to feel remotely sexy with a tube hanging out of my stomach!!  Let alone all the tiredness etc.  But there are books out there that can help.  Love yourself.  I really feel for you.

[nycrtst85]

NO WAY is that true?i have been on dialysis since 2008 and my sex drive has not decreased,4 hours tells me it has increased

[kitkatz]

The only drive I get is the one to dialysis three nights a week. 

[angelsawareaz]

Wife of ESRD victim.  Sex drive is definitely affected.  How can he have energy for sex when some days he barely has energy to get out of bed.  He is also epileptic, stroke victim with left side extreme weakness.  So multiple factors, but we have found that there are ways to "make love" without the complete sexual act.  Open talking is the biggest thing.  Bob has been on dialysis for 3 years this month we will be together 3 years in June.  We got married in September 08, I do not regret this as he is the love of my life.  We are not youngsters, he is 50 and I am 64, but cuddling and caressing can be very fulfilling if you have an open relationship.  Good Luck to those experiencing this, it is difficult, but we must put it in it's proper prospective, we have enough big problems to face without letting something like this defeat us,

[mike lane]

IS THERE ANYTHING THAT CAN BE DONE WHEN ON DIALYSIS AND THE SEXUAL DRIVE IS DECREASING AS TIME GOES BY? I AM ONLY 23 YEARS OLD AND IM STILL SEXUALLY ACTIVE AND ALL BUT I CANT SEEM TO REACH MY PEAK EVER...IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. I WAS THINKING OF TALKING TO MY SOCIAL WORKER OR DOCTOR ABOUT THIS, BUT I WOULD HONESTLY FEEL TOO WEIRD. I WOULD RATHER ASK YOU GUYS OUT THERE WHO UNDERSTAND THE SITUATION MORE PHYSICALLY...

i'm 48 year old cow boy i say ride a cowboy

[gregory]

Recently got a prescription of Viagra from my neph.,cost me $200.00. Anyway. took one, waited an hour, went to bed with my wife, fell asleep, expensive sleeping pill. A few weeks later a young pretty social worker was taking a survey on how we were doing on dialysis. She asked me how my sex life was, I lied, told her it was fine. The male ego is a funny thing.

[rsudock]

well i have been on dialysis 3 yrs and have had both kidneys removed...I have a very low libido and my husband doesn't understand the no desire for sex...i love him dearly but he doesn't want other forms of intimacy...I have pain with sex which i think was caused by the last kidney removal..i keep trying thinking its emotional and that is why it hurts.Been to a few GYn's and the last one said that its psychological..I relax and i feel the pain...I give up but i am afraid i am gonna lose him...Dialysis truely SUCKS!

Icecream I am so sorry to hear this. It is sad the emphasis men and women put on sex. I know it is very important in a relationship but when you are sick that is just an unadded stress you don't need. Since I started in July I too have experienced pain when having intercourse. I just don't ever feel in the mood for it. My poor boyfriend tries to understand, but I know he misses the girlfriend who liked sexy time all the time..(I miss her too!) Unfortunately I only do "it" for him, I don't think he would leave but he is young and I don't expect a person to be able to go without sex for that long. I have always felt sex is the barometer of a relationship, once you slow down the sex it seems like an indication of the end of the relationship...so frustrating...
thanks for the post glad to know I am not alone. I wonder if other women have experienced pain? Seems like my bladder feels uncomfortable and painful during the deed...

xo,
R

[chook]

Same here, long time between 'drinks' at our house! No pain probs, just no interest on my side.
Thankfully, my hubby is so accepting and so understanding and  so undemanding and......so surprised when it happens   

[tzoutzek]

Hey ,everyone,this is one of the most sensitive topics if its happened to you...up until  10years ago  my day wasn'ot over 'til l'd done it oh...multiple times.l'm still with my partner tender ,loving ,giving-patient.As renal failure spiralled  out of control,l not only went into early menopause(at 32) ,but my incredible libido flew right out the window-especially these past five years l've been on dialysis.lwent from freak to frigid.lt's preposterous-l feel like l've lost it lost myself and pray that this will not drive my soul mate over the edge.l've had lupus since 1988 and nothing ever stopped me. This current situation has driven me to depression,official couch potato, not to mention the stress and anxiety of him thinking that l simply dont care anymore.l plead for some advice

[obsidianom]

You may have hit the nail on the head when you mentioned early menopause. One possibility is your hormone levels are way down. That can kill your libido.  Have your doctor check your hormone levels including testosterone. Women still need testosterone , just in lower levels then men. You may find that some estrogen and possibly progesterone and testosterone supplimentation may bring your libido back to a decent level. There are aslo some atidepressants that can help , such as bupropion (but not the SSRI'S like prozac). If your regular doc cant help, see an ob/gyn who specializes in sexuality issues for women. There is no reason to give up sex.

[Angiepkd]

Hey ,everyone,this is one of the most sensitive topics if its happened to you...up until  10years ago  my day wasn'ot over 'til l'd done it oh...multiple times.l'm still with my partner tender ,loving ,giving-patient.As renal failure spiralled  out of control,l not only went into early menopause(at 32) ,but my incredible libido flew right out the window-especially these past five years l've been on dialysis.lwent from freak to frigid.lt's preposterous-l feel like l've lost it lost myself and pray that this will not drive my soul mate over the edge.l've had lupus since 1988 and nothing ever stopped me. This current situation has driven me to depression,official couch potato, not to mention the stress and anxiety of him thinking that l simply dont care anymore.l plead for some advice

I can relate! I had the pleasure of enduring instant menopause from a radical hysterectomy and kidney failure at the same time. My sex drive has decreased to almost nothing. My husband has been very supportive and understanding, but I know he isn't happy about that part of our marriage. I can't take any hormones and generally just give in once a week to keep him happy. The toys do help, but it isn't exactly the same. I am hoping this will improve after my transplant, but am not banking on it.  If you talk to your doc, please post what she has to say about this problem.  From the responses here, it sounds like a common issue. Good luck!