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Author Topic: Dating and social interation with Dialysis Techs and Nurses  (Read 26047 times)
KT0930
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« Reply #25 on: January 28, 2008, 03:17:07 PM »

This may not apply, since I've now had a transplant, but it's sort of relevant, anyway. I had the cell phone number of one of my PD nurses because she was the only one who knew anything about the cycler, and she bounced between about three or four different clinics. I went back to my clinic to visit and drop off some supplies about two weeks after my transplant, and she told me to call her, since I have her cell phone number. Due to moving a lot and my health problems, I don't have many friends, so I probably will call her once I'm able to go out in public again and see if she wants to grab lunch sometime...we only work about ten miles apart, anyway.
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"Dialysis ain't for sissies" ~My wonderful husband
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I received a 6 out of 6 antigen match transplant on January 9, 2008. Third transplant, first time on The List.
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« Reply #26 on: April 06, 2008, 01:29:49 PM »

I have a boyfriend (soon-to-be-fiance), but even if I were single, I wouldn't want to date anyone I met at dialysis, patient OR tech, seeing thqat most of the male patients at my center are between 60-90 years old plus I wouldn't want to restrict myself to another patient (I may have CRF and on the transplant list, but how dare anyone tell me that my dating choices are limited to only people I know from that hellhole, I am 30 years old, not 16 and I have a right to date who I want), and I would not date a tech because most of the techs at my center enjoy lording it over me that I'm the one in the chair, not them :bow; and that I'd better get used to it and be grateful for it too, because they "don't have to dialyze me" .(Ummm, excuse me, but if my insurance is paying your conceited ass and I'm not violent or abusive, you do have to, sorry to burst your bubble.)

In closing, most of the patients at my center are older than dirt and the techs are assholes (all but like 3-4), Why would I want my romantic choices to be reduced to dating an old man or a jerk, just because I'm on dialysis? Healthy people have standards and it is no different for me, sorry to those who feel I'm a burden on people who "don't understand".  I have to go to that dump two days a week, I certainly don't want to bring it home with me.
« Last Edit: April 06, 2008, 09:12:56 PM by Kitsune » Logged

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RichardMEL
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« Reply #27 on: April 07, 2008, 01:20:20 AM »

In an earlier post someone said that they felt like family with their unit. I totally am with that view. I see those guys and it IS like family and I *know* they care about the patients - specially those of us who are regular in the unit (it is a hospital unit so we see many transient patients or those starting out before being moved etc but we do have a core group of regular patients). For instance just this last week one of "our" patients is returning to the UK for various reasons... she had a garage sale at her place and a NUMBER of the staff went and bought things to help her out. Her final session was on Saturday we all went and had photos with her and the staff were giving her hugs and kisses and exchanging email and snail mail addresses etc - DO keep in touch. I was joking with one of the girls (staff) that I'd come back when I got my transplant and bring them coffee and crossaints etc and she said "no way! We'll all meet at the pub!" and I know she meant it it wasn't just a flippant comment. Or the other day one of the male nurse/managers who is a bit of a geek was asking me for some suggestions about some computer problems he was having and wanted to spend some time discussing it with me. I liked that.

I don't know about dating them but definitely there IS social interaction. When you think about it - specially for in centre hemo where you are there for > 15 hours a week some of those nurses see US more than some of their families... so you do talk and get close on one level or another.

I know if I got a transplant tonight and by some miracle never had to go back to that unit as a patient again I will NEVER forget some of those nurses and how good they have been to me. They're not just the people who help to keep my life going but I really do consider some of them friends who I do care about... and while they don't want to be seen to have favourites I think they definitely consider some of us in a friendly way and care too.
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3/1993: Diagnosed with Kidney Failure (FSGS)
25/7/2006: Started hemo 3x/week 5 hour sessions :(
27/11/2010: Cadaveric kidney transplant from my wonderful donor!!! "Danny" currently settling in and working better every day!!! :)

BE POSITIVE * BE INFORMED * BE PROACTIVE * BE IN CONTROL * LIVE LIFE!
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« Reply #28 on: May 30, 2008, 04:07:21 PM »

one tech where I go has been over to swim
he has a major crush on Missy
he is coming over next weekend for a BBQ and swimming for Allen's graduation
he may bring another tech he is dating
I do not know if it is against any rules but he is a really great kid
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flip
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« Reply #29 on: May 30, 2008, 04:34:41 PM »

I'll soon be 60 years old and I don't consider myself "older then dirt". All the nurses in my center are married or I might consider it.
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tubes
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« Reply #30 on: May 31, 2008, 05:45:11 PM »

I have a great relationship with all my nurses. I'm such a terrible flirt. I've never hung out with any of them outside of dialysis. One of my favorite nurses last day was yesterday and we exchanged phone #'s and emails and monday we are going out to eat brunch after my treatment. I don't see any problem with patients and staff hanging out or dating. But all the staff at my unit are female so no problem with me wanting to date any of them.  ;)
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"To be happy is the choice I wish to make in spite of the circumstances that are strewn in my path."

1996 - started incenter hemo
a few months later, started PD
2005 - started incenter hemo
AGAIN
  - on transplant list as of August 7, 2009.
2011/June - 15 years on "D"
Transplant - Tuesday October 18th 2011
Claudia30
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« Reply #31 on: June 03, 2008, 10:39:48 AM »

I don't think patient/tech dating is a good idea. But I do find myself being very friendly with the entire center staff. They all are friendly and treat me very well. I can't see myself going over to their homes for a visit, but I like saying hi to all of them. It feels like "family" just like when I was working. I liked all my co-workers and we allways backed each other up. I feel just as comfortable with the staff at my Dialysis Center. l

I know my view is different from most of the other posts i've read but i agree with Jannie. I was very friendly with the staff at the center but don't think it is appropriate to date a nurse or tech. I think there is an eithical part to it as well. I talked to the staff all the time and we became friends but a tech at the center had actually told me one day that patients and staff aren't suppose to intereact outside of the unit. My unit actually had rules regarding dating between pts and staff. I can understand how a deeper relationship can occur seeing as you spen 5 hours 3xs a week there but i feel like it crosses a line. Does that  make sense.
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monrein
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« Reply #32 on: June 03, 2008, 11:05:34 AM »

I agree with you Claudia as I feel that boundaries are very important when it comes to any kind of primarily professional relationship.  The biggest issues for me would be how to address things if you were "friends" but had complaints.  Sticky, tricky.  As for dating, I feel that human nature being what it is, a relationship could start to grow and if the two people involved wanted to really pursue it then someone (either patient or staff member) should change location to avoid potential problems.  Going in to dialyze and being stuck with an ex sounds like my idea of icky, sticky and far too tricky.

When I worked as a social worker the issue of outside of work invitations was quite common but I felt it was part of my job to speak directly and clearly with clients about the differences between a friendship and friendliness.  I was often required to challenge people about things they were doing and try to help them find ways of doing them differently.  Support and challenge in a boundaried context.  This is not how I am with my friends.  Adolescents often developed crushes on their workers and would have to be clearly told that a relationship would NEVER be in the cards.  Some took it hard for a while but real counseling work just isn't possible with a subtext of flirting, trying to impress and putting one's best foot forward.

I would have no problem dating a doctor, nurse, tech, student, etc but not if I were in a professional relationship with them.  I also think that it is the professional's job to maintain boundaries with extreme sensitivity as they are the ones with the upper hand in a sense.  Patients, students, clients are in the more vulnerable position and I see boundaries as an important way of protecting them.


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Pyelonephritis (began at 8 mos old)
Home haemo 1980-1985 (self-cannulated with 15 gauge sharps)
Cadaveric transplant 1985
New upper-arm fistula April 2008
Uldall-Cook catheter inserted May 2008
Haemo-dialysis, self care unit June 2008
(2 1/2 hours X 5 weekly)
Self-cannulated, 15 gauge blunts, buttonholes.
Living donor transplant (sister-in law Kathy) Feb. 2009
First failed kidney transplant removed Apr.  2009
Second trx doing great so far...all lab values in normal ranges
flip
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« Reply #33 on: June 03, 2008, 06:44:00 PM »

But think of the advantages. If I was dating a hemo nurse I could be on home dialysis with a trained professional to help me. Then there would be no nurse/patient relationship because I wouldn't be in the center any more. It sounds like a plan to me.
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monrein
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« Reply #34 on: June 03, 2008, 09:00:45 PM »

Absolutely a good plan Flip.  So when do you start trolling the other centers in your area for a nurse who wants to do one more run when she gets home?  But wait, you're gonna sweep her off her feet and she'll never have to work again right.  I'm thinking about scouting around for a hunky neph who wants to meet all my needs and get those advantages for me too. :rofl;
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Pyelonephritis (began at 8 mos old)
Home haemo 1980-1985 (self-cannulated with 15 gauge sharps)
Cadaveric transplant 1985
New upper-arm fistula April 2008
Uldall-Cook catheter inserted May 2008
Haemo-dialysis, self care unit June 2008
(2 1/2 hours X 5 weekly)
Self-cannulated, 15 gauge blunts, buttonholes.
Living donor transplant (sister-in law Kathy) Feb. 2009
First failed kidney transplant removed Apr.  2009
Second trx doing great so far...all lab values in normal ranges
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« Reply #35 on: June 03, 2008, 09:27:18 PM »

I WISH there was a hot nurse for me to date!!!  When I was still on hemo, all of my nurses were female and absolutely AWESOME!!!!  I got sick when I was still in college and on my 21st birthday, I went in for dialysis on the late shift....  Then AFTERWARDS, when they had closed down for the night, the NURSES and TECHS were the FIRST ones to by me my first legal drink!!!!  It was GREAT!!!!  Nothing like having a cold one with my medical staff....the best part of it all was that if anything happened to me while I was drinking, I had a staff of nurses surrounding me who knew my whole medical history....they'd know how to take care of me!!!!  :-)
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ESRD February 2002
Transplant from living non-related donor November 7, 2002
Lost transplant April 2005
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RichardMEL
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« Reply #36 on: June 04, 2008, 01:28:43 AM »

Hmm so I want to know if Stacey with an E ever asked out the cute tech :)

Interestingly the other day I was talking about the ever fantastical "life post dialysis" with some of the nurses at the unit... as in what I would do after a transplant and all that... well I was saying yeah for sure I'll come back and visit you guys (I live so close etc) and one of the younger (female) nurses said to me "Oh no you can't come back and see us here" - and I thought she was going on about if I'm not a patient I'm not allowed blah blah.. but she went on to say "You can come to the pub with us and have a drink!" which I thought was very cute. I don't think she was flirting either... hmm... or was she? LOL... nah....
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3/1993: Diagnosed with Kidney Failure (FSGS)
25/7/2006: Started hemo 3x/week 5 hour sessions :(
27/11/2010: Cadaveric kidney transplant from my wonderful donor!!! "Danny" currently settling in and working better every day!!! :)

BE POSITIVE * BE INFORMED * BE PROACTIVE * BE IN CONTROL * LIVE LIFE!
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Rob showing off his pot of gold!

« Reply #37 on: June 11, 2008, 05:22:29 AM »

One of Rob's tech from in-center lives on the same street as us and now our kids are good friends and go to the same school. 

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Wife to Rob who is currently doing Nx Stage Home Hemo Dialysis.

11/17/09 After 4 years on dialysis, Rob received a kidney from our George.  Kidney is working great!  YEAH!!!!
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« Reply #38 on: July 09, 2008, 02:30:13 PM »

RichardMel----- sound like flirting to me :clap;
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« Reply #39 on: July 09, 2008, 02:44:10 PM »

Go for it, Rich. She could be your ticket to home hemo   :cuddle;
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RichardMEL
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« Reply #40 on: July 14, 2008, 02:10:44 AM »

lol @ home hemo ticket!

Nah I just couldn't see it... I mean it would be too weird to date someone like that... maybe after I was a patient for sure.. but no way WHILE I was one.. Imagine if things went sour... and it would be so difficult for them I imagine... because they have a pastoral relationship with you...

The same nurse the other day said to me, because she had a "fight" with another nurse to look after me (which was funny).. anyway she said "You are a favourite!" which was really nice. I was so chuffed (and no, she wasn't flirting.. and even if she was she's not my type :) ) but she's so lovely.

Besides we couldn't date... I have a cat and she has a pet bird......
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3/1993: Diagnosed with Kidney Failure (FSGS)
25/7/2006: Started hemo 3x/week 5 hour sessions :(
27/11/2010: Cadaveric kidney transplant from my wonderful donor!!! "Danny" currently settling in and working better every day!!! :)

BE POSITIVE * BE INFORMED * BE PROACTIVE * BE IN CONTROL * LIVE LIFE!
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« Reply #41 on: July 26, 2008, 08:53:23 PM »

you could date
leave your pets at home :rofl;
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riccut50
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« Reply #42 on: August 10, 2008, 02:33:49 PM »

Epoman is right.  That is why they shift the techs around so you never get the same one twice.  You still have your favorites, but you don't get a very strong bond as if you would having them everyday.

As for dating them.  I have a hangup with me  being ill and them being healthy.  I may go out with another patient, but not a tech or nurse.
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twirl
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« Reply #43 on: August 28, 2008, 02:34:12 AM »

there is one tech who we have traded pictures of our children and she gave me a nice Christmas present
- I always bring in things for her daughter and she calls me mom - I do not let her call anyone else at D mom b/c I am her D mom  ::) -
I know all about her love life and her struggles ( she is an unwed mom) and I encourage her to stay in college to be a nurse - In short, I love her and she make D better--- but they are not allowing her to be my tech much-- they think we are getting close---OMG-getting close to someone you see more than most of your family - we laugh and joke the whole time she is my tech--- and there is a boy tech who is in love with Missy - he has been over to my house to swim and he told me not to say anything - he could get fired---?-- I helped him write essay questions for a college class he was taking---- these are both mother type relationships-- which I enjoy -
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Stacy Without An E
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« Reply #44 on: November 18, 2008, 03:31:09 PM »

It is been implied at my clinic that dating the staff is frowned upon by the clinic manager and the social workers.  Apparently there have been some stalking issues by some of our more questionable patients.

It's too bad too because we have a number of attractive women who work at my clinic who are fun to talk to.

The crazies always ruin it for everyone else.
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Stacy Without An E

1st Kidney Transplant: May 1983
2nd Kidney Transplant: January 1996
3rd Kidney Transplant: Any day now.

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« Reply #45 on: November 18, 2008, 05:12:22 PM »

I have been married 12 years, so it's not going to happen, but there are two I would have asked out on dates had I not been married.  I would have switched units in order to date them.
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RichardMEL
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« Reply #46 on: November 18, 2008, 09:10:51 PM »

I think the "don't get too close" idea goes both ways also.. I mean the staff can get attatched to patients too and I am sure the powers that be both don't want there to be seen to be any favourtism shown or even a close friendship forming and then if something happens to the patient (leaves, passes away, etc) then the worker suffers emotionally because they became too close.

I think Dialysis is such a gray area for this sort of thing. Yes, nurses have to stay detatched, but Dialysis is an ongoing treatment situation where you see the same people potentially for years! It's not like someone comes in hospital stays a few days, maybe a few weeks if it's serious... I know I have friendship bonds with half the staff in my unit and I've only been there 2.25 years. Some others much longer. Some staff got together and gave me a birthday card last week which really touched me and another said she had a gift for me (but she keeps forgetting it lol!) and you can just tell by the way they interact with you that they do care and that you are almost like extended family.

Of course the other side to this is when, as usual, the minority screws things up.. I was told the other day that another regular patient (who, oddly enough, is quite friendly towards me) complained because he thought I would walk in and be put straight on, when he would show up way early (much earlier than he was supposed to) and would have to wait. Despite the obvious thing that if you come earlier than you're supposed to the chances of there being an available chair are less..somehow this guy got it in his mind that I was being treated better than him (never mind that I've had to wait my fair share of times... and that's life on dialysis).. so blah. So yesterday I think I suffered for that as I was in very early because I was seeing my neph. I asked them when I should come back and they told me oh that chair will be available at 12:30 - that will be the first one. So I came around 12:20.. and guess what? Patient X had been on for 20 minutes already.....

oh well.. I still love the staff and am not going to sweat stuff like that. I have to do 5 hours I'm not going to worry if I have to wait 10-15 minutes to start....
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3/1993: Diagnosed with Kidney Failure (FSGS)
25/7/2006: Started hemo 3x/week 5 hour sessions :(
27/11/2010: Cadaveric kidney transplant from my wonderful donor!!! "Danny" currently settling in and working better every day!!! :)

BE POSITIVE * BE INFORMED * BE PROACTIVE * BE IN CONTROL * LIVE LIFE!
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« Reply #47 on: September 10, 2009, 10:04:50 AM »

I have been in dialysis for almost two years "October makes two" I have seen nurses,techs, etc come and go. there was one who I thought was really pretty and I tried to be friendly to her, heck I am friendly to everyone in the clinic. I would think I have there respect because I alway seem to make a good impression. well back to the lady, "geez she pretty" she is so pretty to me I would look forward to treatment just to see her walk by. I had never really spoken to her and she would randomly stop and speak to me and me only during treatments. I had got the impression that she likes me too. But when I tried to ask her out she would say yeah but it would never happen but I still tried to be friendly to her. After a while she started mentioning about her boyfriend that is an osha inspector. I was like wow I cant compete against that. Long story short one of the other nurses told me that she would never date me because I'm a patient, but he put it more that I'm the bottom of the barrel of guys she could choose from....also because I'm a patient. I am a pretty confident guy and would go against the grain to be successful. I didn't believe it until one day I tried to talk to her and she brushed me off really bad like it was illegal for me to say hello to her. right after that she tried to converse with me. I felt really uncomfortable talking to her. even though I got turned down so many times before the last time made a big impact. Now I got the impression that she is nice to me as part of the job and now I try to space myself away from her. i would still speak to her if she speaks first but after that one time I still feel uncomfortable and I try to move around away from her.
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RichardMEL
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« Reply #48 on: September 10, 2009, 10:06:40 PM »

I think in your situation it absolutely would be uncomfortable/unethical for her to date you even if she didn't have a bf - because it's her job to care for you(and others) she might feel that there might be accusations of unfair treatment of others (or rather, biased towards the person she was dating) and all that kind of thing. Sort of a conflict of interest thing. To me the mentioning of the boyfriend stuff was her message to you to back off (she may or may not actually have a boyfriend) - but doing it in a way that doesn't (in theory) hurt you - as in "I've got a boyfriend so I am not going to date anyone else" rather than "I'm not going to date YOU!"

I'd say her "hot and cold" attitude recently stems from a bit of being uncomfortable about the situation - she knows you like her and she has to remain professional, but she doesn't want to be rude. Perhaps she even does genuinely like you as a patient and enjoys that part of it, so is trying to find a happy medium that works for her but isn't one where she feels uncomfortable or that she's doing anything inappropriate or perhaps something that may lead you on.

I'd say you've found a good balance here - if she talks to you then talk back and be friendly (otherwise it's rude). That seems fair I think.

Now, if she quits your unit and dumps that boyfriend....... well then it's action stations!!!  >:D :rofl;
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3/1993: Diagnosed with Kidney Failure (FSGS)
25/7/2006: Started hemo 3x/week 5 hour sessions :(
27/11/2010: Cadaveric kidney transplant from my wonderful donor!!! "Danny" currently settling in and working better every day!!! :)

BE POSITIVE * BE INFORMED * BE PROACTIVE * BE IN CONTROL * LIVE LIFE!
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« Reply #49 on: September 11, 2009, 05:53:41 AM »

I'm friendly with a lot of the workers there and there is one tech , whose my age and is pretty cute. We are on each others facebook. I don't see a big deal with this as long as it stays FRIENDLY. He's a nice guy and we seem to get along well.
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