Dating and social interation with Dialysis Techs and Nurses

[geoffcamp]

What do you think of patients associating socially with tech or nurses?  Even dating.  I happen to have some experience in this as I have dated one of my techs and go out socially with a few of the staff members.  The centers rules are clear that this is not suppose to happen.  But I spend so much time with these people and have developed relationships with them not unlike those of co-workers.  I don't see anything wrong with going out with them or even dating as long as everyone is adult about it and it does not affect the treatment you receive.  Any thoughts?
Geoff

[goofynina]

I dont think it should be any of the "centers" business who their employees choose to date.  Love is strange, it can be found anywhere at anytime, i say go for it and just have fun but just remember, if it ends up turning into a wedding, we better be invited darnit     Good Luck to you and the lucky lady who gets to date you   and as Bajanne always says,  Keep on Keepin' on..... (i just love that saying)

[angieskidney]

That would never happen at my dialysis unit. I know that because they won't even let me volunteer for them I was actually told by my dialysis social worker that they doctors and rest of the dialysis staff would not like to have a patient as their co-worker. This was when I inquired about volunteering to visit and talk to dialysis patients when I was still on PD. ... oh well ..

I have noticed a huge rift where they do not see patients on the same level as other human beings Hell they don't even seem to respect me most of the time

I saw if you are able to "hang out" then that is good! At least YOUR unit respects you and sees you as a human being! 

[livecam]

I think patient/tech dating is fairly common.  I've heard of it before but never saw any of that in my old unit.  Patients and caregivers tend to have alot in common and tend to spend alot of time around each other so yes it happens.  As in any other business relationship personal considerations can't be allowed to influence the quality of treatment of one patient over another.  In a dialysis setting it is important that people feel there is no favoritism happening.  Other than that why not just let  people be people and do as they please personally?  Years ago at work I dated a young lady who is now my wife.  We kept things very quiet and I'm sure no one knew what was happening until we announced our engagement.  I even yelled at her once or twice in front of others just to be sure that nothing could be detected.  I'm glad she didn't burst out laughing.  Anyway that was 20 years ago, now she is the boss.

[Ginger]

For RN's, dating patients would be considered an ethical violation of the nurse practice act and also considered a 'boundary violation'.  Definitely not part of a professional nurse/patient relationship. These actions can lead to consequences as great as losing your license to practice nursing.

[Epoman]

I think patient/tech dating is fairly common.  I've heard of it before but never saw any of that in my old unit.  Patients and caregivers tend to have alot in common and tend to spend alot of time around each other so yes it happens.  As in any other business relationship personal considerations can't be allowed to influence the quality of treatment of one patient over another.  In a dialysis setting it is important that people feel there is no favoritism happening.  Other than that why not just let  people be people and do as they please personally?  Years ago at work I dated a young lady who is now my wife.  We kept things very quiet and I'm sure no one knew what was happening until we announced our engagement.  I even yelled at her once or twice in front of others just to be sure that nothing could be detected.  I'm glad she didn't burst out laughing.  Anyway that was 20 years ago, now she is the boss.

Same here, I married my co-worker. I was the store manager and she was the photo clerk. Eventually my boss sat me down and said someone is going to have to be transferred. You or her, I wanted a new store to manage so I left to manage a different store. I ended up quiting the job a little while after that. However I am still with (married) that "photo clerk" who by the way moved on to bigger and better things. In fact when we worked together I would say I was more strict with her than other employees, because I didn't want to arouse suspicions.

At my old center I found that the employees tried to keep their distance and not become to friendly, I later learned that they are told by Davita not to get "attached" to a patient or get to close because it will affect them emotionally if a patient they really like dies.

[Rerun]

Epoman is right.  That is why they shift the techs around so you never get the same one twice.  You still have your favorites, but you don't get a very strong bond as if you would having them everyday.

As for dating them.  I have a hangup with me  being ill and them being healthy.  I may go out with another patient, but not a tech or nurse.

[geoffcamp]

I am on a night shift.  The Techs are usually shifted around a lot to cover nights.  So I have had a chance to meet most of the Techs in my center.  Most are young women and few men.  I always try to sleep on dialysis so I not sure how I started really getting to know them, but eventually I would start to text message back and forth (during my awake periods).  I don't even remember how I got their phone numbers.  Then we were texting during the day too and then was invited to out with a couple of the techs one night and that is how I got to know them.  It is definitely interesting seeing their perspective on center issues and patients.  My center seems to have a un-ending gossip and rumor mill... about patients and staff.  So I get to hear a lot of what goes on behind the scenes (funny stuff sometimes and not so funny other times).  My center also just made the big switch from RCG to Fresenious.  This has changed things a lot!  But I like most of the people at my center and enjoy spending time with a few people in particular.  I think it is sad that we have to keep it quiet and not let any of the bosses hear about for fear of a tech loosing their job.  I mean it is nice to have someone who knows a little about you (seen you sick and puking and sees you feeling good) to go out with and see a movie or have diner and a beer with.

[angieskidney]

what about the ones that teach buttonhole. You have the same nurse then for 2 weeks right? Anyway, it does make sense. Also I understand what Rerun is saying about not wanting to date medical staff. I have dated another "renal patient" before and they understand what you are going through. Another ex-boyfriend of mine had health issues in the past so I felt he could understand me and now with Sandman the same thing. He has had a lot of health issues and diet restrictions which gives him the insight I find it very useful in any man having to deal with me and my health

But I could never date any medical staff. Not with how they are in my city. There is a huge division line between staff and patients here.

[keith]

I'm all for it. i was the joker of the unit after i acted like a gotta dam fool when i first started.this one day i was talking about this tech's butt and she heard me .she made a smart remark as did i and then i started talking to her everyday, and the rest is history we got married on May 3,2003 and i have never had more reason to live and try to educate people about my condition.

[Panda_9]

I dont see anything really wrong with it as long as everyone is mature about it. However it could mean losing your job and possible de-registration. I wouldnt want to risk that. Good thing Im already in a relationship! I get along well with everyone and the training unit, they treat you like a friend, and are not distant at all. I like that approach as it makes me feel safe and that they really do care about how your going.

[sandman]

What do you think of patients associating socially with tech or nurses?  Even dating.

Well, it all depends really.  If your just socializing with your nurses, techs or doctors in a generally friendly manner, then that is absolutely acceptable.  Nothing wrong with that at all.  But if your socializing with the above, with the intent on courtship, then this could become a conflict of interest.  Think about that for a second.  Say your dating the same physician that cares for your medical needs while he/she is attending to other patients in the same place of practice.  Your physician would most likely give you more personal treatment where as the other patients would then be lacking treatment.  This would then be unethical practice to say the least.

But to date someone who is a nurse, tech or doctor and who is someone you see only on a personal basis, ( other then your regular medical treatment ) then that is fine.  I feel that as long as it does not interfear with their duties, then there would be nothing wrong with that.

[sophiasmom]

When I first started dialysis we had a great charge nurse who scheduled a trip for any patients and workers
who wanted to go via bus to a casino. It was a pretty fun trip.

Also several years ago, a dialysis administrater/charge nurse (different from above) who fell for a male patient.
She ended up leaving the unit to work elsewhere, he received her kidney. They are still together.

Right now we have a patient who has a crush on a tech.  (tech not interested).  When you spend so much time with people
love can happen.

Dialysis units sometimes have "discussion meetings" about patients, so that is one reason that dialysis romance is looked down upon
or having a patient work at the same unit. They wouldn't want you to hear them talk about you. 

[Hawkeye]

Staff is basically told not to get personally involved such as hanging out outside the clinic setting or dating because they want everyone one of the patients to be treated in the same fair manner.  It is viewed that if you hang out with or date a patient that you will treat them better and do things for them that you would not otherwise do for a patient.  Now mind you I believe that this still happens anyway regardless of if they are hanging out together or not.  After having spent sooooo much time together you tend to get to know a person and there is nothing that can stop that short of pretending not to be able to talk or something.  I guess I can understand their reasoning, but it's just a little far fetched.

[RichardMEL]

Interesting topic!

I think if you spend (in my case) 5 hours x 3/week with the same sort of people (obviously shifts change so not the same set of people is on one day to the next, but in a week you'd always see all the regular staff) then you're going to form relationships with them, and they with you. Social ones definitely. Some of these folks may spend more time looking after patients than perhaps get quality time (in a day) with their own families.

I don't know about romance though. I'm in a hospital unit and the whole ethical thing is very important and I wouldn't want to go there and I am sure none of the staff would anyway. As it happens they're all married anyway so that's no issue.

Indeed one of the crazy patients the other day was asking just about any woman that would enter the unit if they'd marry him.. hmm bit of a worry!! lol

I really like the social aspect though and I think there's NOTHING wrong with it. Sometimes I have met nurses (by accident) when going shopping or whatever which is kind of funny. I've also promised I am taking the lot of them out to lunch WHEN I get a successful transplant. It's an ongoing promise and we always talk about it LOL.

haha I even had a couple of nurses help me get a birthday pressie to a (young female ) patient who was moved to a different unit. That was way cool and the girl loved her surprise.. and we keep in touch and she's visited me from time to time when she's at the hospital. Very sweet (and before you ask.. she's got a boyfriend lol)

As a last point everyone's treated equal but you definitely know the staff have those they like and those they really don't want to deal with (like difficult patients). We only have a couple of them though. I hope I am one of the liked ones.. I think I am since they all greet me and usually stop for a chat or whatever.

It's a pretty small unit and we all get on pretty well which really helps the whole process.

[skyedogrocks]

When Rob was in center, he loved it there.  He had great relationships with all the nurses and techs.  Heck, he still visits there every now and then.  One of the techs who he liked the most is a neighbor of ours, he lives about 10 houses down from us.  We have even had to call him when Rob couldn't needle himself.  The Charge Nurse for the center was the only one Rob disliked, she was by the book all the time.


If you find you and a nurse/tech want to date, go for it!  I think it's an awesome idea as long as it's not weird if things don't work out.   

[mmmmdeedee]

It would have been no problem at my unit.

Woof Woof!!

hhahahahahahah

[st789]

Would a tech or a nurse be more understand or compassion to us patients; therefore, they could play both roles.  A soul mate and care giver.

[Hawkeye]

Would a tech or a nurse be more understand or compassion to us patients; therefore, they could play both roles.  A soul mate and care giver.

When something like this happens in a clinic setting either the patient or staff member has to transfer to another clinic.  I have seen it happen where a nurse and a patient fell in love and when they married she started to Home Hemo for him.  She would work at the clinic all day then hook him up when she got home.

[poohkari]

I'm just glad all the nurses and techs were all waaaaay older than Wade!

Although, there was one cute, young, kind of punky nurse when he was in the hospital in July. You can bet I was there as much as i could be (not like i wouldnt, or anything, anyway)!

[Stacy Without An E]

I've been talking a lot to one of our cute neckish tech's and the rest of the staff has encouraged me to ask her out so it doesn't seem like it would be a problem.  i haven't yet because I'm still dealing with some personal image issues due to how Dialysis affects my body.  If I get up the courage I'll let you know.

[Jannie]

I don't think patient/tech dating is a good idea. But I do find myself being very friendly with the entire center staff. They all are friendly and treat me very well. I can't see myself going over to their homes for a visit, but I like saying hi to all of them. It feels like "family" just like when I was working. I liked all my co-workers and we allways backed each other up. I feel just as comfortable with the staff at my Dialysis Center. l

[Katonsdad]

At my center when I was on PD and Hemo , I felt like part of the family .  I never thought of dating any of them , but
was asked to get togethers occasionally that I chose not to attend .
I was asked by many staff members to speak to newer patients  , To help explain PD and at Christmas I was the Santa Claus
for the patients . ( I am a professionally trained Claus)

Most times I was asked by new patients if the needles would hurt when the we started. Of course as a patient I could
say , Yes , It hurts like heck , they are sharp and most of the Techs inserted then like lightening , They never hit the
same spot twice .  I was involved in a lot of training with the nurses ,and it worked out good for all.

Katonsdad

[CW]

I know I am commenting on older posts but they are such good topics I cant resist!

I have first hand experience with this and I think it depends on the person/situation

I know of a situation where a nurse who was very friendly with all the patients in the unit was accused of being in love with a patient (at least he thought so) and out of nowhere bought her a ring and proposed to her (she's married mind you) and had a total breakdown when she looked at him like he was crazy - it was sad. I have dated techs and if done between mature people I don't think it is an issue but most did not treat me and one transferred not to end up getting me by chance. I dreaded a bad breakup though and then having to have them cannulate you afterwards NO Thankyou! I can see it now "I am sorry I set you for 50 kilos instead of 5".

I think the clinic I am at now switched me from a tech because we were too friendly we laughed a lot and spent a lot of time together talking about the unit and the people in it. They took me from her and she trys to come and see me but we are far apart. She has to watch when I am getting off and try to time it so she will run into me at the scale it is ridiculous!

I have had techs with boundary issues - I had one who told me she was going to get three needles two for my arm and one for my penis! I don't know what her problem was but I did not want to find out and asked not to have her again. She was really young and attractive and a lot of patients hit on her so I think she might have thought I was going to ignore it but I don't play that way.

Maturity and common sense is key for it to work
CW

[brenda]

Here in my Health Region, we can't even have coffee with any of the staff. Nothing. That all came about when one nurse in Calgary decided to date pretty much every new male patient that came along. The last twice she was going to give them kidneys. Realistically it was best for both that she didn't match. The last guy she dated was with myself when I did home training. He was so infactuated with her it was terrible. Once he did get his transplant, she dumped him too. Unfortunately it didn't stop him from showing up at her house, basically stalking her, until she had to get a restraining order. After that all the rules were changed and you can't be friends with any of the staff outside the unit. I believe it is for the best.