You havent missed me then ?

[KICKSTART]

What a nightmare its been these past couple of weeks and sadly it hasnt ended yet. A few weeks ago i wrote some threads about having trouble breathing , firstly it was diagnosed it was my low hemoglobin , then my g.p. said it was bronchitis. Well wasnt i in for a shock because it was neither and as a result about 10 days ago i had a heart attack. I was rushed into hospital because i couldnt breathe at all and after lots of oxygen and lots of tests it came  back i had a lot of fluid build up around my heart and on my lungs. Anyway after a couple of nights on APD , it pulled 11 kilos of fluid off (none of which was showing up anywhere on my body , like swollen legs etc) and a whole cocktail of drugs, i've been home for a few days now.
The saddest part was having to persuade my mum i needed to get to hospital that morning and getting her here to look after my dogs for me. Now the thing i dread most is about to happen , i have to rehome my dogs , it was so difficult to get them looked after, that i dread it if i need to go into hospital again.
I have enlisted the help of a breed rescue but its not making things any easier , im totally heartbroken and sat thinking whats it all about , why do i put myself through all this. I can think of 99 reasons to totally give up , but only a few to carry on. I think you all know how much my dogs mean to me , but i have had to realize i need to make arrangements for them now for if i need to return to hospital. Im totally devastated as this was what i dreaded most.

[kimcanada]

OH Kickstart

I am so sorry about what you have been going through, I would be devastated about my dogs, but you have to do what you have to do, how are you feeling now?  How is your breathing, my hemoglobin is very low also, oh poor you, I will be thinking of you KS

Kim

[willieandwinnie]

  KICKSTART, I'm so sorry. I know you must be heartbroken. Please rant here all you want. We care. 

[monrein]

Actually I have missed you KS and naively thought that you were just busy after getting the "bronchitis" over and done with.
What a health nightmare you've been going through!   I'm sad about the dogs and know how heartbroken you must be.  I'm hoping that you can rehome them but retain visiting rights if at all possible.
Keep us updated about things Kickstart.  Hugs to you   

[paris]

Oh my goodness, KickStart!  We had no idea!  I just thought you were resting and recovering from bronchitis.  I should have asked Ken to check on you!  I am so sorry.  You knew something was wrong but no one was really listening to you.  It should have never gotten to that point.  And now the stress of your dogs.    Too much to handle when you aren't well.   We've missed you and send you lots of love     

[okarol]

 
I was hoping it wasn't fluid http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=9683.msg164348#msg164348 but your symptoms sounded exactly like when tubes had the same trouble.
I am so very sorry about having to give up your dogs, I know they are like your kids and this must be horrible for you.
I wish there was more support for you. You've been through so much and most of it alone. I agree with trying to find homes where you can visit.
Please keep in touch.     

[pelagia]

Dear KS, I was away for two weeks and didn't realize that you weren't posting.  I am so, so sorry to hear about the heart attack.  And I am so, so sorry to hear about the dogs.  Are you sure there isn't another alternative for the dogs in an emergency - like a neighbor?  Or what about the vet or the local humane society?  Maybe they could help you develop an emergency plan for the animals so that you can keep them. 

[charee]

 

[lola]

Kickstart I'm so sorry to hear you have to find new homes for your dogs wish I lived closer I'd watch them for you. I'm also sorry to hear you have been so sick and in the hospital. Take care

[Sunny]

You have been through a very hard time. It is unbelievable to know all of your symptoms were leading up to a heart attack and I sure wish the doctors would have paid better attention before it got to that point. I am so glad you are recovering well. Sorry about your dogs. I wish there were some way you could keep them. For some of us it is the love of our animals that often help us get through tough times.

[del]

   Hope you start to feel better soon. 

[RichardMEL]

KS sweetie of course you have been missed!!! I too thought it may be fluid and I am shocked at 11kg being taken off but clearly you had an issue. Did you not find your weight being over by heaps at dialysis? That seems really odd I am so sorry...

about your dogs this is a temporary thing yes?? I mean can't your mum look after the doggies while you get this stuff sorted and then you have them back? I am sorry that you will be missing them so much I can understand that much from my own bond with my cat I would be heartbroken if I had to give her up.

All I can say is that you need to remember that YOUR health (as well as theirs) is the most important thing and if this needs to happen.. it needs to happen

 

[Sluff]

I too am sorry Kickstart, I thought you had been doing well. I think if you give it a little more time, everything will get better as far as your dogs are concerned ( you need them) and they need you. If you think finding them a good home is what you need to do then I know you will find them good loving homes. Don't ever think that we don't miss you when we don't see you post. Thanks for letting us know what happened. 

[Joe Paul]

Sorry to hear you had a heart attack Kickstart. I hope you don't have to re-home your dogs, give that some time. I pray you continue to get well, and will be able to keep your dogs and your health.

[Lucinda]

Hi Kickstart.

This is not going to happen.  I couldn't live without my dogs and nor am I going to let you.

I don't know how it works over there but I want you to find out where you closest vet/kennels are and I want you to give me the name.  If you get sick again, I will organise payment for their boarding and care.

I don't doubt for a second that if you get rid of your dogs that once you are feeling better you will regret it.

I am absolutely serious about this.  You get the name to me, just arrange to get the dogs there or picked up if you are sick and I will take care of the rest.

You love your dogs and I am not going to sit back and see you heartbroken.  Let me help.

Lots of love, Cindy. xxxx

[Ken Shelmerdine]

Kickstart, like others I thought you were recovering from bronchitis. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Can any member of your family contact us if god forbid something like this happens again?

 About your dogs, with any luck you won't be having another heart attack. Please don't give up, keep your dogs and tell yourself it ain't gonna happen again. Right now I know your feeling down and you are finding it very difficult to keep your normally positive outlook on life, but knowing you, you will bounce back from this, take my word for it.
 

[KICKSTART]

Thanks for all your good wishes

Lucinda .. i have pm'd you.

Sadly for reasons i dont want to go into on here i dont seem to have any choice but to part with my dogs even though im not feeling too bad now. As you know i dont have a great network of support ( i wont say anymore)
On the positive side they have managed to knock my b.p. down from 230/135 ish to 128/82 ..so you can imagine what a shock to my system that has been!! Half the day i sleep the other half i walk round like a zombie, so much so i am questioning the whole point to it all , if this is going to be life for me now, because at this moment i take no pleasure from it and feel more alone than ever. I know i have some long hard thinking to do and some hard decisions to make and thank you all for your support through all this ..it means a lot to me

[rose1999]

KS I too haven't been around much lately but I've just read your story and wanted to send my love.  I know you will do what is best for you and your dogs and I know it will be a wrench for you, I love my dog......................I wish I could help but I can only send love amd prayers 

[KICKSTART]

To everyone concerned i have pm'd Lucinda and explained in more detail about my descision , if any of you want to contact her she has my permission to let you know what i have said .. i just didnt want to post it all on the internet .

[pelagia]

KS - please give yourself a chance to heal from the heart attack and let the bp settle.  While you are doing that, try to remember how important you are to your IHD family. If the bp meds are causing fluctuations in how you feel, the docs should be able to work with you to split up the doses or switch meds so that doesn't happen.   

[annabanana]

  Please give yourself a lot of time to do that long hard thinking, Kickstart.

[thegrammalady]

OMG!!!!!!! i lay off the computer for a couple of days and come back to this! with the exception of vegas i never going anywhere again (somebody better bring a lap top)

kickstart, i'm so very glad you're home and feeling at least a little better. i feel really bad about your dogs. i grumble about the two my daughter has, but if they weren't here i'd really miss them. and you are missed when you're not around, never feel that you're not. keep us updated and know i think about you and look forward to your posts.   

[jbeany]

 

So sorry about your babies. . . hope the health gets better soon.

[Gramapat]

Kickstart,

I am so sorry to hear all what you have been going through - and then to have to give up your dogs after all that must be just devastating. 

About 10 years ago I had to start BP meds and like you, I was a zombie.  After about 2 weeks, I called my doctor and asked him if I could take my BP med at bedtime so I could sleep during the worst of the side effects.  Since it was a once a day med, he said sure and I had very little trouble after that.  Just thought I would mention that in case it's something you could try.

[okarol]

Thinking of you Kickstart.