-=- THE OFFICIAL I HATE DIALYSIS.COM JOKE THREAD -=- (Bold type please!)

[Stoday]

My small grandson got lost at the mall, he approached a uniformed security guard and said,

"I've lost my grandpa!"

"The guard asked, "What's he like?"

The little tyke hesitated for a moment and then replied,

"Jack Daniels and women with big tits."

[galvo]

Stoday, you do not improve with age!

[Darthvadar]

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by.  He gets into the taxi, and the cabbies says, "Perfect timing.  You're just like Frank."   
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbies: "Frank Feldman.  He's a guy who did everything right all the time.  Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbies: "Not Frank Feldman.  He was a terrific athlete.  He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis.  He could golf with the pros.  He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano.  He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbies: "There's more.  He had a memory like a computer.  He remembered everybody's birthday.  He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with.  He could fix anything.  Not like me.  I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out.  But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."

Passenger: "Wow.  Some guy then."

Cabbies: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams.  Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them.  But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good.  He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too.  He was the perfect man!  He never made a mistake.  No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow.  How did you meet him?"
Cabbies: "Well, I never actually met Frank.  He died.  I'm married to his widow."

[ChickenLittle56]

Man who argues with woman at day, gets no peace at night

[Darthvadar]

How true, Chicken......

Take a look at this...... Enjoy......

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/975492/the_man_song/

[Stoday]

More smartass one-liners than jokes, but I thought IHD members would appreciate them:

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine .
 
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
 
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
 
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
 
Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.
 
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
 
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
 
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
 
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
 
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
 
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
 
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
 
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
 
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)
 
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
 
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
 
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
 
 A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
 
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed
 
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
 
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
 
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
 
Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.
 
Every calendar's days are numbered.
 
A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine.
 
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
 
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
 
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
 
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
 
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
 
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
 
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
 

[Stoday]

Australians have rednecks too:


Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad.
(For Those of you not in the know, Eromanga is a small town in Australia. Galvo might live there.) 

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin' on the farm - tell them to get in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack - nothin'!! Ya haz gotta shower though, but its not so bad, coz  there's lotsa hot water and even a light to see what ya doing! 

At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no kangaroo steaks or possum stew like wot Mum makes. You don't get fed again until noon and by that time all the city boys are buggered because we've been on a 'route march' - geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the back paddock!!

This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting medals for shootin' - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a bloody possum's bum and it don't move and it's not firing back at ya like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target - it's a piece of piss!!  You don't even load your own cartridges, they comes in little boxes, and ya don't have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you reload!

Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy -  it's not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster.

Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best the platoon's got, and I've only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers -  he's 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pick handles across the shoulders and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet, but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.

I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how bloody good it is.

Your loving  daughter,


Sheila

[galvo]

I am a proud Eromanganan and well acquainted with the lovely Sheila!

[Darthvadar]

The Irish approach to Sales....

Bit naughty, this one.... Enjoy!!!!....



A young Irish lad moved to London and went to Harrod's looking  for a job.

The manager asked 'Do you  have any sales experience?'


The young  man answered 'Yeah, I was a salesman back home  in Dublin.'

The manager liked the Paddy  so he gave him the job.

His first day  was challenging and busy, but he got through it. 

After the store was locked up, the  manager came down and asked, 'OK, so how many  sales did you make today?' 

Paddy said  'One!'

The manager groaned and  continued, 'Just one? Our sales people average  20 or 30 sales a day.

How much was  the sale for?'

'£124,237.64p.' 

The manager  choked and exclaimed £124,237.64!!  What the hell did you  sell him?'

'Well, first I sold him a  small fish hook, then a medium fish hook and  then I sold him a new fishing rod.' 

'Then I asked  him where he was going fishing and he said down  at the coast, so I told him he would need a  boat, so we went down to the boat department and  I sold him that twin-engine Power Cat.' 

'Then he said he  didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I  took him down to car sales and I sold him the 4  x4

The manager, incredulous, said,  'You mean to tell me...a guy came in here to buy  a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a 4x4?' 

'No, no, no... he came in here to  buy a box of tampons for his lady friend and I  said...

'Well, since your weekend's  ruined, you might as well go fishing.'    
   
 

 

[Stoday]

DV's joke reminds me of something similar but more English. 1950's England, that is...

Young lad was starting work in an ironmonger's shop. On his first day, the ironmonger tells him that the art in selling is to get the customer to buy more than he came in for. "Watch how I handle the next customer" said the ironmonger.

A bloke walks in and asks for a pound of grass seed. The ironmonger weighs out a pound of grass seed and plonks it on the counter. "Now, sir" says the ironmonger, "When the grass grows, you'll need to cut it". With that the ironmonger sold him a lawnmower. The ironmonger turns to the lad and says "Now that's how to sell. Customer comes in for grass seed and walks out with a lawnmower. When the next customer arrives, let's see what you can do".

Another bloke walks in and asks for a packet of tampons. The lad plonks a packet of tampons on the counter and then says "Nah then soor, what about a lawnmower?"

The bloke says "WTF do I want a lawnmower for?"

Lad: "Well your weekend's buggered, you might as well cut the grass".

If you want to see what an English ironmonger's of the 1950's is like, look at this sketch: Funny sketch

[Stoday]

A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office.

The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?'
The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.'

He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.

The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.

This happens several weeks in a row.

The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.

Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?'

The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything.

She's married so we can't go to her house.

I'm married and we can't go to my house.

The Holiday Inn charges $98.

The Hilton charges $139.

We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare.

[Desert Dancer]

RAISIN Bread"

A bakery owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties.

One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and glances at the loaves of bread
behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt (or lack thereof) and the location of the
raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.

"I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says politely.

The female clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the
very top shelf. The young man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent
view, just as he surmised he would.

Once she descends the ladder he muses that he really should get two loaves, as he is having
company for dinner.

As the clerk retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what
was going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to
enjoy the view.

With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty
soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread, just to see the clerk climb up and down.

After many trips she is tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try the bread herself.

Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below.
She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd, staring up at her.

Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man,

"Is it raisin for you too?

"No," stammers the old man, "but it's a quivering'!!!

[Darthvadar]

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty Hill were vacationing in Europe... as it happens, near Transylvania .  They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway.   It was late and raining very hard.  Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail!  The car swerves and smashes into a tree.

Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding!  Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light.  He heads towards the light, which is coming from a large, old house.  He approaches the door and knocks.
A minute passes.  A small, hunched man opens the door.  Bob immediately blurts,"Hello My name is Bob Hill and this is my wife Betty Hill.    We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt.  Can I please use your phone?"

"I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone..

My master is a doctor; come in and I will get him!"
Bob brings his wife in.
An older man comes down the stairs.  "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you.  I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist.  However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training.  I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."

 
With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely.  Igor places Betty on a table in the lab.  Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.

 
After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion."  Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob Hill  and Betty Hill are no more.

 
The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly.  Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano.  For it is here that he has always found solace...  He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house.

 
Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music.  Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat!  He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight!   

 
Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory.

 
He bursts in and shouts to his master:

 
"Master, Master! .....


 

The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"

 

 
(I am soooooo sorry......But you really should've seen that one coming)
 

[gothiclovemonkey]

Here is an email i recieved today, gave me a bit of a laugh

Think before you speak...

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
 

 

The last one is great!

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could

Immediately take the words back...

Or that you could crawl into a hole?

Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

 

 

FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow

And asked loudly,

'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'

I turned around and walked back out and never went back

My husband didn't say a word...

He knew better.

 

 

SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was

at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.

I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.

After browsing for several minutes,

I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.

He asked if he could help me.

Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls'

 

 

THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and

Passed by a store that sold a

Variety of candy and nuts.

As we were looking at the display case,

The boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.

I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'

My sister started to laugh hysterically.

The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day,

My sister has never let me forget it.

 

 

FOURTH TESTIMONY :

While in line at the bank one afternoon,

my toddler decided to release

Some pent-up energy and ran amok.

I was finally able to grab hold of

her after receiving looks of disgust

and annoyance from other patrons.

I told her that if she did not start behaving

'right now' she would be punished.

To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,

'If you don't let me go right now,

I will tell Grandma that I saw you

kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.

Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.

I mustered up the last of my dignity and

walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.

The last thing I heard when the door closed behind

me, were screams of laughter.

 

 

FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?

My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.

One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands.

It was very busy, with a full dining room.

While enjoying my taco,

I smelled something funny,

so of course I checked

my seven-month-old daughter - she was clean.

Then I realized that Danny

had not asked to go potty in a while.

I asked him if he needed to go,

and he said 'No' .

I kept thinking

'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any spare clothes with me.'

Then I said,

 

'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'

' No,' he replied.

I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.

Soooooo, I asked one more time, ' Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,

Bent over, spread his cheeks

And yelled

'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'

While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,

He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.

An old couple made me feel better,

Thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

 

 

LAST (BUT NOT LEAST) TESTIMONY:

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days

and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,

in the future , likely think before she

speaks.

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any?

We had a female news anchor who,

the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,

turned to the weatherman and asked:

'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'

Not only did HE have to leave the set,

but half the crew did too, as they were laughing so hard!

hehe i do this alot... its so embarrassing!


One time, in art class, we were talking about Organic paint, and I was called on, and accidently said Orgasmic...

When I was in the ER, I was freaking out about being poked for the gazilianth time, and the guy said he would get it right this time, afterward he asked me "well that wasnt so bad" I said " i think i love u i didnt feel u in me at all..." (i blame the morphine....)

And the worst one i can remember at this time (even tho it happens alot!)
I was eating some candy, the kind with the stuff in it... ya.... and I was with a bunch of people.... I said OMG i love with things explode in my mouth.............................. i kind of wanted to die just then....

I think i dont speak before i think... its terrible.

A drum and a cymbol fell down a hill....... Budum Ba Cha!

This guy just started at his new job, working at a porn shop. His boss comes out and tell him that he has to leave for a while, and asks if he can handle it. The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's positive comments he finally agrees.
A few minutes later a white woman walks in and asks, "How much for the white dildo?"
He answers, "$35."
She: "How much for the black one?"
He: "$35 for the black one, they are the same price."
She: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one before." She pays him, and off she goes.
A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks "How much for the black dildo?"
He: "$35."
She: "How much for the white one?"
He: "$35 for the white one also, they are the same price."
She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white one before..." She pays him, and off she goes.
About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much are your dildos?"
He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black."
She: "Hmmmmm....how much is that tartan one on the shelf?"
He: "Well, that's a very special dildo...it'll cost you $150."
She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the tartan one, I've never had a tartan one before...." She pays him, and off she goes.
Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was gone?" The salesman responded, "I think I did pretty good, I sold one white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $150!" I hope that wasnt too risque... ive read all the posts, and i dont think its too terrible compared to some that i read!

[Desert Dancer]

Fresh from the shower, I stood in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts were too small.

Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically came up with a suggestion. "If you want your
Breasts to grow, then everyday take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, I fetched a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

"How long will this take?" I asked.

"They will grow larger over a period of years" my husband replied.

I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts bigger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"

[Stoday]

Paddy is passing by Mick's barn one day when through a gap in the door he sees Mick doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old red Massey Ferguson. Buttocks clenched he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right rubber boot, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move lets his braces fall down from his shoulders to dangle by his hips over his corduroy trousers.

Grabbing both sides of his check shirt he rips it apart to reveal his tea stained vest underneath and with a final flourish he hurls his flat cap on to a pile of hay.

'What on earth are you doing Mick' says Paddy

'Jayzuz Paddy, ye frightened the livin' shite out of me' says an obviously embarrassed Mick. 'Me and the missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor.'

[gothiclovemonkey]

  i love this site omg
come on people! more more

[okarol]

A Guy Fairy Tale


Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess...
Will you marry me?

The Princess said NO!   

And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf and dated women half his age and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

The End

[galvo]

heheheehe!!!!!!!!

[paul.karen]

A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something, but the boy continues. 

 

"Johnny!" Mom screams. "Knock it off." You're going to break something. He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping center. 
 

Johnny starts up with the balloon again after his mum has left for the store... He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet where he leaves it.   Mum comes in and while putting away the groceries gets the urge -  A diarrhoea run.She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes. When she's finished, she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing. She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything.
 

When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might b e and POP! The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc. 
 

"Doctor!  Doctor!  Are you all right?" she asks. 
 

He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the first time I've ever actually seen a fart!"







EDITED: Fixed bold tag error-kitkatz,Moderator

[paul.karen]

A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo. She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps..



He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.



As they walked through the ape exhibit, They passed in front of a large, silverblack gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy.



He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and two feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand.



He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny.



He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She did... and the gorilla was about to tear the bars down.



"Now..... show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy and he started doing flips.



Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut. "Now. Tell him you have a headache."










EDITED:Fixed bold tag error- kitkatz,Moderator

[okarol]

An old farmer had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back forty, had it fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond was fixed for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond, I only came to feed my alligators."

Old age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill every time!

[Stoday]

This joke is dedicated to Galvo.  

A lady walked into a Police Station and the desk Sergeant said "Can I help you?"
                 
"Yes" she said, "I'd like to report a case of sexual assault".
                 
"Where did it happen?" the Sergeant asked.
                 
"In the park just down the road" she replied.
                 
"Can you describe what happened?"
                 
"Yes, I was walking along the footpath in the park near the trees when a man jumped out of the bushes and dragged me in there, removed my underwear then he dropped his pants to his knees and had his way with me".
                 
"Could you give me a description of him?"
                 
"Yes, he was wearing white shoes, long white trousers, a white shirt and he had these two big long pads from his feet up to and over his knees, one on each leg".
                 
"Sounds to me like he was a cricketer, most probably a batsman", said the Sergeant.
                 
"Yes", said the lady, "I think he was an Aussie Cricketer".
                 
"That's very observant", said the Sergeant, "did you work that out from his accent?"
                 
"No", she replied. "I worked it out because he wasn't in for very long".           

[galvo]

Extremely bloody amusing!

[Stoday]

Three men married wives from different cultures.

The 1st man married a Chinese woman, he told her to do dishes & house cleaning.
It took a few days but on the 3rd day he came home to see a clean house & dishes put away.

The 2nd man married an Italian woman & told her to do all cleaning, dishes and cooking.
The 1st day he didn't see any results but by the 3rd day he saw the house was clean, dishes done & dinner on table.

The 3rd man married a Yorkshire lass and told her to clean the house, wash the dishes, mow the lawn + have hot meals on table three times a day.
The 1st day he didn't see anything, the 2nd day he still couldn't see anything, but by the 3rd day some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye