I Hate Dialysis Message Board

Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: Humor, Pictures, Stories and Poems => Topic started by: Henry P Snicklesnorter on May 19, 2010, 06:31:12 PM

Title: LIMERICKS
Post by: Henry P Snicklesnorter on May 19, 2010, 06:31:12 PM

.

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Rerun on May 19, 2010, 08:06:48 PM

OK here goes....

There once was a girl on dialysis
whose blood was pure toxinalysis
She slept with a machine
Who called her a queen
And they lived happy everalysis!          :bandance;

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Henry P Snicklesnorter on May 19, 2010, 09:49:47 PM

.

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: okarol on May 19, 2010, 11:01:55 PM

 :bandance; :bandance; :bandance;

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Lisa on May 20, 2010, 12:14:43 AM

 :bandance; :clap; :yahoo;

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Henry P Snicklesnorter on May 20, 2010, 10:22:57 AM

.

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: peleroja on May 20, 2010, 10:32:22 AM

Ok, best I can do without much thought:

A young lass with a machine
Said, I must always keep clean,
The house and the car
Or then where we are?
PD will not make me lean."

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: YLGuy on May 20, 2010, 11:07:37 AM

There once was a man named Snicklesnorter
Who had a bright shiny quarter
He'd give it away
if he really could say
I'm going to drink a full glass of water

I've never been too good at these things but always give them a try.

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: okarol on May 20, 2010, 01:12:27 PM

 :clap; You guys are so clever!

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: glitter on May 20, 2010, 04:50:51 PM

I LOVE YOUR EFFORTS!! KEEP GOING!!!   :flower; :flower; :bandance; :bandance; :bandance;

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Jean on May 21, 2010, 12:35:47 AM

Great Stuff, oh talented ones!!!!  :yahoo;

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Bajanne on May 21, 2010, 06:35:00 AM

This is quite lame, I know, but it is an addition to our limerick pool.

There was a young lady named Chlorus
Who was on dialysis long before us.
When I asked her to say
What kept her each day:
"Just keeping from that danged phosphorus!"

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Henry P Snicklesnorter on May 21, 2010, 10:26:33 AM

.

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: YLGuy on May 21, 2010, 05:22:35 PM

Very good!  :2thumbsup; :clap;

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: kitkatz on May 22, 2010, 05:14:59 PM

There was once a girl named Kit
Who went on dialysis in a snit.
When she was asked why
All she could do was cry.
"I feel like I am living in a pit."

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Henry P Snicklesnorter on May 23, 2010, 10:23:07 AM

.

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Bajanne on May 23, 2010, 02:31:47 PM

Quote from: Henry P Snicklesnorter on May 23, 2010, 10:23:07 AM

A young lady we know as Kitkatz
When asked for more tests, said “Oh ratz,”
“I don’t think it’s funny,”
“If the labs want the money,”
“Why don’t they go pass round their hatz?”

:rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Stoday on May 23, 2010, 04:29:49 PM

IMO limericks should be somewhat saucy. How about:-

A boy called Henry P Snicklesnorter
Played with his bits that he didn't oughter
And so did the priest
The dirty old beast
After sprinkling him with holy water.

 ;D

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Stoday on May 23, 2010, 04:56:21 PM

I suppose the limerick ought to be kidney related. So,

A young girl with kidney disease
Had a fistula put in her knees
Naughty young Boris
Thought he'd found her clitoris
When she said "move up further, please"

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: aharris2 on May 23, 2010, 06:54:27 PM

BAD BOY STODAY!

But well done  :rofl;

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Henry P Snicklesnorter on May 23, 2010, 07:23:01 PM

.

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: kitkatz on May 24, 2010, 05:02:01 PM

When she went off to dialysis
She was really, really pissed.
Because the time before
When she got off she weighed more
Than if she had just missed.

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Henry P Snicklesnorter on May 24, 2010, 05:25:12 PM

.

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: okarol on May 24, 2010, 06:24:05 PM

 :clap;

I am impressed with the talent here. My brain will not allow me to rhyme...?

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Henry P Snicklesnorter on May 25, 2010, 04:15:47 AM

.

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Henry P Snicklesnorter on May 25, 2010, 04:19:19 AM

.

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: peleroja on May 25, 2010, 08:08:39 AM

Thanks for the belly laugh, Henry!

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: okarol on May 25, 2010, 10:13:47 AM

"The thing about kidney disease,"
said the doctor with many degrees,
"is despite our very best
and we've checked every test,
You no longer get mac and cheese!"

 ???

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Henry P Snicklesnorter on May 25, 2010, 10:19:29 AM

.

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: YLGuy on May 25, 2010, 11:47:45 AM

There once was a horrible tech
who made my fistula a wreck
I gave it a lick
and got it first stick!
Whew, better than that thing in my neck!

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: kitkatz on May 25, 2010, 10:34:19 PM

I started dialysis as a wreck
I really felt and looked like heck.
After a few needles in my arm
I would look at it in alarm
But it sure was better than the thing in the neck.

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Dragonette on May 29, 2010, 09:12:49 PM

There was once a Dragonette
Who hadn't got a kidney yet.
She dialyzed for 2 2/4years.
2 years and 2 months of that in tears.
Then she found a new center
8 months of great care they lent her.
Then one day she got a kidney.
That Dragonette is me!

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: kitkatz on June 06, 2010, 12:04:23 AM

The catheter int he chest was a pain
So off to surgery for a fistula was plain
When later i awoke
The first words I spoke
"I sure do not want to that again!"

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: natnnnat on June 06, 2010, 03:08:37 AM

There once was a man with a fistula
Who feared he would never be kissedula
He said “this thing’s too whack
To get gals in the sack,
And I’m even too sick to get pissedula!”

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: okarol on June 08, 2010, 09:50:05 AM

What has happened to Henry?

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: dawson on August 09, 2010, 02:10:05 PM

Mine is a little on the low-key boring side, but related to kidney disease at least.  I must admit I laughed out loud (really loud!) on Henry's shocking position physician!   :sir ken;

Again and again I awoke with a UTI
The doctor just couldn’t figure out why
He tested and read
FSGS he said
Now strapped to the juice changer I lie!

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: kamar55 on August 13, 2010, 07:19:05 PM

Hi...These aren't amusing/funny like the ones above, but here's my take:


My first time at dialysis
I was almost scared with paralysis
But after 5 years
There are no more tears
And no treatment I'd want to miss.

or

It would be kinder
Not to take our binder
But too much phosphorus
Is not good for us
So we need a daily reminder.

or

We must limit our fluid
We just have to do it
Even when it's hot
Don't drink a lot
Get an ice cube and chew it.

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Marina on August 16, 2010, 04:54:44 PM

Tshirt  idea:

I  know  I  am.......

     are you?

organdonor.gov

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: natnnnat on August 21, 2010, 02:05:29 AM

A charming senora from Spain
Found she could lessen her pain
If she spun on one leg
Flipped, then stood on her head
To finish off every drain.

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: natnnnat on August 21, 2010, 02:27:15 AM

Bored, after haemo, a chappie
Was holding off, and felt a bit ...cr*ppy
In a quick playful burst
He squirted the nurse
Who chuckled to see him so happy

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Des on August 21, 2010, 02:32:12 AM

Three times a week
its treatment I seek
for my kidneys,brain and heart
are  completely off the medical chart
so now I am no longer a sickly freak.

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: kitkatz on August 22, 2010, 06:10:02 PM

Off to dialysis I go
Where the hours go slow.
When I ask to be let off
The techs just scoff
I feel like I am going to blow.

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: kamar55 on August 30, 2010, 10:27:03 AM

I'm such a wreck
I need my tech
  The bp cuff
  Is way too tough
Cause she wrapped it round my neck.  :rofl;

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Bruno on November 14, 2010, 08:38:59 PM

This is not original, but I like it.

There was a young man from Moldavia
Who no longer believed in the Saviour
So he erected instead
With himself at the head
The church of decorous behaviour

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Stoday on November 15, 2010, 11:27:00 PM

My favourite limeric:

As Titian was mixing rose madder
His model reclined on a ladder
Her position to Titian
Suggested coition
So he nipped up the ladder and 'ad 'er

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: fiOS-Dave on December 27, 2010, 01:49:42 PM

That poetry really is fine
 :clap;
and I wish that it could've been mine
 :bow;
maybe next time I'll try
 :bandance;
but I don't know why
 ;D
just to get off the end of my spine!
 :sir ken;

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: mm2010 on December 28, 2010, 10:52:50 AM

Haven't tried to do this since I was in school, 30 years ago,,,,
Its kinda fun, once you start, its hard to stop.  And everything for rest of the day sounds like limericks.....

Here are a few...

In this chair we do sit for our session,
The machine hums away, our obsession,
Soon the poison it clears,
And the tech lifts our spears,
We go on, and delay the progression.

Its his kidneys they say that are broke,
And the blood they should clean they just won't,
So he drains out the poison,
With these needles and hoses,
Now believe me, this isn't a joke.

My new tech at the center is sharp,
And my keister I might as well park,
Your not going no where,
So sit still in the chair,
For my bite is much worse than my bark.

Its this fluid that builds up in my body,
That makes me look puffy and gaudy,
Till I get to the center,
Drain a couple of litres,
Now I look just like a hottie.

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: natnnnat on December 28, 2010, 04:50:03 PM

 :clap; :clap; :clap;
and I got a good laugh out of your profile pic subtitle too. 

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Bruno on December 30, 2010, 08:38:38 PM

I'm off to dialysis wearing a mauve thong
And hoping the session won't be too long
If it is
There'll be no tizz
Because I know a wedgie can't break my prong

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Henry P Snicklesnorter on January 01, 2011, 12:19:47 AM

.

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: mm2010 on January 01, 2011, 03:41:30 AM

HPS,
A+.  Well done.   :rofl;

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Henry P Snicklesnorter on January 02, 2011, 12:44:36 AM

.

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: kristina on January 02, 2011, 04:06:28 AM

Kristina loves the music of Bach
everything else is second-rate art...
But she’s quite content,
hoping, her kidneys might mend
on a strict diet,
"garnished" with Bach...

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: kristina on January 02, 2011, 05:05:45 AM

There once was a renal physician
who hated to make a decision...
In a fit of despair
he sprung into the air
and was last seen over county Kildare...

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Stoday on January 02, 2011, 07:49:09 AM

A man who was trying to cannulate
His wife in her arm with a fistulate
Fancied sex in the chair
But his wife in despair
Told him to go off and masterbatistulate

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: kristina on January 02, 2011, 09:22:17 AM

I am just getting into the swing of this limerick-business:

Here lies a politician called Thatcher,
better known to the world as the “milk-snatcher”.
With an iron fist she crushed...her victims to dust:
the NHS, the Unions...and, everything we trust.

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: kristina on January 04, 2011, 02:10:20 AM

Sorry for this second political Limerick, but I just have to get this off my chest:

There once was an oil-man called Blair,
A politician without any care,
who honoured his tribe
and came out alive,
leaving thousands in total despair.

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: knittingdan on January 04, 2011, 10:42:43 AM

I suppose I should give this a shot
Although a great rhymer I'm not
At the dialysis place
Snow had covered my space
So I stole poor Rerun's spot!

A dialysis patient named Chuck
Went in to get his blood sucked
Said the tech, you cannot
For your arm's one big clot
I'm afraid you are $#!+ out of luck

All night the machine was beeping
For eight hours I was weeping
The tech for the night
Was nowhere in sight
I guess he was in the back, sleeping

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: kristina on January 07, 2011, 10:09:38 AM

My previous political Limericks (nonsense verse) were a little bit on the border
of a Limerick and a satirical poem. But what about this for a true nonsense verse (Limerick)?

There once was an honest politician
who looked at dishonesty with derision.
He worked day and night
to help kidney-patients’ fight
and back-handers were not in his vision.

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: kristina on January 12, 2011, 07:13:47 AM

Hospital food is so unappealing,
the smell takes the paint off the ceiling.
The greens are yellow, the custard is green
and the sandwiches border on the obscene.
So, to enjoy a good meal in hospitals today,
take a packed lunch of oats, water and hay.

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Stoday on January 12, 2011, 09:42:00 PM

Kristina avoided dialysis
By giving phosphated foods a miss
She scoffed oily fish
Caviar by the dish
And now she's experiencing dialysis

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: galvo on January 12, 2011, 09:52:08 PM

3/10.

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: kristina on January 13, 2011, 11:27:20 PM

Quote from: Stoday on January 12, 2011, 09:42:00 PM

Kristina avoided dialysis
By giving phosphated foods a miss
She scoffed oily fish
Caviar by the dish
And now she's experiencing dialysis

For visitors to IHD who happen to read Stoday’s Limerick about Kristina:

It bears no resemblance to me as I have no fish in my diet,

(my vegetarian diet is described in other posts).

I am in ESRF but I am not on Dialysis yet.

I only write this because I don’t want visitors to IHD to be misled or confused.

Thank you, Kristina.

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: okarol on January 14, 2011, 12:19:16 PM

Thanks Krisitna! I guess he was trying to rhyme LOL

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Stoday on January 16, 2011, 07:48:20 AM

It's only because Kristina has three syllables which met the dactyl foot I was looking for.

I don't think anyone believes these limericks; they're just little poems with poetic licence.

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Iwannabean on October 18, 2011, 06:14:23 AM

I went to my dyalysis center
After a week long bender
The nurse gave me flack
I laid on my back
now im a little bit slender :rofl;

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Riki on October 21, 2011, 02:03:54 AM

The nurse fancied herself a singer,
But a tune she could never bring 'er.
If she even began to hum,
One patient would pelt her with gum,
And another would give her the fing'r.

The thing about kidney disease,
Is transplant people aren't easy to please.
You jump through the hoops,
Run around in their loops,
And they still cut you off at the knees.

Blood is cleaned at the dialysis unit,
Cuz my kidneys are no longer doin' it.
To keep boredom at bay
I sleep time away,
Unless a doc comes round to ruin it.

My nurses, they are a bit bitter,
And one thinks I need a sitter,
For when they're not lookin',
Their pictures get tookin',
And I post them all on twitter.

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Bajanne on October 28, 2011, 12:39:42 AM

Great, Riki!  :2thumbsup;

Title: Re: LIMERICKS
Post by: Riki on October 28, 2011, 06:44:52 AM

it's kinda funny what you can come up with when you're bored in the middle of the night.. *LOL*