Thanksgiving rant

[KT0930]

I got pretty upset yesterday, but I managed not to show it. I've gotta let it out, so bear with me, ok?

 
First, my husband's aunt and uncle ALWAYS host Thanksgiving for their family, and my parents traveled across the country to be with my brother, so I didn't have a choice about where to spend the holiday. Second, this aunt and uncle assign us things to bring, and give me the easy things because 1) I'm the newest member; and 2) I'm sick and too weak to cook, apparently. The "easy" thing is a green salad. So I got there yesterday, having had nothing to eat all day because we were supposed to eat around noon (didn't sit down until almost 1:30), and my appetite is pretty small anyway. Their only appetizers are a cheese-based dip served with Wheat Thins and mixed nuts; they've BRINED the turkey; and the rolls are store-bought, so I'm sure they're full of phosphorous and sodium; and the desserts offered are a pear and pecan tart and a pecan pie and an apple pie that was a) store bought; and b) gross, the apples were practically raw. Basically, I got to eat sweet potatoes and stuffing and the salad I brought. If I weren't on PD, I could have had two things!

By the way, everyone else said that they couldn't taste the extra salt in the turkey at all, and it was so incredibly moist because of doing it that way, that they're already planning to do it that way next year, too! I guess I'm just sensitive to it, because I could taste it, and my PD net UF last night was -50 (I put in 9500 ml of fluid during the night and pulled off only 9450). Damn, I need a transplant...or for my parents to stay in town!

And no, I can't host it here. You wouldn't believe the arguments my husband and I have had about me not wanting to go to his aunt and uncle's already - he'd probably go there even if I tried to host my own!

Too bad we didn't do the "What are you thankful for" conversation...I would have said "My health!" Sorry, I'm kind of a smart-ass when I'm ticked.

Ok, rant over.

[kitkatz]

I understand everything you said.  I have been to Thanksgiving and to parties where the only thing I could have was the glass of ice.

[glitter]

you know- it just is not that hard to accomidate the renal diet- I do it everyday for my husband- I hate people that will not even try. If we go to a family members house- they always call me and go over the food  to make sure their is ample for him to eat...almost everything has an alternative- and if that means we have a different item- so what?

 I feel for you- its too bad they don't try a little harder for you, it sounds like they did not even try at all- and in fact disregarded your needs totally. Maybe you should eat something really decadent that you can have BEFORE YOU GO... then you won't care as much about their sorry old food anyway!!

[okarol]

I cannot imagine people not being aware of your needs and trying to make you as comfortable as possible as a guest in their home - which is the epitome of good manners. But families are like that. It's sad that your husband isn't more supportive, but I guess he figures it's one day a year (I hope that's all!) so you can buck up and tough it out. If it were me I would make my own thanksgiving dinner the Saturday after Turkey Day, or maybe even the day before and enjoy what you can. And when you're stuck going to the family's house I would tell them "I am bringing dessert for everyone. I will also bring what I CAN eat, so you will not have to go to any trouble to accommodate my renal diet." They may get the message, but even if they don't you will have a little enjoyment from the day. Eat before you get there, too, so you're not counting on them to give you what you need.
Sorry KT 

[Black]

I don't blame you for being upset about the fact that they did not make an effort to provide any food you could eat.    That was very inconsiderate of them.  

If it were me, next year I wouldn't ask what to bring, I'd tell them:  "I am bringing things I can eat so you don't have to worry about me."  Then I'd take just enough for myself, in small individual containers, heat it up in the microwave, serve it all on my plate and let them watch me eat MY FOOD!  I would also probably tell my husband to hand out recipe cards of the usual holiday dishes to several family members and tell them, "If you use a recipe other than this one, my wife will not be able to eat it."  That way they will have to make a choice and your husband will see that they did make a choice.

If you are nicer than I am, and if you think there may be a chance for educating them, then make enough of each thing so you can share and show them there are ways to prepare tasty food that fits your diet.  (And ask your husband to help you with the food prep - after all, it is HIS family!)  Maybe try deep frying a turkey breast?  It easy and very quick and most men love this "macho" way of cooking.

When I fix a small turkey breast for us, I thaw it in the refrigerator for about 36 hours in a deep soup pot of water.  That way a lot of the additives can leach out into the water as it thaws.  And the breast is small enough that I can deep fry it on my stove top in that same heavy soup pot.  One gallon of oil is more than enough for a small breast.  I like peanut oil the best but have used cocoanut oil with good results.  Injecting the breast with a small amount of melted unsalted butter and seasonings, and adding a whole onion to the oil right after I add the turkey, makes it even better.   A small breast takes only about 10 to 12 minutes to cook.

If you decide to try this, make sure the pot and the turkey breast are complete dry.  Drain on paper towels so the water runs out of the inside of the breast and then pat dry inside and out with paper towels.  Lower the breast very slowly into the oil.  Water will make the oil boil over and splatter all over you and your kitchen, and if it hits the burner could start a fire!  The best thing about deep frying, other than the great flavor, is that it cooks very quickly - about 3 minutes per pound in 350 degree oil.

[Sluff]

Next year go to visit and when they sit down to eat go home and eat your own meal. no warning just get up and go.

[orphans_mom]

Rant all you want - You deserve it... Some people just don't use their heads.

Whenever I have a new visitor over for dinner one of the first things I find out is about their diets and or allergies. I love to cook and have invited people from all over the world to dinner. I have never had one "die" on me yet.
My husband and I work in the metals industry and have customers and friends all over the world. Most people who travel to the US really
enjoy a good home cooked meal.

[Wattle]

I hear you KT. We don't have Thanksgiving here but Christmas Day is the big family day here.

I am never asked "can you have this?" or "What can't you eat?" Everything just goes along as normal. People think that because you are on dialysis it does the job of your kidneys. They have NO idea of the requirements to stay healthy. I am sick of hearing...... "You look great, you can't tell that there is anything wrong with you" 

I think the only thing to do is eat what you can and when they see that there is NOTHING on your plate, they may get the hint.   

MORONS   

[Joe Paul]

I might be a stick in the mud, but when I started dialysis, I gave up on dinners with the in-laws for the same reasons, the food not being dialysis friendly.

[Danally]

I think it was very inconsiderate of them not to accommodate you. My father is on dialysis and he says he can eat whatever I have. I wish he took as good care of himself as you do . He came to my house and I had vegetables and he ate the chips and the cheese. Then we began dinner and he ate the soup. If we say anything to him he gets mad. How do you get someone to care about what eat?

[angela515]

Sorry for what happened... they were so rude. Luckily for me, I always have had Thanksgiving at my parents, even when I didn't live with them, and my mom knows my renal diet almost better than me sometimes. She leached the potatoes, she made me my own bowls of certain foods and made them the way i can eat them, and so on. If I were you, I wouldn't go, or if I did, I would do as others suggested and bring my own food and say, "Well, I had no choice, you didn't make a thing I could eat!".

 

[Wattle]

he ate the chips and the cheese. Then we began dinner and he ate the soup.

Danally, sometimes it's hard for a dog to learn new tricks. I am not sure how long your Dad has had Renal disease but food is a BIG temptation to a lot of us. Maybe you could help him along a little by NOT having foods that are not renal friendly. So NO chips or Cheese and NO soup. I can tell you from experience it is no fun sitting at a table with an empty plate while everyone else is having a merry time stuffing their faces.

[Danally]

he ate the chips and the cheese. Then we began dinner and he ate the soup.

Danally, sometimes it's hard for a dog to learn new tricks. I am not sure how long your Dad has had Renal disease but food is a BIG temptation to a lot of us. Maybe you could help him along a little by NOT having foods that are not renal friendly. So NO chips or Cheese and NO soup. I can tell you from experience it is no fun sitting at a table with an empty plate while everyone else is having a merry time stuffing their faces.

I agree next year I am starting with a salad. I know food is a big tempation and he has been a diabetic for over 15-years. He didn't follow that diet and he refuses to follow the renal diet or a heart smart diet. He is my dad and I want the best for him but he just won't follow what he needs to do. His labs are good right now, so he is pushing the envelope.

[Rerun]

I use to be sensitive like that, but then I realized that if you double up on your binders and only have a small amount of the potassium foods you will do fine.  I had some prime rib, small spoon of potatoes, store bought roll, corn with butter (salted), and pumpkin cheese cake and a BEER.  I can feel the fluid today but I go to dialysis in 2 hours.  Then I'm coming home and having another piece of pumpkin pie!  Remember I run on 1K so I can have a little more Potassium.

Either people stick to the Letter on a renal diet or they totally BLOW it.  I kind of stay in the middle.  Totally blowing it would be a HUGE plate of potatoes, gravy, turkey, 4 rolls and 5 beers and pumpkin cheese cake.

My X-in-laws never thought of me when it came to meals and now the xfather-in-law is on dialysis.  Hmmmm 

[thegrammalady]

while i do understand exactly how you feel and it is extremely rude for them not to take your needs into consideration one day a year isn't going to make that much difference. of course if you have dinner with the in-laws every friday then you do have a big problem. i behave myself 97/98% of the time. on my birthday, thanksgiving and christmas i eat what i want and have my doctors blessing to do so. he says we can't be good all of the time. when the dietician came around before thanksgiving with a big list of what we shouldn't eat, i was a very good girl. i just smiled, said thank you and threw it away when her back was turned. but then my numbers are great and i deserve an occasional treat, and i keep it occasional. I'm lucky, my family really tries. my poor father spent 10 minutes in front of the vegetable case at the grocery trying to figure out what to use for his stir fry because he didn't think i could eat what he usually got. the problem with them saying they couldn't taste the extra salt in the turkey is they eat too much salt. i stooped using the salt shaker over 10 years ago long before i ever paid any attention to my kidneys. i can taste the salt in everything. people use salt to enhance the taste of their food when in actuality it dulls the taste buds. i hope you have better experiences in the future, but if not some of the suggestions people have given you really work. and then most of us just have tougher skins than when we were first diagnosed.

[angela515]

Ah yes, when I was on dialysis, I didn't even stick to the diet one bit on Thanksgiving.. you should of just ate everything even though they didn't make something for you, and even tho they SHOULD OF made something for you..  but yah... one day, i say bring on the food.

[vandie]

I have a very wise uncle who gave me some good advice when I was disappointed in another's actions.
He said, "Baby, you cannot expect people to do the right thing or behave in the same manner that you would. If you do, you are going to be disappointed over and over again in your lifetime."
With that said, for two years before I transplanted, I was on a very strict diet.  Whenever I went somewhere for a function, I wouldn't go hungry.  I never expected people to take care of my needs, although I would do that for someone else with diet restrictions without hesitation.
On holidays, I would have the turkey and the rest but in very small portions.

The minute I became captain of my own ship, things seemed a bit easier to navigate.

 

[paris]

Vandie, that was very well said.  We can't expect everyone to take care of our needs and I am going to try to be the captain of my ship!  Thanks for the good words!

[kitkatz]

Very well said!  To captain your own ship is to keep and use your power.

[KT0930]

Hey all, thanks for the support! Vandie, you're absolutely right about taking care of yourself. Before I saw that, I had already put a reminder in my calendar to take my own meal next year.

As for sitting with an empty plate (or even my own meal), and maybe they'll get the hint, they wouldn't ever see it. Their house isn't set up to seat more than six people in the dining room, so it's usually the host and hostess and their immediate family, and the rest of us sit either in the kitchen or (like last year) at a card table set up in the living room. Don't even get me started on that!

[KR Cincy]

Wow that's rough. My family and in-laws and friends have bent over backwards to make sure they knew what I could and couldn't eat and to make sure I could enjoy the gatherings. I do think packing your own is the way to go, but I know my response would be to just stay home. I guess I'd rather hang out at home and enjoy the day than spend it surrounded by people who don't have enough courtesy to try not to kill me!!!

[goofynina]

Hey, I was the captain of my own ship (before it sank)     

[Wattle]

Hey, I was the captain of my own ship (before it sank)     

    At least you didn't go down with the ship Goofy.   

[goofynina]

Hey, I was the captain of my own ship (before it sank)     

    At least you didn't go down with the ship Goofy.   

Hell no, i grabbed on to a dingy and i am swimming for dear life

[kitkatz]

The dingy has the dinghy??