Can have a transplant if...

[carson]

if I undergo the whole IVIG and plasmapheresus thing. I don't have a donor lined up but they said they will do a cadaver donor providing my antibodies are low enough. I have been on the list for 10 yrs and my antibodies keep going up and up. Now they're at 98% so there's no chance in hell I'll get a match without some kind of intervention. But here's the thing.....I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO afraid of needles that I can not justify undergoing this treatment for however many months to have a transplant that MIGHT work. I realise they can't guarantee anything when it comes to transplants, and I was so lucky my first one lasted 15 yrs. Right now I feel ok and my PD is going ok. I can't seem to get my head around doing this. I keep telling myself to wait because there are sicker people who might need that kidney that might be a better match for them anyway.
The neph told me they could do a central line in my neck to save me from being poked. All it takes is a little freezing, he says. Doesn't he realize freezing means needles? Doesn't he know freezing hurts?
I want a kidney so bad so I can have my life back. But not bad enough to motivate myself to do this.
On top of it all, I don't know if I could survive financially. My husband is working a good job and together we can make the bills but without my income I don't think we could. We have some big ass bills! AND
on top of that, I feel very insecure in our relationship and what if I undertake to do this and he leaves me? Then I'll never get my transplant. And without him I'll lose everything.
I don't know what to do. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I've developed a terrible amount of anxiety.
Thanks for listening.

[lola]

    hang in there we are AlWAYS here to listen 

[MiSSis]

You could always ask your doctor about giving you some sedation before they insert the central line.  Central lines are great because they eliminate needle sticks and if you're not awake during the procedure when they put it in, you won't even know it.  I'm not fond of needle sticks either and had to have a central line put in.  That particular time the doctor performed the procedure right in my hospital bed.  My doctor gave me some Valium and Versed and the next thing I knew it was all over.  Also nice is that Versed is short acting and you come out of it relatively easily.  For my 2nd transplant, I missed only 6 weeks of work, compared to my first transplant when I missed almost 4 months.  Things might work out really well for you and I hope they do but only you can decide what's the best decision for your circumstances.  Whatever you decided, you know your friends here at IHD will totally understand and support you.

[Rerun]

I would take MiSSis advice about the sedative and if you're really paranoid use some EMLA cream on the spot the doc plans to give you the main line.  Put it on 1 1/2 hours ahead of time.

Also think about how far you will have to go for this IVIG therapy.  If it will cost a lot to travel and stay during the process you may think again.

Do you have a life insurance policy on your husband?   

[goofynina]

Have you ever thought of maybe going under hypnosis for your fear of needles?  Heck, they can get people to stop eating, drinking, smoking, stop them from being afraid of spiders, (i should go for my fear of clowns)  , maybe, just maybe they can help you with your fear of needles,  just my   

[carson]

Thanks everyone for your support. I really would like to have a new kidney and be done with PD. Funny you should mention hypnosis, goofynina. I went to someone for hypnosis to deal with my extreme jealousy. It worked after about 3 sessions. I love being hypnotised and have thought about going to help calm my fear of needles. I've noticed my jealousy/insecurity is raising it's ugly head again these days so maybe I'll go and have the whole works done again. I am confident it works. I feel really stupid when I have an absolute freakout when I have to get an IV or something.
I used to be like that with bloodwork but have overcome it after 25 yrs. I've even gotten pretty good about my epo shots once a week (I still get a little nervous, but you don't have to drag me to it).
I'll keep you posted.

[keefer51]

Dear Carson, My name is keith and have been on dialysis for three years. You sound sooooo much like me i thought i wrote the thread myself. I have had a fear of needles all my life. It started from getting so many when my kidney disease started at age eleven. I have gone through many a tests screaming to put me out so i wouldn't have any needles. I was told i had a phobia. I am 51 now and still can't stand them. I don't do anything during the week because it takes everything out of me just to go and have them stick me. The first time i was on dialysis i had the chest catheters. I went through 7 of them! My brother gave me one of his kidneys and it lasted over 10 years. After i received the kidney the transplant staff said to me take care of this kidney because you will not be able to stand dialysis again. Well here i am. I waited for my creatine to get to 10.0 before i went on dialysis. I went through 6 more catheters in a year till i had a working fistula. They tried twice but weren't successful. I use a cream called emula to put on my fistula. So by the time i get stuck i don't feel anything. I still can't stand needles. But now believe it or not i don't feel a IV like i used to or a blood test. I never thought i would ever feel this way. But i want to ask a question that i asked my self. Does the needle hurt or are you angry at the thought of someone you don't know is about to hurt you with a needle?

[Sluff]

You are getting sleepy...you are getting sleepy...

Carson we have to take things one mountain at a time. I wish you weren't built up of fear but just remember no matter what happens we will always be here for you. I hope the best for you so hang in there.