Is it normal?

[Hereware]

During your dialysis, is it normal to feel depressed or anxious?

[Michael Murphy]

Let’s see, if your like me suddenly you existence requires you to go to a place where you sit in hard uncomfortable chairs for long periods while if you are lucky enough to get some sleep you will be awakened by the loud alarms.  This is after people you just met are sticking large needles in your arm to start dialysis.  Personally my first day of dialysis was one of the worse days of my life.  Not that the actual session was that bad but the fear of the unknown made it absolutely horrible.  The closes experience I relate it to is my first day in kindergarten,  I had no idea what was going to happen and the knowledge my life was never be the same.  In time it becomes just a job I do to stay alive.  I arrive get my self set up.  Wait till I am on the machine, put on a decent headset watch a movie or fall asleep to music. In other word while it never gets better it gets easier, ideal with the feeling of never ending with celebrating every Friday that I am done for the week and that I have 2 days from.

[kristina]

During your dialysis, is it normal to feel depressed or anxious?

Yes, I think it is completely normal to feel like that because, after all, needing dialysis is a very existential experience and, knowing that without dialysis-treatments we could no longer exist: such a thought can get very fundamental and as a result it can get very depressing because of it.

I dealt with it by reading through the first two hours through magazines and/or did my crosswords and/or continued to read a book and through the second two hours I had a small device, on which I could watch my favourite DVD's and that made it a little easier to "go" through my dialysis-treatments as well.

From the very start I noticed very quickly that just lying there and "examining the walls" was not very helpful, because it would only assist all sorts of negative thoughts. But keeping busy through my dialysis-treatments kept my mind going and with it my hopes for the future.

I wish you the best of luck and hopefully you find your own "routine" to deal with your dialysis-treatments and I send you my kind regards from Kristina.

[Hereware]

You have no idea how much this has helped me. I really appreciate your help. Thank you.  kristina

[frugallyzing]

Hi again. I just want to share this article I just read about reducing anxiety. I think the pandemic worsened the anxiety I was feeling. https://adaa.org/learn-from-us/from-the-experts/blog-posts/consumer/top-ten-covid-19-anxiety-reduction-strategies Check it out when you have the chance. Keep safe!

[Hereware]

Thank you for sharing. Media distancing is really helpful right now.

[Simon Dog]

During your dialysis, is it normal to feel depressed or anxious?

Definitely ... anxious for the treatment to end.

[Hereware]

It always helps to look forward to better days. Those days when we're back on track again.

[Alexysis]

I would add that the 'cavalier attitude' of certain techs in the dialysis center does nothing to calm nervous patients. Also, a lot of yelling over the patients makes it hard to get any sleep. It's like trying to sleep on a subway car...

[frugallyzing]

Why would they give such an attitude to patients? I bet those techs are just there for the money because if serving is their passion, they wouldn't act that way.

@hereware there is nothing more to do but always be positive and hope for the better. May this new year be meaningful for us all.

[kristina]

I would add that the 'cavalier attitude' of certain techs in the dialysis center does nothing to calm nervous patients. Also, a lot of yelling over the patients makes it hard to get any sleep. It's like trying to sleep on a subway car...

Sorry to mention this, but some of the medics i.e. nurses/techs etc. are sometimes also going through a terrible time themselves with personal problems etc., and ... after all ...  they are human beings as well, just like the rest of us...

During "my" dialysis-years I observed some serious problems some of the nurses/staff were going through i.e. family problems, problems with their children, feeling guilty because they were working mothers etc., one unfortunately went through a painful divorce, another one was in fear not to receive their next working-visa, some nurses had health problems themselves i.e. because they are running around all day long from one patient to another and/or being on their feet most of the time, which gave them swollen legs and feet etc.

I also noticed that sometimes, when there was some yelling going on, it happened when a patients collapsed and/or the alarm went off and/or the nurses had to yell to each other to call the doctor etc. and the yelling sometimes came from one end of the centre to the other end to assist communications as quickly as possible etc.

After all, a Dialysis-Centre is a very serious medical place and therefore it can happen that nurses/medics have to deal with life-threatening-medical-situation and then they have to react quickly on the spot. 

[Hereware]

It's hard dealing with difficult things and stay committed to your profession. We can all snap at one point. I just hope that we all choose to be good all the time, though I know it's impossible.

[Riki]

I'm a lifer.  I'm not on the transplant list, so I wont be getting a kidney.  I'm okay with that.  I try to look at my treatments in a joking way.  I call them my Borg regeneration cycles.  We are kind of like the Borg; part man, and part machine.  Over the years, I've gotten to know the nurses and the DSWs really well.  Dialysis has become my social outing, especially in the last year.  I talk to other patients in the waiting room, and some other family members who are allowed in (not all are, due to covid restrictions).  I talk to the nurses while I'm being hooked up.  When they move on to other patients, I set everything up, put my chair back, and watch tv on my tablet.  I have 4 hours, 3 days a week that are mine and mine alone.  I don't answer phone calls, I rarely answer texts, and I'm not on social media.  I like that, and most of my friends and family respect it.  After a while, it all becomes routine.  You fine a lot of good in it, even though most think it's bad.  It's all in your attitude and how you look at it

[kristina]

Many thanks Riki for your most interesting thoughts and I love the way you are able to deal with and look at your treatments and I admire your attitude very much !
I send you my best wishes and please take great care, Kristina.

[Alexysis]

I would add that the 'cavalier attitude' of certain techs in the dialysis center does nothing to calm nervous patients. Also, a lot of yelling over the patients makes it hard to get any sleep. It's like trying to sleep on a subway car...

Sorry to mention this, but some of the medics i.e. nurses/techs etc. are sometimes also going through a terrible time themselves with personal problems etc., and ... after all ...  they are human beings as well, just like the rest of us...

During "my" dialysis-years I observed some serious problems some of the nurses/staff were going through i.e. family problems, problems with their children, feeling guilty because they were working mothers etc., one unfortunately went through a painful divorce, another one was in fear not to receive their next working-visa, some nurses had health problems themselves i.e. because they are running around all day long from one patient to another and/or being on their feet most of the time, which gave them swollen legs and feet etc.

I also noticed that sometimes, when there was some yelling going on, it happened when a patients collapsed and/or the alarm went off and/or the nurses had to yell to each other to call the doctor etc. and the yelling sometimes came from one end of the centre to the other end to assist communications as quickly as possible etc.

After all, a Dialysis-Centre is a very serious medical place and therefore it can happen that nurses/medics have to deal with life-threatening-medical-situation and then they have to react quickly on the spot. 

I guess I should've explained better. My clinic has 30 seats, grouped into 3 teams of 10 chairs each, with waist-high dividers between them. At any given time, there are between 8 and 12 techs/nurses working. If a nurse on team 1 wants to ask something from a nurse on team 2, it seems that yelling over the heads of 20 patients is the preferred way of communication. Every_single_day. And for communicating with 2 teams down, they use the intercom.

[Michael Murphy]

For years I have been saying that I don’t leave dialysis, I escape.