I'm loosing it and i've been loosing it before dialysis started. i started on dialysis 11/06 and never stopped smoking or drinking, in fact i'm sipping on some vodka/water and smoking now.I'm battling with two voices in my mind all the time, what i should do verses what i wind up doing.isolating myself more and becoming more of a loner except when i go to treatment. i get there and feel so vibrant and refreshed until you want to know anything about me then i shut down.my few friends and family hardly see me anymore, partly because my license is suspended for minor traffic violations, i call them (profile stops that work). I was reading in the bible the other day and there were a few passages i believe God was revealing again to me. the passage basically said, obey all Government and Local Laws they are ordained by God even though some ungodly people work for the Government, the laws of the land are designed for order.the other part of me is still dealing with condemnation and i know that's not from God. Very hard to shake it off me.I see a major part of my depression in my mind all the time. It's revealed to me all the right ways of doing everything and i do the opposite then i get angry at myself again and get deeper into my depression.Who will deliver me from me. I always give God the chance to perform Grace on me but the enemy fights me in my mind all the time.I strongly believe God has something major in store for me once i get past this depression of mine.I even put my phone ringer on mute, cancel church appointments, men's group meetings, and dates.any suggestions for me?EDITED: Fixed Bold Prompt - Sluff/ Admin
One thing i have found over here when you mention it to the medical staff is that they are just not interested if you feel depressed, no one will prescribe meds for it. You just get told to 'think positive' ...about what ? I'm sure none of us want that big black cloud hanging over us .