Ho, ho ho!

Ho, ho, ho - No, not the Jolly Green Giant! It's Christmas time. Here are some especially creative ideas:
1.   For the nurse who farted while you were strapped to the dialysis machine, send her a secret Santa cork with instructions.
2.   Send the Dialysis Center a bill for the time they used your body. You can use the money for Christmas shopping.
3.   Treat yourself for Christmas. Go to a facelift doctor and have them fix your catheter arm with an “arm lift”.
4.   Tell the nurse you have an urgent desire to take a whiz. After they cut you loose, head for the exit and make a hasty dash for the nearest office party.
5.   Be festive and bring a large plate of marijuana brownies for everyone. Two for the nurse who looks like a vampire. Make her brownies out of x-lax.
6.   For Bubba who snores while on dialysis, bring a six pack of Bud.
7.   Putting Christmas decorations on the dialysis machine is not festive.
8.   When the Dialysis Center Director dresses up in a Santa suit and says, “Ho, ho, ho . . .”, you might ask if he is talking about the Nutritionist or the holiday.

I hope these were helpful.