How do you address your doctors?

[cariad]

Just a light question that my husband and I have discussed and over-discussed through the years.

Do you use first names or surnames in addressing your doctors? Or maybe first names for some and surnames for others?

I came into renal failure and the medical world so young that I have always been more comfortable addressing doctors as "Dr. ____". I think I've always liked the distance it gave me in the relationship, keeping my medical problems somehow separate from my private life. However, there has been the rare doctor here and there that I've started to consider a friend. My South African GP in Milwaukee felt more like a 'friend who happens to know a hell of a lot about medicine' rather than just our doctor. Yet, when he would ring me he would always start with "Hello, [cariad]? This is Dr. ____," so Gwyn and I never made that jump.

Well, I recall my surgeon in Chicago way back when, before we officially were on the trial, telling me that "if we take this journey together, we will be seeing an awful lot of each other" which was quite true. I don't know if I noticed the first time when he started doing this, but he's been signing his emails 'Joe'. I try to respect what people want to be called, but I worry about being presumptuous. Still, we've known each other five years now, he's a Facebook friend of my husband's, he invited us to his doctory talk in London (which we happily attended) and I do believe I was one of the first people to see pics of his baby daughter as she happened to be born the day before my transplant. (She just turned four!) He showed me pics on his iPhone before I was wheeled into the theatre.  

So my husband and I have gone where we've never gone before. We've started addressing him as 'Joe' in emails, and it feels like a change that was long overdue. Whether I'll be able to call him that in conversation remains to be seen! 

[kristina]

This is a very difficult one ... and one that had me wondering for years ...
... one of the facts is that a doctor knows our most intimate medical weaknesses very well..
... and because of this ... is it perhaps better to keep a respectful distance with a doctor... in order to keep our self-respect...?
... Strangely enough... I must admit .... that one certain doctor has my complete trust... and there is no problem occurring about that matter...
...because an original trust with this doctor has been established already...
...so perhaps ... the answer is in how much we trust a doctor   ?

[obsidianom]

As a doctor myself and a patient and a patients husband I deal with this all the time.
As a doctor I want my patients to be comfortable so i leave it up to them. Some prefer Dr.--- others just  DOC, and some use my first name. I really dont care what they do .
My Best advice to anyone if you want to know what to call a doctor, ASK HIM OR HER  what they want to be called. They will tell you.

[Simon Dog]

Depends on the situation.  One of my docs (non-neph) is "Dr" when I see him in the office; Steve when I see him in social situations unrelated to my treatment.

[MooseMom]

Cariad, that's so nice that you have such a lovely relationship with "Joe"!  You'll have to let us know if, when you next see him or speak to him, you continue to use his first name.  It would seem to be entirely appropriate if you are comfortable with it! 

[Hemodoc]

I call them Dr. xxxxxx unless they invite me to use their first name. Kaiser does have the habit of addressing colleagues with first names, but that is not universal in all medical communities. Simple courtesy applies to seek the individual preference and always err on the side of showing respect for their position. I called my nephrologist at Kaiser, Scott, which was once again the custom at Kaiser but I call my current nephrologist Dr. Peterson here in Idaho. It is always an individual issue.

[MooseMom]

I call them Dr. xxxxxx unless they invite me to use their first name. Kaiser does have the habit of addressing colleagues with first names, but that is not universal in all medical communities. Simple courtesy applies to seek the individual preference and always err on the side of showing respect for their position. I called my nephrologist at Kaiser, Scott, which was once again the custom at Kaiser but I call my current nephrologist Dr. Peterson here in Idaho. It is always an individual issue.

Hey, hemodoc!!  How have you been?  How are things in Idaho??

Since your current neph is not a colleague, do you ever see yourself calling him by his first name?  At what point would you feel comfortable making that switch from "Dr. xxxxx" to "first name here"?

[Charlie B53]

How about 'Dr Joe' while in the office and anyone else is around, reserving 'Joe' for private conversations.

This serves to maintain a measure of professional respect and courtesy when others are present so that they do not get the idea that they too can simply call the doctor 'Joe'.

[Hemodoc]

I call them Dr. xxxxxx unless they invite me to use their first name. Kaiser does have the habit of addressing colleagues with first names, but that is not universal in all medical communities. Simple courtesy applies to seek the individual preference and always err on the side of showing respect for their position. I called my nephrologist at Kaiser, Scott, which was once again the custom at Kaiser but I call my current nephrologist Dr. Peterson here in Idaho. It is always an individual issue.

Hey, hemodoc!!  How have you been?  How are things in Idaho??

Since your current neph is not a colleague, do you ever see yourself calling him by his first name?  At what point would you feel comfortable making that switch from "Dr. xxxxx" to "first name here"?

Idaho is great and grandkids are better. The winters here are pretty tame in many ways and it has been springtime here for the last week or so.

First of all, my new neph is a lady, so that adds another layer of complexity as far as formality goes. I call her Dr. Peterson and that is just fine as far as I am concerned. Why not give respect when respect is due? She worked hard for her degree and even harder for her fellowship in nephrology. What is the matter with calling her Dr. Peterson? Since we are not colleagues working together like I was at Kaiser, that is probably the most appropriate manner to address her since we don't have a relationship outside of doctor and patient.

[jeannea]

I always use Doctor when addressing them. They see me in so many bad situations. I can't afford to keep secrets or allow modesty to keep me from getting the right treatment. So for me, even the docs I feel most secure with and think are so fabulous, I like to keep that professional boundary. I would feel really weird if "John" ordered a foley and was still in the room ordering other stuff. I don't care if "Dr Doe" is working on his job.

And yes they worked hard and earned it. Although I know at the Children's Hospital my niece goes to, a lot of docs will be Dr Jennifer. It seems to make the kids feel better.

[Hemodoc]

I have been in quite a few meetings at hospitials with various medical groups. How do doctors address other doctors in these meetings? Almost always Dr. _______. How do administrators address most doctors?  Dr._______. How do most nurses address doctors? Dr. ______.

[Deanne]

When my primary neph calls me, she always says, "this is Karen." It feels a bit odd to me because I was taught to use "Dr last name."

[Hemodoc]

We addressed this issue in some of my medical school classes. One issue brought up was that if the doctor addresses his patients with their first name, patients are more likely to address you with your first name. That was back in the 1980's. Not sure what this generation of docs is taught at med school any longer.

[MooseMom]

Hemodoc,so glad Idaho and the grandkids are bringing you such pleasure!

I call all my docs Dr and agree that title is deserved!  I prefer they call me by my first name.

[Hemodoc]

Hemodoc,so glad Idaho and the grandkids are bringing you such pleasure!

I call all my docs Dr and agree that title is deserved!  I prefer they call me by my first name.

My little "fiance," the little 4 year old, is a complete joy. She wants to marry her "Papa" and it is by far the best job I have ever had helping raise her. We will go on another "date" tomorrow good Lord willing. She is an eager learner and I enjoy teaching her as much as she can absorb. It is indeed one blessing I can thank my renal disease for since I would still be working ridiculous hours in the middle of the desert where I really didn't want to be in the first place if I hadn't started dialysis. I would have had a more secure retirement working another 14-17 years, but the rewards here and now with this young child make up for everything else, including the rigors of dialysis. Funny how life happens without our plans, but I am quite grateful for this time with this little child. Once again, she is a complete joy and Idaho is quite beautiful and in many ways reminds me of growing up in Alaska when I was a kid.

[MooseMom]

OH! Winter here has been record breakingly brutal, but spring is in the air.  I am sooo tired of shoveling.  I am frm Texas, and i do not do snow unless snowshoes are involved. Lol.

[MooseMom]

Hemodoc,so glad Idaho and the grandkids are bringing you such pleasure!

I call all my docs Dr and agree that title is deserved!  I prefer they call me by my first name.

My little "fiance," the little 4 year old, is a complete joy. She wants to marry her "Papa" and it is by far the best job I have ever had helping raise her. We will go on another "date" tomorrow good Lord willing. She is an eager learner and I enjoy teaching her as much as she can absorb. It is indeed one blessing I can thank my renal disease for since I would still be working ridiculous hours in the middle of the desert where I really didn't want to be in the first place if I hadn't started dialysis. I would have had a more secure retirement working another 14-17 years, but the rewards here and now with this young child make up for everything else, including the rigors of dialysis. Funny how life happens without our plans, but I am quite grateful for this time with this little child. Once again, she is a complete joy and Idaho is quite beautiful and in many ways reminds me of growing up in Alaska when I was a kid.

You have no idea how happy this makes me!  It all sounds so wonderful! I know that you two will have a lovely date.  You are blessed, and I am very pleased.  I have missed seeing you around IHD, so it is really nice to hear from you.  Hope you are diligent in putting away your socks! Lol!

[Hemodoc]

We had a bit of snow from time to time this winter and about 3 cold snaps down to 5 below, but over all, we got off pretty well compared to the rest of the country. My mother on Cape Cod has had a tough time with power outages, snow storms with a foot of snow several times and bitter cold. She ended up putting an indwelling generator since it happns just about every winter now. Funny, folks think we have tough winters here in norther Idaho, but it is actually pretty moderate weather as long as a bit of rain and snow and cloudiness doesn't bother the senses. I am probably one of the few that actually enjoys shoveling snow from time to time. With our new house and a lot bigger driveway and side walk, I will get a snow blower next year, but I have always enjoyed running around in the snow and cold.

Interestingly, getting a snow mobile/machine here in Idaho is a pretty fickle thing since snow at the lower levels hardly lasts more than a few days. We had a pretty good snow storm about 2 weeks ago and the snow was gone 2 days later from non-stop rain. I have already taken that one off my list. Lot's of folks have broken out the fishing boats up here already. The nights are plenty cold still but we get into the 50's and 60's during the day. It feels like spring is probably here for good, but that could change quite quickly.

I hope all is well for you Moosemom. 

Take care,

Peter, aka Dr. Laird. (sorry, sticking to the topic of the thread)

[cariad]

Hemodoc,so glad Idaho and the grandkids are bringing you such pleasure!

I call all my docs Dr and agree that title is deserved!  I prefer they call me by my first name.

My little "fiance," the little 4 year old, is a complete joy. She wants to marry her "Papa" and it is by far the best job I have ever had helping raise her. We will go on another "date" tomorrow good Lord willing. She is an eager learner and I enjoy teaching her as much as she can absorb. It is indeed one blessing I can thank my renal disease for since I would still be working ridiculous hours in the middle of the desert where I really didn't want to be in the first place if I hadn't started dialysis. I would have had a more secure retirement working another 14-17 years, but the rewards here and now with this young child make up for everything else, including the rigors of dialysis. Funny how life happens without our plans, but I am quite grateful for this time with this little child. Once again, she is a complete joy and Idaho is quite beautiful and in many ways reminds me of growing up in Alaska when I was a kid.

You have no idea how happy this makes me!  It all sounds so wonderful! I know that you two will have a lovely date.  You are blessed, and I am very pleased.  I have missed seeing you around IHD, so it is really nice to hear from you.  Hope you are diligent in putting away your socks! Lol!

Could you take this discussion to PM or start your own thread, please? I swear I've skipped over this exact same exchange about half a dozen times across various threads, and I really wanted to read opinions on the topic. Thanks.

[cariad]

This is a very difficult one ... and one that had me wondering for years ...
... one of the facts is that a doctor knows our most intimate medical weaknesses very well..
... and because of this ... is it perhaps better to keep a respectful distance with a doctor... in order to keep our self-respect...?
... Strangely enough... I must admit .... that one certain doctor has my complete trust... and there is no problem occurring about that matter...
...because an original trust with this doctor has been established already...
...so perhaps ... the answer is in how much we trust a doctor   ?

So, kristina, if I understand you correctly, you address this one certain doctor with his first name?
I like the suggestion that it is wrapped up in trust. I prefer that criteria to one that is about respecting the doctor. I respect likability and bedside manner as much as medical skill, because I believe that almost any one of us could acquire the latter, but I know not all of us could pick up the former. So really, the more I respect a doctor, the more likely I am to want to call him/her by a first name. Trust is huge with me, and with the type of trust that is required with a surgeon, it takes a long time to build.

[cariad]

My Best advice to anyone if you want to know what to call a doctor, ASK HIM OR HER  what they want to be called. They will tell you.

Oh, sure, if you want to take the easy way out.... 

Actually, I don't really see myself doing this because the timing would be all off. When I first meet a doctor it's generally under stressful circumstances (I find interaction with the medical field enormously stressful in its own right) and I have so many other things I am trying to remember that asking how to address them is bottom of the list. Plus, if they are calling me by my first name and I asked and they said 'Dr. Whatever' I would be put off. It's not worth it to me to open up the possibility for ill will with most doctors I see because I'll probably rarely if ever encounter them again. By the time I know I'll be seeing them regularly, it would feel awkward to suddenly ask if we should shift how we are addressing one another.

As a doctor myself and a patient and a patients husband I deal with this all the time.
As a doctor I want my patients to be comfortable so i leave it up to them. Some prefer Dr.--- others just  DOC, and some use my first name. I really dont care what they do .

I absolutely love that you see it in terms of what makes the patient comfortable and not in terms of needing constant deference to your degree. Someone gave medical degrees to the doctors that almost killed me when I was a wee thing, to the doctor who who was so full of rage when I saw him as a teenager that he jabbed a needle in my arm for a blood draw and then walked away to do something else and did nothing by act abusively and inappropriately for the week I was in hospital, to the famous doctors who ignored my debilitating insomnia when I was a child. In and of itself the title is meaningless to me. (Never been able to stand people calling doctors 'Doc'. No idea why....)

[cariad]

How about 'Dr Joe' while in the office and anyone else is around, reserving 'Joe' for private conversations.

This serves to maintain a measure of professional respect and courtesy when others are present so that they do not get the idea that they too can simply call the doctor 'Joe'.

Dr. Joe sounds too childish to me and seems to say "Call me by my first name, but don't forget my superior status". He is not signing his name that way, so I don't think he wants to be called this anyhow.

It is really on him to sort this out with his other patients, I cannot presume to know that he doesn't want everyone to call him Joe. To be honest, since he's a research surgeon I cannot think of a time I've spoken to him in the presence of other patients, so it wouldn't be an issue.

[Darthvadar]

I always use 'George'  or 'Catherine' when speaking with Mum's Nephs...

Refer to my own docs, both GP and Hospital Consultants, Cardiologists, Respiratory, Ortho., etc.  by their first names, too...

I go by the rule, if they refer to me, the customer, by my first name, I do likewise... It has served me well so far!....

I think if I were asked not to, I'd be fine with that... So long as they refer to me a Miss X...

Darth....

[MooseMom]

Cariad, just skip over the parts of my posts that you don't like.  I won't mind, I promise.  Thanks.

Since you are asking for opinions, here's mine.  Upon further review and taking in mind something that hemodoc had posted, I think it is disrespectful to call a doctor by anything other than "Dr. Whatever".  That doctor has worked very hard for the privilege and should be accorded the respect that comes from that hard work.  If you do not respect your doctor enough to think s/he deserves to be called Dr., then change doctors.  I did not work hard to earn the privilege to be called by my first name, so I don't mind it if that's what my doctor calls me.  I don't view the doctor/patient relationship as some sort of power play.  All I want is for my doctor to be very very very good at what s/he does. 

It is also extremely dangerous to become friendly with a doctor, and here's why I believe this.  My parents engaged the services of an attorney some decades ago.  He became a family friend and would even come out to the house to conduct business.  I have memories of my dad and this attorney relaxing on the back verandah and having drinks.  He assisted in writing both of their wills.  He managed the legal obstacles that come with owning property in various states with ancient inheritance laws.  He showed up at both of their funerals.  Clearly, my parents trusted him.  I had to work with him when my mother died, and he did a good job, but then he did something that was so incredibly unethical that I reported him.  He became a sniveling creature, insulting my husband and myself in his official response to the investigators, and then he told me that he just couldn't understand what I was doing because I had been "his favorite client".  It cost me a lot of time and money to have to fire him while at the same time try to find a replacement.  He knew about my health issues, and to this day I believe he was trying to swindle me because he thought my illness made me stupid and vulnerable.

Doctors and attorneys both can all too easily be worked into patients'/clients' personal lives.  It can be a catastrophic mistake to allow that to happen.

Cariad, I know trust is huge with you as it is with me, too, and as it is with all of us.  You can trust your doctor without having to be on a first name basis with him.  I've been seeing my neph for over 10 years now, and he has been nothing but stellar.  I have trusted him with my life, and he came through for me.  We've had conversations ranging from how Coco Chanel was a Nazi lover to the beauties of Edinburgh architecture.  He's met my son.  But I would NEVER call him by his first name.  It's disrespectful.  If he wanted to become my friend, I'd change doctors.  While I am glad that you are so comfortable with Joe, what you've described raises all sorts of red flags in my mind.  And THAT's my opinion for what it's worth to you.

 

[MooseMom]

Hemodoc, I'm glad I don't have to call you Dr. Laird!  It actually feels weird calling you Peter.  If I ever get over to Idaho and am able to meet you and your family, you'd have to remind me NOT to call you hemodoc!  LOL!

I don't mind shoveling snow FROM TIME TO TIME, but this year it has been maybe twice or three times a week!  But now the ice between our deck door and the grill has melted, so now it's time for some grilled dinners, making shoveling a distant memory  Yay!  And I resolve NOT to get a snow blower.  That's the lazy way out.  LOL!