How Could Someone Be So Cruel?

[beachbum]

I'm really upset tonight. It's 3am and I can't sleep. There is a guy that has really been getting under my skin and today he told me he wishes I would die of kidney disease. Also the other day he was calling me a loser and saying how much better he was than me because he owns a house and that I would never own a house because I would die before I could buy a house.

This guy is a real bastard. It's a long story how this clown even started all this. A few months ago my wife created a facebook page in the hopes I could find a live donor. This guy went to school with her and was one of her "friends" on facebook. One day I was really have a hard time dealing with things and I posted my feelings on FB and this guy said posted a comment that I should "just kill myself and get it over with." I had words with him and of course deleted him. Friday night he sends me a random FB message threatening me and again insulting me because I have kidney disease. He then went on to tell me that I'm leaching off the government and that I'm worthless and blah, blah, blah. Then he starts insulting my wife, calling her names I can't even repeat here but you can use your imagination.

Nothing else really bothers me like this does. I was livid. I wanted to hurt the guy. I'm not a violent person. I probably haven't been in any kind of real fight since I was 18 but I really wanted to punch his lights out. I googled his name and found his actual address, and I knew it was his house because it was the same house that was in his FB photos. My wife came home tonight and was really stressed out over this and that made me even more angry.

I finally had enough and drove to this guy's house. He lives about 20 miles away. I don't know what I was actually going to do. I pulled up next to his house and saw he had company. That probably saved him from a butt-kicking. I talked to my friend earlier and she told me all the usual stuff like, "he's not worth it," and "this is what he want, he wants a reaction." But none of that mattered. I just couldn't take it anymore.

After that I started to drive home but pulled into a McDonald's parking lot to cool down and think. I'm glad I didn't do anything I would regret and my friend's advice made more sense once I settled down. But now I'm all stressed out. I'm like really bothered by his comments. It really doesn't matter what he thinks but his comments hit home. Like I started to believe all the stuff he said. Like maybe he's right.

I guess I'm over the anger part. I really don't know what to think. This guy obviously has issues. But how could anyone be so cruel and make fun of someone who has a life-threatening illness? Now I'm even more afraid to tell anyone I have kidney disease.

Has anyone else ever experienced anything even close to this? And asside from calling the cops and filing a report what can I do to get this guy to stop?

Sorry, mostly venting...

PS This all started almost 3 months ago. He started this all back up Friday night out of the blue and then continued the barrage of insults most of the weekend. I couldn't block him because he would send me a nasty message and then block me, then he would unblock me and send me another message and block me again. Lol, immature I know. But it prevented me from even blocking him.

[ToddB0130]

Damn.  What a creep.  Give me his address ! Really,  you did the right thing in not confronting him (your friend and wife are right ..... he's not worth it and to boot,  he's totally WRONG).  I'm sorry he's making you feel so bad about your situation,  which is already bad enough.  Seriously, the guy has issues and maybe checking into some type of restraining order or something might help.  Especially if he threatened you,  as you indicated.  It's not going to help you to deal with his past a$$hole-ishness,  but if he keeps it up and violates the order (if you're able to get one),  he's getting himself in some serious trouble.

It's hard to believe someone can be that cruel.  You're right to be hurt and angry.  The behavior of some people is simply unbelievable.  If you believe in karma,  that guy *will* get his ....in spades.

Best wishes to you and your wife.

[natnnnat]

He's a creep.  But you need to NOTgo punch his lights out.  I hope you are asleep by now. 
this is for him
 
but you, keep your record clean.
go shout in a field somewhere, or work out in a gym if you're feeling athletic.

[natnnnat]

That sounded a bit abrupt.  I just meant, that this guy is a jerk, don't get dragged down to his level of jerkdom.  He's a creep, don't get sucked into relating to him, he's not even worth acknowledging. 

It would be great to give him an amazing sonic punch that knocks him into yesterday and humiliates him in some eternal way. But probably its more realistic to get back into what you normally do.

[Traveller1947]

beachbum, I wish I could say that none of us has met up with this kind of cruelty, but I have to tell you, I have a relative who says things like that.  Know, first of all, that this guy is a lunatic.  Live your life as though he doesn't exist.  Try for a restraining order, if it'll make you feel better.  I don't know anything about the requirements for that.  But I do know that everyone who is dealing wIth kidney disease, whether patient or caregiver, is a hero and a valuable part of this world.  All the best to you and to Mrs.beachbum.

[Whamo]

Beachbum,  The guy sounds like he's jealous.  He likes your girlfriend, and he hates you.  He's not getting any.  He's frustrated.  He hates himself, and he's projecting it to you.  There was a guy like this that used to call my house when I had a roomate.  He was a former boyfriend of my roomie's sister, and kept trying to get her address, phone number, etc., and would get verbally abusive when I refused.  I laughed at him.  He hated that.

[Relentless]

I would seriously go to his house and deflate his tires or something during middle of the night. What a douche bag.

[Mr. B 123]

Sorry to hear about your troubles, don't let others control you, do what you need to do and don't worry about them.  Focus on your health issues and improving your health  Stay cool.

To quote a line in one of my favorite songs "I don't give a damn what other people, what do you think about that!"

[Desert Dancer]

Ooooh, you know where he lives. That opens up all KINDS of possibilities. 

First off, block him on FB. He can't upset you if he can't get to you.

Secondly, don't delete the threatening messages; forward them to FB admins. Sh*t like that is against the terms of service of any website and with any luck you can get him banned and his account deleted. If FB won't help you I'm sure the local authorities might be interested in a printout. This 'man' is a coward and a bully and I imagine he'd back down real fast if a couple of officers showed up at his door to ask him just what he means.

Thirdly, take comfort in this fact: curses have a way of coming home to roost. That kind of hatred and vitriol will not go unrewarded in the end. He sounds like a bitter, angry and fearful person. Just be glad you don't have to live in his skin; there are worse things than kidney failure and that's one of them.

Finally: don't take this to heart. People can be stupid, selfish and cruel and he just happens to be all three. His words do nothing to illuminate you but they do reflect his own character - or lack thereof - quite painfully. He deserves to pitied and shunned, and nothing more.

[cariad]

Ooooh, you know where he lives. That opens up all KINDS of possibilities. 

First off, block him on FB. He can't upset you if he can't get to you.

Secondly, don't delete the threatening messages; forward them to FB admins. Sh*t like that is against the terms of service of any website and with any luck you can get him banned and his account deleted. If FB won't help you I'm sure the local authorities might be interested in a printout. This 'man' is a coward and a bully and I imagine he'd back down real fast if a couple of officers showed up at his door to ask him just what he means.

Thirdly, take comfort in this fact: curses have a way of coming home to roost. That kind of hatred and vitriol will not go unrewarded in the end. He sounds like a bitter, angry and fearful person. Just be glad you don't have to live in his skin; there are worse things than kidney failure and that's one of them.

Finally: don't take this to heart. People can be stupid, selfish and cruel and he just happens to be all three. His words do nothing to illuminate you but they do reflect his own character - or lack thereof - quite painfully. He deserves to pitied and shunned, and nothing more.

Girl, I am so glad you are on our side....

[drgirlfriend]

Beachbum,  The guy sounds like he's jealous.  He likes your girlfriend, and he hates you.  He's not getting any.  He's frustrated.  He hates himself, and he's projecting it to you.  There was a guy like this that used to call my house when I had a roomate.  He was a former boyfriend of my roomie's sister, and kept trying to get her address, phone number, etc., and would get verbally abusive when I refused.  I laughed at him.  He hated that.

I think Whamo is right. And this guy is a sick f*#k. Bring the whole mess to the fb admins. Deal with this as legally as possible and find it in your soul to pity and laugh at this sad excuse for a human being. With any luck you'll get to see this guy's karma come back to bite his ass.

[MooseMom]

I'm just guessing here, but my first thought is that this guy is seriously unbalanced, and if I were you, I'd just stay away.

It's a natural human instinct to want to redress a wrong, to fight back against someone who has hurt you.  But this guy is batshit crazy, and if you confront him, I think this whole thing may escalate into the stuff of bad revenge movies.

I can't help but suspect that if he had not found target for his insanity, he'd have found someone else.  This is all SO NOT about you!  It has really nothing to do with you.  This is all about this unhinged individual who is an psychological manipulator.  See, he has you wondering if he is right about you.  How sick is that?

Stay far, far away if what you really want is to keep this individual out of your life.  You need to protect your wife, and by exacting some sort of revenge on this sick f*ck, you may well be exposing her to risk.  Again, this guy is crazy, and I don't say that lightly. 

How bizarre that anyone would insult someone for having a chronic illness.  I mean, how does that even work?

[beachbum]

Beachbum,  The guy sounds like he's jealous.  He likes your girlfriend, and he hates you.  He's not getting any.  He's frustrated.  He hates himself, and he's projecting it to you.  There was a guy like this that used to call my house when I had a roomate.  He was a former boyfriend of my roomie's sister, and kept trying to get her address, phone number, etc., and would get verbally abusive when I refused.  I laughed at him.  He hated that.

Here's the twist, he's gay. I'm serious. I wish it were that simple. I don't think it has anything to do with the fact that he's gay, but he's most def not attracted to my wife. That's what makes this all the more strange. It's also one of the small reasons I didn't do anything to him. When he first made the random comment that I should kill myself I told him off and he just couldn't take that. He's very concieted. He thinks he's better than everyone.

[beachbum]

I would seriously go to his house and deflate his tires or something during middle of the night. What a douche bag.

I almost had an idea of throwing roofing nails in his driveway since he's so proud of his brand new mercedes. I've never done anything like that to anyone. People have made me mad but never to the point where I plotted revenge in my mind.

[Willis]

Please don't let him goad you into doing something illegal. Nothing would make him happier than to see you doing the perp walk on the local news.

 

[drgirlfriend]

Please don't let him goad you into doing something illegal. Nothing would make him happier than to see you doing the perp walk on the local news.

 

THIS!

[YLGuy]

I understand but nothing you do will make this guy pull his head out of his a$$.  One time my ex-wife was being herself and with my children in earshot screamed, "When are you going F'ing die?" It showed my children just what kind of person she is now.  The people who read this stuff on fb will fall into two camps.  I hope the majority will see this guy for who he is: a complete imbecile.  I am so sorry because I know how upsetting it is for you and also how upsetting it is to see your wife getting dragged into this.

[beachbum]

I'm just guessing here, but my first thought is that this guy is seriously unbalanced, and if I were you, I'd just stay away.

It's a natural human instinct to want to redress a wrong, to fight back against someone who has hurt you.  But this guy is batshit crazy, and if you confront him, I think this whole thing may escalate into the stuff of bad revenge movies.

I can't help but suspect that if he had not found target for his insanity, he'd have found someone else.  This is all SO NOT about you!  It has really nothing to do with you.  This is all about this unhinged individual who is an psychological manipulator.  See, he has you wondering if he is right about you.  How sick is that?

Stay far, far away if what you really want is to keep this individual out of your life.  You need to protect your wife, and by exacting some sort of revenge on this sick f*ck, you may well be exposing her to risk.  Again, this guy is crazy, and I don't say that lightly. 

How bizarre that anyone would insult someone for having a chronic illness.  I mean, how does that even work?

You are right. He's nuts. You mess someone that's nuts and it's almost always a no-win situation. They are so irrational they will do almost whatever it takes to hurt someone. It kind of reminds me of someone I dealt with 10 years ago. I had this girlfriend and her mom was nuts, you know, functional but really nuts. She never did like me from day one. My girlfriend's ex could do no wrong in her eyes and I would never live up to that (even though he was abusive and just a jerk in general.) But this went on for months but I tried to just ignore her and be polite as I could be. One day her mom confronted me and I opened my big mouth and kind of told her off and told her what a jerk the ex really was. She told me to get out of her house lol. So I did. I thought that was the end of it. It wasn't. It's a long story but I went through another year of BS because of this woman. I ended up having to move to another state because she wouldn't stop harassing me. She never did anything illegal. It was stuff like phony lawsuits saying I owed her money to making up lies to the cops that I threatened her. Every other day the cops were knocking at my door. She got a restraining order against me! lol. Then she claimed I drove by her work and the cops came knocking again. This was a small town and even though I never did drive by work I knew it was inevitable that I would bump into her somewhere at some point. I packed everthing up that night and left town and never looked back. A good friend of mine has always told me to never run from my problems but when I called him that night to tell him what was going on he was like, "You need to get the hell out of there!"

It ended up destroying my relationship with that girl but sometimes things work out better in the end and I have no regrets about that, I'm just glad her mom never became my mother-in-law!

My point is if you strike back at someone that's crazy you never know how it's all going to turn out. Crazy people are the worst because their behavior is so unpredictable. And that's how I feel with this guy. He's one of these people that has to get the last word and will stop at nothing to do just that. I thought this was done in November and then out of nowhere this guy starts attacking me again. It's freaky. I would love to post his emails. They are insane. Each one is pages long with every other word being a curse word and half the email is in all CAPs. And the most laughable thing of all, the guy writes me after almost 3 months and is yelling at me in this huge long email how I need to get a life! lol

[beachbum]

Please don't let him goad you into doing something illegal. Nothing would make him happier than to see you doing the perp walk on the local news.

 

No I don't want to go to jail. I can't imagine it would be fun to do dialysis in jail. Is PD even possible in jail? I shudder at just the thought of that. Then again I imagine most jails wouldn't want me unless I did something pretty bad since it would cost them a boatload of money to take care of me...

But really in the end 2 wrongs don't make a right. I need to be the better man and ignore the guy. It's my fault for biting back and saying anything. It's hard not to react to someone that attacks your wife and your illness but it's really the most mature thing to do. Be the better man and walk away.

I'm just not that mature but I'm trying to remember I'm not a kid anymore, I have a serious health condition and I need to do the right thing even when I would love to get him back.

[MooseMom]

If you REALLY want to get back at him, you'll ignore him because THAT is what would drive him crazy.  Ignoring someone like this is a valid and smart revenge tactic.  It's not a matter of being "mature", rather, it is a matter of making him stop, and if what he really wants is continued conflict with you, then the way to shut him down is to not respond to his craziness.  Don't be a willing partner in that dance.

[jeannea]

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. But you can always write here what you would like to say or do and get it out of your system. But mean people are just mean and you can't change them. I agree with the others: ignore him. Live your life and take care of yourself. Leave him to wallow in his filth.

[sullidog]

he better hope he doesn't get a chronic illness

[willowtreewren]

If you REALLY want to get back at him, you'll ignore him because THAT is what would drive him crazy.  Ignoring someone like this is a valid and smart revenge tactic.  It's not a matter of being "mature", rather, it is a matter of making him stop, and if what he really wants is continued conflict with you, then the way to shut him down is to not respond to his craziness.  Don't be a willing partner in that dance.

I'm so glad MooseMom said this. The very, very best way to drive this guy crazy is to totally act like he means NOTHING to you. What he does is of so little consequence to you that you simply can't be bothered with wasting your time on him. That would make him NUTS! But do forward all the crap he sends you on FB to the admins like DesertDancer suggested. That could get you some welcome relief from the harassment, at least.

But most of all...DO NOT EVER put yourself in a face-to-face situation with him. He is unbalanced and could do you physical harm. Stay away from him.

 

Finally, remember that you are better than he is.

Aleta

[RichardMEL]

Sounds like a typical bully to me - or worse he's using the vitriol to deflect from something else (maybe even an attraction to you?! You know the old teenage BS of "if they are nasty to you that means they like you" kind of nonsense). Either way, anything physical you do in response - either to him or his property is not smart on your part -so I'm glad you cooled down and didn't do anything silly.

Just remember whatever is motivating him it's actually nothing to do with you. This guy has his issues - not you. Just try and remember that - whatever he says doesn't mean you're any of those things. You have your pride, your wife, your family and verything else. Yes, you have CKD too, but that doesn't mean you're some kind of loser - it means you've been given one of those extra challenges in life like the rest of us. One way of looking at it is that you're actually BETTER than him - you know what some religious types say "God never gives us more to deal with than we can cope with" - well guess what Mr  "I have a house and am awesome" FB bully - he couldn't cope with CKD because he's really suffering from a huge inferiority complex, or whatever.

Also to hide behind fb, send messages etc... well... it's easy to do that, and it's just as easy to ignore it. Don't go near his place. Suggest your wife block/remove him from FB (up to her I guess) and if he sends you more messages, keep a copy, or even send to fb admin, but just keep a record just in case). Don't respond though.

Just my thoughts.

[lmunchkin]

Get a restrainging order or an order of protection.  Your family may be at risk, seriously. Its okay to walk away from trouble, but that trouble may come to you.  Let the authoritys handle this!!!!

lmunchkin