Dr. Said start taking better care of myself or wont be around

[dyann]

 ???Had clinic thursday,  I havent been doing well lots of stress,  for some of you you were aware of the family I let move in with me well I did finally ask them to leave it was to much for me,  But the caregiver inside of me still worries about them.  Then some of you know I have a daughter who is Bi-Polar  has ADHD, learning disability shes a great kid when she taakes her meds but when she refuses to all heck breaks loose
well a couple weeks ago she attepted to OD shes 14 this is the third time  so in order to ensure her safety I plan treatments when she not around or I have to get off early to ensure she is ok theres much more to this,  but the just is she cant be left a lone she was in crisis center and now they feel a more aggressive treatment should be done like residential,  she feels like I am giving up on her that she has no one that understands   I do ubderstand  I just cant reach her, and now it is taking a toll on me and my health My Dr speant a long time telling me about how low my numbers are and I am not eating properly.  He is a great guy and I know vwery concerned about me cause I know I am not taking care of me  but as a mother single mother my children have to come first,  my older ones they try to help with amanda, but it really falls on me and I simply dont have the energy and I feel so a lone

[MooseMom]

Well, if the doctor can't offer more than "you have to start taking better care of yourself", then that's pretty useless advice because you already know it's easier said than done.

How realistic is this treatment you mentioned that requires her to be residential?  Can you tell us more about what that entails and if you think that might be a helpful thing to do?  You won't get better before your daughter gets better, so it makes perfect sense to me to put your daughter's needs first.

Taking the time to eat properly is a bigger step than you might think.  Good, nutritious food gives you the energy you need to be able to cope with your daughter, and if you don't eat right, you won't have the energy, and the bad cycle just continues.  Taking care of yourself isn't selfish; your daughter needs you to be as healthy as possible, but I know I don't need to tell you that.

What exactly do your older kids do to help?  Could one of them maybe be in charge of meals so that you can eat better and therefore be healthier and stronger to help your daughter?  Surely your older kids can help out with the more menial domestic chores while you focus more on your daughter?

[jeannea]

It sounds like maybe your daughter does need the extra help a residential facility would provide. You're not giving up on her. You're giving both of you the best care you can. If you get sicker you can't take care of any of your kids. I'm sure it's a hard decision. But if you get her the right care then you can get ypurself better treatment.

[Ang]

some drs have the bedside manner of dracula

[Poppylicious]

I agree with jeannea.  Your daughter needs more than you can give her right now and if that means a residential centre is best for her, then she should go.  Lots of teenagers, even those who have no underlying issues, believe that nobody understands them and people are giving up on them.  I can imagine how soul-destroying it must be to see your daughter go through this and say these things, but one day she'll (probably) thank you for NOT giving up on her and allowing her the treatment that best suits. 

Sometimes you have to put yourself - and your needs - first in order to provide the best support that you can.  Your doctor just wants you to be around to be the mother that you need to be; one day you will see your daughter blossom into a beautiful, successful, young woman and you will know that you did the very best you could, by taking care of yourself too.  (I've worked with girls like your daughter; they can make successes of their lives with the right support and guidance, but yes, it can be a very painful and heart-wrenching process.)

I really hope everything works out okay.

*huggles*