My Oxymoron

[Stoday]

I found it's bad for me to feel so good about HD.

Since starting hemodialysis 2½ months ago I've felt better than at any time in the last five years. I've got more & more active, just like I used to and that made me feel even better. Culminated a week ago when I was busy all morning then had a slap-up busness lunch on expenses just like the old days.

Next day I had a heart attack. 

Been in hospital until today, when I was let out. If dialysis hadn't made me feel so much better I might have continued to take it easy and I wouldn't have suffered another heart attack.

[MooseMom]

But Stoday, if you hadn't felt so much better, you may have just laid around all day while your arteries clogged up AND you would have been depressed to boot.  You're supposed to live a normal life on dialysis, not "take it easy" forever and ever.  But that said, I am so sorry you've had this setback and hope you are all better.  What a shock!  What have your doctors said about what happens next?  Did your kidney disease contribute to what caused your heart attack?  So many questions...I'm sorry.  I just hope you are completely recovered very soon.

[greg10]

... Culminated a week ago when I was busy all morning then had a slap-up busness lunch on expenses just like the old days.

Next day I had a heart attack. 

Been in hospital until today, when I was let out. ..

I am sorry to hear that, and I hope you have a speedy recovery.  I find the following article worth reading because this is something a lot of CKD, ESRD patients on dialysis don't seem to get, namely that most likely they will die from a vascular event rather than kidney failure.

http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=20247.msg339021#msg339021

"This is a significant finding worth reading and I point to the analysis by one of the author of the accompanying editorial: "tremendous benefit (of aspirin, 75 mg daily) since people with CKD more often than not die from cardiovascular disease."

It doesn't matter if your kidney function is low, in fact the lower the function, the more you are likely to benefit from aspirin induced reduction of mortality from cardiovascular events.

There are some risks of major bleeding events, more prevalent with patients lower eGFR, but the benefit of reduced mortality seems to outweigh the risks of bleeding."

[carol1987]

Oh No stoday!!   

[boswife]

oh my gosh Stoday!!  this is awful!!  I mean, i love that you were feeling so good and all (i've just been reading all your info on beginning NxStage ) but just awful that you had another heart attack.    So, what do you think really caused it??  Over activity too fast??  I am so sorry this happened, and hope very much that your feeling your good self soon..  I wish you the best and keep in touch..  GEt all better!!!!!! 

[galvo]

You silly old coot. You will recall that I had one in May and am now bouncing around again. As you will!

[jbeany]

Get better!   

[Jean]

Really sorry to hear that Stoday. Hope you get better fast, and next time, dont' get so filled up with energy.

[chook]

  What a bummer, Stoday. All the best for a steady recovery and a return to that good place you were at prior to your heart attack

[KICKSTART]

This is the problem ..you (i havent yet!) feel so good you tend to overdo it ! Maybe it wasnt directly linked to how much you had been doing ? Probably that slap up lunch on expenses that did it  Anyway glad your back 

[billybags]

Stoday, I hope you feel better soon. TAKE IT EASY

[paris]

I'm glad you were feeling better--but hate the heart attack part.  What are the doctors telling you to do?  Kidney failure puts so much stress on the heart.    How are you feeling today?    Take care of yourself.  You have a lot of mother hens here that worry about you.   

[Poppylicious]

Yikes Stoday ... thought you were being a tad quiet.  Hope you're as fully recovered as you can be asap.  *huggles*

[Stoday]

Thanks everyone  I really appreciate your comments.

On leaving hospital I was given a list of ten things that were seriously wrong with me and I was told to take it easy. Trouble is, that's tantamount to being told to become a wanker. I've always despised wankers. I'm 70 next month, but I still earn a salary and regard that as proof that I'm not a wanker. Maybe I really should retire. 

An advantage (or I suspect it is becoming a disadvantage) I have is that I don't worry or get anxious. I regard the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune to be sent to me to be overcome rather than to slow me down. I shall have to be more circumspect in the future.

[MooseMom]

Stoday, we all have to bend in the wind.  We all have to be flexible in our expectations.  It's pointless to stop living your life just so that you can stay alive, though.   If you were to become that which you most despise (a wanker), then what's the point of going through all that you are enduring just to exist?

This will be a challenging time for you...how to live your life as you see fit while still protecting your health.  You will have to decide just exactly what "taking it easy" means.  No one can answer that question but you.  But it may be time to reasses your definition of being a wanker.  There are plenty of salary earners who are wankers, and there are plenty of retired people who have the drive and compassion and desire to get off their butts and do something worthwhile that doesn't necessarily pay a salary.  The trick will be to "take it easy" while still living a life that makes you happy.  I'm just glad you're still alive!  That's no small thing!

[Stoday]

Thanks for those words, Moosemom.

I read of your problems and I think that I don't have that problem, what could I say to help her? But I can never think of anything. Basically, as you have said, we're wired the way we are.

[boswife]

ok you guys,, what the heck is a "wanker"?  im sure its not something/someone good, but ya mind filling me in??    And im sure your not one btw...  I think we all have lots of things to deal with and its not fun to be handed someore thats for sure.. I think you deal better than most.. and..........not such a bad thing retirement.  I actually thought i'd hate it... I dont 

[Riki]

Trust me, Boswife, you don't want the literal translation of that.. *L*

I think what he means by it is someone who sits on their butt all the time and complains.  I think what he's trying to avoid is being the "get off my lawn" guy.  He seems to pride himself on being a provider and he feels that those who do not are a pain in everyone's backside, and he doesn't want to be that...

I think it's a guy thing, to need to be the provider and keep bringing home the bacon, instead of slowing down when they need to and letting someone else pick up the slack.

[cariad]

Ah, Stoday, a wanker you are not. (Gwyn and I were reading luggage reviews online the other day and someone said that this one bag was 'wanky'. I presume she meant 'wonky' but Gwyn and I decided not to chance it.)

Excuse my ignorance, but don't people have heart attacks even when they're sitting around doing nothing? My grandmother had one long after she stopped regular activity (and don't panic, she was well into her 90s when she passed). I find it difficult to believe that anyone can be certain that it was more activity and a fine lunch that set it off, but as I've probably made clear, I really do not know.

Glad you're back with us! Listen to Galvo. He's got the right idea.

(Boswife, I'll attempt to enlighten - 'wanking' is something that adolescent boys often get caught doing. I went to prep school, and one poor kid was caught by his dorm mates in the shower one morning. 1000 kids in the school and I think it was common knowledge by midday.)

[boswife]

ok cariad,,,   I get it     hehe... 

though...... im guessing that he was more on the "meaning" that Riki was explaining.   

    
 

[RightSide]

I'm really sorry to hear that you went from the frying pan (kidney failure) into the fire (heart attack).

But it's not like you jinxed yourself by feeling so much better on dialysis.

Kidney failure is known to greatly increase the chance of cardiovascular disease.  So your heart attack may well be related to your kidney failure.

I'm sure by now you've asked your doctor what you can do to reduce the chance of another heart attack.

Anyone else who might be reading this: Don't wait to get a heart attack.  Ask your doctor what you can do to reduce your chance of a heart attack.  Now that you have ESRD, that's crucial.

[Riki]

Well, I certain didn't think he meant the more literal definition, that's for sure...  *G*

[galvo]

I don't know, Riki, I don't know.

[Poppylicious]

Noooo! 

*closes eyes and hums loudly in an effort to remove images from head*

Stoday, whenever you remind us how old you are I'm always genuinely surprised.  Each and every time.  You come across as much younger.  (That is a compliment, btw.)