The reality is that a fistula (or even graft) is much better for you than a permacath because the risk of infection and complications is that much less, and you can get better performance out of a fistula(sounds like a sports car, doesn't it?
). Yes, it's scary since you don't have the needles with the cath, but it will be better for you.
When they start using it, ask for the local, or cream, or whatever, and when they do it.. don't look. Think about something else. They may even talk to you to distract you (mine usually do
). Hopefully before you know it the needles will be in and your biggest problem will be the boredom before they come out again.
Fingers crossed all goes OK for Thursday!