Dialysis and domestic chores

[MooseMom]

I suppose everyone who is facing dialysis wonders how they will keep on working.  Well, I am a "housewife" these days, and I, too, wonder how I will keep on working.  I'm not on dialysis yet (but I will be soon), and already I have trouble keeping up with chores.  I just got through finishing vacuuming, and I struggled through that.  How do you all fit in household duties with dialysis and that general unwell feeling?  How do you all keep up with the shopping and the laundry and the cooking and the gardening and the dusting and all of those things that are mind-numbingly dull but still require energy?

When your spouse comes home after a long, hard day at work, do you have the house all clean and dinner waiting to be served?  Do you ever ask your spouse to help?  Does your spouse ever get mad if you forgot to wash his shirts because you were just concentrating on not throwing up?

Do any of you have outside help like cleaning or gardening services?  Anyone have groceries delivered (like Peapod?)?

I don't want anyone to misunderstand...it's not like my husband is some sexist ogre who demands domestic bliss and three course meals.  But he works hard, and I like to have him come home to some semblance of an edible meal and a clean and organized home.  Not only that, but I myself prefer my home to be pleasant.  I don't want to have him come home and have to do stuff around the house that I should have been doing but was not physically able to.  So, could you all share your experince with me?

[tyefly]

Before Dialysis.....( which I started last Sept.)   I was really really tired.... sick..not wanted to eat much ...  and just couldn't get my act together doing everything that I use to do.....but this was a slow process.... it took maybe a  year of not feeling well and not wanting to do the simplest of chores.....and then I could not understand why I was feeling so bad..... But NOW..... I have been on Dialysis  and I feel great..... really great....  It only took about a month and I got all my energy back and more...... I forgot how really good a person can feel.   So now I run circles around my daughter..( she is 24) and I am getting all the things done that I let slide over the last year before I new I was sick or new I had CKD.......  So   when you start Dialysis  you surely will feel much better .... Getting those toxins out of your body will help you feel good again.....So   see that is something to look forward to .....  I love feeling good again..... it was like a light switch....... 

[MooseMom]

Oh, thank you for your reply.  That was most encouraging.

[monrein]

I agree with tyefly that good dialysis, resulting in good clearances, will have you feeling more energetic and able again to do more.  The hardest is pre-dialysis when we can feel really and truly wretched.  And that's where you are right now so we all probably have a pretty good idea of how impossible everything seems at the moment.   

I'd also add however that IF you are financially able to hire some help then do it so that your husband won't have to work more after working all day but also so that you don't use up all of your energy (which will still be less than a "normal" person's) and you can spend some time with your husband doing things you both enjoy.

When my last transplant was failing I felt crazy awful and my husband did all the shopping, laundry, cooking, etc but we do have someone in to clean every two weeks and I do the garden but I have a guy who cuts the lawn every week

[KICKSTART]

Im sorry but i have to disagree! Ive done dialysis for 6 yrs now ! Most of that on PD but now on hemo and since ive started on hemo i have hardly the energy to get up in a morning , i spend most of my time feeling crap and throwing up and totally drained. Then again i only have myself to please so as long as me and my dogs are fed , the rest can wait , after all it will still be there tomorrow! My husband bless him walked out on me as soon as i couldnt do all those things !

[MooseMom]

The plan is to start out with in-center HD until I can get my head wrapped around everything.  I'm currently trying to get on the transplant list asap, and I'm sure you all know how intense a process that is.  I am not sure I can handle training for home hemo at this moment in time, but I eventually want to get onto NxStage and dialyze at home, which, of course, means a commitment from my husband.  So, what I want to avoid is having him come home at 7:30 or 8:00 at night from work, make dinner, do laundry and then help me hook up.  I just think that would be an unbearable burden on him; he doesn't deserve such a fate.

[MooseMom]

Im sorry but i have to disagree! Ive done dialysis for 6 yrs now ! Most of that on PD but now on hemo and since ive started on hemo i have hardly the energy to get up in a morning , i spend most of my time feeling crap and throwing up and totally drained. Then again i only have myself to please so as long as me and my dogs are fed , the rest can wait , after all it will still be there tomorrow! My husband bless him walked out on me as soon as i couldnt do all those things !

Is there a reason you are not on PD any longer?  I see you are in the UK...is HHD available there?  I read recently that Gordon Brown is encouraging more widespread use of NxStage in Britain.

I don't think my husband would walk out on me, but we are partners, and I want to protect him from my disease as much as possible...  I don't want him to be my "caregiver".  I just want him to be my partner, fully and equally, as we are now.  But those are issues that are complicated; you don't know how dialysis will affect you and your relationship until you are there, hooked up.

[tyefly]

I just finished training with Nxstage.... training for me was three weeks.....  not a big deall.... MY plan was to do Nxstage too at the beginning....but I went in center so that I could work on getting buttonholes established and so that my fistula would work well....   Now that I am at home ( its my second week ) I really like everything..you will too...   it a journey..... and we are here to help with any questions that you might have....  I am on the transplant list now and that took a few months to get everything done.... you will do just fine....

[MooseMom]

Thank you, tyefly.  I'm sure I will cope, but right now I just feel shocked.  I've known for years that this was going to happen, but even so, I am still very wobbly at the moment.  Thanks for the encouragement.  I'm so glad you are finding life better on NxStage.  I guess we should count ourselves lucky that such an option exists.

[tyefly]

  Yes     life is still very good.....  we are lucky......   I am glad that you have had time knowing that this was comming down..... I found out last April and from then on its all been a big blurr.......  Do your best and come here to tell us how well you did......  We are proud of you already.........

[RightSide]

I'm not on dialysis yet (but I will be soon), and already I have trouble keeping up with chores.  I just got through finishing vacuuming, and I struggled through that.  How do you all fit in household duties with dialysis and that general unwell feeling?

Maybe after a few months of treatment with meds and dialysis, you won't have "that general unwell feeling" anymore.

I don't.

In fact, I feel better and stronger and have more energy than I have had in years.  (I must have had kidney disease for quite a while and didn't realize it.) 

So after some months of treatment, I found that I was feeling healthy--surprisingly healthy--and could do all household chores.

The major restriction on me isn't any lack of energy.  It's the fact that with this fistula in my left arm, I'm not allowed to lift more than about 7 pounds with that arm, because it could damage the fistula.  That limits not just household chores, but disqualifies me for many types of employment.  Right now, I'm still unemployed.

So wait and see.  You may feel so much better on dialysis, you won't want to go back to feeling the way you do now.

[Rerun]

You learn to work when you feel good and rest when you don't.

You could always hire someone to do some of your work.... like the lawn if you do the lawn.

Just a thought.

[peleroja]

I have always hated household chores, and now I have the perfect excuse not to do any!  On days when I feel exceptionally well, I cook a bunch, freeze it, and then kick back for a couple of weeks.  Living alone, I have never worried about clutter, dust or anything else.  When I feel like treating myself I pay for the maids to come in and make the house livable.  Other than that, I just plain don't worry about it.  When I'm dead let them find me amid a bunch of dusty clutter.  Who cares, I will be dead!

[sullidog]

I can do the things I use to do as long as my hg is up. Do to all of my access surgeries it is down at this time.
Troy

[KICKSTART]

The reason im not on PD anymore is because PD doesnt last forever! I got 5 years out of it so didnt do too badly. As for promoting home hemo , ha , i've been told because i live alone i've NO chance! I hate hemo , i hate the hospital , for 5 years i was in charge of my dialysis , now im not even to be trusted to take a tablet !

[kitkatz]

I learned I cannot be SuperMom or Superwife.  I hired a housekeeper to come once a week to do the deep cleaning and laundry. My hubby and I keep the house pretty well picked up. The dusting can wait until I see it or get to it.  Sometimes meals are catchas you can or are out.  You have to take care of you more than anything else.

[RichardMEL]

I live alone so there's simply nobody else to do the chores. Like most men I suppose I let some things lapse more than others, but I just did a fairly big clean this morning - vaccum, dishes, mopping kitchen & bathroom and dealing with some storm damage (thank God for public holidays!!!). Yeah I feel a little tired, but also feel so good for having got those done. Last night I did the laundry and put everything away folded etc. It's a chore to get started but that's the hardest thing for me however once it's going and then done there's always the satisfaction of it being done that is good for me.

Like Rerun says somedays you just don't have the energy - others you do. You'll just learn to do what you can when you can - and try to NOT stress too much when you can't do something because you're not up to it. You'll live! The house doesn't have to be ready for the Queen to visit at any given second. Oh hold on, in your case maybe that should be The President?

[Lisa]

I have been waiting for the "better" to come but it is only the beginning, only started hemo on 2/17...
During my 1 st heemo...I drove all my relatives around, cleaned the hose, babysat etc...so the felling better will come soon!

[cookie2008]

When I was in center I had my ups and downs with how I felt, now that I have been doing Nxstage I feel alot better.  My kids help with the housework, and my husband is a lifesaver.

[jennyc]

When PD was good i was fine with cleaning, when my inlaws came over for a holiday the house was clean, dinner done, washing done etc but then the 2nd time they came over (2009) my PD was failing and not clearing much so i was too tired, no one quite understood why the house wasn't spotless. my sister in law made a comment very offhandedly "i was cleaning up and John Dai came to me and said stop becuase if his house isn't messy he doesn't feel like home" i wasn't sure wether to be upset with her or hubby.

Aside from that hubby would get the shits periodically with the house, still did up till i came home from the transplant even though my creat was 1100-1200 (around 10--13). Now he make some smart comments about not being tidy but i just look at him and walk away. I've got a 1cm hole in my gut from the PD tube coming out and a 1 1/2 inch hole along the suture line where it's split (and very open) and oozing serius fluid pretty badly so i can't bend, can't lift anything heavy. He's not as bad right now but if it doesn't heal soon i think he'll fall back into old routines. He has been helping with the kitchen and stuff since i got home (sporadically) so that's kind of nice.

[MooseMom]

Ah, Jenny...it's tough for you right now, isn't it.  I don't understand why people would expect you to do all that you usually do when you are unwell.  I hope you feel better very soon and that your husband can be more helpful with the chores. 

[RichardMEL]

I agree. i find it strange that hubby, who has been with you right through this stuff, should understand that yes you have this fantastic gift and you're getting better, but you still have a lot to deal with. It's not like flipping a switch and "now Jenny's normal"

[jennyc]

Yeh, but that's kind of what he expected, bit better for the last few days. I lost three crucial stitches so they put a wound V.A.C over the suture line so it kind of hit home for him. He's been doing washing etc for me and hanging out clothes. He loves the farting noise the machine makes when it goes into vacuum mode (kind of sounds funny).

With them expecting more, i think it's kind of a protective barrier for them, you know ignore it and it will go away. I've found over the last 7 years he goes through stages. Ultra understanding all the way to totally ignorant. He swings between the two where as my mum just pretends i'm a total invalid all the time. It's just their way of coping. Hubby has his moments, he's not as good as some but he's also no where near as bad as others. Also it's a bit of my fault as well cause i let him do it, i'm so super independant that i've never let him know when i need something so i guess i've only got myself to blame