Having nightmares and need to talk about it.

[*kana*]

Hi,
I just need to talk about this.  Not sure what I am looking for, but I need someone to talk with.
Just a little background on me.  Had both my PKD Kidneys out in June along with a failed live donor transplant.  Doing manual PD, cycler soon.

I didn't have a very good experience when I had my surgery in June and it is causing me nightmares.  In post-op my IV went bad, they left me alone screaming and pleading for help for what seemed like hours.  Any other time I have had surgery there was always a nurse at my cart side.  It was like they put me in a cubicle and went to lunch.  No kind words, nobody near me to tell me I was ok, nothing!  Then along came the X-ray techs who grabbed my arms and sat me straight up to put a cold plate behind my back.  I passed out because it was too much for my body/mind to handle.  They finally realized my IV went bad and I was getting no pain drugs and went to get supplies to start another one.  I was wide awake and franticly in pain waiting a long time for her to come back.  I began swearing and screaming as loud as I could, nobody came! 
They finally got my pain under control and took me to my room.  I was on a morphine pump for 3 days and then Tylenol.  I was sent home with only Tylenol.     

I get nightmares of being in pain and nobody is around to help me and I can't move.  Kind of like being stuck in a horror movie.  I am a very emotionally strong person and generally laugh and poke fun at my misfortunes, but this is making me wake up crying.  I'm due for my re-eval and I will have to tell my social worker that I didn't have any physiological problems until they tortured me in the post-op room. 
I was doing ok and getting over the nightmares until they called to make my re-eval appointment.  I'm thinking about transferring my time to another hospital.  I just can't imagine going back there.  And to think they are voted the #1 transplant center in my state. 

You don't need to post anything....just a smile will show me you heard my sorrow and are there for me.  Thank you kindly.       

[Rerun]

At least tell them at the re-eval that you are seriously thinking about transferring your time (and insurance money) to another transplant center.  You don't have to do it, but it may wake them up and make you feel better.

We are at their mercy and sometimes they have none.  Don't you just wish that you could just make somebody pay big time for hurting you. 

Just tell them everytime you go in what happened and everytime you go into surgery for "anything" tell them your story so that they are aware of your fears.

Sweet Dreams...........             

[*kana*]

LOL.....Yeah, they like my private insurance money. 

[RichardMEL]

I think it is only natural for you to have these kinds of nightmares because it is your subconscious reflecting your fears about your general life - given the obvious issues of being left alone for hours with no support and pain as a general fear of it happening again, but also a more general fear of your overall situation - being the live donor was denied and having your kidneys out - this would be a pretty low point for you emotionally and while you are strong most of the time your inner self is finding ways to deal with that and partly it's coming out in these nightmares reflecting your innermost fears that you work hard to control in your waking life. It may also reflect any feelings you may have of a lack of support from family and friends along with the medical team.

I think if you get a re-evaluation and or change centers to someplace you feel more cared about and more in control of things it should be reflected when you sleep as you hopefully will feel more confident about the future and the path you're taking, and the support you're getting along that path.

fingers crossed for you!! 

[monrein]

Would/could you consider seeing a counsellor for a few sessions to talk about your experience?  What you've experienced is a trauma and it can be very helpful to have someone listen to you talk about it and get it "out".
It sounds extremely horrible and I hope you get relief from the nightmares.   

[rookiegirl]

Oh Kana - I'm so sorry.  Thank you for sharing and I pray things will get better and the nightmares goes away SOON.

[Jie]

When I first read your experience, I thought you should sue the center. It is not acceptable for not doing a throughout job for evaluating a donor. Your post-surgery experience was also very bad. So, it is not just transferring waiting time, you should try to get some compensation.

[Jean]

  Listening to you and hoping that this gets better for you soon. Nightmares are terrible.

[Wallyz]

You have had a traumatic experience.  Dialysis makes it hard to recover from that.  If you are having nightmares, Post traumatic stress is a possibilty.  I would encourage you to see a counselor of Psychologist.  This is a real health issue.

[Mimi]

Being as old as I am I have been through a good many traumas
and a good many nightmares.  They will evenually stop, but that is no help to you now.  I have to go along with Monrein and Wally about seeing a counselor.  It helps to talk about problems, it kind of gets it all out in the open where you can deal with it better.  Nightmares are the pits, they will make you not want to sleep.  I hope you will consider doing this.  As Wally says this is a real health issue.  I will keep you in my prayers. 

[Poppylicious]

Oh Kana, that's terrible.  As a couple of other people have mentioned, it might help if you can talk to a counsellor about your traumatic experiences.

*hugs*

[peleroja]

Wish I could help.  For years I charted my dreams, and I could tell you about what some stuff "means," but I've never had dreams about pain and/or feeling helpless.  I'm sending you warm fuzzies and white light for healing.  Hope everything becomes "normal" again as quickly as possible.   

[KICKSTART]

  Join my club , ive been in so many situations ! All i can say is , talk , talk , talk. Can you see a therapist ? A sympathetic hospital worker ? Anyone who will listen ? Post on here , it doesnt give you answers but it helps believe me , its been a lifeline sometimes. You need to get it out of your system, it will fade in time i promise , but all you can focus on is that right now. Tell yourself its behind you , it wont happen again , its time to think forward but please try and talk to someone.

[Lillupie]

  I am sorry

[lizabee]

You are a strong person!  Talking to someone is definately the best thing to do!  Good luck!

[*kana*]

Thank you all for your kind replies.  I tend to hide things until they get to be too much for me to handle.  I have a wonderful support system and have recently opened up to my husband about my nightmares.  I hate to burden even him with my woes.  I will ask to speak to my social worker at my regular clinic. 
Thanks again

[cloud393]

 

[paris]

Kana,  I can only imagine how horrible your experience was.  I tend not to tell my family things ( I think I am protecting them for the reality) but talking about your ordeal may be very healing.   And we are here to listen, also.    Sending you love, hugs and calm thoughts.   

[boogreenwood]

Kana
It makes my heart ache to hear of your troubles after surgery. Please see a counseler, talk to your family, friends, all of us. And if you have the strength, please, consider describing your ordeal -in detail- to nursing administration and the CEO of the hospital you were in. There is NO excuse for that type of mistreatment of a patient. If there were three codes and patients dying around you, someone should have looked after you. That is what nurses do and it hurts me every single time a nurse fails here patients. Not all of us are like that.

[jennyc]

 

[bette1]

I am sorry you had to go through that.  It sound awful.   

[MissyKew]

Kana,

Be proactive and write letters to the head of the nursing dept. and whoever is in charge of the hospital.  Let them know what happened.  Also write a letter to your surgeon and let him know exactly how you are feeling.  The written word is powerful.

Have you ever read anything about lucid dreaming?  I would reccommend you read up on it.  You can learn to recognize, in your dream, that this is only a dream and it takes the fear out of it.  You can even learn to direct your dream in the direction you want it to go.

Please see someone to talk to about the dream and your fera.  It will help, as the others here have said.

[marie]

Sorry about the nightmares, I've been having them alot lately also. Hope you feel better soon.     

[fc2821]

I hope things improve for you. 

[Savemeimdtba]

I'm sorry about the nightmares... ::hugs:: I had a lot of my own when I first started dialysis, I barely slept for fear of them. My situation wasn't as bad as yours.. but it did eventually go away as I got more comfortable with what was happening - hopefully you can find a way to calm your fears and things will settle down.  I'm sending you good vibes and happy dreams about rainbows and unicorns!