**Adult Content** Possible NSFW - Sex - having any?

[TiffanyJean]

ok so the hubby probably wont like this but, no where else to turn to.

so are any ESRD/kidney patients having sex? 

ok so gonna just leave it at that... 

TJ

[Wayne]

Well, I'm a hubby and my wife would blush if she read this...thank goodness she never gets on IHD!  I will say we still do when I feel well, but my drive is pretty low these days.  Hopefully I can get a transplant and the drive will return!   

[Lucinda]

Someone will probably forward you the link...I don't know who to do it but if you search "sex" on the board, quite a lot will come up about it.  Much has been said.  Those who have sex while they are on dialysis have my total admiration.  I couldn't think of any less I would want to do while I was on my machine!

I am a lot older than you (48) but I haven't really changed any aspect of my life to accommodate dialysis.  I feel relatively normal but when I am tired I just can't be bothered but I still think you need to put aside time for intimacy if for no other reason than it gives you a sense of normality.  Exercise and sex give you endorphins.  Endorphins give you a terrific sense of wellbeing.  Don't let your kidney failure stand in the way of the more pleasurable things in life!! xx 

[Lucinda]

Sorry TiffanyJean.  I just realised your hubby is the one with the kidney failure.  Same advice goes to him. x

[peleroja]

I admit it, I've never found sex all that interesting.  To me it's like football.  When I'm alone with no boyfriend, I have no interest in football.  If I start dating a guy who is interested in football, I will develop an interest in football for him.  Same can be said for sex.  I really have no interest in sex, never have.  If I start dating a guy and after a while he wants sex, I develop an "interest" in sex for his sake.  Since I haven't had a boyfriend for the past 12 years, I have been sex free for over 12 years.  I have never figured out why sex is so important to folks.

[MIbarra]

I had very little desire for sex while I was on dialysis and didn't enjoy it very much. You're just too tired to be honest. But I do know it affected my relationship with my husband in a negative way. I wish back then I would have talked to the doctor to see if there were any options to improve this problem -- not sure if there are.
Now that I've had a transplant (even though GFR is only between 30-40%) I have much more of a sex drive! I guess because there is so much more energy and you're not tied down to a chair for 12 hours a week.

[RichardMEL]

I have the drive no problem but most of the time is lack of a partner to drive crazy.. However when I have had the opportunity and have had sex most of the time it's substandard and I feel horrible for the person I'm with. They say they understand but *I* feel no good if I lose all energy and it just peters out or whatever. Sometimes though it's really good and no problem Other times I try and concentrate more on giving pleasure in other ways than just straight intercourse, because that's a little less demanding energy wise, and I love to see the results if I do it right  

Absolutely though I look forward to the day when I can have more energy and get back to the sort of sex life I used to have - rare opportunities, but when they came oooh baby it was good!!! 

[TiffanyJean]

Thanks for the replies so far. I guess a little bit more detail would be appropriate.

For about a year before Rich was diagnosed our sex life was starting to lack some of the luster that it had had over the first years of our relationship. Once he was diagnosed it all started to make sense. After he was out of the hospital and had had blood transfusions, and dialysis he was feeling so good! 

As the year has gone on - he has had his ups and downs - and unfortunately our sex life has gone down, and down. Sadly the blood flow just isn't as strong as it appeared to be when we first started dating. 

So I suppose that its a two part (normal) thing: 1- being that lack of energy, 2- being the lack of blood.

TJ

Oh btw RichardMel - your too funny!  Your like my favorite uncle!!

I admit it, I've never found sex all that interesting.  To me it's like football.  When I'm alone with no boyfriend, I have no interest in football.  If I start dating a guy who is interested in football, I will develop an interest in football for him.  Same can be said for sex.  I really have no interest in sex, never have.  If I start dating a guy and after a while he wants sex, I develop an "interest" in sex for his sake.  Since I haven't had a boyfriend for the past 12 years, I have been sex free for over 12 years.  I have never figured out why sex is so important to folks.

Peleroja - There is a term for how you feel "asexual" meaning that you find people attractive but not sexual. Its a very normal thing. my cousin who is 'asexual' describes it just as you have, and the reason why its important to some and not others - she thinks its a brain thing...

TJ

[kitkatz]

I have been on dialysis for ten and a half years and the sex drive comes and goes throughout.  When I feel good, sex is great, when I feel bad it is not so great.  I find a   little ingenuity and a good sense of humor with your partner helps a lot. 


(Think about M and Ms in your bed!) Oh....I said that aloud?

[MandaMe1986]

Richard you crack me up.. Haha  Thanks I needed the laugh.

TiffanyJean its like everyone says. It comes and goes.  I have made a post about it myself.  It is really hard on a realtionship.  It starts off with you just feeling bad and not in the mood. Then you feel worse for not enjoying it as much as you should . And then it just gets wrose from there.  Its like you said it just goes down and down and down.  But its kinda like Richard said there are other things you can do.  Maybe you can find a few games to play, or pick up some toys.  Give it a little spark that may be missing.  Its worth a shot.

[Wenchie58]

Tiff..
  Sounds like you've got a combination of issues there.  First, there is that old joke....what tool do you use to cut off circulation to the sex organs?  A:  a wedding ring.  lol
  Between illness and the stress of having illness as part of a new marriage I am not surprised that there are issues.  My only advice would be to get creative...VERY creative, but that probably shouldn't be detailed in an open forum. (Watch out...RichardMel's mind is about to explode)!
  You're young and well, your drive is going to be much more than his.  You may need to come up with new and exciting forms to...ummm...yeah...I better shush! 

[iketchum]

Diabetes, high bp, pyronese disease. Whats sex?

[RightSide]

My equipment is still functioning nominally, and my libido is normal.  My energy is good.

But it takes two to tango.

And an unemployed bachelor with ESRD isn't exactly any woman's ideal of the perfect man.

I've thought seriously of celebrating my upcoming birthday (November 11) by renting from an escort service.

[RichardMEL]

wow RightSide your birthday is the day before mine. Scorpios are the sexual beasts !!!!! 

Glad to give you ladies a laugh.. though I am not too sure about the uncle thing... it makes me feel a little... dirty... somehow....

I take M&M's to the nurses at the unit.. does that count in some kinky way? 

[kellyt]

I would think that the women who accept M&M's for sex are far more kinky than you for offering them!     

[Wenchie58]

RM...everything about you counts in some kinky way!   

[RichardMEL]

whoa !!! I never offered M&M's for sex! I think this one is getting out of hand.

It's quite funny actually. One of the nurses a few weeks ago was going on about peanut M&M's and how she wanted some.. So I went out and got a container and filled it up with like 3 or 4 packets of M&M's (peanut and normal) and brought it in. She loved it, then cursed me for "killing her softly" by aparently "making her" eat M&M's!!!  Now other nurses are refusing to come near me because I offer "temptation" (and no, this is still not about sex!).... we all have a good laugh about it.. specially when you think that peanut M&M's are actually really BAD for a renal diet given the potassium in the peanut AND chocolate !!  - luckily I don't eat any

Wenchie you know I love you, honey 

[Hanify]

I decided early on I wasn't going to let being hooked up to the machine get in the way of sex.  I have to be on it for 9 hours, so it's better to get used to sex hooked up.  However, the fatique and other illnesses certainly get in the way!  You are dealing with so much TiffanyJean.  It's a bit like after you have children.  It takes years for things to get back to normal.  I'd really be looking forward to a transplant if I were you two!

[bette1]

My sex life is pretty good right now.  I think that it is easier for us because I am the one with the kidney failue, not my husband.  There are times when I am more tired than others, so we have to be creative, and have a great sense of humor.  We find that the most important thing for us is the physical touching and caressing - not to be to graphic- and that doesn't take that much energy.

When I had my transplant things were much better, because I had so much more time and energy.  I can't wait for transplant #2!

[peleroja]

Peleroja - There is a term for how you feel "asexual" meaning that you find people attractive but not sexual. Its a very normal thing. my cousin who is 'asexual' describes it just as you have, and the reason why its important to some and not others - she thinks its a brain thing...

TJ

Golly gee, folks, is it really absolutely necessary to label everyone who doesn't fit into the common mold?  What ever happened to individuality?  In the words of Sam Winston, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."  I ain't broke, and I don't need a label to make me appear broken to other people.  I am, plainly and simply, me.

[paul.karen]

:-)

[twirl]

 

[RichardMEL]

I like the message in this thread about being creative and having a sense of humour.. When I think about it some more I realise that applies to EVERYONE not just those of us dealing with kidney failure (and all that stuff). The other thing to note is that sex doesn't (and perhaps shouldn't) just have to be about the "act" of intercourse. Sometimes the best times can be the cuddling, spooning and touching that is part of an intimate relationship, and so important in terms of close quality time. This all comes back to the being creative and being understanding and willing to compromise depending on the situation and how both partners feel. I know for me sometimes it is working well and things are great and other times a cuddle is about the most I could handle, but I'd still want to do that!!!!

[kellyt]

I was joshen about the M&M's Richard!   You know that!      You are too funny!

[Wallyz]

The other issue about sex and dialysis patients is depression and PTSD.  Git yer self and SO to a counsleor.