having sex while on dialysis

[smokinbeaver]

Thank you!

[G.Lively]

Instead of joining the discussion on penis problems, I would like to comment on the attractiveness of women - even if you have a fistula. 

Once upon a time I thought the ideal female should have big mammary glands and a wide farkle (butt).  Tain't so.  I discovered that I am attracted to intelligent women who are well informed on a wide variety of topics, enough so we may engage in meaningful conversation.   There is nothing attractive to me about a women who is submissive and wants me to lead her around.  I also quiver when in the company of "earthy" females.  That's right, I am not a subscriber of political correctness.

Where do you find these females?  In everyday life, provided you get out once in a while.  Socialize.  Don't hunt.  In the everyday life , I get along with women far better than men.  I don't know why that is.

[RichardMEL]

GLM

seriously hun try to not feel embarassed about talking to the docs about this kind of thing - trust me, they've heard it all before!! And also seriously yeah it feels funny to discuss that stuff, but it is a health issue for you and related to your kidney disease/dialysis. There's nothing to be ashamed or shy about - I mean you don't need to discuss er.. positions and stuff, but generally the concerns. I've been there myself having to ask questions in that general area, and to a female doc no less.. but really it's better to discuss it than not.. even if they can't help it is important to know, because it can often relate to other issues - eg: breathing - heart exertion  - blood pressure etc... it could be important to let them know.

Anyway like some others have said I've had the "power outage" kind of issue while involved in the deed and trust me, when you're the one doing "most of the work" (as you put it ) it's even more embarrassing for a guy!! Still, had to accept that is life and find other ways to.. do things.

the breathing issues could also be related to weight or other factors that you may need  to consider. Also if you feel more comfy discussing with an obgyn (I think poppy suggested that?) that could also work

good luck!

ps: GLM - shy?! OMG I don't believe it!!! jk

[fuzzyL]

cant say for you all but since I started dialysis I not only need the "blue pills" to make love but I have as a male, I have  almost zero sex drive-I simply lost interest in it

[KidneyThief]

Alright so...a couple of years ago, I was actually led to the forums via this topic from Googling something along the lines of "sex drive and dialysis". I remember being humored by some of the posts, saddened by others and feeling a little more knowledgeable about the topic as a whole. I wish I had joined up then but...I won't go into my reasons for procrastinating in this thread. Sometimes I would come back and stalk. xD

Sex and dialysis has been a major issue for me. The psychological effect that having a 2 foot long tube hanging out of my stomach had on me was pretty devastating. I was 29 and had never experienced body issues before. I remember looking in the mirror at it for the first time naked after it had healed for about a week..thinking well, it's no so bad. It could be worse. And then it did get worse when they added another foot of the extension onto it. I recall asking the nurse with a little nervous laugh, "This comes off after my treatment is over, right?" Aaaand...no.

When I finally was well-enough to get back into a somewhat normal routine, I started dating again. I had lost all the swelling in my face and stomach and was able to fit into my jeans again. My first adventure in dating as a dialysis patient was with a really great girl (yes, I've dated men and women and don't have a preference. down boys.) she accepted me for who I was but had some issues of her own which made her very self-absorbed and was never really interested in mine. We only had sex once but I was so worried about my catheter getting in the way that I couldn't focus. I don't wear the PD belt. It's clunky, uncomfortable and shows beneath anything I wear and is really not something I want even touching my own body during sex especially. Just my dressing to cover the exit site and a bit of micropore tape to anchor it to the inside of my hip. The length itself simply runs down the side of my leg and I don't really notice it unless I roll onto that side in bed or it's flopping around with nowhere logical to hide during sex. I WAS working on a skin colored "slip" like a tube top for the waist that is made out of a barely noticeable material like panty hose nylon to cover it up discreetly and keep it safe. But other things got in the way and my inspiration retreated.

 I was briefly with a man who was great in the sack. Attractive, nice body, interested in learning about my ESRD. It was difficult to keep up with his energy but I somehow managed. He asked me questions about my catheter to make sure nothing would get injured. Took it easy when I needed. I would get a little winded, but not too much. He said the catheter or its appearance didn't bother him at all so that was a slight comfort. We didn't work out because it turns out he was hell bent on getting married and having kids...not something that's on my radar at all.

Another guy who I had on-off relationship with in the past was going through some health stuff and we got close again. I will tell you, even if you are not a kinky person in the bedroom...having your partner blind-folded does wonders for the problem of catheter/fistula-anxiety. And..I don't want to get into too much detail, but due to medications possibly, dryness can be an issue. There is absolutely nothing wrong with using a little (or a lot) of water-based lube (don't use silicone). Incorporate it into foreplay so you aren't fumbling for it later. Another thing I'd noticed after about a year that was really bothering me, was odor. I started realizing that since I still make some urine, the odor would just er..cling to the moss and what little urine output I do have tends to be very strong smelling now from all the meds so simply wiping with dry TP wouldn't get rid of it. OBG found nothing wrong. I tried some moist wipes for a while, but the fragrance ingredient was causing irritation. I don't know if anyone else has had this issue but the solution for me was to just mow the grass and sometimes do a quick pat with witch hazel. LoL, I hope that wasn't too graphic. My first neph was squeamish about my lady-issues, especially at the detail with which I would present them because dammit I wanted them fixed.

My drive gradually began to decline though, to the point where I didn't even think about sex anymore unless I'm feeling remiss about not having it. I think it was part physical and part depression. My current partner who I have been with for quite a while is a trooper. She's very patient and generally doesn't pressure me. But I feel guilty often because I know that she has a normal libido and misses being intimate. My catheter doesn't bother her either though and I know when I'm ready again body issues will be minimal.

Guess I wanted to share my personal experiences in hope that it could help someone afraid to ask. Because I sure as heck am not afraid to tell it (with my red face hidden behind a screen that is) And this coming from the realist often mistaken for a pessimist: There are still compassionate individuals out there and people do have a way of finding each other even if it takes some time. Hell, I bet somewhere out there is a person with a total fetish for fistulas or stomach tails. "Just let me give it one push..just one little squish, please?" Ha. I would pee myself with envy for the person who caught that one. Sex doesn't have to be totally off the table (i used to find it more comfortable ON the table actually...har har, i know, throw tomatoes) It just needs a little biit more strategy at times. Now for the folks here discussing tales of sex WHILE in the MIDDLE of their hemo treatment AT the clinic...that is some hardcore kink right there. If you can manage that...well, goes to show there IS something for everyone. I've taken my ambien for the evening so I am getting out of here before I start going off on some really bizarre stuff.

Cheers!!

[obsidianom]

Alright so...a couple of years ago, I was actually led to the forums via this topic from Googling something along the lines of "sex drive and dialysis". I remember being humored by some of the posts, saddened by others and feeling a little more knowledgeable about the topic as a whole. I wish I had joined up then but...I won't go into my reasons for procrastinating in this thread. Sometimes I would come back and stalk. xD

Sex and dialysis has been a major issue for me. The psychological effect that having a 2 foot long tube hanging out of my stomach had on me was pretty devastating. I was 29 and had never experienced body issues before. I remember looking in the mirror at it for the first time naked after it had healed for about a week..thinking well, it's no so bad. It could be worse. And then it did get worse when they added another foot of the extension onto it. I recall asking the nurse with a little nervous laugh, "This comes off after my treatment is over, right?" Aaaand...no.

When I finally was well-enough to get back into a somewhat normal routine, I started dating again. I had lost all the swelling in my face and stomach and was able to fit into my jeans again. My first adventure in dating as a dialysis patient was with a really great girl (yes, I've dated men and women and don't have a preference. down boys.) she accepted me for who I was but had some issues of her own which made her very self-absorbed and was never really interested in mine. We only had sex once but I was so worried about my catheter getting in the way that I couldn't focus. I don't wear the PD belt. It's clunky, uncomfortable and shows beneath anything I wear and is really not something I want even touching my own body during sex especially. Just my dressing to cover the exit site and a bit of micropore tape to anchor it to the inside of my hip. The length itself simply runs down the side of my leg and I don't really notice it unless I roll onto that side in bed or it's flopping around with nowhere logical to hide during sex. I WAS working on a skin colored "slip" like a tube top for the waist that is made out of a barely noticeable material like panty hose nylon to cover it up discreetly and keep it safe. But other things got in the way and my inspiration retreated.

 I was briefly with a man who was great in the sack. Attractive, nice body, interested in learning about my ESRD. It was difficult to keep up with his energy but I somehow managed. He asked me questions about my catheter to make sure nothing would get injured. Took it easy when I needed. I would get a little winded, but not too much. He said the catheter or its appearance didn't bother him at all so that was a slight comfort. We didn't work out because it turns out he was hell bent on getting married and having kids...not something that's on my radar at all.

Another guy who I had on-off relationship with in the past was going through some health stuff and we got close again. I will tell you, even if you are not a kinky person in the bedroom...having your partner blind-folded does wonders for the problem of catheter/fistula-anxiety. And..I don't want to get into too much detail, but due to medications possibly, dryness can be an issue. There is absolutely nothing wrong with using a little (or a lot) of water-based lube (don't use silicone). Incorporate it into foreplay so you aren't fumbling for it later. Another thing I'd noticed after about a year that was really bothering me, was odor. I started realizing that since I still make some urine, the odor would just er..cling to the moss and what little urine output I do have tends to be very strong smelling now from all the meds so simply wiping with dry TP wouldn't get rid of it. OBG found nothing wrong. I tried some moist wipes for a while, but the fragrance ingredient was causing irritation. I don't know if anyone else has had this issue but the solution for me was to just mow the grass and sometimes do a quick pat with witch hazel. LoL, I hope that wasn't too graphic. My first neph was squeamish about my lady-issues, especially at the detail with which I would present them because dammit I wanted them fixed.

My drive gradually began to decline though, to the point where I didn't even think about sex anymore unless I'm feeling remiss about not having it. I think it was part physical and part depression. My current partner who I have been with for quite a while is a trooper. She's very patient and generally doesn't pressure me. But I feel guilty often because I know that she has a normal libido and misses being intimate. My catheter doesn't bother her either though and I know when I'm ready again body issues will be minimal.

Guess I wanted to share my personal experiences in hope that it could help someone afraid to ask. Because I sure as heck am not afraid to tell it (with my red face hidden behind a screen that is) And this coming from the realist often mistaken for a pessimist: There are still compassionate individuals out there and people do have a way of finding each other even if it takes some time. Hell, I bet somewhere out there is a person with a total fetish for fistulas or stomach tails. "Just let me give it one push..just one little squish, please?" Ha. I would pee myself with envy for the person who caught that one. Sex doesn't have to be totally off the table (i used to find it more comfortable ON the table actually...har har, i know, throw tomatoes) It just needs a little biit more strategy at times. Now for the folks here discussing tales of sex WHILE in the MIDDLE of their hemo treatment AT the clinic...that is some hardcore kink right there. If you can manage that...well, goes to show there IS something for everyone. I've taken my ambien for the evening so I am getting out of here before I start going off on some really bizarre stuff.

Cheers!!

Thank you for being so honest and forthright. Very interesting post.  Without getting too graphic , my wife and I are in our 60s and been together 33 years. Even with her hemodialysis and my cancer damage we have more and better sex now then ever.,   .  I believe it is really a mindset. We have had to over come a lot with both of us damaged in some ways. We just became creative and that kind of thinking and talking about it only made it BETTER.
Without getting too intimate here, I will add that odors like you mentioned are often a womans fear. Yet many men (or in your case men and women) partners really enjoy the natural scents down there on a  woman. As long as it is not from an infe4tion , the odors were out there in a way to attract partners. Nature used the scents to attract mates . I think we as a society and to sell deodorants have made the natural female scents some kind of "bad" thing.  Its too bad as it actually can be a turn on to many partners. Try to relax about it. I love everything about my wife and that's as far as I will go there , but you get the idea.
The most important aphrodisiac is really TALK and Communication. Talking about sex to your partner opens up a whole aspect of the relationship , improves sex, and can be a real turn on. Being open about your fears, what turns you on, what you enjoy, even going out on a limb and admitting any 'weird' stuff you like can be very freeing. It may turn out you open up a whole new world. But without talk you never get there.
 All I CAN ADD IS MY WIFE AND I laugh at the usual line that married sex or monogamy after 33 years gets boring . We seemed to have missed that. It only gets better if you WORK AT IT. Of course that is true of anything in a relationship.
Keep posting all you want about this topic. I bet there are a lot of people out there quite interested in this /.

[KidneyThief]

Natural female scents...I have zero issue with. What I was describing was something that I feel is actually unnatural as it is caused by the by-product of medications leaving the body. It doesn't originate from the vag, but the urethra. As I said though, an easy fix. That's awesome that you and your wife have been together for so long and still maintain a great sex life through all your struggles. I can say I greatly envy those who find a partner and get married while on dialysis..and even more so those who were already married prior to being sick. I think that out of ANY of the advantages someone could have during this trial, the best one is a partner you can share anything with and know they aren't going to go running and screaming for the hills.

[Lunablu]

What a great post KidneyThief
Made me laugh also but you got great guts being open on the subject. Thanks!

I'm having a partner for 6,5 years and sex is somehow not so nice for me since the coming of the stomachtube. I find it disturbing that it could be swinging around on the rythm of our bodies. So we just fumble around underneath the blankets and don't have wild sex, but just gentle and soft and nice and I like that a lot so... i don't have the guts (yet?) to show myself naked though I used to be very happy running around naked before al this. My relationship is great and I know for a fact that he doesn't get bothered by the catheter as much as I am, but everything takes time and I need time to like myself again. Losing weight is helping though

For years now my libido is declining, but during vacations or holidays we would have more sex because there is more time to do it naturally (instead of quick quick in between work and sleep). During our last Summer holiday my boyfriend was eager all the time and I was only tired and had zero feelings that way. He was disappointed and questioned my love at the end of Summer: why wouldn't I answer his affection? I didn't knew either.. When I got diagnosed in September it al fell together and for him it was quite a relief too that is was because of the kidneyfailure! Now we have good talks about it and I think we get through this.

..but I also look very much forward to kidneytransplantation 

[Heisenburg]

Do you ever feel you've loss sex appeal (assuming you had it in the first place) because of being on dialysis? How do you deal with body image issues such as fistulas, dry skin, distended stomachs (if you dialyse over night) when trying to appeal to the opposite sex?

Try to appeal by your friendly manner and sense of humour, but sex while on dialysis
is not recommended.   






EDITED: Fixed smiley tag error- kitkatz,Admin

[SunshineOfHope2]

  This is pretty personal but since dialysis I don't think about sex too much! (darn) I used to think about it a lot! Someone here best explained *why* in an earlier post. Does this mean we have lost our sex drive?  Mine has always been high, especially with a partner. Right now I am single and the thought of sex, well, should I be having sex right now? (dialysis-wise) It is baffling to me where my drive went but it must be the fluid they put in us. Or maybe the kidney makes us feel too ill? What else can explain the sex drive taking a nose dive? I hope it corrects itself 

[UkrainianTracksuit]

I don't think there is one single reason why sex drive decreases while on dialysis. There are the physical reasons such as generally feeling ill or tired, toxins in the blood, blood pressure concerns/blood pressure medication contributing to lack of interest and then the exhausting nature of dialysis. Then, there are the mental reasons, such as change in appearance. Some dialysis patients simply are middle aged or older and naturally experience a natural decrease in hormonal drive. The brain is key sex organ so sometimes if you have other more serious issues on your plate, sex gets pushed aside.

It's different for everyone. I had a regular and active sex life during the majority of time on dialysis. It didn't change anything to be honest. I had some concerns over appearance (ugly looking fistula arms or a catheter that had to be pushed aside from my breast). Some female patients complained about uncomfortable dryness due to fluid restrictions etc (yes, there is always lube) but I literally had none of that side effect.

The only time my husband and I had a sex drought was a short time prior to transplant. I wasn't getting good clearances so I didn't feel good. No interest in sex whatsoever. That obviously taught me that when things are going stable with the best possible levels and a clear mind, sex is a natural thing, even while on dialysis. After transplant, we had the mandatory 6-8 weeks of no sex due to the surgical incision. We had some issues during that time but that's another story for another time.

It's obviously not the same as sex while on dialysis but definitely, after transplant, it's better. I thought we had a good sex life before ( maybe 5 times a week on dialysis) to an increase from that now. Maybe it wasn't as good on dialysis as I thought... it's all relative, so who is to say?

[SunshineOfHope2]

I am happy to say my body seems to becoming more responsive. I was worried. It's been a couple of months that this dialysis-life began. I guess I can't expect 100% right away. It's a slow process. 

[Charlie B53]

A couple of thoughts.

I am always so tired I need a Nap BEFORE Thinking about Sex.




Used to be I'd see some Sweetheart jogging along the sidewalk and I would think 'Nice' B____!       Now I wonder how she can make it look so easy to move her legs.


I'm still too stubborn to get that walker out of the back of my truck.