Being a caregiver is hard

[Bill Peckham]

She had a pacemaker put in yesterday. She is determined, to the point of signing out against doctor's orders, to leave today and come straight home. The idea of a post hospital stay in some sort of inpatient rehab is no longer being considered. I have been scrambling to set up at home care. But I'm leaving tomorrow - at least that is still my plan. I have two nights booked at the Shoshone Lodge just east of Yellowstone - Saturday and Sunday nights.

Steve who grew up next door to me and now lives in Florida flew in to make the drive - he's never been to Yellowstone so I promised we'd stop. I have a uhaul trailer and will bring 5 treatments worth of supplies. We'll be driving slower and seeing stuff along the way - Badlands, Devil's Tower, etc. He did this with me once before when we drove straight through - he is insisting we stop for a bed each night this time.

My Mom is a terrible patient but she is 75 years old and ain't changing. I'm trying to get someone to come in every day for the month of October - I've been checking out agencies. My oldest brother is going to be spending the night here - but he is not the most reliable tool in the shed, but he is the only one available. My aunt is coming out on the 14th and I'll be coming back through on the 30th for a few days but it's going to be up to my Mom to motivate and do the things she needs to do to get well.

I just want to go somewhere and sleep for two days - the lodge sounds nice. No internet and no phone - a little scary but I need it. Steve can take the car and see the park.

[willieandwinnie]

Bill, she checked herself out of the hospital day after pacemaker? Good Lord, she must be one strong cookie. I hope things go well and try to enjoy your casual drive and get some rest. We'll be here when you get back. 

[Bill Peckham]

Bill, she checked herself out of the hospital day after pacemaker? Good Lord, she must be one strong cookie. I hope things go well and try to enjoy your casual drive and get some rest. We'll be here when you get back. 

I heard she tried checking herself out Monday night telling the staff that she would come back down for the pacemaker the next day.

I never heard about this until the next day - I have no idea what her plan was for getting home from the city ... I'm guessing she has some cash stashed somewhere just in case she wants to make a break and I'm not cooperating.

I think this is why she was moved to the ICU - more due to flight risk than medical necessity.

[paris]

A couple of nights at the lodge sounds perfect.   It seems like you have made all the necessary plans for you Mom and now it is time for others to help your Mom.  Hope the pacemaker makes her feel better.   I don't like people "hovering" over me, so I am always relieved to have my own space when company leaves.   Your Mom sounds like she is similar.  I'll keep her in my prayers for a good recovery.   Have a great drive and enjoy the time with your friend.   

[pelagia]

Have a great trip and by all means, sleep!  don't forget to take a few

[monrein]

Enjoy the trip Bill and don't worry while you're away. 

[Bill Peckham]

I'm home in Seattle and glad of it. Have been talking to my Mom and she seems to be recovering nicely. My oldest brother has been staying with her, she says she'll let him stay another day or two before giving him the boot. I'm going to Philadelphia in November - I have my flight booked with 4 nights in Chicago on the way there so I'll be able to see her in just a few weeks.

I left her a surprise. She lives in a condo with all sorts of rules about how the common areas can be used - basically you can't do anything to dress up anything outside your apartment. I bought her a pumpkin to put in a little nitch outside her door - that caused a letter to be sent, not the first one she has received, she basically ignores them. Anyway she is on the ground floor with a door to a courtyard that gets pretty good light. There is some plain landscaping - bushes - but lots of bare dirt. Poor, clay-ey, rocky dirt.

Well I went to a nursery and Costco and bought over a 100 bulbs - Tulips, Daffodils and Lilies - a bag of compost and a bag of soil. Once it got dark - three nights in a row - I'd go out and plant bulbs. The ground was so hard and there were sprinkler lines and pipes running everywhere so I couldn't use a shovel. I used a shed brush that she had for her dog - it's just a loop of steel that is serrated on one side. That actually works pretty good to dig with, without damaging the pipes. I was able to expose the tangle of pipes 6-8 inches down and mix compost with the poor soil and then add bulbs, store bought soil and fertilizer before filling in with the excavated dirt. Once I was done I would cover my tracks and the next morning it looked the same as the day before.

There are a lot of bulbs in a small space - I can't wait to hear if it turns out next spring. Mom will have total plausible deniability - she just had surgery. How could she have planted them?

[pelagia]

very sneaky and incredibly sweet 

[willieandwinnie]

Bill, that was so sweet of you. Did you tell your Mom you did it? Or are you going to? 

[okarol]

  You ROCK bill!

[Wallyz]

Slick Bill, I like it.

[jbeany]

Very cool, Bill!

[monrein]

Hey Bill, I'll buy my own tulips, they'll be in the garage.  Drop by any time.

What a great gift for your Mom.

[Bill Peckham]

Bill, that was so sweet of you. Did you tell your Mom you did it? Or are you going to? 

I asked her if she wanted to know a secrete or did she want to remain out of the loop. She of course wanted to know, so I told her that over a hundred (I think I had about 130) bulbs were planted "somewhere" out in the courtyard. She wanted to know where exactly but I said that she'd have to wait until spring.

One of the things I noticed while taking care of her was that her time horizon shrunk to hours or even minutes in the hospital. She really didn't think at all about the next week let alone next year. I kept suggesting that she had to think in terms of getting through the month of October - that it was going to be a very hard month - but really her time horizon stopped well short ... it went right up to leaving the hospital.

Now that she is out I think she is thinking a bit farther ahead and can feel her body getting stronger (she's put on three pounds with my brother feeding her, just since she's gotten home). I hope thinking about next spring will be a good thing. I'm waiting for the day when I call to talk to her and she tells me she's been thinking about what sort of summer vacation she wants in '09.

[devon]

good news Bill. I hope it continues!

thanks for your posting in this thread.  It's very informative.

-Devon

[petey]

I think that while being a caregiver is hard (sometimes very, very, very hard), being a caregiver also "gives" those of us in that position some pretty rewarding, fulfilling moments, too.  Loved the story of the bulbs.  What a good, thoughtful person you are.